Vice Versa
by SkipToTheEnd
Summary: Buffy's life is imploding, and the only one who understands is the one person she's meant to hate. As her life and feelings start to change, Buffy realises Spike may be the only one who can save her. Set in an AU Season 5 without Dawn. B/S.
1. Chapter 1

This began as a fluffy idea for a short piece based in the middle of Season 5, then before I knew it, it was growing and blooming and turning into a season rewrite! It's going to be a long one, so I hope you'll enjoy the ride as much as I am so far!

In this Buffyverse, events up to the end of Season 5's first episode, 'Buffy vs Dracula', are exactly the same as canon with the exception of the last scene. There is no Dawn, but Glory's still the Big Bad, albeit with a different purpose. To begin with, this story sticks pretty closely to canon with some subtle tweaking, eventually going completely AU. And yes, there will be Spuffy :)

I've used some original dialogue from the show, though I've tried to keep it to a minimum. I hope this story will amuse and entertain, and if so I'd vastly appreciate a minute of your time to review. Thanks, and happy reading…

…

'Special delivery,' Buffy announced cheerily, setting down the fresh bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and taking a seat on the floor.

Riley, Xander and Anya were sitting around the table, a game of Life in progress. Xander dived straight into the popcorn, grabbing a handful, as Riley shook the dice and moved his playing piece.

'It was decent of your mom to let us hang here while she's out tonight,' Xander said to Buffy through a mouthful of corn.

'Yes,' Anya nodded. 'Xander's basement is far too depressing for a fun and relaxed evening.'

Xander stopped mid-chew, something hurt in his expression.

'So Giles is serious about buying the magic shop?' Riley asked, steering the conversation away hastily.

'Seemed like it,' Buffy said. 'He's even started planning how to turn the back room into a training space for me. But y'know, I think it'll be good for him. He said himself he gets bored just sitting around at home.'

'Plus, if you're gonna sell magical doohickeys, seems to me like the Hellmouth's the perfect place to set up shop,' Xander rallied.

'Absolutely,' Anya agreed. 'I'm also hoping that he'll give me generous discounts on his merchandise.'

'Poor Willow, finding the owner's body like that,' Riley said. 'How'd Tara take it?'

'Okay, actually,' Buffy mused. 'I think she was a little freaked, but she seemed to deal pretty well.'

'If she's gonna be hanging around with us, she'd better get used to being a 'little freaked',' Xander pointed out. 'Especially on Tuesdays.'

'Buffy,' Anya cut in, 'it's your turn, you know. You're holding up the game.'

'I'm sorry,' Buffy said, frowning just a little and glancing at Riley. She rolled the dice and moved. 'Aw, "taxes due"!' Buffy pouted, slumping. 'I think I hate this game.' She handed the dice cup to Anya, seated to her left.

'We can do something else if you'd like?' Riley said with a smile, rubbing her back sympathetically.

'No, this is good,' Buffy said, nodding decisively. 'Doing normal, Saturday night couple stuff with my friends, where absolutely nobody gets staked, stabbed or set on fire...makes for a pleasing change of pace.'

Xander smiled at her, but Anya was too intent on the game to notice. 'Oh, crap,' she huffed, slapping her cards down. 'Look at this! Now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage…'

'That means you're winning,' Xander said.

'Really?'

'Yes. Cash equals good.'

'Ooh!' Anya squealed, clapping her hands for joy. 'I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?'

Suddenly something smashed in through the window, showering them with broken glass. Anya squealed and ducked behind the table, Xander instinctively shielding her. Cautiously, Buffy went to look at the missile. It was a rock with a note wrapped around it; she untied the string and opened it out:

Slayer, come out and die

'Who the hell writes a threatening note and uses a smiley face to dot the 'i'?' Buffy wondered aloud, showing the note to Riley.

'I'm waiting for you, Buffy!' came a valley-girl voice from outside, high-pitched and inherently annoying.

'Harmony?' Buffy and Xander said together. Buffy moved over to the hole in the window and peeked out. Sure enough, Harmony was standing on her front lawn with three other vampires behind her.

'So much for nobody getting staked,' Xander said.

'Riley, get some weapons and come with me,' Buffy said briskly. 'Xander, Anya, you guys stay here.'

Buffy took a stake from Riley and opened the front door. Riley stood behind her holding a crossbow.

'Excuse much,' Buffy said to Harmony, irritated, 'we're trying to have a games night in here, and you and your buddies aren't invited.'

'They're not my buddies,' Harmony said scornfully. 'They're my minions.'

'They're your huh?'

'Minions!' Harmony repeated. 'You know, lackeys? They work for me.'

Buffy couldn't help herself; the bubble of laughter in her chest spilled out before she could stop it..

'What's so funny?' Harmony asked, stung.

'Oh, where do I even begin to answer that?' Buffy gasped, laughing even harder at Harmony's scowl.

'Buffy, come on,' Riley said, chuckling despite his words. 'They have killed once that we know of. She could be a threat.'

It was too much; Buffy almost doubled up with laughter.

'Stop laughing!' Harmony snarled. She lunged at Buffy, but the invisible barrier threw her back from the doorway.

Buffy took a deep breath to calm herself. 'Like I said, you're not invited. Now, someone's gonna pay for that broken window. Any volunteers?'

'As if I carry money around…oh, you mean like, 'you'll pay for that', right?'

'Um, boss?' said one of the minions, raising his hand. 'When's the part where we kill her?'

'Right, I was just coming to that,' Harmony said, flustered. 'I've been reading up on you, Slayer, and I know that if I challenge you to a duel you have to accept.'

Buffy frowned. 'Says who?'

'Well…y'know…the books!' Harmony said lamely.

'Harmony, you're an idiot,' Buffy sighed. 'But if you're that desperate to get killed,' she stepped over the threshold, 'then let's make it quick, 'kay? We're planning to watch _Titanic_.'

Harmony smiled nastily. 'Mort – you know what to do.'

The biggest of the minions stepped forward, grinning.

'Mort's my champion, I nominated him to fight for me,' Harmony explained, looking smug.

Buffy shrugged as she descended the porch steps, squaring up to her opponent. 'All the same to me. So then, Mort, what I'm asking myself - ' she ducked as he threw a punch, back-fisting him hard across the face, ' - is exactly how dumb you have to be - ' Mort threw another punch, but Buffy blocked and snap kicked him in the stomach, ' - to be one of Harmony's minions.' She threw an uppercut that snapped his head back. 'I mean, did you have to fail an entrance test to get in or something?'

'You talk too much, Slayer,' Mort sneered.

'Fine. Let's just get straight to the killing.'

Buffy stepped in with a wicked right hook, but Mort took it on the chin and grabbed her in a bear hug.

'Buffy!' Riley shouted, raising the crossbow.

'Hey, no fair!' Harmony yelled. 'This is between the two of them, you can't just butt in!'

'Butt in?' Buffy wheezed, ribs creaking. 'Good idea.'

Buffy struggled in Mort's grip, head-butting him fiercely. His nose broke audibly and he dropped her, howling and clutching his face. In one smooth motion Buffy stepped up, staked him and turned to face the gang on her lawn. 'Who's next?'

Harmony and her minions looked at each other and without a word, in perfect synchronisation, they took off running.

'This isn't over, Buffy!' Harmony yelled as she ran. 'I'm gonna go figure out some even better plan, and I'll be back!'

'Great, look forward to it,' Buffy called back.

'Are you okay?' Riley asked, putting his hand on her shoulder. Behind them, Xander and Anya stepped out onto the porch, Anya still nervously clutching her hands together.

'Yeah, I'm fine,' Buffy said. 'Can you believe her? I mean, she goes to all the trouble of rounding up a gang, and that's the best plan she can come up with?'

'Well, you know Harmony,' Xander shrugged. 'Not exactly the shiniest lip gloss on the rack.'

'Personally, I'm glad that she didn't have a better plan,' Anya piped up. 'If you'd gotten slaughtered, it would have spoiled the evening quite considerably.'

'So what are we gonna do?' Riley asked. 'I mean, we can't just leave them running around out there, they might hurt somebody.'

'Aw, I knew this night was going too well!' Buffy whined. 'I guess I'll have to track 'em down and kill 'em all.' She sighed. 'What a drag.'

'Need some back-up?' Riley asked, almost eagerly.

'Nah, you guys stay here. I'll still be back in time to watch the movie.'

'How're you gonna find them?' Xander asked.

Buffy frowned. 'I have an idea.'

…

Spike strode through the graveyard, enjoying the cool silence of the night. In his hand was a paper bag containing bourbon, cigarettes and a dirty magazine that he'd purloined from the local gas station, and Clem had finally hooked up his crypt with cable just in time for the Monster Movie Marathon on Channel 44. Unlife was good.

The rustle of boots on grass and a faint scent of citrus alerted him to her presence just before Buffy caught his shoulder and slammed his back up against a crypt.

'Oi, watch it!' Spike exclaimed. 'You'll smash my JD!'

'I'll smash more than that if you don't talk,' Buffy said. 'Where's Harmony?'

'Dozy bint's back in town, is she?' he sniffed. 'So what on God's green earth makes you think I know - '

Buffy hit him in the face without ceremony. 'Try again.'

'Bloody hell, Slayer, you're in a right old mood tonight,' Spike said, blood trickling from his split lip. 'What's up, on the blob are we?' He inhaled deeply through his nose. 'No, that's not it…'

Disgusted, Buffy slammed him against the wall again by his lapels, cracking his head against the stone. 'Where is she?'

'Hell if I know!' Spike roared back. 'And I must say, it's a bit off to be beatin' on a fella when you know he can't defend 'imself!'

'Fine.' Buffy grabbed the grocery bag from his hand and held it out to the side, pinning him against the crypt with her other hand. 'Talk, or the booze gets it.'

'You bitch,' Spike snarled, reaching helplessly for his precious cargo.

Buffy let the bag slip an inch through her grasp.

'Okay, okay!' Spike said hastily. 'She used to have a cave in the north woods, not far past the overpass construction site - happen she's gone back there. Alright?'

Buffy relaxed the pressure on his chest and Spike shrugged her arm away, snatching back the bag she held out. 'What's in that anyway?' Buffy asked, curious despite herself.

'Nothin',' Spike said defensively. 'Liquor and smokes.'

'And…lemme guess, a porno magazine?' Buffy asked, rolling her eyes.

'Hey, lay off,' Spike frowned. 'I'm a guy, right, and guys like lookin' at naked girls. I bet if you lifted your overgrown Boy Scout's mattress you'd find a few choice publications.' Spike smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

'Just because you're a pig, Spike, doesn't mean all men are,' Buffy huffed, then turned and stalked away without a backward glance.

'Nice chattin' with you too, Summers,' Spike yelled after her. 'Any time you fancy pressing that cute little body up against me again, you just let me know!'

Buffy stumbled, but kept walking.

…

'Press up against him,' Buffy muttered to herself as she strode through the woods, ignoring the flush on her cheeks. 'Right, on what deluded planet would that ever happen?' She didn't know how he did it, but Spike got under her skin like nobody else.

Hacking through the undergrowth with a little more force than was strictly needed, Buffy noticed a cave entrance not too far ahead. The muddy ground was churned up with recent footprints.

Slowing, Buffy crept cautiously up to the dark opening. A rocky corridor went back a few metres before turning, and the vaguest hint of torchlight flickered on the damp rock. She moved silently into the cave, and as she got further in she could hear Harmony's voice.

'Okay, so things haven't been perfect,' she was squeaking, the echo adding an extra dimension of irritating. 'I just need a little more time to grow into my leadership role!'

Buffy peeked around the corner and saw two of the minions not far away, backs to her. Beyond them, Harmony was pinned against a wall by the third minion.

'You just can't get the staff these days,' Buffy quipped under her breath, raising her crossbow and taking out one of the clueless vampires.

The leather-jacketed minion let go of Harmony and the remaining vampires turned to face Buffy.

'See, I told you I knew what I was doing,' Harmony crowed quickly. 'The new plan worked perfectly.'

'New plan?' the floppy-haired minion frowned. 'The new plan was for Peaches to get killed?'

'Yeah – I mean, no – ugh, I knew Buffy would track us down, so now the fight's on our territory, on our terms. See?' Harmony grinned. 'I'm, like, an evil genius.'

'Oh,' said the minion, and grinned back at her. 'Cool.'

'Hate to rain on your parade, Harm,' Buffy mock-sighed, crossbow reloaded in the time Harmony had been speaking, 'but genius really isn't the word – halfwit, maybe.' Raising her arm, she shot Floppy Hair through the heart.

'Brad!' Harmony whined. 'Ooh, that's it! Cyrus, kill her a lot!'

'Finally,' Cyrus growled, lifting the axe he was holding. He swung savagely at Buffy, but she ducked and pushed him away. He stumbled, snarling, and as he whirled to face her Buffy staked him without breaking a sweat.

'And I thought it was painful watching you try out for head cheerleader,' Buffy said, turning back to Harmony.

She was talking to an empty chamber.

…

Buffy let herself in by the kitchen door, shrugging off her jacket. No sooner was she inside than the front door opened and her mother breezed into the hallway.

'Hey everyone!' Joyce called into the living room on her way past.

Buffy leant a casual shoulder against the fridge. 'Hey Mom.'

'Buffy, what happened to the living room window?' Joyce asked, concerned.

'Oh, that,' Buffy shrugged. 'Harmony showed up with some fangy friends, tried to crash the party.'

'Is everyone okay?' Joyce frowned, putting her bag on the island.

'Oh, yeah, toasty. And Xander knows a guy who can fix the window tomorrow, so we're all

good. How was the exhibit?'

'Oh, it was fantastic,' Joyce raptured. 'The gallery looked amazing, and there were so many people there! I even brought home a new piece of art for us to hang at home.' She opened her bag and carefully drew out a flat bubblewrapped package. She peeled back the layers to reveal a pottery disc, simply glazed in gold and bronze shades with a beautiful embossed maze-like pattern.

'Ooh, pretty,' Buffy cooed, running her fingers gently over the smooth, cool surface.

'Isn't it?' Joyce said proudly. 'I wasn't planning to buy anything, but then I spotted this and I just had to have it. You know, I didn't even notice it when we did the first inventory.'

'Wait a second,' Buffy said, snatching her hand back, 'it's not going to summon any fresh corpses to eat our brains, right?'

'Not this time,' Joyce laughed. 'No, this isn't ancient – handmade in New York just this year.'

'Good,' Buffy breathed. 'Hey, we were just gonna watch _Titanic_ - wanna join us?'

'Oh, no thanks, Buffy,' Joyce chuckled. 'My love life is tragedy enough for me. I think I'll just head up to bed, it's been a long day. Don't forget to lock up when you leave, okay?'

''kay. Night Mom.'

'Night,' Joyce said, hugging Buffy briefly. 'Night everyone!' she called into the living room on her way past, smiling at the chorus of replies.

Buffy smiled. True, Harmony was on the run out there somewhere, but she had a loving mom, a perfect boyfriend and good friends beside her – what could life throw at her that she couldn't handle?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yes, Riley is in this story, but even if you don't like him please keep reading! I always thought he could've been a great character, but the writers seemed to have it in for him! So in this story, I've tried to make him more like the Riley I wanted to see on the show. Thanks for sticking with me, and please review if you're enjoying it :o)

…

Buffy and Riley walked along the path to Xander's place, hands clasped together. In her free hand Buffy carried a history textbook, and Riley held a bagful of snack food.

'Looking forward to tonight?' Riley asked, glancing down at her.

'Sure am,' Buffy said, a little too brightly. She caught Riley's look and smiled. 'Well, mostly…it's just, Anya's almost psychotically insistent about us doing coupley stuff with her and Xander, and it makes it feel…sorta pressured, y'know?'

'I know what you mean,' Riley said, brushing his thumb across her knuckles. 'And she does tend to tell us too much about their personal life – I almost expect her to ask us if we want to…y'know…join in with them.'

Buffy's nose wrinkled as a Technicolor vision swam into her mind. 'Aw, did you haveta?' she mock-grouched, nudging him with her elbow.

'Sorry,' Riley chuckled. 'Pretend I didn't say that.'

'Sure, maybe after several years of intensive therapy…'

They reached the steps and paused, looking at each other.

'Ready, soldier?' Riley asked.

'Aye aye, cap'n,' Buffy replied, then winced. 'Oops – not very Army-like, huh?'

'I forgive you,' Riley said, leaning in to kiss her on top of her head.

Buffy leaned in to him for a moment, reflecting on how nice his eyes were when they got that fond, crinkle-round-the-edges look to them.

'Okay, let's do it,' Buffy said, knocking.

After a minute – a long minute, in which Buffy's racing imagination decided nobody was home, and she'd better take Riley home and make with the smoochies instead – the door opened to reveal a grinning Xander.

'Hey guys,' he said cheerfully. 'C'mon in – mi basement es su basement!'

'Thanks,' Buffy smiled, stepping inside. 'I hope you don't mind that I brought some work with me, I just really want to keep up this semester.'

'Buffy brings culture, I bring processed snack food,' Riley said, handing the bag to Xander.

'Ooh, Cheetos!' Xander beamed.

'Hey Anya,' Buffy greeted her, noticing her standing by the sofa. 'Oh, what happened to your arm?'

Anya scowled, glancing down at the sling she wore on her right arm. 'I was trying to hang some fairy lights to make this place a little less dank and unwelcoming - ' she gestured with her chin and Buffy looked up to see a pitiful string of lights hanging haphazardly from the ceiling ' – when the stupid stepladder collapsed because nobody was holding it.' She glared at Xander accusingly.

'Ouch,' Buffy winced, sympathetic. 'Is it bad?'

'It sure is - I didn't get to finish and Xander's basement still looks like a place that goblins would turn up their noses at.'

'She meant the dislocated shoulder, Ahn - and again, I'm sorry I wasn't here to help. If I'd known you were going to be hanging lights, I would've called in sick,' Xander said acidly, clearly peeved.

Buffy glanced at Riley, who shifted uncomfortably. There was an awkward little moment, then Xander rallied with, 'So, coats off, movies on!'

'Great,' Buffy said, handing over her jacket. 'What're we watching?'

'Boy, have I got an evening of audio-visual delight lined up for you!' Xander said enthusiastically. 'A selection of Hong Kong cinema's finest, starting with 'Tiger on the Beat' and finishing on a high with 'Enter the Dragon'!'

'What?' Anya said, scowling even more. 'I told you to get something romantic and sentimental! Do we not have enough mindless violence in our lives?'

'I don't know about you, but I always find badly dubbed kung fu very romantic,' Riley said hastily, glancing at Buffy.

'Oh! Me too,' she said quickly. 'I mean, all those exotic locations and…muscley men walking around without shirts on…'

'Really?' Anya asked, brightening a little. 'There are muscular men without shirts?'

'Oh yeah, hundreds,' Buffy assured her.

'Alright then,' Anya relented. 'Go ahead.'

Xander mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Riley and Buffy, turning on the TV.

'You want the couch?' Riley asked Buffy.

'Nah, you take it,' Buffy said. 'I kinda like snuggling up on the floor.'

'Sure? Okay,' Riley said, taking a seat. 'How's about I throw in a shoulder rub to make it even snugglier?'

'Yes please,' Buffy said in a cute-little-girl voice, smiling.

The film started with a tinny blare of trumpets, and Buffy opened her textbook. She couldn't believe how much she was getting into the studying lately – with Riley's help, patrolling didn't take as long these days, and she was seeing the benefit of the extra book time in her college work.

For a while the four of them munched in companionable silence, Buffy glancing up every now and then until some unrealistic fight scene sent her back to the book, head shaking. Then, a little after ten, a door slammed upstairs.

'Ah, I guess the folks are back,' Xander said, shuffling in his seat.

Muffled voices filtered through the ceiling. They weren't loud enough to make out the words, but the tone was definitely hostile.

'No, no, I was wrong,' Xander said with an uncomfortable grin. 'Just incompetent burglars.'

'You need to get a new place,' Anya said, stroking his leg comfortingly. 'Somewhere pretty, and clean, that doesn't smell of animal urine.'

Xander opened his mouth to reply, then shut it again with a sad little look on his face. Anya, facing away from him, didn't notice.

'Xander, I was thinking,' Riley said, 'how about you and me go out and shoot some pool sometime?'

'Yeah? Just us?' Xander asked, endearingly eager. 'No girls or musty old books or half-man, half-demon killing machines bent on destroying us all?'

'That was the idea,' Riley chuckled.

'Count me in,' Xander smiled, looking touched.

There was another crash from upstairs and the yelling voices were back. This time they were louder, and the odd unpleasant word seeped through the ceiling.

'Hey, Buffy, don't you have an early class tomorrow?' Riley said, leaning forwards.

'Huh?' Buffy said absently, lifting her nose from her history book. 'Early class? What - ' She looked up at Riley, then at Xander; his jaw was clenched and he was staring at the screen unseeingly, trying to ignore the mini war going on above their heads.

'Oh, yeah, that early class,' Buffy said, catching on. 'So we should probably go – but thanks, Xand, for having us over.'

'Sure,' he replied with a wry smile. 'And next time you slay a vampire, can you ask him first if he's leaving behind a cosy little hovel that I could…hey, here's a pleasing two-bird-one-stone idea,' he said, waving his hands excitedly. 'Couldya stake Spike so I can have his crypt?'

Buffy laughed. 'Now that idea is almost too tempting…'

…

Spike threw aside his cigarette butt irritatedly, watching the glowing tip arc and disappear.

'Where's all the bad guys around here?' he called to the silent graveyard. 'Come on, boys and girls, isn't anybody out there keen to get murdered this evening?'

'Spike?' said a girlish voice behind him.

Spike turned slowly, a grin creeping onto his face. 'Well now, if it isn't little Harmony.' He took in her tight-fitting outfit in one sweep of his lashes, smirking as she preened under his gaze. 'Heard you were back in town.'

'You did?' Harmony asked, pleased.

'I did,' Spike said. 'So what exactly are you doin' here?'

'Well, I did have my own gang, and we totally called out the Slayer, but…well, I had some personnel issues so I'm recruiting some new minions.'

Spike smiled. 'Personnel issues? You mean the bitch took out the last sorry lot.'

'Yeah…I mean, hey! You always do that, always put me down.' She lifted her head, eyes gleaming with feminine pride. 'But not any more, Spikey – I won't let your words define me ever again.'

'Good for you,' Spike said, amused. 'So tell me, pet, what will you and your band of merry minions be doin', exactly?'

'We're going to kill the Slayer,' Harmony said proudly. 'And this time, I'll be totally ready for her.' Her eyes took on an appraising gleam. 'Say, Spikey, I don't suppose you wanna be in my gang? I mean, I know you're all handicapped these days - ' she broke off at the scowl on his face, and hastily added, 'but you're still, like, a total bad-ass…and, y'know, strategy was never my strong suit, so maybe you could help out with that part…?'

'Let's get this straight,' Spike said, straightening his spine. 'You want me, master vampire, one-time ruler of this sorry little berg, to be one of your minions?'

'Umm….yeah?'

Spike took a step closer, nose inches from Harmony's, gratified by her shivering reaction to his closeness. 'Harmony?' he said, voice low and throaty.

'Spike?' she squeaked, pretending she wasn't desperate for him to touch her.

'Sod off,' Spike said, slow and clear. And then he was striding away, the breeze from his leather duster stirring her long skirt. 'I'm nobody's lackey, got it?' he called over his shoulder, never looking back.

'Oh yeah?' Harmony shouted back, flustered and annoyed. 'Well, just you wait, mister! One day I'll rule this town, and then you'll be sorry!'


	3. Chapter 3

It was a beautiful day in Sunnydale. Main Street bustled with the lunchtime crowd, people talking and laughing in the autumn sunshine.

Buffy smiled to herself. On a day like this, it was easy to forget for a while about the things that lurked in the darkness. 'So next Sunday, we're going to the movies,' she summed up.

'I cannot be emphatic enough with my "uh-huh",' Xander said, walking beside her.

'Come on, last night wasn't so bad,' Riley said brightly. 'The movie was good and…you know…the fairy lights…' He trailed off, getting a double helping of raised eyebrows from Buffy and Xander. 'Okay, so it kinda sucked. But at least Harmony didn't gatecrash this time.'

'True – definite bonus points for the lack of needing to kill things,' Buffy agreed, tucking her hand a little more firmly into the crook of Riley's elbow.

Riley smiled down at her. She took a moment to enjoy it; there was something so open and sincere in his handsome face when he looked at her so adoringly.

'Me and Anya are going to check out an apartment this afternoon, actually,' Xander said, glancing at the display in the hardware store window. 'It looks pretty nice, and if by some miracle I get kept on by the construction company we should just about be able to afford it.'

'Ooh, exciting!' Buffy enthused. 'Want us to come with, give you a second opinion? Or, would that actually be a third and fourth opinion…?'

'Sure,' Xander smiled. 'That'd be nice.'

They reached the Magic Box, Riley stepping ahead to hold the door open. Inside, Willow was sitting on the floor with a large book open on her lap while Giles swung a wooden statue around wildly.

'What's going on?' Buffy asked, on the alert for some invisible nasty attacking her Watcher.

'Oh! Buffy!' Giles exclaimed, whirling to face her. 'I was just explaining to Willow how I fended off a demon single-handed, right here, this very morning!'

'What? Are you okay?' Buffy asked, alarmed.

'Yes, yes, I assure you I was unharmed,' Giles said, smiling.

'So, you hit it with…' Buffy trailed off, eyes moving to the thing he was holding.

'Oofdar,' Willow supplied helpfully. 'Goddess of childbirth. She's got some nice heft to her.'

'How badly did you hurt it?' Buffy asked.

'Well, perhaps 'hurt' is rather a stretch,' Giles admitted, clearing his throat and setting Oofdar down on the display table. 'But I certainly made him think twice about startling people in their own places of business!'

'That's right, big fella,' Xander said encouragingly. 'And hey, still conscious - score!'

'So what did he want?' Buffy asked, smiling.

'You, actually,' Giles said, then, sourly, 'Apparently I'm too insignificant to warrant any notice.'

'He was after Buffy?' Riley asked, suddenly serious. 'So how do we find him, and how hard can I kill him?'

'Ooh, Giles, was it this guy?' Willow interrupted, holding up the book.

Giles took it from her hands and peered at the page. 'Yes, that's him,' he nodded, reading aloud. '"Toth is an ancient demon, the last of the Tothric clan. He is immensely strong and, for a demon, surprisingly sophisticated".'

'Sophisticated? Maybe we should invite him to the opera and stab him in the arias,' Xander said with a wide grin.

'It means, Xander, that he uses tools or weapons rather than fighting bare-handed,' Giles said, a touch exasperated.

'I knew that,' Xander said huffily. 'And don't pretend like you're not impressed that I know what an aria is.'

'So where can we find him?' Buffy asked. 'Any ideas?'

'Well, he did have a rather, um, distinctive odour about him,' Giles said, nose wrinkling with the memory. 'I suspect he may be hiding out at the city dump.'

'And I thought my living arrangements were depressing,' Xander quipped. 'Oh, wait – that's 'cos they are.'

…

The night air was chilly and Buffy shivered a little in her leather jacket, hefting the axe in her hands to feel its reassuring weight. The book Willow had found was suitably vague about just how 'immensely strong' Toth was, but she wasn't taking any chances.

'Suddenly my basement seems like a bright, refreshing place to be,' Xander said, trying not to breathe too deeply.

Riley looked around, shaking his head. 'People say they're recycling. They're not recycling.' Xander patted him comfortingly on the shoulder.

'It kinda smells like my grandma's kitchen when she used to boil chicken giblets,' Willow said, nose wrinkling. 'What kind of sick individual would want to hang out here, anyway?'

'Spike,' Buffy said resignedly.

Xander laughed. 'Yeah, he fits the bill alright, maybe with an extra dash of 'and twisted'.'

'No, I mean – Spike,' Buffy said, pointing.

They all looked over and saw a platinum-white head sticking up above a pile of trash. A muttered curse drifted up into the still air and a cracked vase flew over Spike's shoulder.

'What on earth are you doing, Spike?' Giles called out.

Spike straightened, a mannequin arm in one hand. 'Oh, well, my Boy Scout troupe ran off, the cheeky blighters, an' I thought they might be hidin' in this heap of crap.' He rolled his eyes. 'I'm scavenging, ain't I?'

'Of course you are,' Giles said dryly. 'I don't suppose you've seen a demon lurking around? Tall, robed, fluorescent teeth…'

'Skin like a beautician's nightmare?' Spike asked. 'Like that one, y'mean?' He pointed behind them.

The gang turned to see Toth, standing proud in all his robed splendour. Buffy gulped; he was tall, even more so than Riley, and the wrist-thick stick in his hand didn't look like it was made for playful tickling.

'Slayer,' Toth intoned, raising his stick. There was a flash of fiery light and a pulse of energy hit the ground inches away from Buffy's feet.

'Take cover!' Riley shouted, grabbing Willow's arm to help her get to safety.

'Big guy! Kick her ass!' Spike shouted gleefully.

Buffy turned to glare at him, and noticed a particularly tall and safe-looking heap of rubbish behind him. 'Guys,' she called, gesturing, 'this way!'

'Where're you goin'?' Spike called out, watching Giles and Xander pelt past him. 'Runnin' away? Not very heroic of you!'

Buffy ignored him, waiting to make sure Willow and Riley got to safety.

Toth was striding forward, stick still raised. This time the energy bolt hit the lamp in Spike's hand and shattered it into glittering fragments.

'Oh, very nice! I was on your side!' Spike shouted, irritated.

Toth prepared to fire again, and Spike realised he was standing perilously close to Buffy. He turned to run when suddenly a massive force smashed into his back, lifting him from his feet and sending him spinning into a heap of rotting waste. His last thought before he blacked out was _Good job I don't need to breathe…_

…

Buffy watched, wide-eyed, as Spike sailed past her, landing with a faint 'oomph!'. A few pieces of newspaper spat up into the air, then gently floated down on the spot where he'd disappeared.

Buffy turned back to Toth, who was glowering at his stick, shaking it in frustration. He looked up at her, his glowing eyes like embers from the fires of Hell. 'We will meet again soon, Slayer,' he growled, striding away into the night.

Buffy took a deep, calming breath and let it out slowly. 'Guys, he's gone,' she called.

Giles peeked around a large sheet of corrugated iron. 'Did you kill him?' he asked.

'No, he ran away like a big sissy,' Buffy said, but not too loudly.

'Are you okay?' Riley asked. 'Did anyone get hurt?'

'No – well, nobody important,' Buffy said.

She approached the hole where Spike had landed, gripping her axe tightly. Suddenly Spike leapt into view, vamped out and snarling. His yellow eyes fixed on Buffy, and she shivered; wearing his demon face, Spike was always scary, but there was something particularly creepy about him this time. She unconsciously backed off a step, and Spike paced towards her. Then abruptly he turned and ran off, disappearing rapidly among the piles of trash.

The others ran up to her, Riley peering in the direction that Spike had gone.

'Buffy, you're white as a sheet,' Giles said, concerned.

'I am? I guess…I'm just a little shaken up,' she said, surprised when her voice quavered.

'By Spike?' Willow asked, frowning.

'Yeah, I know,' Buffy said meaningfully. 'He just… I've fought him plenty, and he's never wigged me out like that before.'

'What was different this time?' Giles asked.

'I couldn't say, exactly,' Buffy said hesitantly. 'But with Spike, there's always a hint of something in his eyes, even in vamp face; something….human, I guess. But just now, there was nothing – his eyes were totally blank, dead…like, I don't know, pure evil.' She shuddered at the memory, and Riley put a reassuring arm around her shoulders.

'Giles, you don't think…' Willow gulped. 'When Toth zapped him – could it have fried the chip in his head?'

Buffy's stomach went cold. She'd gotten used to Spike being neutered; the thought of him free and unchipped and back to his old ways sent a shiver down her spine.

'Well, I suppose it's possible,' Giles frowned. 'I wouldn't want to jump to any hasty conclusions though. Buffy, Riley, I suggest you do a sweep of Spike's favourite haunts, try to track him down before he does any damage. Let's all meet up first thing tomorrow to research this…Toth fellow, find out exactly what his weapon's power is and what he might have done to Spike.'

'Okay,' Buffy agreed, surprised at how reluctant she was to face Spike again.

'Don't worry, Buffy,' Riley said reassuringly. 'We'll find him.'

'I know,' she smiled. _That's sorta the problem…_


	4. Chapter 4

Spike blinked awake, taking a deep breath out of habit. His eyes flew open as his nose was assaulted by a melange of disgusting smells. Piles of trash surrounded him; he remembered coming to the city dump to scavenge for goodies, but his memory after that was decidedly hazy.

He sat up carefully, moaning as his back muscles objected to the movement. The sky above was a little too light for his liking, his skin buzzing with the approach of dawn. He stood, ignoring the uncharacteristic aches all over his body, and leapt down from the mountain of waste. To his surprise, instead of landing easily and gracefully, his legs almost buckled on impact and he fell in a heap on the concrete.

'Ow!' he cried aloud, clutching his aching shins. 'What the bleedin' hell is goin' on?'

Standing, wincing, Spike limped his way to the gates and the handy sewer entrance beside them. The grate was harder than usual to lift, and it took more effort to hold it up too. He almost fell down the ladder, and once he was in the tunnels his night vision didn't want to play ball, taking a long time to adjust and even then showing only vague outlines rather than the crystal clarity he was used to.

As he made his painful way back towards his crypt, Spike began to remember bits and pieces of what had happened. _There was a demon, with robes an' a big stick_ he mused, absently rubbing his sore ribs. _He hit me with some kinda energy blast… wait, that must be it – he's mojoed away my vampire powers! _'Son of a bitch!' Spike growled as it all began to come together.

Then he stopped dead, water splashing thickly around his boots. 'Hang about,' he said to the still, rank air. 'That demon was after the Slayer, not me – this is all her bloody fault!'

…

Buffy yawned widely; the sky was still mostly dark except for a pale wash of warm peach and golden yellow across the horizon. The Espresso Pump was the only shop on Main Street that was open, and the man in the queue ahead looked just as zombified as she felt.

Beside her, Riley was annoyingly perky. 'Look at that sky,' he said wonderingly. 'Isn't it amazing?'

'Oh, is that real?' Buffy asked playfully. 'I thought it was a pretty hallucination brought on by severe sleep deprivation.'

Riley laughed. 'It's only seven o'clock, Buffy, it's not that early.'

Buffy yawned again. 'See, and I thought there was only one seven o'clock in a day…'

'The meeting had to be early, we all have other places to be today,' Riley smiled.

'May I help you?' interrupted the too-cheerful girl at the counter.

Buffy let Riley order and pay, zoning out into a happy place where she was still tucked up in bed in her fancy new corner dorm room, cosy and warm and snoozing happily…

'Buffy?' Riley said; from the look on his face it wasn't the first time.

'Oh, sorry,' Buffy said, picking up the second cardboard cup holder and following him along the street.

Riley held open the door to the Magic Box for her. The jangling bell caused Xander to leap a foot in the air, head jerking up from the book where it had been pillowed.

'I was just reading it!' he cried out, eyes wide and a little crazy.

'Relax, Xand, it's just us,' Buffy smiled. 'Where is Giles, anyway?'

'Out the back,' Xander mumbled, rubbing his bleary eyes. 'Probably devising some fun new way of torturing me. I mean, for the sake of Pete, seven a.m. research party and I _still_ have to go to work today? Why not just beat me with blunt objects and have done with it?'

'Here, enjoy,' Buffy said, handing over a coffee and putting the cup holder down on the table. 'No Anya?' She slid her bag off her shoulder and shrugged off her jacket, dropping onto the bench seat next to Riley.

'No, she refused to get up this early – apparently she needs her beauty sleep,' Xander said with a wry smile.

'This one's you,' Riley said to Buffy, prising the lid off one of the paper cups. 'Caramel latte, extra foam.'

'Yummy,' Buffy smiled, taking a careful sip and wiping the milky moustache off her lip.

Riley set out the other cups, opened up the paper bag of Danish pastries and picked up the empty cup holders, moving them off the table.

Buffy smiled. 'You're a handy man to have around, Riley Finn.'

'Yeah, I know, I'll make someone a lovely wife one day,' he grinned. 'I've had enough teasing from the guys over the years, don't you start on me now.'

'No, I like it,' Buffy said, resting her head on his muscled shoulder. 'I like that you have good manners – it makes a change from the types I usually run into.'

''re you shayin' we don' 'ave mannersh?' Xander asked thickly through a mouthful of pastry.

Buffy just smiled, raising her head and sipping her coffee.

'Ah, Buffy, Riley, good morning,' Giles greeted them, closing the backroom door behind him. 'Any luck finding Spike last night?'

'Nope, big fat nothin',' Buffy said. 'He wasn't in his crypt, or at Willy's, the Bronze or the Fish Tank. We trawled all the cemeteries twice too, no sign of him.'

'Nobody seems to have seen him either,' Riley said. He handed Giles one of the takeout cups, a paper-tagged string hanging from the lip.

'Thank you,' Giles said, taking a seat. He lifted the cup to his lips then paused, inhaling deeply. 'Earl Grey?'

'Yeah, they just started serving it,' Riley said. 'Thought you might appreciate it.'

'How very thoughtful,' Giles smiled.

'Suck-up,' Buffy and Xander said in stereo, and burst out laughing.

The bell jingled again and Willow approached the table. 'What's so funny?' she smiled.

'Just Riley playing teacher's pet, as usual,' Buffy said affectionately. 'Here, we got you a mocha, with cream and sprinkles.'

'Mm, chocolatey,' Willow smiled, sitting beside Buffy and inhaling deeply.

'I don't know how you can drink that sludge,' Giles said, a touch of disdain in his tone. 'Give me a freshly brewed pot of English Breakfast any day.'

'That reminds me - Giles, the Queen called,' Xander said, holding his palm before his face as though reading from notes. 'She says, "stop trying to out-British me or I'll set the corgis on you".'

'Very droll,' Giles said, but his smile was genuine.

'How'd it go last night?' Willow asked Buffy, licking cream from her top lip.

'Total bust,' Buffy sighed.

'Guess it's time to hit the books then,' Willow smiled, eyes alight with nerdish glee.

'I've searched out all the volumes I think may be helpful,' Giles said, gesturing with his glasses at the scant selection on the table. 'It's imperative that we find out all we can about Toth as soon as possible, and see if there's any way to, to counteract….whatever it is he did to Spike.'

There was a crash from the basement storage room.

'What was that?' Xander asked nervously.

'Is anyone else here?' Buffy asked Giles.

'No, nobody,' Giles said. They stood, Buffy heading towards the door with Riley behind her while Giles fetched weapons.

'I'm going in,' Buffy said, cracking the door and peering into the darkness. She took a crossbow from Giles. 'You two stay here and cover me.'

'Be careful,' Riley said.

Buffy took the steps cautiously, eyes roving through the shadows. There were still stacks of packing crates everywhere, making it hard to see very much.

A scrape of boots on concrete came from behind a shelving unit to Buffy's right. Spinning, she trained her crossbow on the end of the shelf. To her surprise, a dirty white handkerchief appeared, clasped in a pale hand.

'Truce, Slayer, alright?' said a familiar voice.

Buffy's pulse leapt. _Spike._

A white-blond head poked around the corner, eyes widening as Spike saw the crossbow trained unwaveringly on him. 'Easy now,' he said cautiously. 'I don't mean any harm.'

'What is it, Buffy?' Giles called from upstairs.

'It's Spike,' she shouted back, and suddenly Riley was behind her with a stake in his hand.

'Step out slowly,' Buffy said firmly to Spike.

Spike did as he was told, standing there patiently while she sized him up. He didn't look crazy like he had last night; he looked like he always did, irritatingly handsome and a little too smug.

'What happened to you last night?' Buffy asked carefully.

'That's why I'm here, see,' Spike said, hands spread in front of him. 'That robey git that was after you? He hit me with his zappy stick, an' I woke up in the small hours piled high in junk. He's done somethin' to me, Slayer, and since this is all _your_ fault I figure the least you c'n do is help put me right.'

'Wait a second,' Buffy frowned, 'you woke up this morning at the dump?'

''s'what I said, innit?'

'But I saw you, last night,' Buffy insisted. 'You got up and ran – you were crazed, almost...rabid…'

'What're you on about?' Spike asked, puzzled. 'I just told you, I woke up an hour or so ago. An' somethin's wrong with me – I've lost my strength, I'm not healin' as quick any more, I can't see for toffee…'

'Giles!' called Willow's voice faintly from inside the shop. 'I think I found something!'

Buffy glanced up. 'You two go, I'll cover Spike.'

Spike smiled. 'Sure you can be trusted alone with me, Slayer?' His eyes raked her body in that sexist, disgusting, oddly flattering way of his.

'I'm sure,' Buffy said coldly. 'Though my trigger finger's feeling a little twitchy…'

'Buffy, you'd better come up here,' Giles said, reappearing at the top of the stairs. 'And bring Spike, he needs to hear this too.'

'You heard the man – but keep it nice and slow,' Buffy said, backing up the stairs, crossbow trained steadily on Spike's torso.

He smiled and followed, slouching up the stairs. 'Can't take your eyes off me, can you?' he smirked. Then his boot caught the edge of the step and he stumbled, almost falling.

Buffy couldn't help but chuckle. _That's not like him – usually he's got that feline grace thing going on…not that I've noticed…_

Buffy backed into the shop. 'That's far enough,' she said, gesturing for Spike to stop. He did so, with a put-upon sigh, and folded his arms across his chest, lounging against the counter. Buffy turned her head to look at Giles. 'So what's the sitch?' she asked.

'Listen to this,' Giles said, reading from a book. 'It's to do with the rod that Toth was carrying - "The ferula-gemina has the power to split a person in half, distilling positive and negative personality traits into two separate bodies." As near as I can tell, Toth was attempting to split the Slayer into two different entities.'

'Two Buffys?' Buffy asked.

'Imagine the possibilities,' Spike drawled, going quiet when Riley took a glowering step closer.

'Yes, two Buffys,' Giles confirmed, with a glare at Spike. 'One with all the qualities inherent in Buffy Summers, and the other one with everything that belongs to the Slayer alone - the strength, the speed, the heritage.'

'So when it hit Spike,' Willow said wonderingly, 'it separated him into his human self and his demon self – the spazzy Spike you saw last night, Buffy, that must've been the demon half!'

'Not to drop a fly in the ointment, Red,' Spike said, 'but I'm definitely not human – no pulse, no breath, and look...' He waved his hand before the reflective glass of the counter. 'Not a sausage.'

Giles frowned. 'Yes, well, I suppose the rod couldn't change your physical state – you were a vampire when you were hit, so you're still a vampire now – but rather it separated out your more…human characteristics from the ones that stem from the demon residing within you. Your personality remains, but the demon is gone,' he surmised, a look of growing fascination on his face.

'Personality?' Xander sassed.

'Watch it, Droopy,' Spike glared at him.

'I still don't get the original plan,' Riley frowned. 'I mean, why do it? The Slayer half would be like slayer concentrate, pretty unkillable.'

'But the two halves can't exist without each other,' Giles explained. 'Kill the weaker Buffy half, and the Slayer half dies.'

'So we kill this weak, weedy Spike and the evil, demonic Spike dies too?' Xander asked, and rubbed his hands together. 'I love a plan with no drawbacks.'

'No,' Buffy sighed. 'If this version has all Spike's humanity and none of the evil, then it would be like killing him with the chip – I can't do it.' She shook her head.

'Allow me,' Riley said grimly.

'Just you try it,' Spike said, voice low and eyes narrowed.

'Guys, enough,' Buffy said, exasperated. 'So what do we do now, Giles? I mean, should we try to undo this or what?'

Willow raised her head from the page. 'It says here that the two halves can be reunited, if they can be brought together in the same place and the proper incantation used. From the looks of things, it should be pretty simple – the two halves want to be together, it's Toth's magic that's doing the hard work of keeping them apart.'

'I believe that may be the best course,' Giles mused. 'While this Spike before us may not be a threat to the general population - '

'Alright, Rupert, no need to rub it in,' Spike grumbled.

Giles went on as if he hadn't spoken; ' - the demonic half certainly is.'

'But if both Spikes are still chipped, then he can't hurt anyone,' Riley pointed out.

'We don't know if the chip is working – we need to test the theory,' Buffy said. 'Spike, c'mere.'

Spike stalked cautiously forward. 'What?'

Buffy held out an arm. 'Try to hurt me – like, give me a Chinese burn or something.'

'Chinese burn?' Spike scoffed. 'I'm not a bloody schoolyard bully, pet, after your pocket money – I'm a big, bad vampire.' He got right up close, blue eyes boring into her, raised a hand and lifted a lock of hair away from her shoulder.

'That's enough,' Riley barked, stepping forward.

'Ri, it's okay,' Buffy said, lifting her chin. 'He's just playing games, as usual. Get on with it, Spike.'

'Gladly,' Spike said, low and breathy. In a flash he'd grabbed her upper arms and pressed his mouth to her throat.

Riley leapt forward to shove him away just as Spike reeled back, clutching his skull in both hands and roaring with pain. Buffy stumbled into Riley's arms, heart racing; she could still feel Spike's lips on her skin, the vaguest flicker of his tongue against her pulse point..

'Guess that proves it,' Xander said. 'Spike still can't bite anyone.'

'Unless the ferula-gemina put the chip in this half…' Willow suggested warily.

'Leaving the other half chipless,' Xander finished, grimacing.

'Are you okay?' Riley asked Buffy.

'Fine,' she said, moving away from him and facing down Spike. 'So where would he have gone, Spike?'

Spike raised his head, blue eyes watering a little from the pain. 'I don't know,' he said honestly. There was something so vulnerable in his face that Buffy was taken aback. Then she realised; if this Spike was essentially human, then the pain from the chip must've been twice as bad as usual. An unexpected twinge of sympathy hit her.

'Okay,' she said softly.

Spike looked oddly grateful, straightening and running the back of his hand across his nose as though expecting it to be bleeding. Then he frowned. 'Wait a second…if he's the demon me, then he might want to go relive the glory days – could be he's gone to the old factory where me and Dru were shacked up.'

'Of course,' Buffy groaned. 'Why didn't I think of that?'

'So let's go get him,' Riley said.

'We need a plan first,' Giles objected. 'We have to find a way to get the two of them together, and keep them both still long enough for Willow to reverse the spell – if we all go traipsing around wielding weapons he's likely to bolt.'

'You're right,' Buffy said. She paced, weighing the options. 'So how do we get him somewhere he can't escape from?'

'How about…' Spike began, trailing off when several sets of disapproving glares came his way.

'What?' Buffy asked after a pause. 'I'll take any suggestion right about now.'

'Well,' Spike cleared his throat, 'um, in my crypt, I've got these shackles, right – p'raps we can get him over there and chain him up, and then wham! Your girl shoves us back together and I can get back to watching _Passions _in peace_._'

'That might work,' Buffy said, nodding, refusing to think about Spike and shackles in the same sentence. 'But how are we going to lure him there?'

'I know one thing that's guaranteed to get him pantin',' Spike said, his characteristic smirk firmly back in place.

'Am I gonna have to kill you for what you're about to say?' Buffy asked, voice hard.

'Y'know, for a white hat you've got a surprisingly murky little mind there, Summers,' Spike said, grinning. 'What I meant was, if he gets a whiff of Slayer blood, he'll track it for miles. It's like nothin' else…like catnip, only gory.'

'Nice image,' Buffy said, nose wrinkling. 'Okay, so you go back to your crypt and wait for us and I'll go find this…demon Spike.'

'I don't like this plan,' Riley objected. 'This is a bad plan. Buffy, you can't go after him alone.'

'On the other hand, if he sees the New Model Army bearin' down on him, he'll take off runnin' if he's anything like me – which he is,' Spike pointed out. 'Your only hope is to draw him out, make him think he's the one in charge, the one doin' the chasing. Trust me,' he said to Buffy, eyes earnest. 'I've lived with him for more'n a century – I know how he thinks, what makes him tick. I c'n help you.'

Buffy looked at him for a long moment. It was an odd experience; for once Spike was open, unguarded. His blue eyes were sincere, the half-smile on his lips more appealing than she would've liked. She swallowed, hard.

'Spike may have a point, Buffy,' Giles said, then paused. 'I can't quite believe I just said that.'

'So how's about it, pet?' Spike asked.

'Okay,' Buffy nodded, resolved. 'Let's do it.' She turned, suddenly purposeful, heading for the door to the storage room. 'Riley, you take Giles and Willow to Spike's crypt, get set up and wait for us there - we'll get there as soon as we can. Xander, I know today's your last day on site, so go - we can manage without you for today.'

'For once work actually seems like the better option,' Xander mused.

'Buffy, wait,' Riley said, catching her arm.

'I'm not going to argue with you about this,' Buffy said, determined. 'Spike's not a threat to me, you know that.'

Riley's jaw clenched and he glared at Spike, who blew him a little kiss. 'Fine,' Riley said eventually through gritted teeth. 'But watch him, Buffy.'

'I will,' Buffy said. 'Take care of the others for me.' She caught his jacket lapels and pulled him down for a soft, lingering kiss.

'When you're done with the Hallmark moment…?' Spike interrupted testily. 'C'mon Slayer, let's get a move on, shall we?'

Buffy rolled her eyes and grabbed his duster sleeve, pulling him back down the basement stairs. 'Okay Spike, show me the way there through the sewers.'

'Glad to,' Spike said, ushering her past. 'Ladies first.'

'Huh?' Buffy asked, nonplussed.

Spike suddenly realised what he'd said and pushed past her, muttering to himself. Buffy sighed, shook her head and followed.


	5. Chapter 5

Giles straightened up, back creaking. 'There now, that should do it,' he said, looking proudly at the chalky incantation circle scrawled on the floor. He clambered to his feet. 'How are you getting on, Willow?'

'Ready and waitin',' Willow said. 'What's Riley doing, anyway?'

'He's, uh, patrolling the perimeter,' Giles said with a smile.

'Of course he is,' Willow said, nodding and swinging her legs. 'Once a soldier, always a paranoid control freak.' She was perched on the edge of Spike's bed, looking around with curiosity. 'Y'know, it's nicer down here than I was expecting. I mean, the skull and spiderweb motif is pretty…_gnarghuh_,' she shuddered theatrically. 'But at least it's not just a damp hole in the ground.'

'Yes, it is surprisingly homey,' Giles said, carefully ignoring the rat that scuttled past his feet. 'Oh, is that a bookcase?'

'And look, he has candles,' Willow said, gesturing. 'Nice candles, all different colours, and… wait, they're probably stolen, right?'

'Undoubtedly,' Giles said absently. 'Well, I never…'

'What?'

'There appear to be several first editions here,' Giles said in wonder, gently extracting a book from the tightly packed shelf. He flipped open the cover, smiling in book-induced delight. 'Yes, look, a first edition of Byron's _Don Juan_ – this must be worth a fortune!'

'So if he's got all these valuable books down here, why's he always bumming money off've you and Buffy?' Willow mused.

'I expect because these books have more than a monetary value to him,' Giles said, finding a strange new level of respect for Spike.

'Huh. Spike has hidden depths – who knew?' Willow smiled. A mischievous look crept over her face. 'You know, I always wondered just how many pairs of black jeans Spike actually owns – wanna poke around a little?'

'Willow, that would be very wrong,' Giles said firmly. 'Spike has trusted us in his home, and we should respect his personal boundaries.'

'Right,' Willow said, face falling. 'Just call me Respecto Gal.'

Giles looked around for a moment. 'On the other hand, it is only Spike.'

'Yay!' Willow smiled, hopping off the bed. 'Now, clothes…a-ha!' She bounced across to a large wooden chest in the corner, thickly decorated with black metal bands and studs. 'This looks promising.'

With a grunt, Willow lifted the lid. The chest was full; the layer on top seemed to be made up of plain black T-shirts. She dug around a little, uncovering pairs of jeans and a few folded shirts, mostly in shades of red or black.

'I'd like to make it quite clear that I in no way condone any of your actions,' Giles said, peering over her shoulder. 'Ooh look, what's that?'

Willow drew out a small velvet-wrapped object. The cloth was a rich dark blue, and it whispered aside to reveal a beautifully carved wooden box. 'I can't open this,' she murmured. 'It feels too private.'

'Yes,' Giles agreed. 'Perhaps you should put it back.'

'Yeah,' Willow said, but her slender fingers were already lifting the lid. Inside there was a silver hair slide, old-fashioned and tarnished, with a beautiful filigree overlay. A small dried dusty-pink rosebud nestled among the beads of a jet rosary, which glinted in the low light. Finally, there was a scrap of fragile yellowing paper, jagged and torn at top and bottom.

'What is it?' Giles asked, leaning closer.

'It's handwritten; it looks like part of poem,' Willow said, gently smoothing the paper on her lap. She lifted it and read,

'_And from the blessed power that rolls_

_About, below, above,_

_We'll frame the measure of our souls:_

_They shall be tuned to love._

_Then come, my sister! come, I pray,_

_With speed put on your woodland dress;_

_And bring no book: for this one day_

_We'll give to idleness.'_

'Wordsworth,' Giles murmured. 'Written for his sister, Dorothy.'

'Spike must've carried this stuff around all these years,' Willow said, eyes wide.

'I think perhaps we should pretend never to have seen this,' Giles said, suddenly embarrassed.

'Suppressing as we speak,' Willow said quickly, carefully rewrapping the box and tucking it away. She closed the trunk lid and smoothed down her long denim skirt, brushing dust from her knees.

Giles paced while Willow went back to perch on the bed. She felt uncomfortable and a little guilty; what she'd seen was clearly a very private glimpse into Spike's life before he was turned. It did make her wonder, though, just how much humanity Spike still had in him.

* * *

Buffy trudged along beside Spike, nothing but the echoing sounds of splashing water to break the silence.

'Not much further now,' Spike said, pointing vaguely ahead.

'Okay,' Buffy said. She paused, then said, 'Spike?'

'Yeah, pet?'

_Again with the 'pet'? _'Is it weird?' Buffy asked. 'Being split, I mean?'

Spike thought for a second. 'Yeah, and no. I mostly feel the same, but just… incomplete, y'know?'

'But, with the demon gone…and your strength and everything…it must be pretty wiggy.'

'"Wiggy"?' Spike asked, raising his scarred eyebrow. 'I do wish you'd learn to speak English, Summers.'

'Oh, I'm sorry, let me take a leaf out of your dictionary – "buggery bollocks, mate, you must feel right proper queer an' no mistake",' Buffy said in an exaggerated Cockney accent.

Spike laughed, half-annoyed, half-amused. 'What was that, exactly? That meant to sound like me?'

'That's exactly how you talk,' Buffy said primly.

'No way, uh-uh – that made Dick Van Dyke sound like a bleedin' native!'

Buffy laughed, then caught herself. 'Just answer the question, Spike.'

Spike pondered for a moment, leading them around a damp-tiled corner into an identical-looking sewer tunnel. 'Well,' he said finally, 'I guess the biggest difference is that I don't feel a searing urge to kill you any more.' He smiled disarmingly, and Buffy blinked in surprise. 'It's like…my brain feels clearer somehow…I hadn't even realised how much of my thinkin' was focused on blood and death and carnage, even with the chip…more so, prob'ly, since I couldn't actually _do_ any of it any more.' His face took on a pondering look that Buffy hadn't ever seen before. 'It's like…I used to be tuned in to the demon frequency, so there were always these mean little voices whisperin' violence in my head…and now they're gone and it's Lite FM all the way.'

'Wow,' Buffy smiled, relaxing a fraction. 'Wouldn't have described you as the easy listening type.'

'Hey now, that's not what I said,' Spike protested with a grin.

'So do you feel the way you used to?' Buffy asked, suddenly curious. 'When you were human, I mean?'

'I wouldn't say that, exactly,' Spike said. 'More like…the lingering bits of William in me are dusting themselves off and enjoyin' the view. If I'm honest, I feel sorta…free.'

Spike smiled at Buffy, and there was so much good-natured warmth in it that Buffy was taken aback. _I wonder if this is how he'd be with a soul?_

'Listen, um, there's somethin' I think I should say,' Spike said, looking down at his feet. 'Happen I'll regret it, once I'm back to my normal bad-ass self, but…well, I'm sorry.'

'Sorry?' Buffy repeated, confused.

'Yeah,' Spike nodded, catching her eye. 'I mean, I haven't exactly been a choirboy the last century or so, but some of the things I've said and done to you…even at the time I always knew I was crossin' a line, but since I got zapped I…well, it don't sit right with me.'

'Are you…do you feel guilty for being mean to me?'

'Yeah,' Spike said, and laughed. 'I know, how ridiculous, right? But there it is. An' of all the crappy stuff I've said to you, the crack I made about that idiot frat boy last year…I shouldn'a said it. I wanted to make you feel small, insecure, an' that seemed like the sharpest tool I could use against you. But it was low, even for me…so I'm sorry.'

'Wow,' Buffy said, trying to make sense of the emotions suddenly rioting through her. 'That was straight off my List of Things I'll Never Hear.'

'Yeah? What number?' he asked lightly.

'76. Right after, "Hey Buffy, you're graduating magna cum laude, congrats!"'

Spike chuckled, then stopped dead. 'Hold up,' he said, taking hold of her arm. 'Do you hear that?'

Buffy listened; the sound of splashing was coming from an adjacent tunnel. 'Sounds like trouble,' she said, priming her crossbow.

The splashing got louder and then Toth appeared, a dark silhouette at the end of the tunnel, his eyes and teeth glowing eerily in the darkness.

'Slayer,' he boomed. 'It is time to end this.'

'Buffy, look out!' Spike cried, pushing her roughly aside as Toth's rod spat a shard of fiery energy towards her. A second later he stumbled back, crying out as the chip fired.

'Spike!' Buffy cried. 'Are you okay?'

'Don't worry 'bout me, just kick his neon ass!' Spike called back, leaning against the tiled wall for support.

Grimly, Buffy raised the crossbow and fired. The bolt hit Toth high up in the chest; he staggered back but didn't fall. She scrambled to reload, clumsy in her haste.

'Feeble,' Toth sneered, stalking forward. He raised the rod again, and suddenly Spike was there, knocking Toth's arm aside just as he fired. Buffy ducked, the energy bolt careening wildly off the tunnel walls to land fizzing in the water.

Toth snarled, shoving Spike hard against the sewer wall. 'You are not the Slayer, yet still I feel an urge to end you,' he growled.

'Yeah? You and what army?' Spike sneered back, kneeing him hard in the groin.

Toth grunted and staggered back, right into the crossbow bolt that shattered his skull.

'Nice shot, luv,' Spike wheezed.

'Did he hurt you?' Buffy asked, hurrying over.

'Hurt me? That crack-faced pillock? Not bleedin' likely,' Spike asserted, the effect spoiled when he straightened and winced, holding his ribs.

'Thanks,' Buffy said awkwardly. 'For, y'know, helping.'

'My pleasure,' Spike smiled softly. 'C'mon then, let's get on with it.'

They sploshed their way along the tunnel, Spike aiming a hefty kick at Toth's corpse as they passed. Buffy couldn't quite grasp what had just happened; Spike had leapt in to defend her without even a second thought, even though he was weak and must've known the chip would fire if he accidentally hurt her. _There's a lot to be said for this Human Spike – I wonder if Will can find a way to make this version permanent…?_

'End of the line, all change please,' Spike muttered, stopping beside a ladder bolted to the wall. 'This is it, leads into the basement.' He gestured for Buffy to go first. 'After you, pet.'

'Thanks,' Buffy said, smiling a little in the dark.


	6. Chapter 6

The warehouse was even more dank and unpleasant than Buffy remembered. Empty since Spike and Drusilla had first left town, everything was thick with dust and strewn with cobwebs. Leaving the sewer grating open they began making their way through the basement, past rotting crates and discarded furniture.

Buffy glanced around the creepy building, skin prickling with anticipation. 'Anything?' she whispered.

'No,' Spike whispered back. 'I thought maybe I'd be able to feel him or somethin', but not so far.'

Buffy sighed. _What if he's not even here? We could be wasting time, stumbling around in the dark while he's out there preying on innocent people!_

'Oh, hang on,' Spike said softly, holding up one hand.

Buffy stopped, straining her senses.

'The dust's been disturbed, over there.' Spike pointed, and Buffy saw a trail of scuffmarks leading from a broken window to a collapsing doorway. 'Our old bedroom,' Spike smiled, something wistful in his eyes.

'Okay, follow me,' Buffy said. Spike obediently fell into place and they crept towards the door.

Peering inside, they saw Demon Spike prowling around the bed, snarling, yellow eyes gleaming madly. His knuckles were smeared with blood and there was a red stain on the plaster wall at about chest height. As they watched, he howled and punched the wall, cracking the plaster.

'Bloody hell,' Spike murmured. He frowned, disbelieving. 'Is that how I look when I'm all bumpy-like?'

'Yeah,' Buffy nodded. 'Well, no, not exactly – you never look quite so…'

'Feral?' he supplied.

'Good word,' Buffy agreed. 'I mean, yellow eyes, check; forehead ridges, check; animalistic blankness? Not so much.'

Spike sort-of smiled, then turned business-like. 'What's the plan then?' They ducked to one side of the doorway to get out of Demon Spike's line of sight.

'You said my blood would tempt him,' Buffy said.

'Yeah – reckon your blood'd tempt anyone,' Spike said softly.

'Thanks – I think,' Buffy said, flustered. 'So maybe I can walk in there and confront him, then run away and hope he follows?'

'Nah, won't work,' Spike said immediately, shaking his head. 'I mean, he's me, right? And I ain't stupid. The Slayer comes in here, crossbow in hand, then turns and runs without even _tryin'_ to fight me? That fairly stinks of 'trap', wouldn't touch that with a barge pole.'

'Okay, so…I fight him for a bit, let him think he's winning, and then take off like I'm afraid?'

'Could try it,' Spike said, rubbing a black-polished thumb across his chin. 'But I wouldn't want to bet on it working – vamps can smell fear, don't forget, he might not buy it if you're just play-actin'. 'sides which, if he _is_ chipped and can't fight you, then he'll jackrabbit soon as he sets eyes on you.'

'There must be a way!' Buffy hissed, exasperated.

'Buffy,' Spike said quietly, something disconcertingly shy in his gaze, 'I've got an idea, but you're not gonna like it. Now, hear me out before you start with the nose-punchin', okay?'

'Ooo-kay,' Buffy said warily.

'Thing is,' Spike said, 'the only way you'll get Spike Junior to come after you is to appeal to the predator in him. Make him think you're weak and vulnerable, that _he's_ the one stalking _you_, and he'll be putty in your hands.'

Buffy gulped; something in his voice, in his eyes, was making her think about other things than staking him. 'And how do I do that?'

'Let me bite you,' Spike said softly.

'What?' Buffy sputtered.

'Shh, keep it down,' Spike frowned, glancing towards the doorway. 'Look, if he sees you bleedin', sees what looks like another vamp's mark on you, he won't be able to resist. Trust me; I know how he thinks.' Spike's smile was wry and self-deprecating; Buffy kinda liked it.

'But, the chip,' she protested, clutching onto sanity. 'A-a-and, can you even go bumpy any more?'

'Let's see,' Spike said. His features shifted, bones settling into the monstrous face of a killer. After a couple of seconds, Spike shook his head and his human face swam back.

'Okay, so that works,' Buffy said, surprised how glad she was to see those long-hated blue eyes twinkling back at her.

'An' I reckon, maybe if you're willin' for me to do it, then the chip might let me get away with it,' Spike murmured, suddenly right up in her personal bubble.

'You mean…' Buffy trailed off, eyes wide.

'You'd have to want me to,' Spike almost-whispered. His ridiculously long lashes dipped as he glanced down at her mouth.

'As if that would ever happen,' Buffy blustered, but it sounded unconvincing even to her.

Spike lifted a hand, trailing the backs of his fingers down her face. 'You know, pet, since my demon lodger went off on a jolly and good old William's taken over the wheel, I've realised there's lotsa things I should've said to you, but never did.'

'Like what?' _Hello, earth to knees – come in, knees! God, William must've been a real chick magnet in his day…_

'Like…of all the opponents I've ever faced, you're the only one I've ever really respected,' Spike said, letting his fingers follow the sweep of her hair down to her collarbone. 'Like, you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, dead or alive.' His cool thumb traced her jaw gently. 'Like, you're everythin' a woman should be; strong, capable, courageous…not to mention positively bloody edible.' He smiled, eyes alight with something between lust and awe, and leaned even closer. 'You're like a flame, Buffy – bright, alive, hypnotic...and even though I know you'll burn me, all I want…is to touch you...' His left hand swept the hair back from her face, holding it gathered at the base of her skull, and his still-human mouth descended to her ear. 'Let me in, Slayer.' He paused, let out a gentle breath that she knew he didn't need, making her shiver. 'Please, Buffy.'

Buffy's skin was ablaze, a fizzing throb running through her whole body. She knew that Good Sense and Willpower had left the building when she nodded mutely, her eyes fluttering closed.

Cool lips touched her throat, Spike's tongue flickering across her skin. Buffy sighed before she could stop herself; she felt him smile against her. His left hand was still bunched at the back of her head, and his right hand snaked around her waist to hold her against his body. His lips moved, tongue tasting her, and blunt teeth nipped at her skin. She was all but trembling in his arms; she'd been bitten before, but it had never been quite like this. _I'm just doing this to lure the demon, _she told herself_, not because I really, really like it…oh God…_

Buffy heard and felt his face change. She braced herself, but when the bite came it was so smooth she barely felt it at first. Her fists clenched convulsively as he drew on her blood, her head quickly beginning to swim. The feel of Spike's teeth in her throat, his lips suckling at the tender flesh, was more erotic than she could ever have imagined.

Good Sense and Willpower came stomping back in, and with an effort Buffy brought her hands to Spike's chest and pushed him back. Spike's vampire face melted away, leaving a bewildered look in his eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, dumbstruck.

'You okay?' he asked, voice rough and hoarse. 'I din't mean…'

'Don't,' Buffy cut him off, resisting the urge to touch the bite. 'I'm fine. Now go!' Before she lost her nerve completely, she threw down her crossbow with a clatter.

The snarling sounds from inside the bedroom stopped.

'Go!' Buffy hissed again at Spike. He stood looking at her for a second, then turned and ran, duster flapping.

Buffy turned to see Demon Spike prowling towards her, his grin pure evil, soulless eyes fixed on her bleeding neck. It was disturbing to see that face, with nothing human or decent in it, after its carbon copy had just been pressed against her so intimately.

'Slayer,' Demon Spike hissed; it didn't really even sound like him.

'Spike!' Buffy gulped, not having to try very hard to sound scared. 'Oh no, you've gone evil again!'

With that Buffy turned and ran, hearing Demon Spike leap to the pursuit. She went back the way she'd come in, following the dusty footprints until she was back in the sewers. Glancing back, she saw that Demon Spike was some distance behind, so she slowed ever so slightly to let him catch up. Up ahead she caught a glimpse of black and silver; Spike leading her back to his crypt.

'Help!' Buffy called, acting the part, and was rewarded with a gleeful snarl from behind her. She looked back to make sure he was still following; which was when, in the best tradition of a hapless heroine, she tripped over nothing and fell hard. 'Ouch!' she grumbled, pushing herself upright. 'Aw, my new jeans!'

'Mine, Slayer!' growled Demon Spike, a frighteningly short distance away.

'Oh God,' Buffy gasped, taking off again. She could hear Demon Spike snarling and cackling behind her; it was pretty much the creepiest thing she'd ever heard. _Well, apart from Xander's karaoke version of 'Barbie Girl'…_

Buffy burst into a subterranean cavern, the 'human' Spike just disappearing through a jagged hole in the rock wall. After a few seconds Demon Spike erupted into the open, smiling nastily when he saw her.

'Handy,' he grinned, nodding to the hole where Spike had disappeared.

'Oh no, I've unwittingly led you back to your own lair!' Buffy gasped dramatically.

Demon Spike stopped, cocked his head, suspicion on his face. Then he shrugged and leapt, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her through the hole in the rock.

They fell in a heap on the cold, hard floor, and Demon Spike yanked her closer so sharply her teeth clashed together.

'Your blood,' he hissed, tongue flickering out of his knife-slash mouth. 'Smells so good…' He dipped his head to taste her and a shriek escaped her lips. She couldn't bear the thought of this Spike's mouth touching her; raising her leg, she used her foot to flip him over her head. Riley burst in behind her just as Demon Spike was clambering to his feet, growling at Willow and Giles cowering in the corner.

'Buffy!' the human Spike called. 'The shackles are behind you!'

Demon Spike looked across at him, almost comically bewildered, and the pause was long enough for Buffy to put all of her confused, swirling emotions into one hefty punch that knocked him out cold.

'My goodness,' Giles said, approaching her. 'It looks like we won't need the shackles after all.'

'I gotta lotta rage,' Buffy shrugged, panting slightly. _Not to mention pent-up sexual tension…thank you, Spike…_ 'Will, let's get started before he comes around.'

'Buffy, your neck,' Willow said falteringly. 'Did he...'

'I'll explain later,' Buffy said impatiently. 'How do we reverse the spell?'

'Uh, we need both Spikes in the incantation circle,' Willow said.

Buffy dragged Demon Spike into the corner, dumping him inside the chalk lines. The other Spike came and stood beside him, looking down in wonder. 'I almost can't believe that's part of me,' he said quietly. He raised his head to look at Buffy, and something sparked as blue eyes met green.

'Thanks for your help,' Buffy said, and he gave a sloppy salute with a crooked grin. She smiled back at him, folding her arms around herself; she couldn't understand the sadness creeping in her stomach. _It's just because we're getting back the old pain-in-the-ass version of Spike, _she told herself firmly, _not because I'm going to miss this one. __But then, if this soft side of him is always in there, then I'm not losing him at all...I'll just need to look deeper to find him..._

'How're you doing?' Riley asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

'I'm good,' she smiled, nuzzling his fingers with her cheek, ignoring the frisson of shame that crept through her. 'Little frayed around the edges, but good.'

Willow stepped forward, taking a deep breath and lifting her chin. 'Let the spell be ended,' she said solemnly.

Spike scoffed, 'What, that's it? No glitterin' powders or reptile eyeballs tossed casually about the place? I feel ripped off.'

'It looks like it worked,' Riley said, 'only one Spike in the circle.'

'How do you feel?' Willow asked him.

'Right as rain,' Spike sniffed. 'Now if you'll kindly all piss off out, I need to sleep for about a week.'

'Oh no, please, don't mention it,' Giles said archly.

'That's Spike, alright,' Willow sighed.

'Well, 's'not like I don't appreciate it,' Spike said falteringly. 'Hey, tell you what – next time I hear somethin' juicy on the demon grapevine, I'll pass it on without askin' for any money – how's that?'

'For you, Spike, it's the very essence of generosity,' Giles grumped, following Willow to the ladder leading upstairs.

'Slayer,' Spike said, calling her back as she trailed after Riley. She stopped and looked at him. 'Can I have a word – in private, like?'

'It's alright,' Buffy said to Riley, seeing him bristling. 'I'll only be a sec, okay?'

'Yeah, okay,' Riley said grudgingly, clambering up the ladder.

'What is it, Spike?' Buffy asked, folding her arms again to hide the fact that her hands were shaking.

Spike ducked his head. 'About before – y'know, that nonsense that William was spoutin'...that is, I was just tryin' to get around the chip…I don't want you gettin' any wrong ideas, is all.'

'Don't worry, I'm not getting any kinds of ideas,' Buffy said firmly, studiously avoiding looking at his bed. 'What happened back there...we did what we needed to do, end of. Okay?'

'Right you are, Slayer,' Spike nodded, mock-solemn. 'Now get out before I eat you.'

Buffy smiled, and Spike smiled back. Then she turned and walked away, willing her knees to stop trembling.

* * *

Spike watched until she was out of sight. The smell of her lingered on the air, designer perfume and citrus shampoo and something sweet that was pure Buffy.

Something odd was going on in his dead heart. He'd always had a thing for the Slayer – love and pain, sex and death, power and lust; for vampires they would always be twisted up in a messy, knotty tangle. Fighting Buffy gave him a happy like little else ever had and more than once, during some quality alone time, he'd mentally replayed one of their battles to tip himself over the edge – even, shamefully, a couple of times when he'd been with Drusilla. Powerful women had always got him hot; since he became a vampire, it wasn't so surprising that the thought of breaking someone so strong, taking her and drinking her in one glorious climax, had always appealed.

But the soft, fuzzy feeling where his heart used to beat? That was new.

And he didn't like it.

* * *

'To the new apartment!' Riley said, raising his cup.

'The new apartment!' everyone echoed, thunking their plastic cups together.

'And my new job contract!' Xander added, and they all dutifully thunked again.

The Bronze was busy for a Monday night, filled with blissfully oblivious people partying like they didn't know they were a scant few miles from a Hellmouth.

'So when's the housewarming party?' Willow asked, munching on a handful of beer nuts.

'Oh, very soon,' Anya enthused, eyes gleaming with happiness. 'I want everyone to see what a beautiful new home I have, and what a wonderful boyfriend, so that you can all envy my domestic bliss.' Her smile was bright and disarming.

'That's very touching, Ahn,' Xander said fondly.

'I know I'm jealous that you have Xander,' Riley deadpanned, and Xander grinned happily. 'Anyone need another drink?'

They all nodded, and Riley went off to the bar.

'How's your shoulder?' Buffy asked Anya.

'It's feeling much better,' Anya nodded. 'And I am no longer spun by the thought of my own mortality. In fact, I anticipate many years before my death. Excepting disease or airbag failure.' She grinned happily at Xander.

'That sounds…nice,' Buffy said cautiously.

'Oh, that reminds me, Xander, I made a list of things I'd like to change about our new apartment,' Anya announced. 'Shall I go through them now?'

'As you wish, m'lady,' Xander sighed in his Albert voice.

Buffy turned to Willow, sighing contentedly. 'Ah, the Bronze, my old friend. Seems like forever since I was last here.'

'I know what you mean,' Willow smiled. 'Too bad Giles didn't wanna come with.'

'Yeah. He seemed kinda beat, I think getting the shop ready is really taking it outta him.'

'It's looking really good though,' Willow nodded, drinking the last of her soda. 'Hey, have you seen his new 'magic shopkeeper' uniform?'

'No,' Buffy said, smiling at Willow's enthusiasm. 'I guess that joy still awaits.'

'It's a treat not to be missed,' Willow said sagely. 'How 'bout you, how're you feeling?' Her eyes dropped meaningfully to the scarf wrapped around Buffy's throat.

'Fine,' Buffy said, fingers reaching to touch the silky material. 'I told you, it was just one little bite to lure the demon after me. No big.'

'How did Riley take it?'

'Oh, y'know – terribly,' Buffy sighed. 'And I understand why – he was freaked enough when Dracula bit me, but he and Spike have history. I think I talked him around though, it really didn't mean anything.' _Liar, liar, pants on fire…_

'But how did Spike manage it? Without the chip taking him out, I mean?'

'Oh, you know,' Buffy blustered, 'he could stand the pain just long enough to get his teeth in.'

'I see,' Willow said, something considering in her eyes. 'Musta been scary though - was it scary?'

'Kinda,' Buffy admitted with a smile. 'But scarily unscary too.'

'How d'you mean?' Willow frowned.

'Well…the Spike I was with, the one without the demon hitchhiker? He was sorta okay, actually…'

'Like Angel with his soul?'

'Bagfuls of no!' Buffy said, shaking her head emphatically. 'Just…not like Spike without it. Almost friendship material – take a moment to absorb the irony.'

'Actually, when we were waiting in his crypt, I kinda accidentally-on-purpose had a look through some of his stuff - '

'Will!' Buffy exclaimed. 'You little snoop!' She grinned, curiosity piqued. 'Find anything interesting?'

'His book collection certainly met with Giles's approval,' Willow said, lowering her voice and leaning forwards, 'and I found this box with some old stuff in it – a, a hair slide, a rosary…oh, and a fragment of a poem. I think they belonged to his sister – William's, I mean.'

'Wow,' Buffy breathed. 'That's weird – I never really thought about Spike having a family before. I never actually thought about his human life at all, before now.'

'I know, me neither,' Willow agreed, taking another handful of nuts. 'But I guess he had a sister, and she must've meant a lot to him if he held on to her possessions for all these years.' She chewed thoughtfully, swallowing. 'It makes me wonder how much of the human got left behind when he was turned. From what you just said, I guess there's a lot of William still in him.'

'Yeah,' Buffy said, mind whirling. 'And if what I saw was anything to go by? He was a pretty decent guy, once upon a time.'

'Now _that's _weird,' Willow grinned.

'Yeah,' Buffy said faintly.

'Here you go,' Riley said, returning with a round of drinks for everyone. 'For my favourite lady,' he grinned, setting a cup down in front of Buffy and kissing her lightly on the lips.

'Thank you, kind sir,' she smiled, snapping herself out of her Spike-related musings.

'Hey Riley, how's about that game of pool?' Xander asked, something desperate in his eyes as he turned away from Anya.

'Sure, why not?' Riley replied.

Buffy watched them walk away. She still felt guilty about what had happened with Spike, about how much she'd enjoyed letting him bite her.

_It's not like I cheated or anything…I mean, I only let him bite me so we could catch the demon Spike…that's what Slayers do, right? Make sacrifices for the greater good? It was only one little bite…and some nuzzling…and okay, there may also be a hickey under this scarf…but it's not like I'm imagining letting him doing it again or anything…oh God…_

* * *

Xander chalked his pool cue, watching Riley sink a striped ball. He glanced back at their table. 'How is it that Anya can always make me feel like I never left high school?' he asked wryly.

Riley smiled. 'You two have your friction, but she digs the whole package. It's obvious.'

'Still, I do envy you sometimes,' Xander said.

Riley looked up at him from his cueing position.

'I mean for the sanity,' Xander qualified hastily. 'Not that I'm still into Buffy. Not that I ever was!'

Riley grinned and took his shot. 'Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like...it's like _I'm_ split in two. Half of me is just on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. The other half is so still and peaceful...just perfectly content. Just knows: this is the one.' Riley's smile was soft.

Xander grinned, pleased that Buffy finally had a good guy in her life.

'But she doesn't love me,' Riley said quietly.

Xander stared at him, lost for words. The look on Riley's face was one of utter vulnerability; sadness tinged with regret, and still that loving overtone as he looked at Buffy.

Xander turned and saw Buffy waving to them. Her smile was dazzling, eyes alight. Something in his heart twisted.

'So,' Riley said, summoning a grin. 'Your shot.'


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews, they really make my day and encourage me to keep writing :o)

* * *

Buffy prowled through the shadow-strewn graveyard, senses on high alert. A cool night breeze blew past, bringing the scent of death to her nose. She paused, turning her head, seeking out her prey. Some instinct pointed her to a stand of trees, dark and foreboding, and she crept towards it. The leaves rustled; her grip on the stake tightened. Every nerve, every sinew, every instinct was poised, ready to strike…

'Buffy!'

She whirled around, heart thumping. Riley stood there in the moonlight, smiling at her.

'What are you doing here?' she asked, voice low.

'I didn't realise you were here, thought you'd be scoping out Restfield first.'

'I didn't mean, "what are you doing _here_", I meant "why are you out here at all?"'

'I just decided to – duck!'

Buffy dropped, and Riley's stake flew past her head. She heard a snarl and turned to see dust settling on the ground.

A wave of irritation hit her. She knew she should be thankful for the help, and it did have its upside that her boyfriend was a military super-commando. Still, this was _her_ gig, not his; she realised that she was a little jealous of him horning in on her sacred destiny.

Buffy stood. 'Thanks,' she muttered, feeling like she needed to say it.

'Sure,' Riley smiled, falling into step beside her as she set off again through the gravestones. After a moment of stony silence he asked hesitantly, 'Buffy – did I do something wrong?'

'No,' she insisted. 'I just…I'm not too hot on the idea of you patrolling alone. If anything happened to you…'

'I can take care of myself, Buffy.'

'I know you can, I just – wait, do you hear that?'

From somewhere not too far away, Buffy could hear scuffling. She hurried towards the noise, emerging into a moonlit clearing. She was just in time to see Spike dust a young vampire, still wearing its burial clothes. His face was lit up with glee, and Buffy could see the sparkle in his eyes from where she stood.

Spike turned, duster whirling around his legs, to the other vampire creeping up behind him. 'Come on then, matey,' he called out, 'let's have ourselves a rumble!'

The vampire snarled and charged him; Spike stepped gracefully out of the way, staking it almost casually as it stumbled past.

'Now that,' Spike declared to the air, 'was fun!'

'You have a sick sense of fun, Spike,' Buffy said, hands on hips.

'Which is _such_ an unusual trait in a vampire,' Spike deadpanned.

'What are you doing?' Buffy asked, moving towards him.

'Just getting the violent urges outta my system,' Spike said. 'A bloke's gotta release the tension somehow, Slayer – unless you know a better way?' He smirked, looking her up and down, one hand tucking itself into his belt. Buffy blushed, eyes widening. Her mind whispered how good his lips had felt against her throat…

'Buffy?' called Riley behind her.

Buffy tore her eyes away from Spike's belt. 'Over here!' she called eagerly.

'Spike,' Riley said flatly, emerging from the trees. 'What are you up to?'

'"Up to?" You've got a suspicious mind, mate,' Spike said, pointing a finger. ''m not "up to" anything, just helping the Slayer take down a few nasties.'

'Buffy doesn't need your help,' Riley said, just as Buffy opened her mouth to reply. She couldn't help glaring up at him, quickly turning it on Spike as she realised what she was doing.

'Oh! I saw that!' Spike crowed. 'Looks like neither boy's entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer, before somebody hurts his precious self.'

Buffy saw Riley's anger and stepped in between them. 'Spike, when I need your help, I'll… well, I'll kill myself. Until that day, stay out of my way.'

'Fine, be that way,' Spike said, backing off a few steps. 'But one of these days, Slayer, you an' me are gonna go toe-to-toe, and you're gonna regret that attitude.' He whirled around melodramatically, barely avoided face-planting a tree he hadn't realised was right behind him, and stalked away.

Buffy sighed. 'If only he wasn't a chiphead…'

'Yeah,' Riley agreed, following her towards the exit. 'You know, it might be worth keeping a closer eye on him. I mean, you never know what he might be plotting.'

Buffy snorted. 'Spike? I'm really not worried about his plotting – Spike's idea of a well-thought out plan is deciding what brand of bourbon to steal _before_ he gets to the liquor store. Besides, he can't hurt me himself, and who's he going to get to be his accomplice – Harmony?'

Riley laughed. 'Well, when you put it like that, I guess you've got it covered.' He swung his arms, antsy. 'Listen, d'you wanna head over to Restfield now?'

'Nah,' Buffy said, emerging onto the main road. 'We'd only run into Spike again, and I don't think I can take two helpings in one night.'

'Sure?' Riley asked. 'I just feel like doing another sweep, y'know? For some reason I have a lot of tension to burn off tonight.'

_A bloke's gotta release the tension somehow, Slayer_… Spike's face swam into her mind; that knowing smirk, that glint in his too-blue eyes. Buffy kicked the image into submission, stuffed it into a dark corner of her mind, and turned to Riley. 'Now that,' she smiled, determined to banish Spike from her brain, 'I can help you with.'

* * *

Joyce had just finished chopping the last tomato when she heard a knock at the front door. She headed down the hallway, wiping her hands on a towel, and opened the door to see Giles on the porch, arms loaded with books.

'Rupert,' she greeted him with a warm smile. 'Please, come in.'

'Thank you,' Giles said. He paused in the foyer and said, 'May I put these down…?'

'Oh, of course – um, you can put them in here,' Joyce said, gesturing to the coffee table in the living room.

Giles dumped the pile of books, catching one just as it was about to slide to the floor. 'These are for Buffy,' he explained, 'for her new training programme. I doubt she'll have space in her dorm room, so I thought perhaps I could leave them here for her?'

'Um, sure,' Joyce said, eyeing the hefty tomes. 'Buffy will be…well, she'll be crestfallen, probably.' She paused. 'Rupert, I was just about to have lunch…I don't suppose you'd care to join me?'

'Oh, well, I shouldn't like to impose…' Giles began.

'No imposition,' Joyce interrupted. 'Unless you've already made plans…'

'No, uh, no plans,' Giles said, smiling. 'Alright, lunch would be wonderful. Thank you.'

'Good,' Joyce smiled. 'Can I take your coat?'

'Yes, thank you,' Giles said, shrugging off his jacket to reveal a casual grey knitted sweater underneath. _It suits him_, Joyce mused, then quickly dismissed the thought and hung the jacket up. 'Come on through to the kitchen,' she said. 'It's just chicken salad, I'm afraid, with some fancy-sounding bread from the delicatessen.'

'That sounds lovely,' Giles said politely, following behind her.

'So tell me, Rupert,' Joyce said, switching the kettle on to boil, 'how's the shop coming along?'

'Oh, it's starting to take shape,' he said. 'May I help with anything?'

'Sure, you can cut some bread for me,' Joyce smiled. 'There's a bread knife in that block.'

'Yes, it's all starting to look rather good,' Giles went on, selecting a knife and beginning to slice carefully. 'Xander has been helping me to fit some new display units, and I must say he's done a marvellous job.' He smiled, eyes twinkling. 'Don't tell him I said that, though.'

Joyce laughed. 'Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.'

Giles smiled at her, warm and relaxed, and her heart gave a tiny little skip. She turned away hastily, retrieving the bowl of salad leaves from the fridge. It wasn't the first time lately that she'd thought of Giles with a more-than-friendly connotation, and she wasn't sure how to deal with it. Her traitorous mind picked that moment to give her a sensory recollection of how his mouth felt against hers, his hard body pressing her into the hood of a police cruiser, his hands coasting across her skin…

'Joyce?'

'Nothing!' she almost yelped, embarrassed. 'Oh, I'm sorry…just spaced out for a second.' She turned to set the salad bowl on the counter and suddenly, jarringly, her vision blurred.

'Joyce, are you alright?' Giles asked, moving to her side. The look of concern on his face swam in and out of focus; the floor seemed to shift under her feet. She heard the sound of breaking glass, and realised that she'd dropped the salad bowl.

Suddenly the floor was pitching towards her, and everything went black.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Thanks again for all the reviews, they make me happy :o) Here's another update, and since it's Christmas I'm giving you two for the price of one! This will be my last update until the New Year so I hope you enjoy it, and I wish you all a wonderful Christmas!

* * *

Buffy burst into the emergency room, Riley hot on her heels. At the end of the hallway she could see Giles, and he stood when he saw her approaching.

'Giles, I got your message,' Buffy gasped. 'What's going on? Where's Mom?' She didn't even notice Riley wince, rubbing his chest just over his heart.

Buffy, there's no need to be concerned,' Giles reassured her. 'Your mother fainted so I brought her here - '

'But how is she now?' Buffy interrupted, mildly panicked.

'She's doing just fine,' said a voice behind her. Buffy turned to see a man in a white coat; he looked young, barely older than she was. 'Buffy, right?' he asked, holding out his hand for her to shake. 'I'm Ben, I'm an intern here.'

'So what's going on? What happened?' Buffy asked.

'Well, she's doing okay - the doctors don't really know what caused the collapse but it could've just been a dizzy spell, low blood sugar, that sort of thing.'

'But it's nothing bad,' Buffy clarified. 'I mean, it's not serious, right?'

'Very unlikely,' Ben reassured her. 'So your mom doesn't have a history of fainting?'

'No. I mean, not that I know of. She's usually really healthy.'

'Well, I think they'll be running tests for a few more hours, then they'll probably want her to come back for some follow-up tests in a couple weeks, but it really doesn't look like anything too serious.'

'Oh, thank God,' Buffy breathed, closing her eyes against the relief that hit her. 'I was freaking out.'

'I think you'll be able to take her home before too long,' Ben smiled.

'Well, that is definitely good news…' Riley tailed off, eyes squeezing closed. He looked pale, shaken, clutching his chest with white knuckles.

'Hey, are you okay?' Ben asked, concerned.

'I'm fine,' Riley gasped. 'My heart's just a little…'

'Here, take a seat,' Ben cut him off. They both sat on the chairs lining the hallway, Ben pressing his stethoscope against Riley's chest. 'Wow, your heart is really racing.'

'What is it?' Buffy asked, clutching the supportive hand that Giles put on her shoulder.

'I don't know,' Ben frowned. 'I'd like one of our cardiovascular specialists to take a look at this.'

'I don't need - ' Riley began, cutting off with a gasp. He doubled over in pain, almost falling from the chair.

'Riley!' Buffy cried, crouching beside him, helpless.

'I need some help here!' Ben called, dropping to his knees before Riley. Suddenly everything was a blur, happening too fast for Buffy to follow; she was shoved out of the way as Riley was loaded onto a gurney and whisked off somewhere she couldn't follow.

'I can't believe this,' Buffy said, turning to Giles. 'First Mom, now Riley…' She felt tears forming.

'Buffy,' Giles took both of her hands in his. 'Both Riley and your mother are strong, healthy people. I'm quite sure that, as bad as things look now, there really is nothing to be concerned about.'

'I need to do something,' Buffy said, drawing away from him. 'This just reeks of the Initiative.'

'Perhaps you should contact them,' Giles suggested. 'If this is their doing then they'll know what's wrong with Riley, and how to fix it.'

'Yeah, but contact them how? First of all, they don't exist any more, and secondly, they never claimed to exist in the first place.'

'Well…perhaps they're still monitoring Riley. There may be a way to find out if - '

'That's it,' Buffy interrupted, an idea forming. 'Thanks, Giles. Will you wait here until I get back?'

'Of course I will, but where exactly are you going?'

'They used to keep tabs on Riley by listening in to his phone calls,' Buffy explained. 'So I figured I'd just make a call and hope they hear it.'

'Good luck,' Giles said, but she was already gone.

* * *

Spike slumped in his chair, irritation prickling his chest. One of his favourite movies was on TV, but he couldn't seem to enjoy it. Onscreen, the giant cake had just started playing music and he knew that, any second now, Erika Eleniak was going to burst out in nothing but a thong and a too-small jacket – but all he could think about was Buffy.

'Bloody women,' he muttered to himself. 'Gettin' into a bloke's head where they've got no right to be…'

He thought back to his pre-chip days with a sort of fond nostalgia. At this time of night he'd have been out causing havoc somewhere – stalking a tasty co-ed or terrorising a cosy suburban family. Instead, he was sitting indoors watching an edited-for-violence version of a movie he'd seen before, wondering how Buffy was doing and whether she might need his help.

Suddenly there was a flurry of banging on the door. Spike jumped up and turned off the TV, expecting Buffy to come stomping in. To his surprise it was Harmony who appeared, dishevelled and nervous. She shut the door behind her and threw her back up against the wall.

'Well I never,' Spike drawled, sidling closer. 'Couldn't stay away, eh pet?'

'Could you get over yourself?' Harmony gasped. 'I just need someplace to hide, Buffy's after me!'

'After _you_?' Spike asked, a touch incredulous. 'Sure about that?'

'Totally!' Harmony nodded. 'I even saw her just now outside the hospital, talking to some guys about getting me 'taken care of'!

'Harm,' Spike sighed, 'my boredom threshold's too low for this conversation - what're you prattling about?'

'I'm telling you, one of them was a commando – you know, the ones who chipped you last year?' Harmony said, taking a few steps towards him.

'Commando?' Spike scowled. 'They're back in town? Okay Harm, I want you to tell me exactly what they said.'

'I will – if you agree to hide me,' Harmony said, flipping her hair over one shoulder.

'Sure thing,' Spike said dismissively. 'Now slowly, from the beginning.'

'Okay,' Harmony said, sitting in Spike's chair and clumsily lighting a cigarette. 'So, I'm hanging around by the emergency room when I see Buffy standing there with this, like, death-stare on her face. Next thing I know, a Jeep screeches up and these guys get out, so I hid behind an ambulance to see what'd happen.'

Harmony paused, coughing on a lungful of smoke. Spike rolled his eyes.

'Anyways,' Harmony wheezed, eyes teary, 'I heard one of them say something about Riley, and about getting things taken care of, and then this doctor got out of the Jeep and went into the hospital with them!'

Harmony looked at him expectantly. Spike raised an eyebrow in response.

'Don't you get it?' Harmony said, exasperated. 'They've brought in a government doctor to neuter me!'

'There's a government doc in town?' Spike said, perking up. 'Well, p'raps I should pay him a visit – think I'm due for a check-up.'

'Why?' Harmony asked. 'What's he going to tell you, that you're definitely still dead?'

'No, dimwit,' Spike gritted out. 'He's going to take care of my little brain-related problem, get it?'

'Brain-related…? Oh, Spikey, are you sick or something?' Harmony asked, sitting forward.

Spike stared at her for a long moment. 'If you had a brain cell, luv, it'd get lonely,' he said. 'The chip – he's going to take the chip out for me!'

'Oh, right!' Harmony lit up. 'Yay! And once you're your big bad self again, we can totally take over this town!'

'Now that,' Spike said, pulling Harmony to her feet and grinning widely, 'is my idea of a good time. Harm – fetch the crossbow.'


	9. Chapter 9

Buffy ran her fingertips over the bandage taped to Riley's chest. 'How's it going in there?' she asked softly.

'Calmer. Better.' He raised a hand to brush a strand of hair from her forehead. 'How's it going in there?' he asked, hand lingering in her hair.

'Same,' she smiled. 'I really thought I was gonna lose you…'

'You didn't,' he interrupted, firm but tender. 'It'll take more than a cocktail of unpronounceable government chemicals and a near heart attack to get rid of me.'

'Promise?' Buffy asked, lip trembling.

'Promise,' Riley said, eyes earnest.

'I recommend you take it easy for a week or so,' Dr Overheiser said, coming back from the other side of the room. 'No strenuous physical exercise, and try to avoid stress where you can.'

'Got it,' Buffy said. 'You are going to be pampered to within an inch of your life, mister.' She smiled playfully at Riley.

'Yes, well, I'll leave you now,' Dr Overheiser said. 'I have to get going.'

'Thank you, doctor, for everything,' Buffy said sincerely.

'My pleasure,' the doctor replied with a tight smile.

**XXX **

Spike peered around the corner, taking note of the guard stationed outside one of the examination rooms.

'That must be where Johnny Haystacks is,' he muttered. At that moment the door opened and a man in a white coat emerged. He spoke briefly to the guard, who went into the exam room, then walked off down the corridor alone. 'Jackpot,' Spike grinned.

He slipped out and began following at a discreet distance, Harmony just behind him. As the doctor passed a darkened doorway, Spike sped up, grabbed him and yanked him into the empty room, one hand clamped over his mouth. The doctor didn't even struggle, instead going rigid with fear in Spike's grasp.

'What's up, doc?' Spike grinned, chuckling at his own wit. 'Didn't your secretary tell you? You're pencilled in for another op tonight. Nothin' too strenuous, just a little chipectomy and we can all be on our merry way.' _And I can get back to bein' the Big Bad around these parts and forget this crazy infatuation with Buffy once and for all…_

'Ooh, this is exciting!' Harmony trilled. 'Can I watch?'

'I don't believe this,' came a familiar and unwelcome voice from the doorway. 'As if my day hasn't been unpleasant enough.'

'Slayer,' Spike snarled, thrusting his hostage into Harmony's arms. He turned to see Buffy backlit in the doorway, hair a golden halo, hands on slender hips.

'Original,' Buffy snipped. 'Don't tell me you actually expected this lame plan to work?'

''s'not a lame plan!' Spike said, offended.

'Looks like it from here,' Buffy said, stepping into the room as a gurney pushed by an orderly went past. 'Now, this is a public place and I don't want to cause a scene. You've got one chance to let the doctor go and get outta my sight, or I'm going to redecorate in here – I think a nice dust colour would work, don't you?'

'Spike,' Harmony whimpered, 'I told you she was tracking me!'

Buffy and Spike both looked at her, stunned for a second, and their eyes met in a moment of shared disbelief. Spike shrugged, a little embarrassed, and Buffy rolled her eyes.

'I'm giving you to the count of three,' Buffy said. 'One…'

'I surrender!' Harmony peeped, shoving the doctor in Buffy's direction and running. The doctor slammed into Buffy, knocking her off her feet.

Spike edged around them, trying to look casual. 'This ain't over, Goldilocks,' he sneered. 'One day soon, we're gonna have ourselves a showdown.'

'That's not getting any scarier, y'know,' Buffy said, glaring at him as she stood.

For a moment they just stared at each other. Then Spike let his gaze wander down, over Buffy's body, and back up. His sneer turned to an appraising leer, and Buffy flushed gratifyingly.

'See ya, sweetcheeks,' Spike smiled, taking off down the hallway, feeling incredibly smug.

**XXX**

The door to Spike's crypt flew open and Buffy stalked in, the slanting sunlight outlining her hair in gold. Standing, Spike turned to face her.

'Well well, the sainted Buffy Summers,' he sneered. 'Come to finish me off, have you?'

'I'm done,' Buffy said flatly, pulling a stake from her pocket and striding towards him. 'Spike, you're a killer. And I shoulda done this _years_ ago.'

Spike looked her squarely in the eye. 'Come on then,' he snarled. 'Do it. Bloody just do it!'

'What?' Buffy said, sure she'd misunderstood.

Spike enunciated every word, slow and clear. 'End - my - torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around, after what happened between us back at the factory? It's torture, pure and simple!' He took a step closer, voice dropping to something plaintive and sincere. 'Even when I close my eyes you're there, all golden and soft…but I know it can't happen again, right? I know you'll never love me…so do it!' With an animalistic surge of anger, Spike ripped his shirt clean off and bared his chest to her. 'Just kill me!'

Buffy stared at him, raised her stake and lunged. Spike winced, braced for a brief burst of pain and then blissful release; but it never came. His eyes met Buffy's and something sparked between them.

Still buzzing with adrenalin and anger, Spike grabbed Buffy by the arms and pulled her against his lean body. Their lips met in a kiss of bruising intensity, each forgetting themselves for one delicious moment.

Coming back to reality, Buffy broke the kiss and pulled back with a sigh of dismay, one shaking hand fluttering to her mouth. She stared at Spike; he stared back.

Slowly, dreamlike, Buffy drew close to Spike, grabbed his head in both hands and pulled him back down to her mouth. Spike grasped her slender body in his cool hands, sliding his lips across her cheek and neck, loving the scent of blood pumping beneath the paper-thin softness of her skin.

'Spike,' Buffy panted, enjoying the feel of his name in her mouth, 'I love you.'

'Buffy, I want you,' Spike murmured against her throat, his words humming across her flesh in a wave of goosebumps. He lifted his head to look deep into her eyes. 'I want you so bad.'

…

Buffy sat bolt upright in bed, horrified. 'Oh my God…' she whispered to her silent dorm room. 'Please, no…'


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Happy New Year to you all! Thanks for stopping by, hope you enjoy this next chapter - if so, _please_ let me know... Special thanks go to my lovely reviewers, you make this so much more fun and rewarding :o)

* * *

**TWO MONTHS AGO**

Bedrich raced down the monastery corridor, footsteps echoing in the vast space. His chest heaved, lungs stretched to bursting, fear and adrenalin pounding through his system. He risked a glance over his shoulder, sure he could hear the Beast right behind him, but saw only empty air. Suddenly his foot caught on an uneven flagstone and he fell, hard. A censer dropped from his grasp, clanging against the stone, and his heart tripped.

Karel stopped and turned back to help him up, picking up the dented censer and handing it over. Without a word, they took off again.

Finally they made it to the great hall, where Radek waited. They slammed the huge wooden doors behind them, sliding home the massive beam that would secure them.

'It's coming,' Bedrich babbled, half-mad with fear. 'It's going to kill us!'

'Our lives aren't important,' Karel gasped breathlessly. 'We have to move the Gateway.'

The two monks raced to the centre of the room, kneeling on the floor beside Radek. The cool, musty air and flickering candles gave a surreal sense of peace, and Bedrich's pulse began to slow.

'Help me perform the ritual,' Radek said calmly.

The three stretched out their arms and began intoning the phrases of the sacred rite. Bedrich lost himself in the words, taking comfort in their familiarity, until an almighty crash shook the wooden doors. He and Karel glanced over fearfully, trembling.

'Concentrate,' Radek urged them. 'Concentrate.'

With a deep breath, Bedrich resumed the chant.

As the ritual progressed, a gentle breeze began to stir the air. Bedrich felt connected to a deep, ancient power far beyond anything he'd ever known. It was exhilarating, exciting even. When a spot of light appeared in their midst, gradually widening to the trembling outline of an archway, Bedrich laughed aloud with elation.

Behind him, the wooden doors splintered and flew off their hinges.

* * *

Buffy winced as her shoulders hit the mesh fence hard, a stray wire jabbing through her coat. She ducked, barely getting out of the way in time, as the ZZ Top wannabe threw a meaty fist towards her face. She punched him in his huge gut, but he just grinned a fangy grin.

'You hit like a girl, Slayer.'

'And you smell like a sewer, but d'you hear me complaining?' Buffy socked the vampire in the nose, following up with a series of devastating punches as he staggered back. Growling, he ducked her last punch and hammered his fist into her ribs. She blocked the second blow with ease and wrenched his arm up behind his back. 'And in case you hadn't noticed,' Buffy said, 'I _am_ a girl – what's your excuse?'

The vampire shrugged her off, spinning to hit her again, but she dodged and shoved him up against the fence, whipping out a stake.

'Know what? Forget it,' Buffy sighed. 'Let's just agree to disagree.' With that, she jammed the stake home in his heart, watching him settle into a pile of dust.

'Hit like a girl…' she muttered to herself, tucking her stake away and rolling her shoulders. 'He deserved to get staked.'

'Hey!'

Buffy span around as a beam of torchlight played across her face, blinding her for a second. She brought up her hand against the brightness, blinking, and saw a man in a night watchman's uniform approaching.

'Sorry miss,' he said, 'but if you're looking for one of those rave parties, I'm afraid you're late. Chased a bunch of kids out of here last night.'

'Oh, right,' Buffy said, hastily grabbing onto the lifeline. 'Darn. Guess I'll have to go find my illicit thrills elsewhere.'

'You know, if it was up to me I'd let you kids party where you want,' the man shrugged. 'It's not like anybody's using the place. But they just don't pay me enough to argue with the boss, so...'

'Got it - skedaddling as we speak,' Buffy assured him, turning to go.

'Oh, miss,' the watchman called. 'Don't forget your, uh…glow ball.'

'My what now?' Buffy asked, looking with curiosity at the glowing golden ball that the man was holding out to her. 'Oh, my, uh, glow ball, right – thanks.' She took it from his hand; it felt warm to the touch, smooth and somehow comforting. 'I wish everything I found on patrol was this pretty,' she muttered to herself, turning her steps towards home.

* * *

Buffy filled a glass with orange juice and set it on a tray, beside a yellow gerbera in a stem vase and a mug of freshly made coffee. Smiling, she turned to the stove to flip her pancakes, but the smile faded when she saw the blackened undersides.

'Great,' she sighed, tipping the burnt offering into the trash. 'Shoulda known – Buffy plus batter equals badness.' Turning off the stove, she popped two slices of bread into the toaster instead and began rooting around in the fridge for a pot of jam.

'Buffy, I thought I heard you let yourself in,' said her mom's voice from the doorway. 'Oh! Check out the Pamper Mom platter.'

'Morning, Mom,' Buffy smiled, closing the fridge and setting the jam on the tray. 'Take a seat – I was going to bring this up to you, but since you're here...'

Joyce sat at the island, a look of mild suspicion on her face. 'Let me just clarify – you're not pregnant, dropping out of college or awaiting trial, are you?'

'Mom!' Buffy said, mock-offended.

'Just checking,' Joyce smiled.

'I just knew you were still feeling less-than-great, so...'

'Yeah, those headaches they said wouldn't last? I think they've decided to claim squatter's rights in my cranium.'

'Well,' Buffy frowned, 'what did Dr Isaacs say at your appointment yesterday?'

'Nothing very helpful. I told him that going out for walks seems to help clear my head so he told me to do some gentle exercise, keep taking the tablets and go back in a couple of weeks for some more tests. Oh, that reminds me – would you be able to collect my prescription from the hospital pharmacy today? They said it should be ready after ten.'

'Sure,' Buffy said, grabbing the hot toast and dropping it onto a plate. 'But don't you think we need a second opinion or something?'

'Buffy, I know you're concerned,' Joyce said, watching her daughter butter the toast a little too ferociously. 'But there's no need – I'm still Mom. Which means _I _get to worry about _you_.' She frowned as a thought struck her. 'What are you doing hanging around here anyway? Isn't this Giles's big day?'

'Bigger than big,' Buffy nodded. 'It's his grand opening.'

'So go. Bring me back a... I don't know... a flying carpet or something.'

'Trust me, you don't really want one - those things are way overrated,' Buffy breezed. 'Okay, I'm gonna take off. Now I want you to relax, keep your feet up, plenty of fluids and dire daytime TV.'

'Yes ma'am,' Joyce smiled as Buffy kissed her on the cheek. She watched her daughter stride down the hallway, grab her bag and jacket and slip out the door with a final wave goodbye.

_She's really becoming a confident young woman_, Joyce mused to herself_. I'm so happy I get to share her life for the rest of mine._

* * *

Buffy strolled into the newly-opened Magic Box, smiling at the old-fashioned bell dinging away above the door. The window was dressed with elegant drapes and the new shelves that Xander had helped to fit were filled with impressive-looking statues, antiques and curios.

At the top of the steps leading down toward the back of the shop, Buffy paused. Giles stood before her, smiling serenely in a purple robe and pointed hat. Stunned, Buffy didn't quite know how to react. _This is weirder than that poncho he wore for Halloween… _Finally, resignedly, Giles discarded both the smile and the costume.

Feeling bad for deflating him so early in the day, Buffy said cheerfully, 'Wow, Giles, this place looks amazing! Kinda deserted…but amazing.'

'Yes, well, it's early yet,' Giles said, picking up his tea mug from the counter. 'But you know, I've got a good feeling about this place. I know magic is a very…specialist area, but once word gets out, they'll be lining up around the block, just you wait and see.'

'Right. You'll be beating them off with broomsticks before you know it.'

'You alright?' Giles asked, leaning against the counter. 'You seem a little distracted.'

Buffy sighed, perching on a stool beside him. 'Mom's still sick and we have no idea what the deal is.'

'She is getting medical attention?'

'Yeah. Our team of experts has so far been able to tell us exactly zip.'

'I'm sorry to hear that, Buffy,' Giles said quietly. 'Do remember, if you or your mother ever need - '

The bell above the door jingled, Willow rushing through with Riley behind her.

'Giles!' Willow gasped out, eyes alight with excitement. 'Where's your hat and cloak?'

Riley smiled. 'You wouldn't believe the hype, you should hire this girl to do your PR.' He walked over to Buffy, planting a kiss on the top of her head. 'Morning, beautiful.'

'Ooh, a girl can't hear that enough,' Buffy smiled.

'Sleep well?' Riley asked.

Buffy's eyes widened, last night's Spike dream playing out in her mind's eye. 'Um, yeah…so, listen,' she said hastily, 'I have something to bring before the group.' Reaching into her bag, Buffy pulled out the gently glowing orb.

'May I?' Giles asked, and Buffy handed it to him. 'Fascinating…it appears to be paranormal in origin.'

'How can you tell?' Willow asked, impressed.

'Well, it's so shiny,' Giles faltered.

'Found it on patrol,' Buffy said.

'May be more where that came from,' Riley said eagerly. 'I say we go back out again tonight.'

'Um... sure,' Buffy hedged.

'What?' Riley asked. 'What's that look?'

'No, no look – see me not looking!' Buffy said, too eager.

'What, you don't think I'm up to patrolling?' Riley asked. 'How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine now?'

'I know, it's just…this time last week you were still coming down off whatever the Initiative pumped you with and you were all, y'know, weak and kitteny…'

'Now there's a manly turn of phrase.'

'No, I didn't mean…' Buffy sighed, exasperated. 'I'm not saying this right…'

'You know what? It doesn't matter - I have to go anyway,' Riley said, backing away. 'Things to do…an ego to rebuild…'

'Riley, you don't have to - ' Buffy began.

'I'll call you later,' Riley cut across her, and then he was gone.

Buffy sighed. 'That went well.'

'Aw, don't worry, Buffy,' Willow soothed. 'He'll be okay, once he's calmed down.'

'I can't believe I said that to him,' Buffy groaned, head in her hand. '"Weak and kitteny"? Why didn't I just say, "Hey Riley, do you even _have_ male parts?" He'll never forgive me, I just know it...'

'You're overreacting a trifle,' Giles said. 'Give Riley some credit.'

'But you know how guys get about stuff like this – Will, remember Xander that time at school when I stopped Larry from pummelling him?'

'He'll deal,' Willow said, firm but gentle. 'Just talk to him, he'll understand – Riley loves you.'

'Yeah, I know,' Buffy sighed, somehow uncomfortable with the reminder. 'Look, I have to go pick up a prescription for my mom. Call me if you find out anything about the orb?'

'Of course,' Giles said with a gentle smile.

Buffy left the shop, the jangling of the bell following her. She headed unthinkingly for the shortcut through Restfield Cemetery, until she realised where her feet were taking her and changed course abruptly. _That way lies Spike, and I _so_ can't deal with that right now…_

Buffy knew she was being irrational, that Spike wasn't likely to be wandering about in the middle of the day. She just couldn't face thinking about him; she was confused and afraid enough about her mom's mystery illness without adding her shiny new unwanted feelings for Spike into the mix. She knew she should talk to someone – Willow would understand, or her mom was always ready to listen – but something held her back.

_Yeah, shame and disgust – how can I tell my nearest and dearest that I have the hots for another vampire? And not just any vampire, no; _Spike_! Eugh, what is wrong with me?_

Buffy sighed to herself, drawing a sympathetic look from a woman pushing a stroller. She knew that whatever she thought she felt for Spike was a passing thing, that it wouldn't last – her long-standing revulsion was just going through a weird, twisted phase, that was all.

_Why would I even want Spike? Sure, he's got that sexy bad boy thing working for him… and I've seen how much humanity there is in him…and after that night in the factory, I just _know_ that he'd be the most amazing kisser… but I have Riley! I have the love of a good, decent man, with a pulse and a soul and everything! _

At the thought of Riley, Buffy's stomach went cold. She knew he was hurt by what she'd said, but she couldn't quite bring herself to regret her words. He could still handle himself better than most, but even so he was a potential liability on patrol.

_Not like Spike would be…he can take down pretty much anything...plus he's got that preternatural speed and strength thing, just like me…_

'No!' Buffy said out loud. 'No, we're nothing alike…stupid brain…' She suddenly realised that she was talking to herself, and that an old man had just crossed the street to avoid her. Her cheeks flamed. _Nice going, Buff…way to prove your sanity…_


	11. Chapter 11

Buffy left the hospital by the exit in ER, clutching the pharmacy paper bag tightly in her hands. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she almost walked into an ambulance, not registering the wailing siren and flashing lights until the last minute.

Buffy stepped back out of the way, but something kept her standing there, watching. The back doors of the ambulance flew open and two paramedics leapt out, pulling a gurney down onto the tarmac. A doctor and a nurse ran out of the hospital, and Buffy recognised the good-looking intern who'd spoken to her last time she was here.

Buffy's eyes fell on the patient, and her blood ran cold. It was the night watchman she'd met the other night at the factory; he was an odd shade of grey and he was convulsing against the restraints, but it was definitely him.

Another doctor appeared, white-coated and brisk, taking command and accompanying the gurney into the hospital. The intern was left standing by; looking around, his gaze settled on Buffy.

'Buffy!' he smiled, walking over to her. 'It is Buffy, right?'

'Um, yeah,' Buffy said, wracking her brain for his name.

'Ben,' the man said, noticing her internal struggle. 'Or Bob, if you prefer, since my boss still seems to think that's my name.'

'Right, Ben,' Buffy said. 'Listen, that patient who just arrived – what d'you know about him?'

'Nothing really,' Ben frowned. 'Just that he was found near some abandoned warehouse. When the paramedics turned up they thought he was dead, but he revived on the way here.'

'Revived?' Buffy repeated. 'You mean, he started moving around again by himself?'

'It happens sometimes, a patient appears to be dead but their pulse is actually – wait, do you know him or something?'

'Uh, no,' Buffy said, beginning to back away. 'Look, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I have to go.'

'Oh, how's your mom?' Ben called after her, but she was already gone.

XXX

Willow watched with a smile as Giles bounded across to the research table.

'Did you see that?' Giles smiled, infectiously excited. 'My first actual customers! They came in and I gave them things and they gave me money and then they left! It's brilliant!'

'Congratulations,' Willow said. 'You're now an official pillar of the consumerist community.' Her smile dropped as she turned back to the stack of books before her.

'Still nothing?'

'Nope. This orb thingy remains stubbornly unidentifiable.'

'Well, keep trying,' Giles said encouragingly, heading back behind the counter as the door jingled open to admit some new prospective customers. 'I'm sure you'll find something sooner or later.'

One of the browsers turned and Giles saw that it was Anya. She approached the counter, a small bottle of pearlescent liquid in her hand.

'Is this the right price?' she demanded, shaking the bottle in Giles's face. '$15 for a phial of pixie mucus?'

'Uh, yes, it is.' He noticed her glare. 'It's not cheap, you know – that's genuine Swedish pixie!'

'I'm sorry,' Anya sighed, digging around in her purse. 'The fact is I'm broke, and it's making me both cranky and obnoxious.'

'You don't say,' Giles said dryly, taking her cash and ringing up the sale. 'You could always try something outrageous like, I don't know - getting a job?'

'Job?' Anya scowled, taking the paper bag that he handed across the counter. 'And what am I qualified to do, exactly? I have no experience, I barely graduated from high school, and the only thing I know how to do well is wreak unspeakable horror upon an unsuspecting population.'

Giles thought for a moment. 'Have you considered a career in politics?'

The bell tinkled merrily as the door slammed open, startling the couple browsing nearby. Buffy rushed in and headed straight to the counter.

'Giles, something big is going on,' Buffy said, a little breathless.

'What's the matter?' Giles asked, emerging from behind the counter.

Buffy picked up the orb, gleaming softly on the countertop. 'I just ran into the night watchman who found this thing, and he's turned into some kind of zombie.'

Giles and Anya backed away cautiously.

'It's safe, I had it on me all night,' Buffy said impatiently. 'But someone must be doing some majorly bad mojo – and remember how well it turned out last time we had zombies in Sunnydale?'

'Yes, I'm sure we all recall what fun that wasn't,' Giles said dryly. 'Perhaps you should go back to the warehouse where you found it, see what you can discover?'

'That's what I was thinking - I'll head over there tonight,' Buffy nodded.

'Why not now?' Willow asked.

'I have to get home to my mom,' Buffy said, swallowing. 'I don't want to leave her on her own for too long.'

'Her condition isn't improving?' Giles asked softly.

Buffy shook her head. 'She's got some medication from the hospital, it pretty much knocked her out so she's home sleeping right now.'

'I bet she'll be fine, Buffy,' Willow reassured her. 'Y'know, the wonders of modern medicine and all.'

'Absolutely,' Buffy said, summoning a brave smile.

'I just wonder if that orb is truly safe to have around,' Giles said, eyeing the glowing sphere cautiously. 'Willow, is there any kind of spell you can do to determine whether it's dangerous?'

'Sure,' Willow nodded. 'I can scan the orb, see if there's anything nasty coming off of it. It's a pretty simple spell, actually, sort of like a…magical Geiger counter.'

'Good. Could you do the same at Buffy's house?' Giles asked. 'Just in case it left any trace residue there.'

'Yep,' Willow said brightly. 'Or if you like, Buffy, I can give you the ingredients and instructions and you can do it yourself when you get home.'

'Sounds great,' Buffy said, 'thanks, Will. The sooner we get to the bottom of all this the better, before someone else gets hurt.'

XXX

Bedrich struggled to draw breath, his chest a solid mass of agony. He knew that at least one of his ribs was broken; he could feel it pricking his lung as he breathed. He shifted on the unyielding chair, barely noticing the pain as the ropes around his wrist chafed the raw flesh; he'd stopped processing all but the most agonising sensations long ago.

In front of him paced a slender young woman in a body-hugging red dress. She was blond and pretty, and the sight of her struck fresh dread into his heart.

'How're you doin' there, Monky?' she grinned when she saw him looking at her. 'Ready to talk yet?'

Bedrich looked away, willing his body to shut down and relieve him of his torment.

'Well, that's just rude,' the woman said, striding across and bending, right in his face. 'I'm trying to be nice to you, and you're determined to make this unpleasant!'

Bedrich's breath caught and he coughed, wincing against the fresh waves of pain that surged through his tortured body. He felt blood fleck his lips, and he almost smiled. _I won't last much longer…and then she'll never find out where we put it…_

'Aw, that sounded painful,' the woman cooed, sitting on his lap with one arm draped around his shoulders. 'Want me to kiss it better for you?' She leaned in to nuzzle his ear with the tip of her nose. 'Y'know, there are some advantages to being stuck in this flesh tube. I mean, they at least picked a pretty appealing vessel, right?' She looked into his eyes. 'Or do you swing the other way? 'Cos I can do that, too.' She smirked and stood, pacing away and then whirling back to face him. 'Now, I'm starting to get a little bored of all your screaming and wheezing, so how's about you just tell me what I want to know and we can all get on with our day.'

Bedrich took a struggling breath, feeling his strength fading. 'I will tell you….nothing,' he gasped out.

The woman's face darkened and she was on him like a flash, one red-painted fingernail seeking out one of the many gashes on his torso. He couldn't bite back a scream as he felt her finger twisting inside the raw wound.

'You're making me angry, Monky,' she ground out, 'and I don't like being angry – it makes me look ugly. Now tell me where the Gateway is.'

Bedrich laughed, a pitiful sound full of blood and despair. He glared at her defiantly, terrified but standing firm.

'Fine, be that way,' the woman said, giving one last twist. 'I thought you religious types were meant to be compassionate and caring…' She dropped to her knees at his feet. 'I mean, look at me – can't you see I'm in pain?'

She sidled in between his legs, stroking his face with one soft hand. 'I can give you what you want,' she said, her voice low and wheedling as she smiled coyly up at him. 'All you have to do is give me what I want.' Her full red lips dipped into a pout. 'You have no idea how awful I feel…'

Bedrich squeezed his eyes closed and began praying silently, over and over again…. _Please, take me, kill me, let it end…_

'You are so _frickin'_ selfish,' the woman said angrily. Bedrich heard her heels clacking away from him on the concrete floor. He opened his eyes cautiously and saw her standing over the mailman her minions had dragged in earlier and chained to a pipe, shaking with anger. 'All I want is to feel better…'

Peering up at her, the mailman said carefully, 'Lady, whatever you're on, please, let me go. I have a family, two little girls who need me.'

'As if it's not bad enough for me to be stuck in this heaving sack of sweating, weak, repugnant human skin, now you want to make it even harder for me by hiding the Gateway?' the woman ranted, ignoring the terrified man at her feet. She grasped at her hair with both hands, more and more erratic with every word. 'How do you humans stand it? I feel so…dirty! It's like…razors in my head…and spiders in my bones…' A handful of hair came away from her scalp; she didn't seem to notice.

'Please, give me the Gateway,' she went on, voice breaking. A film of sweat coated her skin, her eyes hollow. 'All I need is the Gateway, and I can get off this repellent, infected planet and back to where I belong!'

Bedrich watched, helpless, as the woman sank down beside the mailman and took his head in both hands, pushing until her fingers merged with his skull in a flash of brilliant white light. The monk choked back a sob as the woman stood, leaving the man's body slumped across the pipe.

She smoothed her dress over her rounded hips. Her eyes were bright, her skin glowing with vitality. 'Ahh... that is _so_ much better.'


	12. Chapter 12

Buffy sat cross-legged on her bedroom floor and began unpacking the bag of spell components that Willow had provided. In front of her was a thick magic book, open to the page detailing the spell she needed to perform.

Riley closed her bedroom door and hunkered down beside her.

'Thanks for coming over,' Buffy said, smiling up at him. 'I really appreciate the help.'

'Sure thing. What exactly is this spell?'

'Well, once it's complete I'll go into a trance, and I'll be able to see traces of anything magical in the area. Hopefully it'll show me if the orb left any harmful vibes floating around.'

'Sounds pretty crucial. What d'you need me to do?'

Buffy flushed a little. 'Heaps. You're a vital cog. I need you to, um, create the perfect magical atmosphere by the… the ceremonial burning of compressed spices, and, uh, define the boundaries of the incantation by… establishing a circle of powdered glass…'

He smiled wryly. 'You need me to light incense and pour sand?'

'Um…sorta?' Buffy cringed.

'And the actual ritual's a one-man gig, right?'

'Technically, but you're still…y'know…cog-like…' Buffy trailed off lamely.

Riley smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 'Is this perhaps a cunning ploy to make me feel less - what did you say? – "weak and kittenish"?'

'Kitteny,' she corrected quietly.

'Right,' he smiled. 'Much better. Look, I know I reacted badly earlier, and I'm sorry,' he said sincerely. 'I really am okay.'

'I know.'

'I guess I'm still adjusting to life as Joe Normal, but this is a good thing. Running around on borrowed power was never going to be a wise life choice anyway.'

'Absolutely,' Buffy said firmly. 'And I know you can still handle yourself. I just don't want to see you get hurt again.'

'Maybe instead of you trying to take care of me, we agree to take care of each other. What d'you say?'

Buffy smiled, nodded. 'Done.'

Riley leaned over and kissed her forehead. 'Just to seal the deal.'

Buffy smiled coyly. 'Oh, I don't think it's quite airtight yet…'

With a grin, Riley leaned in to kiss her. Buffy closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his mouth against hers. He smelt good, aftershave and warm skin and something indefinably Riley. _See, this is what a boyfriend should be – warm and soft and very definitely not dead…_

With a sigh, Riley broke the kiss. 'So, show me where to pour this sand.'

* * *

Buffy's eyes snapped open to a world painted in sepia. She had no idea how much time had passed since she entered the trance; the last thing she remembered was the sensation of a yawning well of darkness opening up before her.

Her room looked familiar but different; everything was the same, but a little off-kilter. She stood carefully, blood rushing back into her legs, and paused to steady herself for a second. Making her way out into the hallway, Buffy looked around in wonder. It was a little like taking off her glasses during a 3D movie; she could make out what everything was, but the outlines blurred and overlapped. There was a faint rushing sound in her ears, like wind blowing down a long tunnel.

Buffy went downstairs, taking care on every step. She saw her mother standing by the coat rack, pulling on her overcoat.

'Mom? Are you going out?' Buffy asked, her voice sounding tinny and distorted.

'Just for a couple of hours. Either modern medicine's working or I just took the world's best placebo.' Joyce paused, peering at her daughter. 'Are you feeling okay? You seem a little out of it.'

'Yeah. I'm fine,' Buffy said absently. That was when she noticed a faint glow coming from the dining room behind her mother. 'Just need to catch up on my sleep. You go, have a good time.'

Joyce smiled. 'You're so grown up.'

As soon as her mother had closed the front door, Buffy headed into the dining room. In the middle of the room was a gleaming, pulsing sphere of light; Buffy had to shield her eyes against the harsh blue glow.

'What the…'

She jumped a little as the telephone rang harshly in the silence, then headed into the living room to answer it.

'Hello?'

'Buffy?' said Giles's voice. She could barely make him out over the background noise of voices and bustle. 'Oh, I'm glad I've caught you. Willow checked out the orb you found and there were no traces of it emitting anything harmful.'

Buffy frowned. _So if the light show in my dining room isn't because of the orb, then what the hell is it?_

'Furthermore,' Giles was saying, 'we found out what it is; it's called the Dagon Sphere and it has a history going back many centuries.'

'What's it do?'

'It's a protective device, used to ward off ancient primordial evil. I'm afraid it's all rather vague, all we know so far is that the Sphere was created to repel That Which Cannot Be Named.'

'Great,' Buffy sighed. 'More vagueness is exactly what I don't need right now. Okay, I'm going to head back to the factory where I found it. Whoever planted this gizmo should be able to give me some answers.'

'Buffy,' Giles said earnestly, 'I know you will, but please do be careful. Whatever the Orb was created to repel may be responsible for the, ah, zombie you saw earlier, and where there's one there may be more.'

'You got it. And Giles? When I did the trance, it looks like there's something…,' she tailed off, unsure how to explain the sphere of light. 'I'll call in to see you later, okay?'

'I'll be here.'

Buffy hung up and grabbed her jacket, taking one last glance at the magical sphere before heading out into the night. The trance was fading, clarity returning, the rushing in her ears almost gone. She was halfway across the lawn when she stopped, sensing something. Turning, Buffy was shocked to see a familiar figure heading toward her along the sidewalk.

'Spike,' Buffy stammered out, flushing. She hadn't seen him since The Dream That Shall Never Be Spoken Of, and she didn't much like the tingles that ran across her skin as he grinned at her.

'Slayer. Looks like I just caught you.'

'What do you want, Spike? Five words or less.'

Spike held up one pale, slender hand, counting off words on his fingers. 'Got... some... juicy... info... bitch.' He grinned, proud of himself.

'I _really_ don't have time for this,' Buffy said, thinking, _There's no way I have feelings for this guy – he's a jackass!_ 'Tell me what you know, and get gone.'

'If you make it worth my while - what's in it for me?' Spike sniffed.

'How 'bout…I don't break you into tiny pieces?'

'Try another line, Slayer, that one's got cobwebs,' Spike said, rolling his eyes. 'You know, I happen to have heard something very interestin' tonight, that might have dire consequences for you and your little band of groupies, but instead of keeping it to myself I decided to come here in good faith to share it with you – and what thanks do I get?'

'And the fact that you just told me you want me to pay you for it in no way taints your self-righteous rant,' Buffy said sardonically.

'Well,' Spike back-pedalled, 'a fella's gotta eat, don't he?'

'And I have to leave.' She turned away from him, refusing to acknowledge the way his cheekbones caught the moonlight, and stalked off.

Spike caught up easily, fell into step beside her. 'C'mon, pet, where's your sense of humour?' he asked. 'Oh, right, you don't have one.'

'Do you have something to tell me or not?' Buffy asked, crossing the street in the direction of the industrial part of town.

'And again, what's it worth?' Spike persisted.

'You know I don't know that until I know what you know,' Buffy said, frowning. 'Or something.'

'Right, nice try – I tell you this tasty tidbit, gratis, and then you roll your eyes and toss your curls and tell me it's not worth jack. Not happenin'.'

Buffy couldn't believe how irritated she felt. 'Fine, whatever - $50.'

'50 bucks?' Spike scoffed. 'Giles gave me two hundred last time!'

'Yeah, but my price includes me leaving all your limbs intact,' Buffy said perkily.

'Tell you what, make it a hundred an' you got a deal.'

'Fifty.'

'Seventy-five.'

'Fifty.'

'You really don't get the concept of barterin', do you?' Spike sighed. 'Alright, you win.'

'Yay me,' Buffy said flatly. 'So what did you hear?'

'I was at Willy's, right, and I overheard these two old warlocks chattin' about some new dark power that's rising. One of 'em said he couldn't work any of his mojo properly 'cos something powerful keeps blockin' him out.'

_Excellent, another helping of vague! _'Which means what – got anything more specific?'

'Well, I couldn't really go over there with my Hardy Boys investigation kit and start askin' questions, could I?' Spike asked, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. 'All's I can tell you is what I overheard.'

'Overhear anything else?' Buffy asked, a little less harshly.

'Not much, just that it felt like all this dark voodoo was bein' concentrated over the centre of Sunnydale.'

'Okay,' Buffy nodded. 'I'll get Giles on it, see what he can figure out. Um, I don't have any money on me,' she said, suddenly awkward, 'but you can stop by the Magic Box later on for it.'

'Right-o,' Spike shrugged. He stopped, looked at the looming warehouses that had appeared on either side of the road. 'So, where are we goin'?'

'I'm going in here,' Buffy said, gesturing towards one of the darkened warehouses. 'You're going home.'

'No thanks, this looks much more fun,' Spike grinned, watching as Buffy easily snapped the chain on the fence and headed inside. She flicked on her flashlight and began sweeping the abandoned building, Spike trailing after her.

'Ooh, this place is nice an' homey,' he observed. 'Wonder what the rent's like?'

'Spike, why are you here?'

'Slow telly night, gotta amuse myself somehow.'

'Lucky me,' Buffy muttered, ignoring the part of her which meant that sincerely.

The warehouse had clearly been abandoned for some time. Every step stirred a cloud of dust around their feet and cobwebs hung undisturbed across the doorways. Buffy was starting to despair of finding anything when she noticed scuffmarks in the dust up ahead.

'Well, hello,' Spike said musingly, inhaling deeply. 'I smell blood.'

'Eww,' Buffy grimaced, and he grinned. Turning the corner her flashlight played across a gaping hole in the wall and the twisted remains of a massive steel door. Buffy shone the flashlight over the debris, then further into the room beyond. She could just make out a wooden chair, and tied to it a man in monk's robes, head slumped to his chest.

Without a second thought Buffy climbed over the rubble and ran to the monk's side, untying the ropes that bound him. Spike followed a little more cautiously, looking around the echoing chamber.

The monk stirred, opening his blood-crusted eyes and looking at Buffy.

'I'll get you out of here, don't worry,' Buffy said. 'It was you who planted the Dagon Sphere, right? I got it. Don't worry. I'm stronger than I look.'

'Uh, Slayer…' Spike said from across the room. 'We got company.'

Buffy turned and saw a blond woman not twenty feet away. She was slim and pretty, dressed in a red cocktail dress and designer heels that Buffy would kill to own. Spike was edging cautiously around her; like Buffy, he could clearly see that the woman was more than she appeared to be.

'Hey,' the woman said stridently, brow furrowing as she approached. 'Who said you could touch my monk?'

'Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know he was taken,' Buffy said, mock-apologetic. 'Tell you what - ' she grabbed the woman by the throat, ' - fight you for him.'

The woman gave Buffy a look of such disdain that her confidence began to waver. 'Sounds like fun,' she sneered.

Before Buffy knew what was happening, her arm had been wrenched up behind her back. Her shoulder screamed in protest, then the woman backhanded Buffy and sent her flying across the room.

Buffy smashed against the wall, breath forced from her body. She dropped to the concrete floor, pain flaring from her shoulder and side. She gasped; the force would have been enough to seriously injure a normal human.

Buffy staggered painfully to her feet and watched, disbelieving, as a vamped-out Spike leapt on the woman. She shrugged him off without a second glance, throwing him against a pillar to land in a heap on the floor. The shocked, almost offended look on his face made Buffy want to smile, until she realised the woman was bearing down on her again. Buffy tried to block, but the woman was too strong. She grasped Buffy by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall; cracks spiderwebbed out across the concrete from the impact.

Suddenly Spike was behind the woman in red, grabbing her shoulders and throwing her off Buffy. 'Come on, Slayer,' he said urgently, 'this bint's too strong - we've gotta get outta here!'

The woman stood and brushed dust from her dress. 'Y'know,' she said irritably, 'you two are really starting to harsh my buzz.'

'Terribly sorry, sweetheart,' Spike said, punching her in the face.

'You hit a girl!' the woman yelped, hands flying to her face. 'What are you, crazy?' She headbutted Spike ferociously and blood fountained from his crushed nose. He yowled and went down under the impact.

Buffy leapt to the attack while the woman was distracted, punching and kicking for all she was worth, forcing her opponent backward. Rather than the devastating pain Buffy was going for, the woman seemed to be feeling more irritation than anything else.

'What, now you're going to join in?' the woman said. 'Bullies are all the same, you know, you're just cowards underneath.' She easily blocked Buffy's next blow, swinging her around into the wall. Grabbing her by the throat, she grinned, 'Hey, I just noticed something cool - you have super powers! But tell me - can you fly?'

Buffy's eyes widened as, one-handed, the woman picked her up and threw her clean across the room. Her sore muscles protested at the hard landing, bones grating together, but she didn't think anything was broken. Sitting up, groaning, Buffy realised that she'd landed next to the injured monk.

A mournful moan sounded behind her and she turned, skin prickling. Chained to a thick pipe by the wall was a zombie in a mailman's uniform. The skin around its wrists was bloody and she could see bone underneath the gory mess of flesh.

Swallowing down revulsion, Buffy turned away. Across the room Spike was bravely squaring up to the woman again, and Buffy saw a window of opportunity. Scrambling to her feet, she helped the monk to stand.

'Hey!' the woman shouted, Spike dangling from one hand. 'What did I tell you about stealing my toys!' She dropped Spike and he was on his feet and running in a flash.

'This way, Slayer!' he yelled, pelting past her towards the huge floor-to-ceiling windows. Supporting the monk's weight, Buffy ran as fast as she could after him, diving through the hole Spike had made in the glass.

Buffy twisted in the air so that she'd land first, the bleeding monk on top of her. The landing was hard, but Buffy ignored the fresh waves of pain surging through her battered body. Somehow, with Spike's help, she got both herself and the monk upright, and they began making their way across the parking lot.

There was an ear-splitting, iron-wrenching groan behind them, and Buffy sneaked a glance over her shoulder. Parts of the factory were collapsing, great clouds of dust rolling out into the night sky. _That might slow her down, but I can't assume it'll have killed her…she was way stronger than she looked…what the hell was she, anyway – some kind of demon?_

'Stop,' moaned the monk in her arms. 'Please.'

'No,' Buffy insisted. 'We have to keep going.'

They stumbled across to the chain link fence. Spike was there already, holding apart the edges of a tear in the mesh, but the monk collapsed before he could reach it.

'This is as far as I go,' he gasped, his European accent tainted with pain.

'Come on, it's not that much farther,' Buffy insisted. She tried to get him on his feet again, but he began coughing, huge racking coughs that flecked the ground with blood.

'You have to...' he gasped, 'the Gateway. You must protect the Gateway. Many will die if you allow her to go through.'

'How?' Buffy asked, crouching beside him. 'What is it? Does this have anything to do with the Dagon Sphere?'

'For centuries it has existed…my brethren its only guardians. We cloak its presence, move it when we have to, to keep it safe… Then the abomination found us. We had to hide the Gateway... so we sent it to you.'

'Hang about,' Spike said, 'does this have anything to do with the dark power that's centred on Sunnydale?'

'Yes…that is her…Glory…she will be seeking it…'

Buffy was struck with a moment of realisation. 'The trance…the sphere of light…' her eyes widened. 'You put the Gateway in my house?'

'We knew the Slayer would guard it well,' the monk gasped, slumping a little more.

You can't just go around putting heavy-duty magics into people's homes without even asking!' Buffy said angrily.

'Easy, Slayer,' Spike said quietly, nodding towards the monk.

His head had slumped, blood running freely from his nose and mouth. 'You must…guard the Gateway…' he breathed.

'But I don't even know... what is it, where does it lead to?'

'My brethren will…contact…' The monk exhaled one last time, then his eyes closed and he went limp.

Buffy felt her eyes filling with tears. 'Don't you dare die yet!' she said fiercely. 'Tell me what to do! I can't…'

'Slayer,' Spike said. His tone was calm, authoritative. 'He can't help you now. You're hurt, you need to get patched up. So let's go.'

She looked up at him, confused. His expression was unreadable, but he was holding out one pale hand to help her up. Buffy suddenly felt in full force the pain wracking her body, the sting of blood and sweat in her eyes.

'Why do you care?' she breathed, staring at Spike. 'Why are you even here?'

'Oh, bloody sod you, then, you ungrateful bint,' Spike snarled, snatching back his hand. 'Forget I ever bloody spoke!'

And then he was gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Hey all, I know it's been a while since the last chapter…this is quite a short one, but the next update should be soon. Thanks to everyone who's left feedback so far [hugs you all]. Please, please, please review – this is getting harder to write and I need to know that someone other than me cares about it! Thanks :o)

Buffy knocked on the back door of the Magic Box, and when Giles opened it she almost stumbled into his arms. Fatigue, pain and anxiety were still swirling through her, with an added shot of guilt for spurning Spike. He'd looked almost hurt by her refusal to accept his help, and she couldn't understand why either of them had been bothered by it.

'Buffy!' Giles exclaimed, leading her to a seat at the research table. 'What on earth happened – how badly are you hurt?'

'I'm okay,' she reassured him. 'Beaten up, yeah, and these jeans will never again see the light of day, but no major damage.'

'Can I get you anything – tea, perhaps?'

Buffy smiled. _Leave it to Giles to think a good old cuppa will sort out all my woes. _'No, thanks, I'm good.'

Giles slid into the seat beside her. 'Tell me what did this to you - did you go back to the factory?'

'Yup. I found the monk who planted the Dagon Sphere – tied to a chair with his face smashed to a pulp. There was another zombie there too, chained up this time. Then this crazy woman turned up and started throwing me around like I was a Nerf ball.'

'What was she - a demon, perhaps?'

'I don't know, but the monk called her, uh, Glory. And Giles, she was strong – like, wicked strong. I was hitting her with everything I had, but she barely even seemed to feel it.'

'Hmm. The name doesn't ring any bells, but I'll see what I can find on her. So how did you get away?'

'Spike was there,' Buffy said quietly, looking down at her hands.

'Spike?' Giles repeated, frowning. 'You mean, he helped you to escape?'

'Freaky, huh?'

'I should say so. I assume he demanded some form of remuneration?'

'Giles – English?'

Giles sighed. 'Did he ask you for money?'

'Oh. Well, no, actually.'

Giles pondered that for a moment. 'And what of this monk – did he also escape?'

'I got him out, but he died right out in the parking lot,' Buffy said. 'But he said he was from some order of monks, that they were enemies of this…Glory, and guardians of the Gateway – and from the way he said it, you just _know_ it's spelt with a capital G.'

'Gateway? Well, that sounds…ominous.'

'Wait for the punchline – they put it in my house.'

Giles's brow wrinkled. 'How do you know that?'

'You know that trance I did, to check for trace magics? There was this huge ball of glowiness in my dining room, and then the monk said they'd sent the Gateway to me to protect it from Glory.'

Giles just looked at her, stunned. 'Well, I… I don't know what to say.'

Buffy chuckled grimly. 'Tell me about it.'

'That still doesn't explain the zombies,' Giles mused. 'But this...woman, whatever she was…she knows you now. If she finds out where the Gateway is, she may come to your home. Should you perhaps be thinking about sending your mother away?'

'Away where?'

'Well, she must have a, a friend she could stay with?'

'No,' Buffy said resolutely. 'If this demon lady _is _looking for the Gateway, and also looking for me, and finds out that I moved my mother out of our house, it'll be too easy for her to put two and two together. And anyway, if Mom knows about it then she'll be more vulnerable – it's better for everyone if we keep it inside the gang, just until we know what we're dealing with.'

'Alright.' Giles stood and began to pace. 'We have to find out who this woman is, and what she needs the Gateway for, where it goes to. I mean, if she comes after you - '

'She'll come,' Buffy said quietly, looking up at him; Giles could almost see the burden settling onto her slender shoulders.

'Well,' he said, 'I suppose we need to start looking for - '

The back door flew open and Spike stalked in. 'Wotcha, Watcher. Your Slayer said you'd pay me for – Buffy!'

'Spike!' Buffy flushed and stood.

Spike sniffed. 'Got back safe, then.'

'Yeah.'

'Super. Where's my dosh?'

'I thought you said he didn't ask for any money?' Giles said to Buffy.

'Oh, no, he gave me a tip-off he'd heard at Willy's and I said you'd give him - '

'$200, wasn't it?' Spike said to Buffy. His blue eyes were hard and cold, one already starting to blacken; his nose was bruised, there was a split in his lip and a smudge of purple circled his throat.

'Yeah,' Buffy said softly; a flicker of something like surprise passed across his face.

'Yes, fine, I'll just get my wallet then, shall I?' Giles snipped, with a pointed look at Buffy. 'But first, Spike, perhaps you could let me in on this…valuable information, and your perspective on tonight's events?'

'I'm just gonna go get cleaned up,' Buffy interrupted.

'Oh, yes, of course,' Giles said.

'What's that, scotch?' Spike asked Giles, nodding to the glass on the table.

Giles sighed. 'Would you like to join me for a snifter?'

'Go on then, twist my arm,' Spike said cheerfully.

Buffy made her way to the small staff bathroom, pausing to look back at the odd little scene playing out behind her. Spike was in full story-telling mode, acting out their fight with Glory, eyes sparkling with remembered bloodlust as Giles smiled despite himself. Something in Buffy's heart twisted, and she turned resolutely away.

After splashing cold water on her face and tidying up her hair, Buffy felt a little better. Her reflection in the mirror showed a blossoming bruise on her cheekbone and blood high up in her hairline. But it was her eyes that worried her; they looked conflicted, guilty, fearful. Buffy sighed, ducking her head and gripping the sink tightly in both hands. _Pull yourself together, Buffy…Spike doesn't mean anything to you, your mom will be fine, and whoever this she-bitch is, Giles and the gang will figure it out and you'll kick her skanky ass back to wherever it crawled out from. _

Buffy raised her head again. _Resolve Face – much better._

Out in the shop, Spike was just tucking a bundle of banknotes into his duster pocket. 'Ta, Rupert, much obliged.' He turned to leave, pulling up short as he noticed Buffy behind him. 'Slayer,' he said, as a greeting and a farewell, and moved past her.

'Spike, wait,' Buffy said, at the last second pulling her hand back from clutching his sleeve. Behind them Giles began clearing away glasses and books.

'What is it now?' Spike asked, huffing out a breath through his nose, jaw clenched. 'Make it quick, yeah? Got better things to be doin'.'

_Don't stake him…don't stake him… _'I just…I mean…I wanted…' Buffy paused, tried again. 'Thank you.'

'Well, stone me,' Spike said, feigning amazement. 'And look, you didn't even burst into flames!' He was all bluster and sarcasm, but Buffy thought she saw genuine pleasure in his eyes.

'You're the uber-flammable one around here, remember?' Buffy snarked, trying to get her equilibrium back. 'In fact, if you want a demo, you can meet me here at sunrise?'

Spike smiled. 'Almost is sunrise, pet.'

'Right. Well…you'd better go then.'

''m gone,' Spike said. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face, then he was slamming the door behind him.

'Does he have to be such a drama queen?' Giles mused aloud. 'I mean, all the duster-swirling and door-slamming – it's like having a teenager around.'

Buffy laughed, a bubble of warmth that swam up through her chest. That was Spike – an overgrown adolescent, seeking attention and causing trouble. He wasn't boyfriend material, or even friend material really – helpful to have around, sure, but not somebody to fall in love with. That was what real boyfriends were for; that was why she had Riley.

_If I say it loud enough, it might even sound convincing…_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Thanks a million to those who left feedback after the last chapter – I feel more encouraged that it's worth continuing with this, but I'd still appreciate it if you'd let me know you'd like me to! So here's another update – you may recognise some of the dialogue from the episode 'Family' but I've tried to keep it to a minimum. Enjoy!

* * *

Xander stood aside to let Buffy enter the Magic Box before him. The gesture was so like Riley that it made her smile.

'Hey guys,' Buffy greeted everyone.

'Hey,' Willow grinned, Tara smiling shyly from the bench beside her.

'Good morning,' Giles greeted them. 'Tea?'

'Please,' Buffy nodded.

'Nah, I'm all about the caffeine,' Xander said, lifting his Espresso Pump takeout cup.

'Xander, tea contains caffeine,' Giles said with a dry smile, handing a mug to Buffy. 'A similar amount to coffee, in fact, pound for pound.'

'Right, I know,' Xander said, covering badly, 'but…y'know…this is foamy caffeine.'

'Quite,' Giles said flatly, taking a seat at the table.

'So, any luck with the research?' Buffy asked, sitting beside a sheepish-looking Xander. 'Do we know who our Cordy-a-like is yet?'

'Nothing so far,' Willow said glumly. 'We can't find any reference to a demon called Glory, or demons that are known to raise zombies, or any more information on the Dagon Sphere or the Gateway-with-a-capital-G.'

Anya breezed in from the back room. 'I still say she's not a demon,' she said.

'Why's that, sweetie?' Xander asked.

Anya came over and sat on his lap, smiling brightly. 'Oh, hey you.'

'Hey,' Xander grinned. 'How's your first day going?'

'Great,' Anya beamed, looking to Giles for confirmation. 'People come in and ask for stuff, and I get to explain how dumb their choices are and point them in the right direction, and they give me money and then they leave! It's really an excellent system.'

'Yes, you're certainly, ah, enthusiastic,' Giles half-smiled, half-winced.

'Aw, but it was so hard to leave you in bed this morning to come to work…' Anya said, nuzzling Xander's cheek with her nose. 'You were all sleepy and pink and naked… drooling on your pillow like a - '

'So, not a demon, huh?' Xander cut in quickly.

'Anya, why d'you think that?' Buffy asked.

'Well, I just think I would've heard of her is all,' Anya shrugged, one arm draped around Xander's neck. 'There are statistically fewer female demons out there and it's very much a male-dominated world, so us girls tended to look out for each other. Besides, there aren't many demons that could pass for human other than vengeance demons, and she's certainly not one of those.'

'Okay, so let's widen the net a little, check out the non-demony avenues,' Buffy said.

'Frankly, right now I'm happy to explore any and all avenues, however unlikely they may seem,' Giles sighed.

'You'll find her,' Buffy smiled. 'You guys always come through for me.'

The others smiled back, and Buffy felt a fuzzy tingle in her belly. It was so nice to have good friends, people around her who had her back and supported her unconditionally. She noticed Tara duck her head, and resolved for at least the twentieth time to get to know Willow's girlfriend better.

'I like your sweater, Tara,' Buffy offered.

'Oh, uh, th-thanks,' Tara stuttered, smiling despite the flush on her cheeks. 'I made it myself. I mean, uh, I knitted it myself…I didn't make the wool or anything…obviously…'

'Yeah, I know…it's really pretty,' Buffy said lamely. Tara looked mortified, Willow looked uncomfortable, and Buffy silently berated herself for being a social moron.

Anya stood and went back behind the counter as the bell over the door jingled and a young couple came in to browse.

'Oh, look at the time,' Tara said, standing. 'I have, um, a class soon so…uh, Will, I'll see you later?'

'Yeah,' Willow grinned. 'See you later, baby.'

Tara smiled at her, and for a moment all the awkwardness and shyness were gone and a beautiful, confident girl emerged. Buffy smiled to herself; anyone could see how smitten the two were with each other. The smile faded as she wondered whether she looked at Riley that way, suspecting that the answer was no.

Willow watched Tara leave, then turned to her friends with a megawatt smile. 'So remember, you have to be at the Bronze by eight.'

Buffy and Xander looked back blankly. 'Bronze,' Buffy repeated.

'Tomorrow night!' Willow exclaimed. 'Tara's birthday!'

'Right! Right,' Buffy said, nodding her head vigorously.

'You guys can still come, right?' Willow asked anxiously. 'I mean, I know there's this new evil and all, but...'

'No, no, we'll be there,' Buffy interrupted. 'I could definitely use a break from all this craziness.'

'Phew! For a second there I thought you'd forgotten,' Willow said with a grin.

'Ha! Forgotten? Never!' Xander said effusively, pointing at himself. 'Behind this studly yet sensitive face lurks a mind like a steel trap!'

'Great,' Willow smiled. 'So, what presents did you get her?'

'That,' Xander declared, raising a finger for emphasis, 'would be telling. Let's just say I have something pretty special picked out.'

'Ooh, this is so exciting,' Willow grinned, bouncing a little in her seat. 'Tara's going to be so happy! Okay, I have to go get a few more decorations and stuff, so I'm gonna head out now while Tara's at class.' She stood and swung her messenger bag across her shoulders. 'Thanks, guys,' she said earnestly. 'It means a lot to me that you're making Tara feel like part of the gang – I sometimes worry that she feels a little…outsidery.'

'No sweat,' Buffy smiled weakly.

'Yes, any friend of yours will always be welcomed with open arms,' Giles said, smiling.

'Aw, that's so sweet,' Willow cooed. 'Okay, I'm going – catch you all later.' She strode happily across the shop, missing the panicked glances that flew behind her back. 'And don't forget,' she said, turning to walk backwards for a few paces, 'Bronze, tomorrow, eight o'clock.'

'Got it,' Buffy replied.

'We're there,' Xander added.

The door jangled closed.

'You forgot, didn't you?' Giles asked archly.

'No!' Buffy exclaimed.

Giles raised an eyebrow.

'Okay, yes,' Buffy sighed, resting her chin in her hand and her elbow on the table. 'But I mean, there's kind of a lot going on. And it's not…you know…the most thrilling social event of the season.'

'Yeah,' Xander nodded. 'It's a big deal for Willow, though.'

'So what're you getting her?'

'Huh?'

'Tara,' Buffy clarified. 'You said you had a present picked out.'

'Yeah, that was a tangled web of lies, sweetie. I'm not really sure what kind of thing she'd… I mean, I don't really know her that well. Not that I don't like her,' Xander added quickly.

'Oh, yeah! She's nice – super-nice, even.'

'Right! I don't necessarily get her ... but she's really nice.'

'Yeah. There's just that thing…of not understanding…'

'Half of what she says?' Xander supplied.

'Exactly. But I really do like her!'

'Oh, me too. On board with the liking,' Xander nodded. 'But not so much with the present-buying insight. I mean, the only thing I know she likes is Willow, and she already has one of those.'

Giles chuckled. 'Just when you begin to seem like you may be growing up after all, you do something to remind me that you're still, essentially, children.'

'Meaning?' Buffy asked, stung.

'You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.'

'Well, we don't really know the kind of things witches like,' Xander protested. 'What are we gonna get her, some cheesy crystal ball?'

'You'd bloody well better not,' Giles huffed. 'I've got mine already wrapped.'

At the cash register Anya was saying to the young couple, 'And fifty change. Thank you for shopping at the Magic Box.' She handed over a paper bag and, as they walked away, yelled, 'Please bring back your money soon, and enjoy your day until then!' She came out from behind the counter with a brilliant smile on her red lips. 'Ooh, the thrill of commerce – it gives me goosebumps! Hey, a potential purchaser!'

Anya scampered across to a young man with blond hair and a scraggly beard. 'Welcome to the Magic Box – how can we service you today?'

'Do all these books got spells in 'em?' the man asked, a southern twang to his accent. 'Turn people into frogs, things like that?'

Anya frowned. 'Why would you want to turn someone into a frog? I mean, if you're gonna curse someone, why not just go for broke and turn their guts inside out, or boil their brains inside their skulls, or - '

Giles hurried across. 'Uh, was there something in particular you were looking for?' he asked the man, glancing irritatedly at Anya.

'Name's Donny,' the man declared, scratching at the back of his neck. 'I'm lookin' for my sister, folks at her dorm said she might be here.'

'Your sister?' Giles repeated.

'Yeah, you might know her – so tall,' he said, measuring in the air with his hand, 'blond hair, kinda chubby…goes by the name of Tara.'

'Chubby?' Anya repeated, eyes widening. 'Tara's not _chubby_! Just because she doesn't precisely conform to some misogynistic, sexist ideal of the female form, you men think it's fine to - '

'Anya, please, go and sort the shipping invoices like I showed you,' Giles interrupted, smiling through gritted teeth.

'Fine,' Anya grumped, walking away muttering to herself. 'I might have known you'd take his side, as a fellow member of the Penis Club…'

'Tara's not here, she has classes this afternoon,' Giles said to Donny, something a little frosty in his tone. 'But I'll tell her you were looking for her.'

'Oh, no, don't do that,' Donny grinned. 'It's a birthday surprise, see? I'm sure I'll catch up to her sooner or later. Alright, have fun, y'all - don't go boilin' anyone's innards, now, y'hear?' He turned and walked away, casting one last disdainful look over his shoulder before he went.

'I can see who got the brains in that family,' Giles said, his tone dry.

'I know - rude much?' Buffy agreed.

Xander sighed. 'And I thought my family had issues…'


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Thanks again for the encouraging feedback – keep it coming, please! So here's the next chapter – I reckon that those of you who hate Riley and love Spuffy should be pretty pleased with it ;o)

* * *

Willow sipped from her takeout cup, enjoying the rich mocha flavour. Although it was November and a little chilly, the sunshine meant she was warm enough in her thick red coat and hand-knitted scarf.

Seated on a bench at the edge of the UC Sunnydale campus, Willow watched the students milling around. She loved people-watching; she and Tara had even made it into a game, awarding each other points for spotting people who resembled friends or celebrities.

As if thinking of her girlfriend had summoned her, Willow noticed Tara's blonde head among the crowds. She smiled and stood, watching her approach. Tara didn't see her at first, but when she did the smile that appeared lit up her face like a beacon. Willow felt something warm and gooey ooze through her, love and desire and perfect happiness.

'Hey,' Willow greeted Tara with a smile, handing over a second cup. 'Thought I'd meet you from class with a spiced chai tea.'

'Thanks,' Tara said warmly. 'I hope you haven't been waiting too long, I stayed back to check my assignment with Professor Davis.'

'That's okay, I was amusing myself just fine,' Willow said. 'Oh, I saw a dead ringer for Jared Leto, he'd've been worth at least ten points! Plus, if I wasn't on the gay train these days…'

'Hey now, don't make me jealous,' Tara smiled. 'This is a surprise of the nicest kind - I wasn't expecting an escort home.'

'Ooh, escort…sounds fun,' Willow teased gently, enjoying the flush on Tara's cheeks. 'How was your class?'

'Oh, great,' Tara enthused. 'Really interesting. It was all about - '

'Tara?' said a male voice behind them.

Tara went pale beneath the curtain of blond hair, glancing at Willow; something between fear and disbelief skipped through her eyes. The two girls turned.

A man in a grey overcoat stood behind them, with a younger blond guy and a smiling girl about their age.

'D-dad, hi,' Tara said shyly, and Willow's eyes widened in surprise.

'Well, here's my girl,' the man in grey said, stepping forward to hug his daughter. It was brief and awkward and it seemed to Willow that Tara couldn't break it fast enough.

'S-such a s-surprise,' Tara stammered. 'Hi Donny…cousin Beth.'

'Hey little sis,' Donny grinned, and Beth just smiled toothily.

'Oh, um, this is my f-friend, Willow,' Tara said.

'Hello there,' Mr Maclay said, his smile never reaching his eyes.

'Nice to meet you,' Willow replied, dredging up a smile despite the prickling unease that was churning her stomach.

'Well, I don't mean to interrupt your plans,' Mr Maclay said. 'I know we've come on you kind of suddenly, but I thought we could take you out for a birthday dinner.'

'S-sure,' Tara said. 'Do you mean now?'

'No time like the present,' her dad smiled. He turned to Willow. 'I hope you'll understand that I'd like this to be a family time?'

'Oh, uh, of course,' Willow said.

'I'm sorry about this,' Tara whispered to her, handing back the cup of tea. 'I'll call you later, okay?'

'Okay,' Willow smiled, as brightly as she could. 'Have fun.'

Tara's smile was sad, but she took the arm that her father offered her and they walked away.

Willow shivered suddenly. Something definitely wasn't right here.

* * *

'Thanks,' Buffy smiled, taking the mug of hot chocolate that Riley handed to her. He sat next to her on the couch and she snuggled up against him, feet tucked under a knitted throw.

'So how's it feel to be back home?' Riley asked, running strands of her golden hair through his fingers.

'Good. Nice. Cosy,' Buffy sighed, snuggling a little more. 'I mean, on the one hand it seems like a backward step, moving out of the dorm, but on the other… Mom's cooking is way better than the campus cafeteria.'

Riley chuckled. 'She went to bed pretty early - am I in the way?'

'No, of course not,' Buffy assured him. 'She's just been kinda off lately, what with her skull being the hip new spot for migraines to come boogie with their pals.'

'You worried about her?' he asked softly.

'No,' Buffy said instinctively, then sheepishly, 'Yeah. I know the doctors are running all those tests, but I wish they'd hurry up and tell us something already. I don't like seeing her like this; she's always been there for me, y'know, strong and healthy and ready for anything. This all just reminds me that she won't be around forever, and that's something I don't want to have to think about. _Ever_.'

'Don't worry, Buffy, I'm sure they'll figure it out. And you know I'm here whenever you need me, if I can do anything…'

'I know,' Buffy said. She took a sip from her mug and said, 'See, feeling better already.'

'Good,' Riley smiled, kissing her hair softly. 'Glad I could help.'

Buffy smiled back and turned her attention to the movie on TV, but her thoughts quickly drifted away. A stubborn voice in the back of her head was screaming for her to get up, grab a stake and take out her emotions on something evil; it didn't matter what it was, just so long as she was fighting and breathing and living…

* * *

Buffy elbowed Spike in the face, following up with two swift punches, left then right. Spike responded by swinging a fist toward her head; she blocked and slung an uppercut across his jaw, sweeping low to knock him to the dusty crypt floor.

Spike flipped himself upright, circling her, looking for an opening. 'You seem a little off-colour tonight, Slayer,' he taunted her. 'Carrying a lot of tension in those shoulders.'

He ventured a roundhouse but Buffy ducked easily and came up behind him.

'Ooh, swing and a miss,' she teased, punching him hard in the kidney and making him yowl. 'See, no tension – I'm actually finding this pretty relaxing.'

'Bully for you,' Spike sneered, whirling to face her. He feinted a punch, and as she blocked the move that never came he slipped behind her to sling one muscled arm around her throat. His other arm snaked around her waist, pulling her against him. 'Nope, I'm definitely feeling some tension here – is Soldier Boy not scratching that itch any more?'

'You're a pig, Spike,' Buffy blazed, flipping him over her shoulders to land hard on the concrete. She dropped to straddle him, stake raised high. 'Come in, Number 17, your time is up.'

Instead of fighting back, Spike grasped Buffy's hips in both hands and pulled her down firmly against his groin. Buffy gasped as she felt his hardness through two pairs of jeans.

'You're not the only one who's got wood, Slayer,' Spike smirked.

'Spike,' Buffy breathed; it was meant to be venomous, the precursor to the last insult he'd ever hear, but it came out needy and soft, more of a mew than a growl.

'Buffy,' Spike whispered, sitting upright and lowering his head to kiss her.

'No,' Buffy protested, squirming in his arms, making a half-hearted attempt to get away.

'Ooh, keep wiggling, baby,' Spike purred, nestling his face into the crook of her neck.

'I said no,' Buffy exclaimed, pushing away from him and scrambling to her feet.

'I see - want it that way, do you?' Spike asked, rising smoothly from the ground. 'Baby wants to play a little, be seduced?' He smiled, promises in his eyes. 'Right then…so, let's pretend…we're all alone in the graveyard… full moon's out, it's a beautiful, sultry night… hot summer breeze blowin' through your hair…' As he spoke he circled Buffy; she moved with him, watching him warily but making no move to attack.

'We've been fightin' to the death for hours, you and me,' Spike purred, 'and now we're all sweaty an' overheated…'

Buffy gulped.

'What with all the scrappin', my shirt's been torn clean off,' Spike went on, voice low and throaty. He grasped his shirt in both hands, ripping it open and sending buttons flying.

Buffy gasped, pure lust shooting through her body.

'And now it's come to the crunch – only one of us is walking away tonight. You thought you'd got the upper hand, but what's this? The handsome villain has our lovely heroine backed into a corner…'

Buffy realised that she'd moved up against the wall, unconsciously backing away from him.

'So what's to do?' Spike said, sliding his tongue against the roof of his mouth, head cocked, stalking towards her. 'Will the plucky wench fight back, or give in to the vampire's sinister charms…?'

Buffy's mouth quirked into an inviting smile. 'You want me, Spike? Come get me.'

'Oh, don't fret, Slayer,' Spike growled, 'I'm coming…'

…

'Oh, I'm coming!' Buffy screeched, shuddering violently as the orgasm shook her whole body.

'Wow,' Riley panted, rolling off her to flop onto his back. 'That was…that was intense!'

'Yeah,' Buffy gasped, ashamed of the satisfied prickle that rose up her body as she recalled the image that had tipped her over the edge; Spike, muscles rippling, grinding her against the wall. 'Really intense…'

'You're amazing, Buffy,' Riley said, rolling to face her, brushing sweat-soaked strands of hair away from her forehead.

'You too,' she said absently, but her mind was filled only with Spike.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **Hello again! My heartfelt thanks go to all those who are following this story, particularly those of you who take the time to leave feedback. Not to labour the point, but it really is encouraging for us poor writers to know someone cares about our efforts! So, this update incorporates the end of the episode 'Family' – in case you need a reminder, Tara's family have been telling her all her life that she's part demon and will change one day, and that all her friends will hate her…and so she did a spell so the Scoobies couldn't see the demon in her, which actually made them blind to all demons instead. That's the background; now read on and enjoy…

'Morning, sunshine,' Joyce greeted Buffy as she sauntered into the kitchen, yawning widely. 'Want me to make some waffles?'

'No thanks – besides, it's me who should be making you waffles,' Buffy said.

'I'm really fine, honey,' Joyce assured her, sipping her coffee. 'That prescription you got me is working like a charm. I must say, it's nice to have you back home, even though I continue to insist that you don't need to be here…'

'Mom,' Buffy said, gentle but firm. 'This is where I wanna be.'

'Okay,' Joyce smiled. She cleared her throat and went on carefully, 'Uh, Buffy? I know that Riley stayed over last night, and while I trust you to do the right thing and be careful and all, I'm not really comfortable with him staying here. I mean, last night…' Joyce broke off, embarrassed. 'Well, let's just say you woke me up.'

'Oh God, Mom, I'm so sorry,' Buffy said, flushing hugely. 'We didn't mean for him to stay, but we fell asleep watching the movie and then it was so late…'

'Let's just leave it at that, shall we?' Joyce said, with a smile to soften her words.

'Definitely. So, uh, any plans for today?' Buffy asked hastily.

'Well, I have to call in to the gallery for a while this afternoon, and my friend Cathy has invited me over for dinner this evening.'

'No!' Buffy exclaimed, mind racing straight to Glory. 'I mean, uh, we should have a girls' night; y'know, to celebrate me moving back home.'

'Morning ladies,' Riley greeted them from the doorway.

'Morning,' Joyce replied, then mischievously asked, 'Sleep well?'

'Come again?' Riley asked, unsure why Buffy went the approximate shade of a tomato.

'Mom,' Buffy cut in warningly, one eyebrow raised.

Joyce smiled at her daughter. 'Listen, Buffy, we'll have a girly night on Saturday instead, how's that? We can rent some sickeningly sentimental movie and eat our own bodyweight in popcorn.'

'I just don't think it's safe for you to be going out at night,' Buffy persisted. 'I mean, there's all kinds of evil creatures out there, just prowling around in the darkness…' Her mind conjured up an image of Spike, deadly and lean in black leather and red silk…

'Your concern is very sweet, Buffy, but I'm generally considered to be a big girl - I'll be fine. And right now,' she said, standing and putting her mug in the sink, 'I'm going to go take a bath.'

'What was all that about?' Riley asked once Joyce was gone, leaning against the counter with his arms folded. 'Why're you freaking out about your mom going out?'

'Not freaking,' Buffy said testily, 'just concerned. There's all sorts of oogy boogies out there at night, you know that.'

'But that's nothing new, it's always been that way,' Riley said. 'Tell me what's really on your mind.'

'It's just…' Buffy sighed. 'This bottle-blonde demon queen is all shiny and new - I have no idea what we're up against.'

'Why don't I contact Graham, maybe get the government boys on it - '

'No!' Buffy interrupted sharply. 'I don't want them involved.'

'I'm just trying to help, Buffy,' Riley said, frustrated. 'If I'm getting it wrong, maybe that's because you won't tell me what you're feeling. Just when I think I'm starting to get close to you, you pull this Iron General crap on me and shut me out again.'

'This isn't about shutting you out, Riley, it's about me trying to protect my family,' Buffy said, annoyed.

'And all I want to do is help, but you won't even let me do that!' Riley exclaimed, throwing his hands up. He turned away, huffed out a sigh. 'I gotta take off, I can't do this now.'

'Riley, wait!' Buffy said, tailing him down the hallway. 'I want you to help, I really do, I just can't - '

'I know you've got a lot on your mind,' Riley said, turning to face her. Buffy was shocked by the hurt in his eyes. 'You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, let me know. I'll come running.'

Buffy watched, speechless, as he walked out and gently closed the door behind him. She leaned her head against the cool wood, tears of frustration not far away.

_How can he do this to me now, when he knows how much pressure I'm under? Why can't he just stop treating me like a damsel in distress who needs to be saved?_

_Why can't he be more like Spike?_

XXX

Spike approached the back door to the Magic Box, slowing as he heard the sounds of fighting from inside. Perhaps Harm had been right and this Lei-Ach demon's cronies really were out to kill the Slayer.

He cracked the door open and saw Buffy in the middle of the room, a hideous demon holding onto her from behind. Buffy kicked and struggled, punching wildly and barely catching the demon's head.

'That was sloppy, Slayer,' Spike tut-tutted. 'Off our game a tad, are we?'

Buffy managed to flip the demon over her shoulder, drag it upright and kick it hard enough that it cracked the wall where it made contact. The demon slumped to the floor, unmoving.

Spike watched, incredulous, as Buffy whirled in a circle, eyes wide, seemingly not even noticing the demon that was panting and slobbering just a few feet away from her.

'Oi, Summers!' Spike called after her retreating form. 'You missed one!'

Buffy shut the door to the shop behind her, showing no signs she'd heard him. 'Well, now,' Spike said, entering the room and addressing the demon. 'Looks like someone's put a hex on our pretty little Slayer, dunnit? Now, I know you want to eviscerate her while she's still breathin', but…' He broke off as the demon approached, growling aggressively.

'Alright, you can have a go,' Spike said, holding up his hands. 'Might be fun to watch her get all sweaty beatin' you to death.'

The demon lunged, grabbing Spike in a headlock and throwing him to the floor. It crashed down on top of him and Spike felt a rib snap.

'You sod!' Spike growled, throwing it off. He kicked the demon full force in the chest, following with a series of punches that had it down and bleeding within moments. He leapt on top of it, vamped out and snarling, grabbed its head in both hands and broke its neck cleanly.

Spike looked down, human face emerging, and whined, 'Aw, you got blood on my shirt – that was clean on as well!' He sighed, kicked the corpse for good measure, and headed for the door to the shop.

A couple more dead demons lay on the shop floor. The kiddies were standing in a crowd, facing a trio he'd never seen before. The oldest, a man with tragic taste in overcoats, was saying, 'You're going to do what's right, Tara. Now, I'm taking you out of here before somebody does get killed.' He glared at Buffy, then the rest of them. 'The girl belongs with her family. I hope that's clear to the rest of you.'

'It is,' Buffy said, doing her hands-on-hips, 'aren't-I-wonderful' pose that used to make Spike want to rip her arms right out of their sockets, but now only made him notice the slenderness of her waist. 'You want her, Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her. You just gotta go through me.'

'What?' the man said, looking wary.

'You heard me,' Buffy said, the very picture of the heroic ideal. 'You wanna take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta come through me.'

'Is this a joke? I'm not gonna be threatened by some little girl,' Mr Maclay sneered.

'Oh, but you're not,' Giles interjected, a touch of Ripper slipping through the polished veneer. 'You're being threatened by all of us.'

'Well,' huffed the girl at Mr Maclay's side. 'I hope you'll all be happy hanging out with a disgusting demon!'

Spike perked up. 'Demon?' he called. 'Who's a demon?'

'Spike!' Buffy exclaimed, noticing him for the first time. He wondered what was making her flush so prettily.

Spike swaggered into the room. 'Wait a sec,' he said, putting two and two together, 'you don't mean the witch?' He chuckled. 'Nah, not that one.'

'What would you know?' Mr Maclay hissed.

'I happen to know rather a lot about demons,' Spike said. 'Here, look, let me make this simple for you.' He spun Tara around and punched her, pulling the blow at the last second.

'Oww!' Tara moaned, hands flying to her face.

'Argh!' Spike yelled, clutching his head as ribbons of pain radiated through his skull.

'Hey!' Willow shouted, furious, holding Tara close. Suddenly realisation dawned on her face. 'Wait, you hit Tara…and it hurt! You, I mean.'

Buffy nodded, catching on. 'And that only works on humans.'

Spike chuckled despite the throbbing agony. 'There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line.' He smirked, impressed. 'Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you.'

'I'm not a demon,' Tara said wonderingly.

'Don't knock it 'til you've tried it,' Spike sniffed, suddenly realising he'd done something that could be termed a good deed and not sure how to react. 'And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find something to pulverise.'

'Spike,' Tara called.

He pulled up short, looking back cautiously.

'Thank you,' Tara said quietly.

'Yeah,' Spike replied, discomfited. For a second he just stared, taking in the warm smile and sincerity in the witch's eyes.

'Don't let us keep you,' Xander said pointedly, breaking the moment.

'Yeah, you're welcome,' Spike sneered, stalking off.

Outside it was chilly, the sky clear and full of stars. Spike's mind was whirling. _What was that about, William? Playing for the home team now, are we? _

'Spike,' said that familiar chirpy little voice behind him, then Buffy was catching his sleeve to make him stop. 'What…why did you do that?'

'Don't get any ideas, Slayer,' he snarled defensively. 'I'm not signing up to join the Secret Seven just yet. Just happen to like the witch, is all – treats me like more than the dirt on the bottom of her shoe, unlike some.' He glared meaningfully at her, and to his surprise Buffy blushed and went quiet.

'She, uh, she's having a birthday party tomorrow night, at the Bronze,' Buffy said hesitantly. 'I mean, she doesn't know she is, but…I thought, maybe, she might like you to come.'

Spike blinked. 'Oh, right.'

'Unless you're busy,' Buffy said quickly, skin flushing deliciously.

'I can always make time for a party,' Spike said with a sly smile. 'Especially if…_Tara_ wants me there.'

'Okay,' Buffy nodded, ignoring the implication in his tone. 'Eight o'clock.'

'Got it.'

'Oh, don't forget a gift – and don't bring anything lame, or disgusting.'

'Does that mean you're not bringing GI Joe?' Spike snarked.

Buffy's face darkened. 'You know what? Do what you want,' she said coldly.

Spike watched her retreating back, and sighed. _Nice going, mate. _


	17. Chapter 17

Riley took a long drink of beer, setting down his glass carefully on the paper coaster. The blaring rock music and general din made it easier for him to drown out his own thoughts, the turmoil in his heart. He'd thought about going to Willy's, but he'd pretty much burned his bridges there last year. The Fish Tank suited his needs just as well; scuzzy and low class, it was the kind of place where nobody looked at anyone else too closely.

Riley downed a shot of whisky and took a sip of beer to follow it.

'Another?' the bartender asked, a big burly man in a leather vest.

'No thanks,' Riley said. 'I need to wait for the skin to grow back in my throat first.'

The bartender frowned, but walked away.

'You shouldn't piss Jed off,' said a lilting voice from the other end of the bar. 'He can get pretty nasty when he's riled.'

Riley looked over. A slender woman was seated on a barstool, smiling with red-painted lips. She was dark-haired and pretty, if a little trampy, her black dress tight and revealing.

'Thanks for the advice,' Riley said. 'But I can handle myself.'

The woman came to stand beside him, leaning one slim elbow on the bar. 'I bet you can,' she smiled flirtatiously. 'Want any help with that?'

Riley smiled. 'What's your name?'

'Jasmine.'

'Well, Jasmine, we have ourselves a problem. See, my heart belongs to another. Besides,' he nodded towards the mirror behind the bar, 'I don't go out with vampires.'

Jasmine scowled. 'Your loss.'

Riley watched her walk away. 'Somehow I doubt it.'

XXX

Buffy smiled contentedly. Despite her initial reluctance about Tara's party, she'd been surprised how much she'd enjoyed dressing up in a slinky silk dress and pinning her hair into a tumbling mass of curls. Her friends were around her, talking and laughing, and the Bronze was full of good-natured chatter above the music playing in the background.

'Here you go, birthday girl,' Xander announced, returning from the bar with a trayful of drinks and setting one in front of Tara.

'Thanks,' Tara smiled. Beside her, Willow was almost glowing with pride and excitement.

'Buffinator,' Xander said, handing over a blue cup.

'Thanks,' Buffy said. 'Oh, and for future reference? Don't call me that. _Ever_.'

'Sure thing,' Xander said, not missing a beat.

'So Giles has finally arrived and we've got drinks - can we do the gift part now?' Anya asked, agitated.

'Anya,' Giles smiled, a touch stiffly, 'this is Tara's celebration, not yours.'

'But we got a really good gift and I want to enjoy the praise when she opens it.'

'You guys got me gifts?' Tara asked, surprised. 'I didn't think…I mean, you didn't have to do that.'

'But it's tradition,' Anya frowned. 'Birthdays are a gift occasion.'

'They sure are,' Xander interjected. 'Of course we got you something, Tara. You're one of the gang.'

Tara smiled, radiant for one moment. 'Okay, let's do the gift part.'

'Here's ours,' Anya declared, thrusting a small but beautifully wrapped present into Tara's hands.

Tara opened it with care, peeling back the layers of paper to uncover a carved wooden box with a hinged lid. It opened smoothly to reveal a blue-grey stone nestling in white silk.

Tara gasped. 'Is that a Diqic conjuring stone?'

'Yes,' Anya nodded, smiling. 'And I don't need to tell you how pricey _they_ are, even with a distributor discount.'

'Wow,' Tara breathed. 'That's so generous…thank you both, so much.'

'You're welcome,' Xander smiled, something a little pained in his expression as he glanced at Anya.

'Okay Giles, you can go next,' Anya said, slurping her drink.

Giles placed a box on the table, the shiny ribbons glinting in the low light. 'Happy birthday, Tara,' he said with a warm smile.

'Thanks,' Tara grinned, opening it up eagerly. 'Oh, a crystal ball! Thanks, that's so…original…I love it.'

'Me next,' Buffy said excitedly. 'Unless you want to go, Will?'

'Oh, no,' Willow said, shaking her head. 'I'm giving Tara her present when we get home.' Her eyes widened as everyone looked at her. 'No, I mean – it's not a sex present! Well, part of…ooh, shiny!' she said desperately, grabbing the gold-wrapped parcel out of Buffy's hands and thrusting it at Tara.

'Oh, Buffy,' Tara sighed, pulling the gauzy lemon-and-silver scarf out from the wrapping. 'It's gorgeous. Thank you.'

'Welcome,' Buffy smiled with satisfaction. 'Those kind of colours really suit you – I mean, lemon on me equals goodbye skin tone, but on you…you look really pretty.'

Tara just smiled, a hint of moisture in her eyes.

'I have to pee now,' Anya announced, standing. 'Don't open any more gifts while I'm gone.'

Xander sighed as she clacked off towards the bathrooms. 'Shoot me, someone?'

'It's okay,' Tara said. 'It's, um, good that she speaks her mind.'

'Hey, this is a great song,' Willow said as the music changed. She grabbed Xander's hand. 'Come dance with me, take your mind off of it.'

Xander grinned a goofy grin and the two of them boogied onto the dance floor, uncoordinated but uncaring.

Giles took a sip of his drink and grimaced. 'What on earth is this swill? I asked for Maker's Mark, not paint stripper. Do excuse me,' he said to Tara, heading for the bar.

'So, having a good time?' Buffy asked Tara.

'The best,' Tara smiled shyly. 'Thanks again for organising all this.'

'Oh, hey, no credit due,' Buffy said, holding her hands up. 'This is all Willow's doing, right down to the last balloon.'

'She's very special,' Tara said with a smile as Willow flailed past.

'Seems like you deserve each other,' Buffy said sincerely.

'Evenin',' said a rough voice behind them, and Buffy's heart skipped.

Spike came around to stand beside Tara, meeting Buffy's eyes uncomfortably before his gaze skittered away. 'Uh, happy birthday,' he said to Tara, holding out a parcel. It was wrapped in newspaper and tied with a shiny black ribbon; somehow the effect was classy rather than tacky.

'Oh, Spike, thank you,' Tara beamed, and Spike smiled back. 'Please, s-sit down.'

Spike glanced at Buffy before sliding onto the stool on the other side of Tara. He shifted in his seat, watching Tara open his present. He looked unsure and a little vulnerable, and way more endearing than he should've. Buffy tried to ignore the whispering voice telling her how good he looked in the purple shirt worn under his ubiquitous duster.

'Oh,' Tara breathed, stunned. 'Spike…how did you know?' She lifted the battered brown leather book reverently, turning it in her hands.

Spike smiled shyly. 'Just had a feelin'. It's a first edition.'

'What is it?' Buffy asked, curious.

'_Fuller's Grimoire_,' Tara explained. 'It's the first authorised work on witchcraft to be written by an actual practising female wicca, published in the nineteenth century – before that, all the magical texts were written by men. I've always wanted to read it.'

'I met her once, Abigail Fuller,' Spike said with a sniff. 'Nice lady.'

'Really?' Tara asked, eyes wide. 'That's amazing!'

Spike looked genuinely pleased. 'It was only for a minute, mind, but you could smell the power rolling off her.' He leaned in towards Tara conspiratorially. 'She was one of your tribe, y'know.'

'What, a witch?' Buffy asked with a frown. 'You already said that.'

'No, pet, not a witch,' Spike said patiently, smiling at Tara's attempt to hide a grin.

'Oh? Oh. Oh!' Buffy said, catching on, face blazing.

'Baby, you have to come dance – oh, hey Spike,' Willow said casually, bouncing back to the table. 'Tara, c'mon.'

Tara let her girlfriend lead her onto the dance floor, where Xander was waiting.

'That was a thoughtful gift,' Buffy said, wanting to fill the icy silence between her and Spike.

'Yeah, well, contrary to what some might think, I am capable of the occasional selfless act,' he huffed back.

'Okay, that's it,' Buffy said, moving to the stool next to his. 'What's the deal, Spike?'

'With what?' Spike frowned.

'You. Us. This,' Buffy said, waving a hand between them. 'You've been really weird with me lately, like one minute you're Mr Helpful then the next you're all pointed sarcasm and cutting remarks. You've been like this ever since - ' She stopped abruptly, remembering the night she'd let Spike bite her.

'Thought we weren't talking about that,' Spike said, his voice low.

'We're not,' Buffy said through gritted teeth. 'But something's changed, and I need to know what.'

Spike looked up at her. She forced herself to hold his gaze, though his blue eyes pierced her keenly. She felt like he was looking right into her, somewhere deep inside, unearthing things she hadn't even known were buried there. 'Hell if I know,' he said eventually, but his tone was soft and sincere. 'It's like…something in me is different…like maybe when old William got to take the driving seat, he left a bit of himself behind.'

'What does _that_ mean?'

'Dunno exactly,' Spike shrugged. 'But I know I don't feel the same any more. Like when I helped Tara with her dear old dad – it didn't even occur to me to walk away, leave you all to it. Once upon a time, not so very long ago, I'd'a been outta there before you could say Jack Robinson. Or like tonight, sittin' here with you…I mean, I'm not even imagining biting you.' Spike smiled, eyes twinkling. 'Well, maybe a nibble…'

Buffy swallowed. 'So, what? The chip's finally got you whipped?'

A muscle in Spike's jaw ticked. 'No, not the bloody chip – _me_. I feel more like the man I used to be than I have since Dru turned me. And between you an' me? I don't much like the sappy ponce.'

'Oh, I don't know,' Buffy said lightly. 'He's kinda growing on me.'

_Huh? Sorry, what was that? I am _so_ cutting you off, missy! I knew two beers on an empty stomach was a bad idea!_

'Is that a fact?' Spike murmured, suddenly way too close to her face. Buffy glanced down; his lips were just there, all pouty and kissable…and he smelled really, _really_ good…

'Buffy? What's going on?'

'Riley!' Buffy squeaked, spinning in her seat. 'You came!'

'Of course I came,' Riley said, putting his gift down on the table. 'The question is, why is Spike here?'

''Cos Sabrina wants me here,' Spike said, picking up Xander's cup and taking a long drink, making a show of settling himself in. 'Got a problem, take it up with her.'

'Riley, it's okay,' Buffy said, standing and taking his hand. 'Just ignore him, we'll still have a good time.'

'Anywhere Spike is, that's a bad time,' Riley said. 'Used to be a day when you'd have agreed with me, but lately? I don't know where your head's at any more, Buffy.'

'What does that mean?' Buffy frowned, drawing him away from Spike's keen stare.

'It means that you seem to like having him around,' Riley said. 'Ever since you let him bite you, in fact.'

'You know why he did that,' Buffy said, suddenly irritated. 'And it was one little bite – nothing's changed!'

'It doesn't look that way, Buffy,' Riley said, but his tone was sad rather than accusatory.

Buffy sighed. 'Look, Riley, I love you. Okay? _You_. Not Spike, not anyone else – just you.' She looked up at him imploringly, not sure whether she was trying to convince him or herself. 'So can we please drop the crazy and just enjoy tonight?'

Riley paused, face softening. 'Yeah, I guess we can do that.'

'Great,' Buffy said, relieved. She snuggled up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and trying to pretend she'd imagined the sadness in his eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update – we moved house a few weeks back, and I had a beautiful baby girl about two weeks ago so time is a rare and precious commodity for me at the moment! Hope you enjoy this latest chapter, the next is basically written so hopefully I'll be able to update again soon. As ever, I'd greatly appreciate a moment of your time to leave a review – thanks!

* * *

Riley paced through the silent graveyard, eyes flitting from shadow to shadow, searching for movement. For a moment he felt like he used to, back in the Initiative days – strong, capable, deadly.

Sounds of fighting drifted through the night somewhere behind him, and Riley turned. He knew that Buffy was in the south quadrant – no doubt she'd have the situation under control. Still, some instinct told him to go back anyway, just to be sure.

Riley emerged from behind a large shrub to see his worst nightmare playing out in front of him. Buffy was cornered by a vampire holding a bloodstained stake, pressed up against the wall of a crypt. The look on her face was pure terror and an ugly dark stain marred her pale sweater.

A red mist fell over Riley's eyes. Everything else disappeared, his vision narrowing to a single point that included only Buffy and the vampire before her.

Riley tackled the vampire hard and punched him with all his strength, cold fury raising his fist again and again. With his other hand he fumbled for his taser, but the vampire knocked it away and threw him off with a surge of power. Before Riley could stop him, the vampire was off and running.

Riley was torn for a long moment; part of him wanted to chase the vampire down, hit him until his fists went numb, then peg him out and wait for sunrise. Then Buffy whimpered and Riley forgot everything except helping the woman he loved.

'Buffy, what happened?' he asked, hurrying to her aid, eyes drawn to the gaping wound in her side. Buffy held up bloody hands, her eyes begging him for help, and collapsed.

* * *

'Ow!' Spike cried, face grinding against the crypt wall. 'Wait; not ow. You feeling all right, Slayer? This stuff usually hurts.'

'Don't even start, Spike,' Buffy said, spinning him to face her, ignoring the thrill at having him pressed up against the wall.

'What do you want?' Spike asked cautiously.

'Slayers. You killed two of them.'

'I did…'

'You're gonna tell me how.'

'This ain't Masterpiece Theatre, pet.'

'Maybe this will loosen your tongue,' Buffy said, holding up a wad of folded banknotes. Too late she caught the double entendre in her words, and looked away from him to hide her expression.

_This was a bad idea…no, this was the idea for which they coined the phrase 'bad idea'…_

'Well, since you put it like that,' Spike said, 'have a seat.' He moved to his only armchair, gesturing for her to sit. Reluctantly, Buffy took a seat on the edge of the cushion, wincing as the already-healing wound in her side protested.

'Now then, let's see,' Spike mused, grabbing a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. He sat on a low stone bench beside the chair, poured a generous measure into each glass, and held one out to Buffy expectantly.

'I'm not drinking that,' Buffy snorted.

'If I'm gonna be talking, I'll be needing a drink,' Spike said, eyebrow raised, 'and I don't like drinking alone.'

Buffy pointedly looked at the empty whisky bottle a few inches from her foot, then back at Spike.

'Yeah, well, doesn't mean I don't,' Spike sniffed. 'C'mon luv, it's good stuff, this. I haven't poisoned it, if that's what you're thinkin'.'

'Fine,' Buffy said, rolling her eyes as she took the glass from his hand. It did look pretty tempting, shades of honey and amber shifting in the candlelight. She took an experimental sip, expecting a harsh alcoholic taste, and was surprised when it slipped down smooth and easy.

'There now,' Spike grinned, taking a generous gulp. 'So what d'you wanna know, exactly?'

'I wanna know about two Slayers; one in China during the Boxer Rebellion, one in New York.'

'And you want what - a quick demo? A blow-for-blow description you can map out and memorise? It's not about the moves, luv.'

'Enlighten me, Spike – what is it about?'

'S'about death – isn't everything?' He pointed with one hand towards the doorway. 'That ovine mob out there, they blunder around in the dark thinkin' the Bogeyman's a myth and that nothing can touch their fat, spoilt little lives. You and me, we know better. That's why we kick and scream and fight so hard, why we cling onto life so tightly.'

'Forgetting that you don't actually have a life, Spike?' Buffy snarked.

'Not likely,' Spike said with a sad little smile. 'But I've been there, I've tasted death – just like you. I'm stronger now than I've ever been, but even so it'll just take a naked flame or a stray beam of sunshine and that's it, poof, I'm done.'

'Can we leave aside the existential philosophy for a moment, and get to where this has a point?'

'I was getting to that bit, hold your horses,' Spike groused. He leaned back on his right hand and lifted his left foot to the bench, forearm propped up on his knee; Buffy watched the muscles flex as he tilted the glass in his dangling hand, light glinting from the tawny liquid. 'When you deal with death every day,' he said eventually, 'I reckon you start to get a little bit obsessed. Every morning when you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: "is today the day I die?". See, those of us who really know how fleeting life is have a different spin on it. We hang on to life tighter than anyone, but somewhere deep inside we're fascinated with death; crave it, even.'

Buffy's heart tripped as his words hammered home. She gulped a little more silky-smooth bourbon. 'So what you're saying is, you managed to kill those slayers because they wanted to die?'

'That's it exactly,' Spike said. He was watching her carefully, head tilted; his eyes had that knowing look that usually presaged an unnervingly insightful comment. 'That's why you're here, innit? Something nasty got a taste of you, and now you're wondering if you're coming up due for a trade-in?'

Buffy said shortly, 'I just wanna know how to get better, so I don't slip up again.'

'Right,' Spike nodded. 'That's all it is, and everything's fine and sunny in Buffy's little world – that's why you're sitting in the dark with a creature you loathe.'

_I don't loathe you…even though I know I should…_'Tell me about China.'

Spike sighed happily. 'Good times. I'd only just found out that slayers even existed, see, couldn't wait to bag myself one. Found out the current one was Chinese, so me and the gang headed over there to have ourselves a good time.'

'The gang? You mean, uh, Angel?'

'Yeah, and Dru and Darla.' His eyes were shrewd. 'Not going to get all weepy on me, are you?'

'No,' Buffy chuckled. 'I'm _so_ far over him…I mean, not that some part of me doesn't still love him, but…that's of the past.'

'Like me and Dru,' Spike nodded. 'Past history now, but she was my one and only for a hundred years; you don't just get over that.' He downed his drink, poured another and held out the bottle to top Buffy's glass up. She was surprised to realise that somehow it was empty, and even more surprised when her hand lifted it for a refill.

'Best night of my life, that was,' Spike said a touch dreamily. 'Fires ragin', fear in the air, death and destruction everywhere you looked, and my first taste of Slayer blood, all in one glorious evening…'

'Sounds delightful,' Buffy deadpanned. 'How'd you kill her?'

'Wasn't easy, she almost had me at one point. See this?' He pointed to the scar in his left eyebrow.

'Mm-hmm,' Buffy nodded, pretending she'd never secretly examined it or decided it was sexy.

'That was her,' Spike said. 'Feisty little thing, handy with a sword. Not handy enough though.'

Buffy rolled her eyes, ready to slate him for his arrogance, but the look on his face was reflective rather than boastful.

'She was good, almost as good as you,' Spike said, meeting her eyes. 'I didn't appreciate it at the time, too young and headstrong, but lookin' back I shoulda shown her more respect. She deserved it.' He took a drink, something thoughtful settling over his face. Buffy gulped some bourbon, disturbed by the coiling admiration his words had stirred up.

'So, anyway,' Spike said, shaking his head. 'I beat her because she was so caught up in the fight that she lost sight of her enemy. She was too focused on the moves, and that's what cost her in the end.'

'That makes sense,' Buffy nodded, remembering her own words to Kendra once upon a time. 'But then, that may be the booze talking.'

Spike chuckled. 'Want some more?'

'No,' Buffy agreed, holding out her glass and watching the golden liquid tumbling into it. 'So what about the other one?'

'Ah, now _she_ was somethin' special. She was a lot like you, y'know – resourceful, instinctive, sexy…toughest fight I ever won, that one.'

_He thinks I'm sexy? Wow…okay, heart, keep beating…we don't care what he thinks, remember? _'So, uh, what let her down?'

'That good ol' slayer death wish,' Spike said.

'What?' Buffy scoffed. 'Spike, I've died – trust me, it's not something I wish for again.'

'You say that, pet, but your eyes say something different.' Spike leaned forward, feet planted on the floor, forearms resting on his knees. 'You've all got it, one way or another. Death is on your heels, and sooner or later it catches all of you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it.'

'That's such a crock!' Buffy knew she should be offended, should be socking him in the nose and storming out into the night - but she wasn't.

'Can't fool me, luv,' Spike said with a smile. 'Been there, remember? Got the soddin' t-shirt.'

'Tell me how you died,' Buffy said softly.

'What? No! A man's death's his own private business.'

'I drowned,' Buffy said, intense. 'The Master, he…I couldn't resist him. I was only gone for, like, a minute or two, but I remember how cold it was, how dark…how lonely it is to die.'

'Yeah,' Spike breathed. He looked oddly gratified at her confiding in him, his next words slipping out almost against his will. 'It was nippy that night, as I recall. Victoria was on the throne, England was prospering…good time to be alive.' He broke off to chuckle bitterly. 'I was young and foolish, with dreams of bein' a poet and a husband and a gentleman…and then I met Drusilla in a dark alleyway – you can guess the rest.'

'Did you want it?' Buffy swigged some bourbon. 'I mean, when Drusilla…did you want her to do it?'

'Yeah, I did,' Spike said quietly, something stirring in his eyes. 'Not that I had any bloody clue what I was agreein' to.'

Suddenly his gaze focused on Buffy again, and he smiled that hot-evil smile. Buffy sat up a little straighter, wondering exactly when she'd curled up on the chair.

'So tell me, Slayer, do _you_ want it?' Spike asked, setting down his glass and dropping to his knees before her. 'If I offered it to you now, same as Dru did for me – would you take it?'

'No,' Buffy said, lip trembling. This was too much like her dreams, her body responding the same way, begging her to accept whatever it was he was offering.

'Not even a tiny tad curious?' Spike drawled, head tilting as his piercing gaze swept from her toes up to her too-wide eyes. 'Don't you want it, just a little bit?'

'Say I did,' Buffy said, deliberately hardening her voice, snatching back control. 'It wouldn't be you, Spike.' She stood, glared down at him. 'It would never be you.'

Spike's laughter followed her out into the graveyard; she could still hear it ringing in her ears as she crept trembling into bed.

….

Alone in his crypt, Spike drank the last of the bourbon and reflected on his evening. It felt like a whole new world was opening up to him; the Slayer, all needy and vulnerable, tucked up in his armchair, tipsy and flushed. His demon stirred as he recalled the mingling scents of bourbon and blood, and faintly, underneath it all, Buffy's arousal. It called to the most primal side of him, but it was more than just the usual urge to use her and feed from her.

He wondered, as he sipped, why he'd shared about Drusilla.

_You're all covered with her. I look at you… all I see is the Slayer._

Suddenly, in a flash of clarity, it all made sense – she'd known he was in love with Buffy before he did.

'Why the hell didn't you tell me, Dru?' Spike whispered to the cobwebs. _And what am I going to do about it?_

* * *

Riley strode into the Fish Tank, eyes combing the room. His emotions were rioting and he felt like he was skating near the edge of his self-control. He knew where Buffy was, who she was with, and it twisted like a knife in his heart. While he understood the wisdom of seeking out someone with Slayer-killing experience, he couldn't help but believe that for Buffy, that was just a convenient excuse.

Riley spotted his target at a corner table, smiling and fawning over what looked like a nervously grinning frat boy.

'May I cut in?' Riley asked, looming over the table.

'Hey, dude, get lost,' the college boy said, puffing up his chest. 'The lady's with me.'

'Take a walk, junior,' Jasmine said, smiling darkly up at Riley.

The kid went a stormy shade of red, but stood to leave. 'Whatever,' he huffed. 'Like I was even interested.'

'So, the mystery man returns,' Jasmine said, taking a drink of the dark liquid in her glass. 'Changed our dating policy, have we?'

'I wanna know what it's like,' Riley said, jaw clenching. 'To be bitten, I mean. I need to know why…why people might want it.'

'Well, why didn't you say so?' Jasmine purred, standing. 'Wanna come back to my place?'

'Just one bite,' Riley said, eyes cold. 'That's all I want.'

'Sure,' Jasmine said. 'The place where I'm staying? We can cater to anything you desire, and at very reasonable rates.'

'So let's go,' Riley said, ignoring the voice of reason that told him to flee now while he still could, before he crossed a line he could never come back from.

But another part of him, a fatalistic, self-destructive urge, yearned to know what it felt like. Though she denied it, it was clear to him that some part of Buffy got off on the whole vampire vibe; first Angel had bitten her, then Dracula, and now Spike – and there was more to _that_ story than she was telling him.

_Maybe if I do this, I'll understand. Then some of this might make sense – her distance, her obsession with slaying, this weird whatever-it-is with Spike…_

_If I can understand how she feels, maybe she'll let me in._

They walked in silence for a couple of blocks, heading deeper into the seediest part of town. Riley refused to think about what he was doing, where he was going, concentrating on just putting one foot in front of the other.

'Here we are,' Jasmine said eventually, heading for a dilapidated house in a row of condemned buildings.

Inside it was worse than he'd imagined. The lighting was mercifully dim, but his sharp eyes could pick out the mess and run-down state of the place. Near the staircase a man lay on a dirty mattress, two female vampires drinking from his wrists. The look on his face was a mixture of fear and ecstasy. Riley looked away.

'C'mon, we'll use the penthouse suite,' Jasmine grinned, leading him towards the stairs. A couple of burly vampires stood close by, watching them silently, alert and ready to pounce. Riley ignored them, focusing on Jasmine's back until they were in a bedroom upstairs.

His heart thumped as Jasmine turned her face to him; gone were the pretty eyes and full lips, replaced with the features of a demon. Slowly he tilted his head, displaying his neck, waiting for her to move in.

Some small voice in the back of his mind was screaming at him to stop, to leave, to go back to Buffy and forget this crazy obsession. But his feet didn't move, and when Jasmine's lips touched his throat he allowed it.

Riley almost gasped at the pain of her fangs sliding into his flesh, expected though it was. He closed his eyes, cradling her head against him, and she began to drink. There was something intensely intimate about the experience; her lips and tongue moving against his skin, her firm body leaning into him, the tethered moans in her throat. But it was more than that; in that moment, she needed him, craved him completely. It was sexual, primal, animalistic, and for one shining moment Riley totally understood Buffy's fascination with the dark side. The world seemed sharper, clearer; the mingled scents of the room stronger, the sound of a distant siren shriller.

Then Jasmine jerked away from him, shocked, falling into dust at his feet. Riley looked down at the stake in his hand; for an instant he regretted it, but it passed. She was a demon, after all.


	19. Chapter 19

Spike took a sip of whisky, grimaced, followed it with a swallow of beer, and looked around the bar. He didn't usually come into the Fish Tank, and the sticky bar-top, low-class clientele and musty odour were reminding him why.

The door opened and two men came in. One was tall and stocky, his black hooded sweater straining across his barrel chest; Spike knew he was a vampire straight away. The other was shorter, slimmer; his brown hair was greased back and his battered leather jacket had seen better days. Spike watched, only mildly interested, as they walked to a table near the door, speaking to the dark-haired man sitting there and holding up a piece of paper. The man shook his head and they walked away. The shorter man turned, saw Spike, and headed towards him.

'Hey Spike,' he said as he approached. 'Didn't think I'd see you in here.'

'Yeah, usually I'd be working at the soup kitchen on a Tuesday night,' Spike said sardonically. 'What d'you want, Eddie?'

'You seen her?' Eddie asked, holding up the paper. On it was a sketch of a dark-haired woman, pretty but forgettable.

Spike took the paper from Eddie's hand. 'What's her name?'

'Jasmine.'

Spike made a show of examining the paper. 'No,' he said eventually, handing it back. 'Can't say as I have. Although, given the quality of the drawing, she could be sat next to me an' I wouldn't know her.'

'Hey!' said Stocky, taking a step closer.

'Sorry, mate,' Spike said. 'Didn't realise it was your handiwork. Hey Eddie, maybe you could put it on your refrigerator when you get home?'

Eddie restrained the big vampire with a hand on his chest. 'As ever, Spike, you've been an enormous lack of help.'

They turned to go, but Spike called, 'Hold up, aren't you gonna tell me why you're lookin' for her?'

'She's my sweet little cousin, and I miss her dreadfully,' Eddie said, voice flat and emotionless. 'Whadda you care?'

'Don't,' Spike sniffed. 'Just wondered what it'd be worth to me if I do see her around.' He tilted his head, giving Eddie a laser stare. 'And I've already figured out she's one of your girls, so no need to be coy.'

Eddie glared at him. 'She left here last night with a trick, brought him back to the hideout, and nobody's seen her or him since.'

'Yeah? Tragic,' Spike said, taking another drink. 'What did the guy look like?'

'Tall, muscular, sandy hair,' Eddie said. 'According to Mickey, he looked like a cross between a Marine and an Abercrombie & Fitch model.'

'S'that right?' Spike said thoughtfully. _If I didn't know better, I could swear that description fits one Riley 'Wanker' Finn. Interesting…_

'Sound familiar?'

'Nope, sorry,' Spike said. 'I'll keep 'em peeled, though, tell you if I see her.'

Eddie nodded and turned away, then looked back with a speculative gleam in his eyes. 'Listen, I know you got that, uh, brain condition that stops you feeding nowadays…'

Spike's jaw clenched. 'You'd better have a point, _mate_.'

'Yeah, yeah,' Eddie said, hands up. 'I was just thinkin', if you ever wanna make a few bucks and have a good feed at the same time, maybe you could come see me. Good-looking guy like you, I could get you plenty of tricks, no sweat.'

Spike put down his glass very carefully, swivelling on his stool to face Eddie. In one smooth motion he was on his feet, right up in the weasely vampire's face.

'On second thoughts,' Spike intoned, voice low and hard and deadly, 'if I ever see you again, I'll rip your ugly, buck-toothed, empty head right off your sloping, girly shoulders. Alright?'

Eddie swallowed, stepped back. 'Fine, be that way. Just seemed like something - '

'GET OUT!' Spike roared, and Eddie all but scampered out of the door. For all his glowering and posing, Stocky wasn't far behind.

Spike took a seat and picked up his beer, ignoring the looks that were firing his way from all angles. He took a drink, sneering at the watery taste, and let his mind race, turning over the juicy information he'd picked up.

_Turns out this might be a good night after all…_

XXX

Riley stuck his head in the training room door at the back of the Magic Box; it was deserted. He closed the door behind him and headed for the entrance leading into the shop.

'Okay, we were supposed to hook up with Riley this morning, to take on a nest o'vamps holed up in a tomb,' he heard Xander saying. 'So we get there, and guess what? Tell him, Will.'

'Tomb go boom,' Willow's voice replied.

'Yep, Captain America blowed it up real good. All by his lone wolf lonesome.'

Riley paused, wincing.

'Hmm, rather reckless of him,' Giles said.

'I'd say very rather,' Xander huffed.

Riley took a breath and strolled in. 'Hey guys.'

'Well, look who it is,' Xander said, walking to meet him. 'Is it just me, or does anyone else smell cordite and charred sweater?'

'Um, Xander?' Willow ventured. 'They don't use cordite in hand grenades.'

'Makin' a point here, Will,' Xander said, grimacing.

'Shutting up,' Willow said, hand raised in apology.

'Look, I know what you're about to say,' Riley said, holding his hands up, 'and I'm sorry, okay? I was up early this morning and I decided to head over there and take care of things. It was a calculated risk, I knew what I was doing - and I was trying to keep you guys out of the line of fire.'

'That's what I've been saying,' Anya piped up. 'I for one was glad not to start my day with a slaughter. Which really,' she grinned excitedly, 'just goes to show how much I've grown!'

Giles cleared his throat. 'Yes, well, since you're here, we could use your help researching Buffy's mysterious woman.'

'Actually, it's Buffy I'm looking for,' Riley said. 'Is she not here?'

Giles and Willow exchanged a meaningful look.

'What?' Riley asked, then sighed. 'What did she not tell me this time?'

'She's at the hospital with her mom,' Xander said, his tone gentler. 'Joyce is having a whole new barrage of super-fun tests done today.'

'Oh,' Riley said flatly. 'I guess she forgot to mention it in the middle of all the shutting me out of her life.'

'Ri, it's not like that,' Xander began.

'You're a good friend, Xander, but it's exactly like that,' Riley cut him off. His shoulders dropped. 'I'm going over there, see if there's anything I can do.'

The others watched silently as he left, the jingling bell somehow way too cheerful.

XXX

He saw her, pacing outside the examination room, before she noticed him. She was like a ray of sunshine, despite the worry and fatigue sitting heavily on her shoulders; golden, vibrant, strong. Against her light, his experience with Jasmine seemed even more dark and seedy than it had before. Riley swallowed, checked his roll-neck sweater covered the bite mark, and said her name.

Buffy turned, recognition blooming. 'Riley,' she sighed, seeming relieved.

'Hey,' he said. 'I heard. I thought maybe you'd need…'

Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist tightly. 'I do,' she said. 'I'm glad.'

She pressed against him and he was sure for a moment that her goodness would burn him up, like sunlight to a vampire. He was struck with a desperate urge to be for Buffy what he'd been for Jasmine; vital, strong, needed. 'You should have told me,' he whispered. 'I wanna be here for you.'

'I know,' she murmured against his sweater. 'I just wanted to wait…y'know, until we know what it is…'

'I understand,' Riley said, pushing down the hurt. 'How's she doing?'

'I don't know yet,' Buffy said. She pulled back, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She was like a flame and he was the moth; his hand lifted to touch her, feel a connection with her.

'Miss Summers?'

The examination room door was opening, Dr Isaacs emerging. Buffy turned, just as Riley's fingers were about to brush her face, and walked away without a backward glance.

'How is she? Can I see her?' Buffy asked the doctor anxiously.

'Of course,' Dr Isaacs said. 'I'm just going to check the status of the O.R., your mother can explain the results to you.'

Buffy turned to Riley. 'Would you mind…I mean, can you wait out here for a while? I just, I wanna talk to Mom alone.'

'You got it,' Riley said. He smiled, but his heart was breaking. Then the door closed behind Buffy, leaving him alone in the crowded hallway.

Riley swallowed down the hurt and bitterness that threatened to choke him. The old Riley, the one who worked at the university and laughed and planned picnics, understood that Buffy was confused and torn. Her family had to come first, she didn't mean to reject him, and he should try to understand what she was going through.

The new Riley, the one who felt weak and useless, who seemed to always be reaching for something beyond his grasp, felt another little piece of himself snap off and disappear. As her walls got higher, so his foundations got weaker.

_If I was stronger, darker, more powerful, would she want me more?_

_If I was more like Angel…or Spike?_

XXX

Buffy didn't look back at Riley, the pain in his face too close to the raw anguish in her own heart. Her head ached, her shoulders were tense, and the nervous energy coiling through her was churning her stomach into a frenzy.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the exam room door.

Inside it was dark and a little spooky. Her mother was standing in front of a large light box, looking at the scan images pinned up there. Buffy closed the door, and Joyce turned.

'Oh, hey, baby, come on in.'

Buffy went to stand beside her, glancing at the meaningless images on the wall. 'I saw Dr Isaacs, he said something about the O.R.'

'Yeah,' Joyce said, a touch weary. 'Apparently I'm lucky there's one available on such short notice. Some people wait for days, sometimes weeks.'

'Mom, what did they find?' Buffy asked softly.

'A shadow. I've got a shadow. Somewhere…over there…' Joyce gestured to the stark images. 'He showed it to me, but, um…they have to do a biopsy to find out exactly what it is.'

Buffy fought back hot, stinging tears. She felt like a kid again, wanted to kick and scream and throw a tantrum until everything was how she wanted it. But this was one of those defining grown-up moments, and despite her years of vampire slaying and demon fighting she felt weak and incapable.

Joyce turned to her, worry painted across her features, and Buffy grasped her in a tight hug. For a long moment they held each other, anchoring each other in their shared love and anxiety. Then Joyce pulled away, summoning a smile though her voice broke as she said, 'Doctor says it's too early to be concerned.'

'Right,' Buffy said, nodding. 'No concern.'

'Just a shadow.'


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **So here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy reading it – as ever, reviews are gratefully read, re-read and quoted to my long-suffering husband ;o) There is some dialogue from the show in here, but not too much...

* * *

Willow sighed, rubbed her tired eyes and closed the hefty book on the research table in front of her.

Tara looked across, frowning sympathetically. 'No luck, sweetie?' she asked.

'Plenty,' Willow said. 'All of the 'none whatsoever' variety. This is so frustrating!'

'I'll see your frustration and raise you two blurry eyes and one wrung-out brain,' Xander said, straightening his back with a click and a sigh.

At the counter, Anya rang up a sale and handed a paper bag across to the shop's only customer, a slender blonde in a silky maroon dress and mohair shrug. The woman took the bag with a smile and left in a cloud of perfume. Up on the balcony, Giles drew another ancient tome from the restricted shelves and began leafing through the pages.

'How is this so hard?' Willow whined. 'We know her name, what she looks like, we're pretty sure she's not a demon – so how come there's nothing about her in any of these books?'

'There has to be,' Xander said, frustration spilling over. 'I mean, the alternative is that Buffy's up against an uber-strong superbitch who she can't fight, can't out-think and can't defeat – so she's in here somewhere, we just have to find her.'

Anya walked across and draped her arms over Xander's shoulders, snuggling her cheek against his ear. 'You're doing great, pookie,' she murmured. 'You'll find her.'

Xander smiled tiredly and raised one hand to stroke her arm. 'Thanks, Ahn.'

'Oh dear Lord,' Giles said from above them.

'I was hopin' you'd say that!' Xander exclaimed. 'Come on, big guy, hit me – what is she, Godzilla's big sister?'

Giles descended the steps carefully, barely lifting his eyes from the book in his hands. 'If it's what I suspect…this is very worrying indeed.' His face was pale, and Willow frowned as a shudder of dread ran through her.

'What is it?' Anya asked nervously. 'Are we all going to die, imminently and painfully? 'Cos I've only just gotten used to the whole mortal coil thing, and I'm not ready to shuffle off of it just yet!'

'This is a Babylonian text,' Giles explained. 'There's a section here about Ishtar, goddess of fertility, love, war, and uh, sex.'

'Huh,' Xander grunted. 'I guess that lame song 'Love is a Battlefield' may've been right after all.'

'I've heard of her,' Willow said. 'But what's the relevance?'

Giles sighed and laid down the book on the table, taking off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. 'Earlier today I was reading another text, early Sumerian, and it mentioned something about the Gateway to the Underworld. I didn't give it too much credence at first, given that Sumerian myths are usually just that – myths. But this Babylonian history confirms a lot of the same information. Individually neither would give us the answer, but add the two together with a few other things I've come across…'

'And the whole ugly jigsaw puzzle is complete,' Xander finished.

'Come on, Giles, let us have it,' Willow said bravely.

Giles sighed and took a deep breath. 'The goddess Ishtar is seen as the divine personification of Venus, or as this text names her, the Queen of Glory.'

'Okay, so, both called Glory – a bit coincidental, I admit,' Xander said, licking his lips.

'There's more, I'm afraid,' Giles said, taking a seat beside Tara. 'Ereshkigal, Queen of the Underworld, became a mortal enemy of Ishtar by refusing to let her enter the Underworld's gates – also known as the Gateway. Ishtar threatened violent retribution once she gained entry to the Underworld – listen to this:

"_If thou openest not the gate to let me enter,_

_I will break the door, I will wrench the lock,_

_I will smash the door-posts, I will force the doors._

_I will bring up the dead to eat the living,_

_And the dead will outnumber the living."_'

'Catchy,' Willow said weakly.

Giles went on, 'Ereshkigal and her monks cast a spell upon the Gateway, rendering it invisible to Ishtar. They then moved it to another dimension where she could never find it. Ishtar was cast out and has been searching for a way home ever since.'

'So, to sum up,' Xander said, verging on hysterical, 'we're up against a severely pissed off god who wants to open a Gateway to the Underworld and wreak bloody havoc upon whoever gets in her way?'

'In a nutshell, yes,' Giles said.

Silence fell.

'We have to find Buffy,' Willow said eventually.

'But then what?' Xander asked. 'I mean, how do you fight a god?'

'One blow at a time,' Tara said determinedly. 'Well,' she went on, as a variety of incredulous looks turned to her, 'n-now we know who she is and w-what she wants, we can find her weak spot. I mean, sure she's a g-god, but that doesn't mean she's infallible.' Her voice and manner increased in confidence as she went on. 'If these monks are strong enough to move an interdimensional gateway around, not to mention banishing her from her home dimension in the first place, then that means she has weaknesses. And _that_ means she can be beaten – we just need to know how.'

Willow grinned at her, grasping her hand across the tabletop.

'Quite right,' Giles said with a smile. 'I'll go and call Buffy – the rest of you, keep researching. Willow, see if there's anything about this order of monks in any of the books.'

'On it,' Willow said, bending to her research with new determination.

Xander stood. 'I'm gonna head to the Espresso Pump, get us some more stimulating beverages to keep our brains ticking over. You all want?'

'Please,' Tara said as the others nodded. 'That's a good idea, Xander.'

'I'll come,' Anya piped up. 'I'm more a practical action kinda girl anyway.'

With new focus, they each set themselves to the task in hand.

* * *

Buffy sighed and leant her head in her hands, elbows on her knees. Riley reached out to stroke her back but she barely noticed. Her head hurt, the hospital chair was uncomfortable, the overhead lighting was harsh and cold, but it was all just background stuff; her mind was somewhere else entirely.

Buffy glanced up, something like her Slayer instinct tingling, and saw Dr Isaacs approaching. A jolt ran through her and she stood, moving to intercept him. _He's not smiling – is that a bad sign? _

'Everything went fine,' the doctor said, as though reading her mind. 'They're moving her into recovery now.'

'Do we have the results yet?' Buffy asked, nervously wringing her hands.

'Let's, um, sit down over here for a minute,' Dr Isaacs said.

'No!' Buffy exclaimed, then more calmly said, 'Excuse me, no - I don't mean to be rude, I just, I've been sitting for hours, I don't wanna sit. I just ... tell me, please.'

'Buffy,' said Riley, appearing at her side. 'It might be best. C'mon.'

Buffy sighed, but let him lead her to a group of sagging sofas. She perched on the edge of one, the doctor sitting opposite.

'Your mother has…the term is low-grade glioma. It's a brain tumour. The clinical name is oligode_ndro…_'

Buffy phased out, the rest of his explanation fading into white noise. _Brain tumour. Brain tumour. Brain tumour._

Dr Isaacs paused, and Buffy wrenched her attention back to him with an effort. 'I know this is very difficult,' he said, 'and because of the nature of your mother's illness, unfortunately things may progress very quickly.'

'Things? What things?'

'Symptoms. There's a fair variety that might present. Loss of vision or appetite, lack of muscle control, uh, mood swings...'

'But what can we do?' Buffy asked, panicky, hot and cold all over. Riley took one of her hands in his, squeezing it gently. She fought the urge to bat him away.

'Well, not much, until we determine if the tumour's operable. Which we are working on,' Dr Isaacs explained. 'But for now, there are some things I have to ask you, if that's alright?'

'Sure,' Buffy said faintly.

Dr Isaacs looked down at the clipboard in his hands. 'Does your mother's insurance company require copies of the MRI and pathology reports?'

Buffy frowned. 'I'm not sure.'

'Well, just let me know as soon as possible. And I could use some information regarding your mom's lifestyle and home environment. For instance, does she use a cell phone?'

'Uh, I think so. Yeah, she has one of those ear things,' Buffy said, remembering.

'OK, is your house near any power lines, chemical plants, waste disposal facilities?'

'I don't know,' Buffy said, frustration rising. _Why are we sitting here talking about power lines when my mother is in a bed somewhere with a brain tumour? _'Wait,' Buffy breathed, sitting up straighter. 'Doctor, do cell phones and power lines have something to do with people getting brain tumours?'

'There is still some debate about that,' Dr Isaacs said, 'but yes, I believe they do. Regular exposure to any extraordinary power source can have a harmful effect on the human body, especially a sensitive and complex organ like the brain.'

'Riley,' Buffy said urgently, turning to him. 'It's the Gateway, that's what causing this!'

Riley frowned. 'What gateway?'

Buffy's stomach went cold. Somehow, in all the drama and craziness, she'd forgotten to tell him about it. 'I'll explain later,' she said, seeing hurt flash in his eyes.

Dr Isaacs frowned as his pager went off. 'I have to go,' he said, standing. 'Look, Miss Summers, your mother won't wake up for at least another six hours or so. I suggest you go home, freshen up, see what insurance information you can find for me, and come back later this evening.' Without a backwards glance he turned and strode off down the hallway, Joyce's problems forgotten as he rushed to attend to someone else.

'We have to go to the magic shop,' Buffy said, leaping to her feet. 'C'mon, I'll explain everything on the way.'


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: **So here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy it – sorry it's taken so long and is so short, but the next chapter is almost ready so will be up very soon. And to quote a broken record – please take a moment to review. Thanks :oD

* * *

The sky was starting to darken as Riley pulled into a parking space down the block from the Magic Box. Buffy waited impatiently while he locked the car, testing the door handles, and they began the short walk to the store.

'I gotta say, Buffy, I'm still having trouble taking all this in,' Riley said.

'Join the club,' Buffy sighed.

'And you still don't know who Glory is?'

'Not yet,' Buffy said. 'I'm hoping the gang might have found something by now.'

They entered the magic shop and Willow looked up, jumping from her seat when she saw them. 'Buffy!' she exclaimed, hurrying across. 'Giles has been trying to call you, we've found some stuff about Glory and the Gateway!'

'Great work, guys,' Buffy said, relieved, walking towards the table. She felt better now that she could start putting some labels on things, but it somehow made it seem more real too.

Giles appeared from the back room, a book in his hand. 'Ah, Buffy, at last,' he said. 'We've found some of the information you need - '

'I know, Will was just saying,' Buffy cut in. 'But first, I have something I have to tell you guys.' She paused, waiting until she had their full attention. 'My mom has a brain tumour.'

'Oh, Buffy, I am sorry,' Giles said, face drawing into a sympathetic frown.

'Tumour?' Willow repeated blankly. 'But…that can't be right…'

'It is,' Buffy said gently. 'And I think I know why. The doctor said that any strong power source, even something like a cell phone, can cause tumours. So I'm thinking that a whacking great big Gateway into another dimension might just be able to do the same.'

'But you've been living at home lately,' Xander said, panicking. 'God, Buff, what if you've got a tumour too?'

Buffy's eyes went wide. 'I hadn't even thought of that.'

Riley put an arm around her shoulders. 'Let's all calm down,' he said. 'Buffy, you haven't had any of the same symptoms as your mom, so chances are you're fine. Besides, I bet the Slayer strength-and-healing package is giving you a level of protection that your mom just doesn't have.'

'It's worth bearing in mind, though,' Giles said. 'Have you had any, uh, dizzy spells lately? Nausea, vomiting, sudden headaches, anything of that nature?'

'No,' Buffy said, shaking her head. 'I mean, a coupla headaches, but I figured that was just because of the whole worrying-about-sick-mom-and-crazy-demon-hell-bitch situation.'

'I still think you and your mother should move out,' Giles frowned, 'just to be on the safe side.'

'You can stay with me if you like,' Riley said. 'I mean, I don't have much space, but you're welcome to it.'

'Thanks,' Buffy smiled.

'And my door is always open, should you need it,' Giles added.

Buffy straightened, letting Riley's arm slip from her shoulders. 'I think my mom might be in hospital for a while yet, but if…_when_ she comes out I want her to be where someone can keep an eye on her while I'm not around.' She turned to her Watcher. 'Giles, I know it's a lot to ask, but could Mom stay with you for a few days?'

'Of course,' he smiled. 'Anything I can do, you know that.'

Buffy smiled back, caught in a little bubble of reassurance and hope. With friends like these, surely she could handle whatever was coming?

'Okay,' Buffy said determinedly, shrugging off her jacket and taking a seat at the table with the others. 'I have to get back to the hospital in a few hours when Mom wakes up, but for now I'm all yours. So tell me – who's the Lady in Red?'

For a moment her friends just looked at each other - mouths opened then closed, eyes flickered to hers then away just as quickly.

Finally Giles said, 'Oh, for pity's sake, I'll do it. Buffy,' his tone turned gentle, 'there's no easy way to say this…I'm afraid you're fighting a god.'

* * *

Glory smiled in satisfaction as a shadowy figure appeared in the centre of the summoning circle. It was less than five feet tall but made of solid muscle, thick sinewy limbs covered in glistening black fur. The demon turned, snarling, but as its glittering obsidian eyes fell on Glory the sneer fell from its lips.

'Hey there little fella,' Glory said enthusiastically. 'Aren't you just the cutest l'il teddy bear?'

The snarl rose again, the demon's throat quivering as it held back a growl.

'Oh, calm down, wouldya?' Glory said with a sigh. 'All's I need you to do is go find something for me, then come back and lead me to it. 'kay?'

The demon nodded once. It growled something guttural and harsh, and Glory frowned. 'Please,' she said, 'it's so crass to talk about money at a time like this. Don't worry, I know the payment you demand, and you'll get it – as soon as you lead me to my Gateway. Do we got a deal?'

The demon nodded again.

'See, now was that so hard?' Glory asked. She snapped her fingers and the forcefield around the circle dropped, allowing the demon to prowl out into the swish apartment. Glory's minions backed away as it lifted its head, scenting the air, tongue flickering between teeth like finger-thick needles. Suddenly it took off with a howl, smashing the door on its way through.

'Dreg!' Glory whined, stamping a kitten-heeled foot. 'Teen Wolf broke my door!'

'Worry not, oh sparkling and vivacious one!' Dreg grovelled. 'We shall fix it immediately!'

'So get to it,' Glory said, dropping onto a plush sofa and raising her feet to rest on the velvet cushions. 'And would a frickin' mojito be too much to ask?'

* * *

'Rummy!' declared Joyce, laying down her cards.

'Again?' Buffy grumbled. 'I'm sure you must be cheating – has Spike been teaching you to cheat?'

'I wish,' Joyce said, raising one eyebrow.

'I'm sorry, what was that?' Buffy asked, stunned. 'Mom, are you…do you have a thing for Spike?'

Joyce paused, mulled it over, then smiled. 'No - but it sure is fun watching you squirm.'

'Mom!' Buffy exclaimed, relieved. 'Don't do that to me! I mean, I know a hospital is a good place to be if I have a heart attack, but let's not test the theory, 'kay?'

Joyce laughed, and Buffy smiled. It was good to see her mom happy, even if she did look small and pale against the sterile hospital pillows.

There was a knock at the door and Willow entered with a large brightly-coloured gift bag. Xander followed, smiling at Buffy across the room.

'Care package!' Willow announced. 'Special delivery for the Summers girls.' She put the bag on the bed next to Joyce. 'Now, let's see what I have in this sack of mine. Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger and female and, well, Jewish...'

'Hey Buffster,' Xander said quietly, watching Willow pull a bright red beer helmet out of the bag. 'Got a sec?'

'Sure,' Buffy said. 'Mom, I'll just be a minute.'

'Okay honey,' Joyce said, looking in bemusement at Willow's present.

Buffy followed Xander out into the hallway, closing the door behind her. 'What is it, is everyone alright?'

'Yup, no casualties to report,' Xander said, wincing a little as he realised where he was. 'I, uh, just wanted to talk to you about Riley.'

Buffy frowned. 'Is he okay?'

'Yeah…and no,' Xander said. He took a seat and Buffy sat with him. 'It's just…the guy seems sorta like he's on the verge of imploding.' He leaned forward, talking with his hands. 'I'm sure you've noticed that he's acting kinda crazed lately. Like taking on that vamp nest single-handed the other day, as a for instance.'

'Xand, you know Riley – you can take the boy out of the army…'

'Yeah, I get it, he's Joe Combat…but it's more than that. He didn't even show for patrol tonight, and that's not like him. Which isn't to say I didn't manfully take out all those big bad vamps without him,' he grinned a little, 'but…he said he'd be there, and he wasn't.'

'Well…something probably just came up,' Buffy said, pushing away her unease at his words. 'Look, I appreciate your concern, but Riley can take care of himself. If something's up he'd tell me, and right now I have to be there for Mom. I don't have the energy to start worrying about Riley as well.'

'See, I think that's sorta the problem,' Xander said awkwardly. 'I think he's feeling a little left out of your life, and he's not really dealing.'

'Well, he'll just have to,' Buffy said, frustrated. 'I can't hold his hand through every little problem…'

'Why not?' Xander asked, something hardening in his look. 'Whenever Angel showed the teensiest sign of a frown, you couldn't get over there fast enough.'

'That was totally different,' Buffy said, exasperated. 'When I was with Angel, my mom wasn't sick...'

'Yeah, I remember,' Xander cut her off, 'and life was all peaches 'n' cream with not a wrinkle in the picnic blanket of life, right? Buff, you had stuff on your mind then like you do now – different, but still of the big.'

'So what, you're the dating expert now?' Buffy said, stung. 'One insect lady, one mummy, one bitch queen and one ex-demon and you think you're qualified to start dishing out advice?'

'You're one of my best friends, Buffy,' Xander said quietly, refusing to take the bait. 'I can't sit back and let you ruin what could be the best thing that ever happened to you. I know your mom needs you, but Riley does too. All he wants is for you to let him in.'

'I have let him in,' Buffy said coldly.

'Is that really true? I hate to challenge you on anything, especially since I know you could snap me like a twig, but… I see it all the time, you keep turning him away like he's an annoying little puppy dog yapping at your heels.'

'Did you not see what happened when I opened up to Angel?'

'That's not Riley's fault,' Xander snapped. 'You're treating him like the rebound guy, when actually he's the once-in-a-lifetime guy.'

Buffy's skin prickled. _He's right, I am shutting Riley out…but he's not the once-in-a-lifetime guy, is he? I mean, he should be…but somehow, he's not…_

'Riley's never held back with you,' Xander pressed on, thinking he was getting through. 'He's risked everything. If he's not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn't there, then break his heart and make it clean. But if you really think you can love this guy…Buffy, you've gotta tell him that.'

'I can't…' Buffy realised that tears had spilled onto her cheeks. 'I can't deal with this now…'

'Right,' Xander nodded, leaning back; Buffy thought he seemed disappointed in her. 'Well, I've said my piece. Just check in on him, will ya? Make sure he's okay.' Xander stood, looking down at her for a moment.

'I will,' Buffy said quietly. She hugged her arms around herself, watching Xander walk back into her mom's room and wondering why she suddenly felt so cold.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: **As promised, here's the next chapter nice and speedily! I hope the Spuffy fans among you will particularly enjoy it – and if so, please spare a minute to let me know...thanks again for reading :o)

* * *

Buffy closed the front door behind her but left the hall light turned off; there was something soothing about the darkness. Her mind was still rioting after Xander's almost-lecture and she had a horrible, sinking feeling that she wasn't actually in love with Riley at all.

Upstairs in the master bedroom, Buffy switched on a bedside lamp and opened the wardrobe. She pulled out a suitcase, ready to pack her mother's things so she could move straight into Giles's apartment once she was discharged. _Which she will be,_ Buffy told herself firmly. She picked carefully through the wardrobe, choosing clothes she knew Joyce especially liked, packed some makeup and a couple of books from the bedside table, and headed for the bathroom to get her mother's favourite bathrobe. When she took it down from the hook on the door, Buffy caught a scent of her mom's familiar perfume on the fuzzy blue material. Holding it to her nose, Buffy closed her eyes against the flood of worry and fear that swept through her, determined not to cry. It was like trying to hold back a monsoon with a parasol; all of a sudden she was shaking with sobs, the soft fabric pressed to her face as the hot, bitter tears flowed.

With an effort of will, Buffy pulled herself together. Moving to the sink, she splashed cold water on her face and took a deep steadying breath. 'Get it together, Buffy,' she whispered to the pale, tired-looking girl in the mirror. Throwing the last few items into the suitcase, Buffy zipped it up and left the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Something heavy and bristly tackled her heavily, sending them both crashing down the stairs. Buffy fought back instinctively, trying to make sure she landed on top, while her brain raced to try and process what was happening. _What the hell is this thing? It feels like a giant toilet brush! Like my life isn't icky enough…_

They landed in a heap at the bottom of the staircase and the thing was gone before Buffy could react. She stood, listening to the silent house for clues…nothing.

_Need a weapon… _Buffy followed the hallway along to the kitchen, heading for the knife block and picking the biggest one.

Something creaked behind her. _It's in the basement._

She headed for the basement door slowly, cautiously… She heard footsteps, then the door slammed open. Buffy raised her knife, heart hammering, and caught a glimpse of platinum and ebony.

_Spike! Wait, that's not a good thing… I shouldn't be pleased to see him….but damn, he looks good in moonlight…_

'Did you hear something?' Spike asked, tilting his head.

Buffy ignored the way the silvery light danced on his ridiculously smooth, touchable skin. 'Yeah, there's some kind of…wait, what were you doing in my basement?'

'Well, I was on my way to IKEA,' Spike began sarcastically, thrusting one hand into his duster pocket a little too hastily, 'then I remembered that my pay check from the Burger Barn hadn't come through yet, so I decided to come steal some junk from you instead.'

'Gotta hand it to you, Spike – just when I think you've reached the depths, you keep on surprising me.'

Spike opened his mouth to reply, then his eyes widened at something behind her. 'What the… is that a midget werewolf?'

Buffy whirled, but the thing slammed into her and knocked the knife from her grip. Vice-like hands gripped her throat and the edges of her vision began to blur.

'Spike!' she croaked. 'The knife!'

The thing above her screamed in her face, hideous beyond words. Then its grip slackened and it slumped onto her, crushing the air from her chest. With an effort, she rolled it to one side and saw the hilt of the kitchen knife sticking out of its back.

Spike reached out a hand, and she grasped it to pull herself upright.

'Thanks,' Buffy said softly, withdrawing her hand with a shiver of regret.

'Welcome,' Spike said, just as softly. His brow was furrowed as he looked down at her, his eyes deep wells in the shadows. 'What're you doin' creepin' about in the dark, anyways?'

'I just, uh, came by to pack a bag for my mom,' Buffy said, her mouth inexplicably dry. 'When she gets out of the hospital she's gonna move in with Giles, 'cos of the Gateway, so…'

'Joyce's in hospital?' Spike interrupted, frowning.

'Yeah,' Buffy said. Something about the sudden sadness in his eyes made her explain, 'She has a brain tumour.'

Spike's jaw clenched and he looked away. His Adam's apple bobbed and Buffy realised he was trying to suppress some strong emotion. Finally he looked back at her searchingly. 'She's in the best hands, though, right?' he asked. 'I mean, they can fix it?'

'Yeah,' Buffy nodded. 'They, um, think they caught it in time.'

'Good,' Spike said, seemingly relieved. 'That's good.'

'Yeah,' Buffy said again. She couldn't look away from his eyes; there was sympathy there, and sadness, and something else far more intriguing. She could feel the energy in the air between them, prickly and crackling, almost tangible. Buffy felt like she couldn't catch her breath; she didn't know if that was because the hairy demon had crushed her, or because Spike had just taken another step closer.

'How're you holdin' up?' Spike asked, tilting his head at her.

'Me? Oh, uh, peachy and working up to keen,' Buffy said, trying to sound convincing.

Spike smiled, just a lift of his mouth at one corner. 'The gang's not here, pet, nobody who needs to hear the party line. There's a demon queen on the loose, a portal to who-knows-where in your house and your mum's not too healthy – even for a Slayer, that's gotta be tough. Don't pretend you're fine if you're not – you've delivered more than one magnificent kicking of my delectable arse over the years, the least I deserve from you is the truth.'

Buffy swallowed, still looking into those too-blue eyes. 'It's been…a little rough,' she admitted. She could suddenly see her mother in her mind's eye, small and lost in the cold, sterile hospital, and felt tears well up again. 'What if she dies, Spike? What the hell will I do without her? I know all about killing demons and slaying vampires, but I have no clue how to be an actual grown-up!'

'Shh, pet,' Spike said, brushing away the tear that spilled down her face. 'She'll make it, you see if she doesn't. This is the lady who smacked me in the head with an axe, remember? I reckon it'll take more than some mean-spirited clump of cells to get the better of her. 'Sides which, she's a Summers woman – Sunnydale wouldn't be the same without you lot around to torment me, so she'll have to stick around a bit longer, won't she?'

Buffy smiled tremulously. 'Well, when you put it like that…'

'And Buffy? Don't worry about what you can and can't handle. You're stronger than you look, outside and in – I've never known a woman like you, in all my hundred and some-odd years.'

'Yeah?' Buffy asked, wondering where all the air in the room had gone.

'Yeah,' Spike said, still smiling that crooked smile.

Buffy took a deep breath, wincing as something in her torso twanged.

Spike frowned. 'Did that ugly little hairball hurt you?' He raised his left hand and let it brush her ribs, applying a little pressure. She barely noticed the pain, captivated by his lips just inches from her face, the shivering jolts running across her skin from his touch, even through her shirt. 'Nothin' broken,' Spike said, flattening his hand against her ribcage and ducking his head towards her.

The front door burst open and Riley walked in. 'Buffy?' he called, glancing around for her. 'Are you here?'

Buffy snapped back to reality and stepped away from Spike, but too late; the hurt in Riley's eyes said he'd seen it all.

'Hey, yeah, I'm just packing a few things for Mom,' she stuttered, red-faced. 'Oh, shoot, I left the bag upstairs…'

* * *

Spike watched her go, a secret smile playing on his lips. Then Riley was in his face, backing him up until he hit the dining table.

'What's going on, Spike?' he hissed. 'What game are you playing?'

'No game, mate.' Spike's smile was cocky. 'What can I say? I guess the girl likes a little monster in her man.'

Riley's punch snapped Spike's head to one side, almost knocking him off his feet. Spike brought a hand to his bleeding nose, chuckling to himself.

'Stay away from her,' Riley ground out, and Spike unwittingly took a step back from the sheer venom in his eyes. 'If I see you sniffing around her again, I _will_ end you.'

'Very good, cornbread, nice and intimidatin'. Need to work on the delivery, though.' Spike edged toward the door. 'Oh, that reminds me – Jasmine sends her regards.' It was just a stab in the dark, but he knew he'd hit the target when Riley's eyes widened and the blood drained from his face. Spike felt a sudden rush of anger boil up inside him. _Unbelievable – he really is a clueless git, isn't he?_

'What did you say?' Riley asked through clenched teeth.

'You heard,' Spike said, voice hard and cold as marble. 'I know what you've been up to, frat boy, and it's pathetic even by your low standards. Buffy deserves better than you're givin' her, so if you don't tell her your sordid little secret, I will. Got it?'

He didn't wait for an answer, just turned and swooped out into the night.

* * *

Glory paced the thickly carpeted floor, stopping every minute or so to stare out into the darkness.

'I don't see him, Dreg,' she said, voice sharp as a razor. 'I thought you said that mermoti demons were the best trackers?'

'They are, your lithe and loveliness,' Dreg grovelled. 'I'm sure it will return any moment now.'

'You said that two hours ago,' Glory snarled, whirling to grab his throat in one red-taloned hand. 'So now I have a scorched carpet, a wrecked door and still no frickin' clue where the Gateway is!'

'We will find another way, oh...strong and nubile one,' Dreg croaked.

'We'd better,' she sneered, tossing him casually to the floor. 'Or you'll be very, very sorry.'


	23. Chapter 23

Giles looked up as a sharp knock rang through his apartment. Sighing, he took off his glasses and dropped them onto the pile of open books and scrawled notes spread across his desk, walking over to open the door.

'Evenin' Rupert,' Spike said affably, lounging against the door frame. 'Not interruptin' you with a lady friend, I hope?'

'No, I was just researching the demon that attacked Buffy yesterday,' Giles said, ignoring Spike's smug smile.

'Yeah, thought not,' the vampire grinned. 'Don't suppose the Slayer's here, by any chance?'

'No, Buffy's at the hospital with Joyce,' Giles said.

'Oh, right,' Spike said, straightening. 'How is Joyce, anyhow?' He was trying to appear casual, but an odd expression crossed his face; Giles could have sworn it was concern.

'As well as can be expected. Her surgery is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, the prognosis seems quite positive.'

Spike just nodded, hands shoved deep in his pockets, jaw clenching.

'Did you need Buffy for something specific?' Giles prompted.

'Oh, yeah, I did,' Spike said, pulling himself together. 'See, I overheard somethin' at Willy's tonight that I think she needs to know – might help you to zero in on this Glory bint.'

'Is it something you could tell me, and I'll pass it on to Buffy?' Giles asked.

Spike looked at him consideringly for a moment, then peered past him into the apartment. 'Well now, that all depends on whether that's really a bottle of Black Label on your counter.'

Giles sighed. 'Come in, Spike.'

Spike ambled inside, dropping to the couch and sprawling across the cushions. Giles came to sit on the recliner, bringing the bottle of whisky and two tumblers with him.

'Found out anythin' useful?' Spike asked, nodding toward the piles of books on Giles's desk.

'Perhaps,' Giles said, pouring a measure and handing it to Spike. 'From Buffy's description I believe it to have been a mermoti demon – have you heard of them?'

'Rings a bell,' Spike said, frowning. 'Aren't they used as trackers by other demons?'

'Usually,' Giles nodded, taking a sip of whisky. 'I would therefore surmise that Glory must have summoned it to seek out the Gateway.'

Spike's eyes widened. 'No kidding? Bloody good job we killed it before it got to report back then, eh?'

'Quite,' Giles said, eyes narrowing speculatively, unnoticed by Spike. 'So, what exactly did you come here to tell Buffy?'

'Like I said, overheard something interestin' – but I'll be honest, it didn't make a lotta sense,' Spike said, taking a swallow and sighing appreciatively. 'Now that's the good stuff.' He leaned back, propping his feet on the coffee table. 'There were these two vamps in there, right, doin' the usual bragging about how much murder and mayhem they'd wreaked across Sunnyhell lately - '

'Spike?' Giles interrupted. 'Feet?'

Spike sighed a put-upon sigh, but dropped his feet to the carpet. 'So anyway…one of 'em was saying that him and his mate got into a tangle with some zombies – the way he told it there were millions of 'em, but I bet it was just a couple. Apparently, he was just busy valiantly fighting them off when this squad of hobbits turned up, rounded up the zombies and took them off somewhere. I figured it might be relevant to the Glory thing, what with her fun habit of sucking people's brains out and all.'

'I see,' Giles said, taking another slow, savouring drink. 'While I somehow doubt there are any, ah, _hobbits_ in Sunnydale, there may be something in this that will help us. Did this…vampire mention where he was when he encountered the zombies?'

'Yeah, said he was in Kennedy Park, near those posh apartment buildings.'

Giles frowned to himself. 'Perhaps Glory has holed up somewhere near there,' he mused. 'It's certainly worth looking into.'

'S'what I thought,' Spike nodded. He caught Giles's enquiring look and defensively asked, 'What?'

'I'm just waiting for the part where you demand payment,' Giles said.

'Oh, that,' Spike said, shifting in his seat. 'I wasn't gonna ask this time, as it happens.'

'Oh? And what, pray, has brought on this new altruistic instinct?'

'Just figured the Slayer's got enough on her plate, what with her mum bein' sickly,' Spike shrugged. 'Thought she could do with a lucky break.'

Giles watched Spike for a moment as he gulped some whisky, ran his fingers over the carving on the arm of the couch, looked up at the paintings on the wall – anything but look at Giles. 'I see,' Giles said eventually. 'Well, then I'm sure Buffy will appreciate it.'

'Yeah? You think?' Spike smiled, leaning forward.

'Spike, are you…do you feel something for Buffy?' Giles asked carefully.

'What?' Spike exclaimed, laughing too loudly. 'You, mate, have lost your grip and fallen right off your trolley! Feel something…the only thing I feel is the urge to drain her dry and leave her corpse on Xander's doorstep!'

Giles smiled to himself. 'As it should be.'

'Too right,' Spike said, draining his glass and holding it out silently. Giles raised an eyebrow at him, but topped up both their glasses.

'Since you're here, Spike, there was something I wanted to ask you,' Giles said. 'You remember when we used your crypt as a venue to undo the separation spell that Toth performed on you?'

'Not bleedin' likely to forget it, am I?'

'While I was waiting, I noticed a number of first editions on your bookshelf – I merely wanted to ask where and how you came by them.'

'Snooping through my unmentionables were you?' Spike asked, annoyed. 'Charmin', that is.'

'No, no, I assure you that your 'unmentionables' went entirely untouched,' Giles said with a grimace. 'I simply noticed your book collection, that's all.'

Spike eyed him cautiously. 'I've always loved books,' he said, 'ever since I was a lad. Started collectin' first editions when I was just a nipper.'

'Really? Fascinating,' Giles said with a smile. 'I've never heard of a vampire with an appreciation for literature before.'

'Don't you look at me like that,' Spike said, pointing a warning finger.

'Like what?' Giles asked.

'Like I'm a butterfly and you've got a fistful of pins,' Spike said. 'I'm not your bloody research subject, alright? '

'Still, I don't suppose you'd allow me to look at them sometime?'

'What, didn't get enough of a peek while you were rifling through my private possessions?' Spike asked with a sniff. 'Might think about it, I s'pose, if you and yours can see your way clear to being civil to me for a change.'

'Fair enough,' Giles nodded. They sat in silence for a moment, then Giles said, 'Actually, there was one more thing I wanted to ask.'

'Figures,' Spike said, sitting up. 'Should've expected the bloody Spanish Inquisition.'

'Spike,' Giles said, deadpan, 'nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'

For a moment Spike just looked at him, then laughed suddenly. 'Didn't take you for a Python fan, Rupert – I'm impressed. Go on then, ask away.'

'Buffy told me once that you're a fan of Manchester United – is that right?'

'Yeah,' Spike said, eyes narrowing. 'Why, don't tell me you're a City fan?'

'No, not at all,' Giles said. 'West Ham, actually. I was merely wondering why a North London boy would support Man U rather than – oh, I don't know…Arsenal or Tottenham. I wonder,' he said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye, 'if it's because those other teams don't win quite as often?'

'Are you callin' me a glory seeker?' Spike asked, incensed.

Giles shrugged, eyebrows raised. 'I rather think the evidence speaks for itself.'

'Oh, does it now?' Spike asked. He downed his drink and stood, swirling huffily towards the door. 'See you around, Rupes – and next time you need my help, you can stick it.'

Giles chuckled as the door slammed. 'I rather think I hit a nerve, there.'

**A/N: **A short one I know, but more is coming soon...


	24. Chapter 24

Giles watched the surface of the ornamental lake as the light breeze whipped it into ruffles and peaks. The sun was out and the park was quiet, just a few joggers and dog walkers out so early in the morning. Ordinarily he would love nothing more than to buy a cup of tea from the stall by the gates and sit with his paper enjoying the solitude. Today, however, he had much more pressing business at hand.

'Hey Giles,' said a perky voice behind him, and he turned to see Willow, Tara and Xander approaching.

'Good morning,' he said with a small smile. 'Anya is at the shop, Xander?'

'Yup,' Xander nodded. 'And boy, was she excited about opening up this morning – I think the power is going to her head.' He paused, frowning. 'Hey, you don't suppose it'll make her all nostalgic for the good old days when she was bristling with the vengeancy power trip, do you?'

'Don't worry, Xander, your intestines are probably quite safe,' Giles said drily.

'So what's the what, Giles?' Willow asked. 'How come you wanted to meet us here?'

'I read a report in the evening paper last night about a group of birdwatchers who went missing here yesterday. I thought, following Spike's tip off about a zombie attack in this vicinity, that it would be worthwhile having a look around. We may find some clues as to the whereabouts of the missing persons, or perhaps some sign that would indicate Glory's recent presence.' Giles paused, looking down at his feet. ' Obviously today is a big day for Buffy and Joyce, so I wanted to leave her out of this for now, until we have something more concrete to work with.'

'And we're sure that Spike's information is good, right?' Xander asked. 'Only, call me a grudge holder, but I trust him about as far as I could throw him. Which would be a fun experiment, if I had a tower and a giant catapult.'

'I share your general distrust, Xander, but on this occasion I believe he was being honest,' Giles said, keeping to himself his suspicions about the vampire's feelings for his Slayer. He was still trying to work out how he felt about it; on the one hand it made his guts clench to realise that a ruthless, cold-blooded killer like Spike may be developing a potentially obsessive yen for Buffy. But on the other hand, in recent weeks he'd noticed a change in Spike, as though his human side were challenging the demon for dominance. It was still possible that this change for the better was based only on his love for Buffy, but even so, it showed that Spike was capable of doing good, given some encouragement and support.

'Giles?' Willow prompted, snapping him out of his reverie.

'Yes, sorry,' Giles said. 'I suggest we split up and look around, and meet back here in an hour. Willow, Tara, the missing group was last seen over by that copse of trees, so perhaps you could start there?'

'Sure,' Willow nodded.

'Xander, you and I will cover this area over here,' Giles said, pointing.

'And what exactly are we looking for?' Xander asked.

'I was rather hoping we'd know that when we saw it,' Giles sighed.

Willow yanked a twig out of her hair, wincing when it snagged and pulled. 'Remind me why we're crawling around under a bush?' she groused.

Tara smiled. 'Because those footprints led under here,' she said. 'Look, there's some more over there.'

They pushed aside some branches and saw a patch of scuffed earth and a whole lot of footprints. 'Now that looks suspicious,' Willow said, crawling closer. She paused and frowned. 'Look, that stain on the earth – is it blood?'

Tara peered closer. 'I think so,' she said, going a little pale. 'Quite a lot of it, too.'

'And these look like someone was dragged along the ground,' Willow said, examining the scuff marks. 'Right toward those rocks. Come on, let's check it out.'

'Are you sure?' Tara said. 'M-maybe we should go get Mr Giles.'

'Hey, we can handle anything we find, right?' Willow said. Without waiting for a reply she moved closer. 'It looks like...yeah, look, there's a cave here. Maybe there's a tunnel that leads somewhere – like, to Glory's lair!'

'Wait,' Tara said, catching her arm. 'Don't go in there, Will – you have no idea what could be hiding in the dark. What if you run into some zombies, or whatever it was that took those people?'

'I know some nifty incineration spells – it'd be like, undead flambé!' Willow grinned. 'Which, actually, gross...'

'And dangerous,' Tara said, a chastising note in her voice. 'Come on, let's go find the others and let Mr Giles decide what to do.'

'Fine,' Willow grumped, following Tara back out into the park. 'Although I don't see why he's suddenly the authority.'

'Because he's been a Watcher since forever?' Tara said gently. 'Will, it's not that I don't think you can handle it – I just don't want anything to happen to you.'

'I know,' Willow relented, slipping her hand into Tara's. 'Just ignore me, I'm being Grumpy Girl today.'

'I forgive you,' Tara smiled. 'We've all got a lot on our minds. You worried about Joyce?'

Willow nodded, looking down at her shoes. 'I can't stop thinking about it. I can't even imagine how Buffy must be feeling.'

'I bet she feels better knowing she has friends like you by her side,' Tara reassured her.

* * *

Buffy tapped lightly on her mother's hospital room door before slipping inside. Joyce was sitting up in bed, hands clasped on the covers bunched at her waist.

'Hey,' Buffy said, giving what she hoped looked like a genuine smile. 'They said I could pop in for a second before you go up.'

'Oh, I'm glad,' Joyce said. She answered Buffy's smile but it was strained and tight. 'It's good to see a familiar face right now.'

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed, taking her mom's hands. They were icy cold and Buffy rubbed them gently. 'So I'll see you in a few hours, I guess,' she said. 'Or whenever it is they let me in to congratulate you on your imminent and full recovery.'

Joyce smiled again, and this time it was warm and sincere. 'I'll look forward to it.'

Buffy felt like her smile would crack, it was so forced. She looked at their twined hands, the faded watercolour print on the wall - anywhere but the startling bald patch on Joyce's skull where a nurse had shaved the hair in preparation. Her eyes fell on a small vase beside the bed, stuffed with a pretty jumble of colourful wildflowers.

'Where'd you get the flowers?' Buffy asked.

Joyce glanced at the vase and smiled. 'Oh, I had a visitor yesterday evening.'

'Really?' Buffy asked. 'Someone from work?'

'No, just a friend,' Joyce said.

'A guy friend?' Buffy teased, seizing on the chance to distract her mom for a few precious moments.

'Yes, a guy friend, and no, not that sort,' Joyce said with a grin. 'He's sweet, but not my type.'

'Really? I don't know,' Buffy said breezily. 'Not every guy would call in here with a bunch of flowers, y'know.'

'Trust me on this one,' Joyce chuckled. 'Besides, I think he's already in love with someone else anyway.' The look she gave Buffy seemed meaningful somehow, but Buffy didn't know why.

There was a knock at the door and it opened to reveal two orderlies. 'They're ready for you in theatre, Mrs Summers,' said the one in front, stepping into the room.

'This is it then,' Joyce said, taking a deep breath.

Buffy squeezed her mother's hands tight and leaned in to press her lips to Joyce's forehead. 'I'll see you soon, okay?'

'Absolutely,' Joyce said, smiling bravely.

Buffy moved aside and watched the orderlies wheel Joyce out of the room. She went to follow them, to watch her mother disappear down the corridor, but something held her feet frozen in place. _Maybe if I don't watch, if I don't say goodbye, then this won't be real after all._ She knew it was childish, but the thought comforted her for a moment.

Buffy sighed, glancing again at the vase on the bedside cabinet. Picking it up, she lifted it to her nose; the posy gave off a light, pleasant, springtime fragrance that made her smile. She tried to identify the blooms but the only one she knew was night-flowering jasmine. _Probably because it grows in cemeteries_, Buffy thought wryly.

Then she froze. _No, actually, just in the_ one _cemetery_…

* * *

Spike sighed and turned off the television, bored. His mind kept wandering to Joyce, and Buffy, and he couldn't concentrate on what he was watching. He swallowed the last of his blood and burba weed, setting the glass on the stone floor.

'Might as well go stock up,' he said to the air, standing and picking up his duster from the chair back.

The night sky was clear and star-speckled, the air crisp and refreshing. Spike took a few deep breaths as he strode through the cemetery, enjoying the cool air in his lungs. Then he caught a familiar scent and turned with a smile.

'Evenin', Clem.'

'Oh, hey Spike,' said Clem, hurrying up to him. He was wheezing a little and stooped to put his hands on his knees. 'I was just on my way to your crypt when I saw you leaving, I've been trying to catch up with you.'

'Sorry, mate, din't see you. What's up?'

'Well, I'm going to LA to visit my cousin Abe for the weekend – you remember I've talked about him, he went out there to be a scriptwriter?'

'Vaguely,' Spike mused. 'Why're you tellin' me?'

'I was wondering if you'd look after Bugle for me.'

Spike looked back blankly. 'Bugle?'

'Yeah, my puppy,' Clem nodded, ears flapping. 'Wait, did I not tell you about him?'

'Could've done; might not've been listening.'

'He's housetrained but I don't like to leave him alone - he's only a few weeks old, y'see.'

'Bloody hell, do I look like I run a boarding kennel?' Spike groused. 'I mean, people around here seem to be forgetting that I'm the Big Bad around these parts, chip or no chip.' He took a few steps closer to Clem, fixing him with his best intimidating stare. 'So tell me, why the hell should I take in your tasty little mongrel, eh?'

'I'll give you 50 bucks a day, plus food and expenses?' Clem offered, quailing under Spike's glare.

'Right-o then,' Spike said cheerfully, holding out a hand. 'I'll be wantin' half of it up front, o'course.'

'Oh, right,' Clem said, fumbling in his pocket. He pulled out a few crumpled notes and handed them over. 'That should be about $60, that's all I have on me.'

'S'only forty,' Spike said, smoothing out the notes between his palms.

'Really?' Clem frowned, sticking his hands back in his pockets. 'That's weird, I know that when I checked earlier I had…oh, wait, I know what's happened,' he smiled sheepishly, rooting through the skin folds on his arm and pulling out a crumpled, slightly damp $20 bill.

Spike eyed it carefully. 'The forty'll do for now,' he said, faintly disgusted.

'Great!' Clem beamed. 'Thanks Spike, you're a sweetheart.'

'Oi, keep it down!' Spike hissed, looking around for any lurking eavesdroppers. 'Say that again an' I'll have a new puppyskin rug when you get back, got it?'

'Sure, sorry,' Clem said nervously. 'I'll drop Bugle off tomorrow before I go.'

'Can't wait,' Spike muttered, vanishing the money into his duster.

'I better run, _Dirty Dancing_ is on Channel 18 tonight,' Clem said, backing away. 'Thanks again, Spike, I owe you one.'

'Don't worry, I won't forget.'

* * *

Buffy glanced up at the clock on the hospital wall for what felt like the millionth time. She was a bundle of nervous energy, jittery and on edge.

'I can't stand this,' she said to Giles, seated beside her. 'What's taking so long?'

'These things take time, Buffy,' he said reassuringly. 'It's not a reflection on how well or badly the procedure is going.'

Buffy opened her mouth to reply, then noticed the surgeon walking towards them. She stood, as did her friends gathered around her, and faced him, waiting. Everything seemed to slow down and swim out of focus, then suddenly the doctor was right in front of her.

'Okay, your mom's in recovery,' he said, running his surgical mask through his hands.

Buffy was so numb, she almost didn't register his words. 'What happened, is she alright?'

'It was possible to visualize the tumour completely, which means I was able to get all of it. So, barring complications in recovery ... I think your mother's going to be fine.'

Then the relief hit; waves of warmth and euphoria that began at her head and swept through her.

The doctor said quickly, 'Of course we're still going to have to watch your mother carefully, and have her back in here for some follow-up testing, but overall I'd consider the procedure a complete success.'

Buffy turned to Giles and stepped into his hug, smiling against his sweater. She felt free, light, energised, and the anxious hours she'd just endured were already melting away.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Here, finally, is another chapter! Thanks again to everyone who takes the time to review, I love reading your messages and comments :o)**

* * *

Buffy took a deep breath of the cool evening air, letting her head drop back. 'Aren't the stars beautiful tonight?' she asked, smiling.

'Stunning,' Giles smiled. 'I'm so thrilled for you both, Buffy.'

'You wanna go do something to celebrate?' Xander asked. 'The night is young, the Bronze is close, my wallet is fat…'

'Or we could do something, y'know, cosier,' Willow suggested. 'Maybe a movie night and a pizza or three.'

'Actually, I think I need to spend some time with Riley,' Buffy said, looking up at him. He looked surprised, but pleased. She swallowed down the guilt at his happiness; she had the feeling he wouldn't much like what she had to say.

'I get it,' Xander said with an exaggerated wink. 'You two have some _quality time_ to catch up on, huh?'

'Xander, really,' Anya said, frowning. 'We all know they're going to indulge in a night of celebratory sex, there's no need to draw attention to it.'

Giles, flushing from the neck up, said, 'I'll pick you up tomorrow, Buffy, around eleven? That should give us time to get here for when your mother is discharged.'

'Great,' Buffy said, unable to look at Riley. 'Thanks, Giles, you've been so great about all this.'

Giles just put his arms around her, holding her in a tight hug. 'Have a lovely evening,' he said, stepping back with a smile.

'Night,' Buffy called to her friends, watching them pile into Giles' and Xander's cars.

'So then,' Riley said, slipping his arms around her waist from behind, 'what did you have in mind, now that we're alone?'

For a moment Buffy almost caved in, almost leaned into his embrace, almost put aside the stomach-churning decision she'd made during a long, sleepless night. But then the Slayer side of her asserted itself, called her a chicken and prodded her to step out of his arms.

With a sigh, Buffy moved away and turned to face him. 'Actually, I think we need to talk about a few things,' she said.

'Oh?' Riley said, shifting his feet. 'This looks serious.'

'We shouldn't talk about it here,' Buffy said. 'Can we go back to your place?'

'Sure,' Riley nodded, heading towards his car. He'd only gone a few steps before he stopped, holding her arm. 'Wait, Buffy – I'm right, aren't I? This is bad.'

Buffy sighed, looking away from his intense gaze. 'It's not good,' she finally said. 'I'm sorry, Riley.'

'Sorry?' Riley repeated. 'Sorry for what?'

Buffy glanced around the car park, empty in the moonlight. 'I've been doing a lot of thinking lately,' she began awkwardly, 'about my life and my priorities. Wow, this is hard to say…' She took a deep breath and ploughed on. 'So, I was talking to Spike, and he said that - '

'Spike!' Riley exploded. 'Why does everything in your life keep coming back to Spike?' Then he stopped, paling. 'Wait, what did he say to you?'

'He just told me a few things I didn't know,' Buffy said, remembering their talk about Slayers and death and holding onto life with both hands.

Riley's reaction wasn't at all what she'd expected. 'Buffy,' he said urgently, grasping her upper arms with both hands. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about, I swear. I only did it once, and I was going to tell you, I just wanted to wait until we knew your mom would be okay and - '

'Whoa, hold it right there,' Buffy said, stepping out of his grasp, ice running through her stomach. 'Only did _what_ once?'

Riley closed his eyes, clenching his jaw, and when he opened them again Buffy was shocked to see a moist gleam in their depths. 'I did something really dumb,' he said, voice low and thick with emotion.

'Like what?' she asked through gritted teeth.

'I don't think there's a way to explain it that you'd understand.'

'Try,' she ground out, more than a hint of Slayer in the tone.

'I wanted to understand what it's like for you,' he began, looking earnestly into her eyes. 'When Dracula bit you, and then when Spike did it - '

'Oh my God!' Buffy interrupted in frustration. 'Are we still not past that yet? I told you what happened, Riley - '

'I know,' he interjected. 'And I understand, that it wasn't something you wanted – but it still had an effect on you, Buffy. This world you walk in, it's like you're always caught between the light and the dark, and I can't begin to understand how that feels. I just wanted to get it, so I can really be there for you.'

'Okay,' Buffy said, fighting for calm, ' so what did you do?'

'I let a vampire bite me,' Riley said quietly.

'What?' Buffy erupted. 'How could you be so - '

'There's more,' he said, interrupting again. 'I paid her to do it, and then I staked her.'

'Well, that's just great!' Buffy said venomously, fighting back tears of anger and hurt. 'So you went to a vampire _whore_, and then you murdered her.' She shook her head, a bitter laugh escaping her throat. 'It's like I don't even know you at all! I mean, did I ever, Riley? Or is the clean-cut Iowa boy all just an act?'

'You've seen everything there is of me,' Riley said, angry now. 'I've never held back anything from you, Buffy, not until now. But you – it's like I can't even get close to _you_, I just keep coming up against the Slayer!'

'Don't you _dare_ throw that at me!' Buffy exclaimed. 'The Slayer is who I am, you know that. You want me, you gotta take it all.'

'That's all I've ever wanted to do,' Riley said, hurt and sadness creeping into his voice. 'I love you, Buffy, Slayer and all. But all you ever do is shut me out.'

'So what you're saying is that this is _my_ fault?' Buffy asked, incredulous.

'No!' Riley shouted, running his hands through his hair. 'No, I'm not…'

'What more do you want from me, Riley?'

'I don't know, Buffy,' Riley said, shaking his head. 'You say you love me, but I don't feel it. I just don't feel it.'

For a moment they stood looking at each other. Buffy trembled, a sick feeling creeping through her belly. Partly it was caused by his betrayal, their confrontation; but partly it was because she knew he was right. She'd never really loved him, not like he'd loved her, and she hadn't even realised it.

'So what now?' Riley asked eventually.

'I don't know,' Buffy said, refusing to let any tears fall. 'Right now, you're going to take me to this…vampire whorehouse, and I'm going to shut it down permanently. After that… I need some time to think. But I do know one thing - we're not coming back from this.'

Riley nodded defeatedly. He looked up at her, and the sincerity in his eyes almost broke her heart all over again. 'I really am sorry, Buffy.'

'Just drive,' she replied, sweeping past him to the car.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I know the last chapter was really short, so here's the next one in quick succession...**

'This is it,' Riley said, pulling up to the kerb. 'The one with the red door.'

Buffy said nothing, slamming the car door behind her. Her jaw was clenched so hard she could feel the muscles straining, her small hands balled into fists at her sides. She felt like every part of her was suffused with anger, spun out of glass and ready to break at the slightest blow.

'Oi, Slayer!' called a familiar voice in the still night. 'What're you doin' in this unsavoury part of town so late at night? Never know what nasties might be lurkin' about.'

'Go home, Spike,' Buffy gritted out, not pausing or looking around.

'Shan't,' Spike replied lightly, strolling towards them with his hands in his pockets. Then he stopped, looked up at the row of condemned houses. 'Hang on a sec, I know where… oi, Soldier Boy, what's goin' on?' he asked, voice harsh in the cool air. 'You were meant to confess, not walk her into the bloody lions' den!'

'Shut up, Spike,' Riley hissed.

'You knew about this?' Buffy asked, shocked, looking up at Spike.

'Well, I knew there was a, uh, specialist business around here…'

'And you didn't tell me?'

'And why the bleedin' hell should I?' Spike bristled. 'Still a vampire, luv, no white hats on _my_ hat stand.'

'Right,' Buffy said bitterly, nodding. 'I shoulda known.'

Spike looked oddly crestfallen, and she knew it hurt more than it should that he'd kept her in the dark about something like this.

Pushing her warring emotions aside, Buffy marched up the steps and kicked in the red door. Her eyes adjusted quickly to the gloom and she saw about a dozen people milling about in the cluttered room. The figure nearest to her turned, yellow eyes gleaming in the dim light, and she staked him before he could react.

'Slayer!' yelled a vampire standing near the stairs, and all hell broke loose.

A female vampire stepped up in front of her, snarling, and Buffy blocked her clumsy punch. There was blood on the vampire's lips and Buffy saw a pale young man lying behind her, looking up weakly from the stained mattress on the floor. A new surge of anger and disgust burst through Buffy and she staked the vampire with a cold, efficient fury.

By the doorway, a stocky vampire in black grabbed Riley by his shirt front. 'You!' he shouted. 'You're the one who came here with Jasmine! And now you've brought the Slayer?'

'Looks like,' Riley said, punching the vampire hard. Buffy ignored it, letting them fight, focusing on the two vampires trying to outflank her. One of them, a Hispanic guy in a hideous floral shirt, threw a punch which she ducked easily. In the distraction, his friend slipped around behind her and lifted her in a bear hug. She kicked the first vamp in the face as he approached, head-butting the one behind with brutal force. He roared in pain but didn't drop her; then suddenly his arms disappeared in a whoosh of ash and she fell to the floor. In a flash, Buffy swept out the legs of Floral Shirt Guy and pounced with a stake to send dust scattering across the filthy floor.

She turned, expecting to see Riley behind her, but it was Spike's pale hand that helped her up.

'Thanks,' Buffy said, a touch breathless.

Spike nodded, brushing vamp dust from his lapels. 'I think your boy toy's in trouble,' he said, nodding towards the corner.

Buffy looked over; there was only the stocky vampire left and he was standing over Riley, who lay on the floor clutching his throat. In two strides she was there, and a heartbeat later the vampire was dust.

Riley clambered to his feet, gasping; Buffy could see the beginnings of a nasty bruise on his neck. 'You okay?' she asked tersely.

'Yeah,' Riley said hoarsely. 'Thanks.'

Buffy nodded once and turned away, stalking out into the night.

…

'Well, someone's gone and buggered up a good thing,' Spike observed, turning to Riley. 'What the hell were you thinkin', mate? You had the Slayer in your life, in your bed, all warm and soft and golden, and you chose to come down here to this rat-hole instead?'

'I don't need a lecture on morality from you, Spike,' Riley rasped. 'The only reason I haven't staked you yet is that Buffy seems to think you're helpful.'

'Right,' Spike nodded, pursing his lips. 'I see you've been working on your delivery, I almost believed you that time. But face facts, chum – you're just not enough for her. Not man enough, and certainly not monster enough.'

Riley grimaced. 'Whatever.'

'Very eloquent,' Spike sneered, turning to go. 'Say, have you still got pals in the Army? Only now might be a good time to skip town.'

'Get away from me, Spike, or - '

'Or what?' Spike hissed, getting right up in his face. 'Like it or not, Buffy needs me around. More than that, she _wants_ me around. Which is more than can be said for you, on both counts.' He smiled, cold and grim. 'You're not talkin' your way out of this one, y'know; the girl's finally seen sense.'

With that he turned on his heel, whisking out of the door. Riley sighed and rubbed his injured throat carefully.

Somewhere behind him a board creaked, and Riley whirled around. Standing in the gloom were two vampires, one short and greasy-haired, the other tall and blond.

'You've ruined everything,' the shorter vamp hissed. 'Nobody'll come near the place now that the Slayer's been here!'

'Picture my dismay,' Riley said, adrenaline surging at the new threat.

'Oh, I'll do more than that,' the vampire said, moving closer. 'I'm gonna take this out on your flesh, Abercrombie.'

'You're welcome to try,' Riley said bravely, looking around for the stake he'd dropped.

A searing pain struck him in one kidney, then the other. Too late he realised that there was another vampire behind him.

The agony was blinding and Riley fell to his knees, fighting the urge to vomit. One of the vampires punched him hard in the face, sending him sprawling to the floor, and another stepped in to kick him savagely in the ribs.

_They're going to kill me,_ he thought as consciousness began to fade, _and I never got to put things right with Buffy…_


	27. Chapter 27

Buffy knocked on the front door of the Magic Box, hiding a yawn in her sleeve. It was barely light out, the sky awash with pale blue and grey, and somewhere in the distance a bird was twittering to greet the dawn. Her eyes were puffy and red, from crying and lack of sleep, and she felt a little like one of Glory's zombies. She had been staying with Riley for the last few days so after leaving the vampire house last night she'd gone over to Xander and Anya's apartment, and their sofa had proved to be as uncomfortable as it looked.

The door opened with a jangle, Giles framed in the doorway. 'Good morning, Buffy,' he said solemnly, standing aside to let her in.

'Back atcha,' Buffy said blearily. 'So what's with the early morning wake-up call? Did you find something new on Glory?'

'Buffy, come and sit down,' Giles said, heading for the research table. She followed him and sat down on one of the hard-backed chairs, gratefully accepting the cup of tea he handed to her.

'Okay, Giles, spill,' Buffy said, blowing on the hot tea. 'I'm too tired to draw this out - what've you found out?'

'Buffy, I'm afraid this is about Riley,' Giles said, taking a seat beside her.

'You know?' Buffy asked, eyes widening.

'What?' Giles asked, blinking. 'You mean, _you_ know?'

'Yeah,' Buffy said, looking down at the table. 'He told me all about it. But don't worry, I shut the place down for good.'

'I'm sorry?' Giles asked, squinting at her in confusion. 'I don't quite…what place?'

'The vamp brothel,' Buffy said, then frowned. 'Wait a second, if that's what _I_ know, then what is it that _you_ know?'

Giles sighed. 'There's no easy way to tell you this,' he said, laying a comforting hand over one of Buffy's. 'I received a call about an hour ago from a contact within the police department. I'm afraid they found Riley's body in an abandoned house on the other side of town. They're putting it down as a street robbery gone wrong, but there was extensive damage to his throat; I believe it was a vampire attack.'

Buffy was barely listening, a creeping numbness stealing over her. 'Where?' she asked through trembling lips. 'Where was this house?'

'Um, on Morley Street, near the docks.'

'Oh God,' Buffy breathed, hot tears spilling over. She looked into Giles's kind eyes, hysteria not far away. 'That's where I left him… Giles, this is all my fault!'

'Buffy, calm down,' Giles said, shuffling closer. 'What do you mean, where you left him?'

'The vampire brothel,' she repeated, taking a deep breath. 'Last night Riley told me that he…that there was a place downtown where people were paying vampires to bite them.'

'I had no idea,' Giles said, frowning. 'I mean to say, I was aware that such places existed, but I had no notion that - ' He caught himself mid-explanation. 'Forgive me. So you and Riley went there together to investigate?'

Buffy nodded. 'I thought I'd killed them all,' she said, shivering suddenly. 'And I was so mad at him for going there that I…I just walked out and left him.' She squeezed her eyes shut, unable to keep back the tears. 'Oh God, Giles, I just left him there to die!'

'Shh,' Giles murmured, gathering her into his arms. 'Buffy, you couldn't have known what would happen.'

'But I _should've_ known!' she sobbed. 'I'm the Slayer, this is what I do!'

'There now,' Giles soothed her. 'Please Buffy, don't torment yourself. This isn't your fault, you know that.'

His words were kind, his tone calming, his presence a comfort; but still her heart was breaking.

* * *

Spike watched, bemused, as the black-and-white puppy settled itself in the middle of his only comfy chair, yawned widely, and fell asleep.

'Oi, furball!' he exclaimed. 'That's my chair, you git! Either get out of it, and I mean _now_, or else I'll introduce you to the fun and growing sport of Kick The Puppy!'

No response, except a faint snuffle that was almost too cute to be true.

Spike sighed. 'No fair, bringin' out the big guns.' He dropped to the stone bench nearby, gesturing with a pointed finger. 'Lucky for you Daddy Clem's comin' back tonight, or you'd be in trouble!'

As if on cue there was a banging at the crypt door, then Clem appeared in the doorway, the sun setting behind him in a wash of golden orange. 'Hey Spike,' he said, shuffling in and shutting the door.

'About bleedin' time,' Spike said, standing. 'Do you know I haven't been able to sit in my own favourite chair all weekend because of this ungrateful sack of fur?'

Clem didn't respond, fidgeting nervously with the skin flaps at his wrists. 'Thanks again for looking after him,' he said.

'What's up with you?' Spike asked, moving closer. 'You look even more jittery than usual.'

'Um, well,' Clem began nervously, licking his lips. 'Oh geez, I'm not the right person to be telling you this…'

'You're not really telling me anything as yet,' Spike said, frowning.

'Right, yeah, sorry,' Clem said. 'Um, hey, maybe you should sit down or something?'

'Just spit it out already,' Spike said frustratedly.

Clem nodded and took a deep breath. 'So, I was in LA, right? And I happened to bump into an old friend, Rudy – you'd really like him, he's a wizard based in Sacramento and…' Clem noticed Spike's raised eyebrow and clenched jaw and hurried on, 'Anyhoo, he told me that Drusilla had been in town, and that she'd had a run-in with Angel.'

'Oh yeah?' Spike sniffed. 'Gave up carin' about either of them a long time ago, mate.'

'Right. Well, still, I thought you should know…um, well, Angel kinda, um…'

'For cryin' out loud, just say it!' Spike exclaimed. 'Angel did what?'

'He killed Drusilla.'

Spike went still, cold as the crypt around him. 'He did what now?'

'Apparently he lit her on fire,' Clem said, backing away carefully. 'I'm real sorry, Spike, I just thought you should know.'

'That _bastard_ set my Dru on fire?' Spike repeated, murder in his eyes.

Clem snatched Bugle off the chair, clutching him to his chest. 'I'll get going now, huh? Give you some time alone,' he babbled, backing toward the door. 'I really am sorry for your loss.'

Spike stood like a statue for a long minute, fury and loss and regret swirling around in his chest. A bubble of rage burst up from somewhere deep inside him and he roared, long and loud, pounding the wall with both fists as though it was Angel's face and not an unyielding slab of stone. Tears prickled his eyes, chest heaving with gasping breaths he didn't need, and for several long, painful moments he played out his anger and grief.

Finally the rage abated and Spike dropped to the bench. The fire was fading and something icy was creeping through his unbeating heart. He still couldn't quite believe what he'd heard. But even more unsettling was the fact that, despite the initial fury, it wasn't destroying him like it should be. He wanted to kill Angel, but more because he'd taken yet another thing away from Spike than because it was Drusilla.

Spike grabbed the nearest bourbon bottle and took a long, deep swallow. He should be torn apart by the news that his dark princess was dead – but he wasn't. He should be swearing vengeance on Angel, firing up the Desoto and roaring down to LA, racing the sun all the way. But instead, he realised, he felt an odd sense of relief. Darla was dead, Angelus was buried deep beneath a goody-good exterior, and now Dru was gone. And his former life, the Spike he used to be, had gone with them.

He was free.

* * *

**A/N**: I just want to make it clear that I'm _not_ writing the story this way because I hated Riley and wanted him to die – quite the opposite, actually, I ended up feeling really bad for him and the way things turned out. I just wanted to explore how his death would affect Buffy and her view of her calling to be a Slayer, and it fit in well with my planned storyline.


	28. Chapter 28

Joyce slipped the last of her blouses onto a hanger and hooked it onto the rail in the wardrobe that Giles had cleared for her. Zipping her suitcase closed, she slid it under the bed, smoothed down her sweater, and headed downstairs.

Giles was just emerging from the kitchen with two mugs of tea. 'Settled in alright?' he asked politely.

'Yes, thanks,' Joyce said. 'Found a place for everything. Thanks again for having me to stay, Rupert.'

'Oh please, it's my pleasure,' Giles smiled, handing her a mug.

'Thank you,' Joyce said. She wandered across to the sofa and sat, hands clasped around the cup in her lap. 'Did Buffy say where she was going?'

'No, not exactly,' Giles said, taking a seat in the recliner. 'She wanted to speak to a few, ah, contacts, see what she could find out about Riley's attackers. Frankly, I think she just needed some space to deal with her emotions.'

'Yeah,' Joyce nodded, looking down at her hands. 'She was the same when she was a little girl. When things were rough with Hank and me, she'd deal with it by running to the bottom of the garden and hiding in her tree house.' Joyce smiled at the memory, tears springing to her eyes. 'I just wish there was something I could do to help her.'

'Joyce, please don't be upset,' Giles said, moving to sit beside her. 'You _are_ helping her, just by being here. Knowing that your surgery went well, that you're out of the woods, is helping her more than you can imagine. And Buffy knows how much you care for her - when she's ready to open up she knows she can come to you.'

'You think so?' Joyce sniffled, setting her cup on the coffee table.

'I know so,' Giles said with a soft smile. 'You're a tower of strength to her, that much is obvious.'

'Thank you,' Joyce whispered, a couple of tears spilling over.

Giles put down his tea and produced a clean cotton handkerchief from his pocket, looking away discreetly as she blew her nose and wiped her eyes.

'I'm not the only one, you know,' Joyce said, muffled in the material.

'I'm sorry?' Giles asked, meeting her eyes.

'I'm not the only one Buffy takes strength from,' she clarified. 'She might not ever say it, but I know how much Buffy admires and respects you.'

'Oh, well,' Giles blustered, pleased but embarrassed. 'I don't really do anything all that special…'

'Yes, you do,' Joyce went on, a little bolder. 'I know that things haven't always been smooth between the two of you…and I know that I've been, ah, kinda vocal in my disapproval of the way you drive her sometimes.' Joyce smiled softly. 'But in reality, I don't know what she would've done without you.'

'Well, I…I don't know what to say…thank you,' Giles said finally.

'You're welcome,' Joyce said, laying one hand on his.

The phone rang suddenly, loud and shrill, breaking the moment. Giles leapt up to answer it and Joyce took a deep breath. Her heart was still racing from the warmth of his hand against hers, and part of her felt guilty for it; her daughter was out there somewhere, alone and grieving, and here she was hitting on her Watcher.

_Wait, I wasn't hitting on him…much…_

'That was Xander,' Giles said from behind her, hanging up the phone.

'Has he heard from Buffy?' Joyce asked, turning to face him.

'No, he was calling to see if we had,' Giles said. 'He said she hasn't been back to the apartment, the last time he saw her was when we had lunch here this afternoon.'

'She's probably out patrolling,' Joyce said, 'it's getting dark already.' She stood and walked across to Giles, starting to feel agitated. 'Should we go look for her, do you think? I mean, she's grieving and distracted, she shouldn't be out there alone…'

'Joyce, please, don't worry,' Giles said, putting a soothing hand on her arm. 'I'm sure Buffy is fine, she's a very capable girl. And I'm certain she wouldn't want you out there wandering the graveyards at night, however well-meaning your motivation. You're recovering from surgery, you need to be resting.'

'But she's my baby,' Joyce protested. 'If she needs me, if I can help her…'

'I'll go out and look for her,' Giles said firmly. 'I'll call Xander and Spike, ask them to help me. You should stay here and relax, perhaps get an early night.'

'But - '

'What do you think Buffy would do to me if she knew I'd let her mother go out patrolling on the same day she was released from hospital?' Giles interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

Joyce smiled. 'Fair point. And now that you mention it, I can feel another one of those special headaches coming on.' She raised a hand to her head. 'Okay, I'll be good. Just, please…take care of her for me?'

'I will,' Giles said softly.

On impulse, knowing he'd be embarrassed but suddenly not caring, Joyce took a step closer and put her arms around his neck. 'Thank you,' she murmured against his shoulder, breathing in the comforting scents of wool and aftershave.

'My pleasure,' Giles said, and to her surprise he didn't seem at all discomfited. He put his arms around her and held her while she cried a little, his strength and warmth exactly what she needed.

After a few long, indulgent moments, Joyce stepped back. 'Phew, sorry about that,' she smiled, wiping tears from her face with the handkerchief she still clutched. 'Oh, I must look an absolute mess.'

'On the contrary,' Giles said, 'you look wonderful.'

Their eyes met, lips curling into matching smiles.

* * *

Buffy stopped, fist raised. _Is this such a good idea? Can I even face him right now?_

But it had to be done. Her guilt and grief demanded revenge, demanded a bloody and violent outlet that she couldn't get anywhere else.

And so she knocked.

Usually, she'd stride in there like she owned the place, but tonight that didn't seem right. She waited impatiently as the seconds stretched out, listening for movement inside. She could just see flickering candlelight through the mud-caked ground-level windows so she was pretty sure he was in there.

Finally the door creaked open. She looked up into startlingly blue eyes, bright in the moonlight, and saw pain there that echoed in her own heart. 'Can I come in?' she asked.

Spike nodded and stepped aside, raising the bottle he held. 'Bourbon?' he asked, voice rough.

'Sure,' Buffy nodded, closing the crypt door behind her. She felt a wave of grief well up again and clamped it down ruthlessly, taking the glass Spike offered her and downing it in one big gulp. It seared all the way down, making her gasp, but it was good to feel something other than pain and guilt and heartache for a moment.

'Easy, pet,' Spike said, taking the empty glass and setting it down.

'What happened to your hands?' Buffy asked, noticing that his knuckles were split and bleeding.

'Nothin',' Spike said, lowering his hands to his side out of sight. 'What's got you so antsy?'

'Riley,' she said, unable to say any more.

'Right,' Spike nodded, looking down at his feet. 'You two had it out yet?'

'You didn't hear?'

'Hear what?'

'Right now, I can't…' Buffy summoned up her best Slayer façade. 'I want you to come out patrolling with me,' she said, steel in her eyes. 'Looks like a couple of vamps from that place last night got away; I wanna make sure they don't see another moonrise.'

'Right you are,' Spike said without argument, grabbing his duster from the back of the chair.

'Spike, are you…you seem a little…'

''m fine,' he said shortly, opening the door for her. 'After you.'


	29. Chapter 29

Buffy ached all over, but it was a good, muscular ache. Inside, where everything had been such a mess of raw hurt and despair earlier on, she was feeling comfortably numb. The vamps who'd killed Riley were dead, as were a Berka demon and two other nests of vampires. The sky was still black but a few birds had started twittering in the trees, a sign that morning wasn't too far away.

'Wanna come in for a nightcap?' Spike asked as they drew near to his crypt.

'I should get back to Xander's,' Buffy said reluctantly.

'Sure? Got some more of that bourbon you like so much.'

Buffy hesitated, conflicting desires warring within her. 'What the hell,' she finally said with a sigh. 'Lead me to it.'

Buffy followed Spike into the crypt, too physically and emotionally exhausted to question the wisdom of her decision. He gestured her to the comfy chair and threw his duster over a sarcophagus, grabbing the bourbon and two glasses. Filling them both, he handed the clean one to Buffy.

'Thanks,' she murmured, kicking off her mud-spattered boots and drawing her feet up onto the chair. She took a long, slow drink, enjoying the burn all the way down her throat.

'So what's the real story?' Spike asked, sitting on the low bench beside the chair. 'How come you're all about the vengeance all of a sudden?'

Buffy took another gulp of bourbon. 'Riley's dead.'

Spike's eyes widened. 'What? I mean, how did…what happened?'

'Those vamps we just dusted?' Buffy said softly. 'After I left their little whorehouse last night, they pretty much ripped him apart.'

Spike looked down. 'Sorry to hear that, pet,' he said carefully.

'Yeah, I'm sure,' Buffy scoffed. 'Spike, you couldn't stand Riley.'

'Well, to coin a popular local phrase, _duh_,' Spike snarked back sharply. 'Doesn't mean I'm not sorry it's got _you_ all cut up, though, does it?'

'No, I…I guess it…I'm sorry,' Buffy said, feeling tears welling up again.

'Yeah, well,' Spike said, a little calmer, draining his glass and topping it up, splashing more liquid into hers as he did. 'No harm done.'

'It's all my fault, Spike,' Buffy said, voice quiet and small. 'If I hadn't walked away and left him there, defenceless - '

'Hey, stop right there,' Spike said, and suddenly he was kneeling in front of her. He took her chin in one hand and lifted her head to look into her eyes. 'First of all, he wasn't defenceless – that boy took out more demons in his time than most people could hope to. And second of all, what happened to him isn't your doing. He chose to be there in the first place, to get caught up in that world.'

'But if I'd stayed, if I hadn't let my anger take over, I could've stopped them,' Buffy said earnestly, striving to make him understand. 'I'm the Slayer, Spike; it's my job – no, it's my _responsibility_ – to make sure that things like this don't happen to people.'

'And you do,' Spike said softly, raising a thumb to wipe away a stray tear from her cheek. 'That's all you do, is defend people who don't deserve it from dangers they don't even see. You fight until it makes you ache, luv; all you do is give.'

Buffy crumbled under his words, the dam she'd thrown up against her emotions tumbling down in the face of his unexpected kindness. 'So why couldn't I save him?' she asked plaintively, eyes brimming over with tears.

'Buggered if I know,' Spike sighed, stroking her hair with one gentle hand. 'World's a cruel place, Buffy, there's no understandin' it; don't drive yourself loopy tryin'. People we love die while we're too far away to stop it,' he finished, voice cracking. He sat back on his heels, scrubbing one hand across his eyes.

Buffy sniffled, wiping the back of her hand across her nose. 'Spike, what is it?' she asked.

Spike looked up at her, the pain in his face so close to her own that her breath caught. He smiled bitterly. 'Let's just say you're not the only one who lost someone tonight,' he said, and to her amazement she saw moisture in his blue eyes. Then she remembered the grazes on his knuckles, the heavy drinking he'd clearly been doing before she arrived.

'Drusilla,' Buffy said simply.

Spike nodded, jaw clenching. 'Drusilla.'

'How?'

'Doesn't matter,' Spike said, shaking his head. 'Fact is she's gone, an' I couldn't do sod all about it.'

'Oh, Spike,' Buffy breathed, the pain on his face too raw, too real for her to brush it off. Dropping her glass carelessly to the floor, she slid off the chair to kneel in front of him. Shock crossed his face for a moment, then she put her arms around his neck and drew him into an embrace.

For a moment he was still and responseless; then, slowly, his arms came up to fold around her back. And all of a sudden they were just two people, clinging to each other in shared grief and hurt. Buffy was crying again, aware that her tears were soaking the shoulder of his black T-shirt but not caring. Spike's fingers tightened in her jacket, then loosened, then tightened again. She didn't think he was crying, but he was breathing heavily and his body was trembling a little.

Finally, composing herself, Buffy drew back. Spike's eyes were damp but no tears had fallen; for once his face was open, unguarded, vulnerable. 'You okay?' she asked.

'No,' Spike said hoarsely. 'You?'

'No,' she said, lip trembling. She laughed a sudden, bitter laugh. 'Why does this have to hurt so much?'

'Reckon it means we lost something worth having,' Spike said, sniffing.

'I'm sorry about Drusilla,' she said softly.

Spike nodded. 'Thanks, pet.' He looked down at her lips, then back to her eyes. 'Wanna hear somethin' weird?'

'Alright,' Buffy said, aware that her arms were still resting on his shoulders, that his hands were still gripping her waist.

'Me an' Dru were together for more than a century, right? First time I saw her, I knew she was gonna be my destiny, one way or the other. All that time together, and I thought I'd never stop loving her, never stop wanting her… So yeah, when I heard she was dead, I was fumin' at the git that killed her, an' I turned to Jack D for comfort, an' I punched things 'til I bled, all those things I was supposed to do.' He brought one hand up to wipe the fresh tears from her face. 'But what I'm feelin' now? Scares the hell outta me.'

'Why?' Buffy asked breathlessly, caught up in the spell he was weaving.

''Cos I'm more cut up that you're hurtin' than I am that Dru's gone,' Spike said bravely, swallowing hard. 'An' I don't know how to deal with that, Buffy.'

'Oh,' Buffy said helplessly, brain whirling with his words.

'I know,' Spike said, looking down.

'I…I don't know what to say,' Buffy said. 'Spike, I - '

'Don't say it, pet,' Spike said firmly, shaking his head. 'I know you don't love me, an' that's okay. Seems to me like we're friends now, or as close as we're gonna get, and that's good enough.' He nodded and reached up to take her hands from his shoulders, pulling himself together with an effort. 'Now then, we need to get you home to the Boy Wonder's place and tucked up cosy-like where you belong.'

'I don't want to,' Buffy said in a small voice. Tears welled up again and she looked away from his penetrating gaze. _I want to stay here, Spike, with you…how is it that you're the only person in my life who makes the pain easier to bear?_

'It's not safe for you to be at your place, what with the Gateway of Doom, an' you can't rightly stay here,' Spike said awkwardly. 'I mean, uh, you can take my bed if you want, but I don't think it'd go down too well with the Scoobies.'

'Yeah,' Buffy nodded, disappointed in a way she couldn't understand. 'You're right, I should go.'

'That's the spirit,' Spike said, standing and helping her to her feet. 'A good night's sleep, an' you'll feel…well, you'll still feel shitty, but at least you won't be knackered into the bargain.'

Buffy dropped his hands reluctantly and stepped into her boots. 'Thanks, Spike, for…everything.' She turned to walk away, then paused. 'Will you be alright on your own tonight?'

'Yeah, course,' Spike said, then adopted a mock-serious, put-upon face. 'Been alone all my life, when you get right down to it.'

'Right,' Buffy smiled, rolling her eyes affectionately at his deliberate melodrama. 'Well, I should…'

'Get out before I eat you,' Spike said softly, smiling just a little, echoing that night when the demon had left him for one evening.

Buffy smiled back, then turned and left before her willpower crumbled and her id took her back to his arms.

**A/N: Happy New Year, and thanks for reading! I know, short chapter, but the next one will be up within the next few days. Besides, fellow Spuffiers, there should be plenty here to keep you happy for now :o)**


	30. Chapter 30

Buffy paced the floor of Giles's living room, unable to stop moving. She avoided looking at her mom or Giles, who seemed to wear permanently worried expressions around her these days. Behind her, Anya shuffled on the sofa beside Xander, fidgety and nervous.

'Does the pacing help?' Anya asked Xander.

'What?' he asked, perplexed.

'With the grief – does pacing help? Only, she does it all the time now and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be doing it too.'

'No, sweetie, you're not,' Xander said, patting her hand. 'I think Buffy just has a lot of nervous energy stored up, and pacing helps her get rid of some of it.'

'Oh,' Anya nodded, still confused.

There was a knock at the door and Buffy opened it to see Tara and Willow on the doorstep.

'Hey, Buffy,' Willow said, smiling gently.

'Hey,' Buffy replied, standing back to let them in. Willow turned to her and they hugged, long and hard.

'How're you doing?' Willow asked.

'I'm dealing,' Buffy said resolutely. 'I can go several minutes now without crying.'

'It's not even been a week, Buffy,' Willow said. 'It's okay if it takes a while to get over…' She paused, eyes wide.

'You can say his name,' Buffy said softly.

'Riley,' Willow said, squeezing Buffy's hand.

'It still hurts,' Buffy admitted. 'In all kinds of horrible ways. In the way where I'm furious at him...in the way where I blame myself...'

'Buffy, no,' Willow interrupted. 'You know it wasn't your fault.'

'Yeah, but I still wonder…if I'd been there for him more, loved him more, maybe he would never have gone there in the first place.'

'Stop,' Willow said, firm but gentle. 'Riley was a grown-up, he made his own decisions.'

'I guess,' Buffy nodded, stepping back, clamping down on the tears threatening to well up once more.

'Have you thought about coming back to college?' Tara asked. 'Classes start next week.'

'Well, I toyed with the idea,' Buffy nodded. 'But I don't know if I'm up to that yet.'

'Don't rush yourself,' Giles advised. 'Although it may be a good idea - I do believe that something distracting is probably for the best.'

'Yeah,' Buffy said, her thoughts skipping straight to Spike. For three days and nights she'd stayed away, still unsure how to deal with her feelings. The last time she saw him, he'd all but told her that he loved her, and she'd felt…happy. With Riley barely dead and her mother just out of hospital, she'd felt happy. The guilt she felt about that wouldn't let her admit that it was okay, that maybe she even felt the same way.

'So, now the gang's all here, should we get started?' Xander asked.

'Yes, I've asked you all here for a reason,' Giles said, taking a seat on the recliner. Buffy perched on the arm of the sofa beside her mom, who took hold of her hand with a warm smile. 'I've had some rather…well, I've had some news. It seems that the Council of Watchers has found some information that may help us out.'

'About Glory?' Buffy asked.

'Presumably. Quentin Travers is sending me some information, and also a field agent will be visiting us. Ostensibly he's coming to help us research, but I rather suspect he's on a spying mission,' Giles said, his sour expression showing his opinion of the Council.

'This field agent,' Anya said nervously. 'He's only interested in _current_ demons, right?'

'What? Oh, yes,' Giles said. 'Don't worry, Anya, you're in no danger from him.'

'Good,' Anya breathed. ''Cos this Council sounds like they have a pretty dim view of the demon community, and they may see the 'ex' part of my current status as a matter of semantics.'

'Do they _have_ to send someone?' Buffy asked, aware of the whiny tone in her voice. 'Now's not exactly the best time for me to be jumping through their stupid hoops.'

'You won't have to,' Giles said firmly. 'I'll make sure of it.'

Buffy smiled gratefully, noticing Joyce do the same. There was something warm in her mother's face as she looked at Giles, and when Buffy looked back at her Watcher, he looked distinctly gooey.

'Wait a second,' she said, looking between them. 'Have you two been on the band candy again?'

'Sorry?' Giles said, flushing, and Joyce's mouth fell open.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Giles turned, frowning. 'Who on earth could that be?' he said to himself. When he opened the door there were two monks standing there, hands tucked into the sleeves of their dark brown habits.

'Rupert Giles?' one of the monks asked in a thick East European accent.

'Yes,' Giles said. 'And you are…?'

'That's them,' Buffy said, standing. 'I mean, the symbol on their robes…Giles, the monk I tried to rescue from Glory wore the same symbol.'

The older monk turned a piercing look on her. 'We are of the Order of Ereshkigal. I am Bojanek and this is Celestin.'

'Well, uh, come in,' Giles said, standing aside. The monks shuffled in, the younger one glancing around the room. Bojanek spoke directly to Buffy.

'You are the one who tried to save Bedrich?' he asked. 'We found his body nearby, we have been trying to find you ever since.'

'Find me?' Buffy repeated. 'How did you know it was me?'

'We did not know that it was you who helped Bedrich, but we have been searching for the Slayer. We are the ones who sent to you the Gateway,' Bojanek said. 'We knew that only you could protect it.'

'Newsflash?' Buffy said, folding her arms. 'I already ran into Glory once, and she pretty much pulverised me. I don't think I can stop her if she figures out where it is.'

'We are gathering our power to move the Gateway,' said Bojanek. 'It will take a few more days and then it will be gone from your home.'

'Yes, but to where?' Giles asked. 'I presume you can move it to any other location or dimension that you wish, but what happens after that? All you're really achieving is unleashing an irate goddess onto another unsuspecting world, and then another after that, creating a trail of destruction wherever it appears.'

'There is no other way,' Bojanek replied, face grim. 'The Gateway cannot be destroyed, and the only being powerful enough to defeat Ishtar is our goddess, Ereshkigal.'

'So why can't we summon her up and let the two of them duke it out?' Buffy asked. 'That way us innocent bystanders don't get dragged into a battle that has nothing to do with us.'

'That is not possible,' Celestin said nervously, speaking for the first time. 'If Our Lady leaves the Underworld it will become vulnerable to rebellion and she may lose her throne forever. Once her enemies have control, they will spread their evil to many other dimensions, perhaps even your own.'

'You do know that your Gateway made my mom sick?' Buffy said coldly.

'I did not…' Bojanek trailed off, eyes flickering to Joyce. 'We did not know this would happen…it is most regrettable…'

'Regrettable?' Buffy echoed, angry now. 'Damn straight it's regrettable. And if you don't get that thing out of our house, and I mean soon, _you're_ certainly going to regret it.'

'Buffy, please,' Giles said, putting a warning hand on her shoulder. 'I understand your anger, but we are on the same side here. Although,' he turned cold eyes on Bojanek, 'I do believe that Joyce deserves an apology.'

'You have it,' Bojanek said, turning to Joyce. 'Humbly and sincerely.'

Joyce just nodded, cool and unruffled.

'So,' Buffy said, gathering herself, 'I can't kill Glory – or Ishtar, or whatever the hell she calls herself – and we can't destroy the Gateway, and moving it around is only causing pain and suffering across a range of dimensions…so what do we do?'

'There is no other way,' Bojanek insisted, jaw tensing. 'The only option is to move the Gateway and keep moving it, until - '

'Until what? Glory gets bored and decides to take up a new hobby?' Buffy interrupted. 'Somehow, I don't think scrapbooking is gonna push her buttons.'

Bojanek opened his mouth to retort, annoyance gleaming in his eyes, when Celestin stepped forward. 'There may be a way,' he said, licking his lips.

'Silence!' Bojanek exclaimed. 'That is not an option.'

'What is it?' Buffy asked Celestin, ignoring the older monk.

'Ishtar…Glory…can only exist in any reality by taking a host,' Celestin said, glancing at Giles. 'She will have taken on a human host, someone who is most likely unaware of their state.'

'That is enough!' Bojanek barked, stepping forwards to grab him.

'Hold on there, chum,' Giles said, voice hard and cold, stepping in front of him to bar his way. The monk stared, shocked, but Giles merely smiled politely. 'I don't think your friend was quite finished.'

Celestin was visibly nervous and wouldn't look at his companion, continuing in a quiet voice, 'There are ways to uncover the host. Glory can only take human form for short periods before her energy is sapped and she is forced to retreat. If we can find her, watch her, sooner or later she will leave the host and we will know their identity.'

'And then what?' Buffy asked, suspecting she knew the answer.

Celestin turned big, anxious eyes to her, but said nothing.

'Go on, Celestin,' Bojanek said harshly. 'Finish the tale. Once you have discovered the human host, the only way to stop Ishtar would be to kill them. An innocent person, unaware of what they have been carrying within them.'

'What is one life against many?' Celestin snapped, something fierce in his eyes. 'How many of our brothers have been killed by Ishtar already? How many more innocents must die because we will not stop her? Not cannot – _will_ not!'

'It is not up to us to choose who lives and who dies,' Bojanek said, furious. 'We cannot take a life to save others, it makes a mockery of all we stand for.'

'Okay, time out,' Buffy said, stepping between them. She turned to Celestin. 'I hear what you're saying, but it's not an option. Bojangles is right - we can't take an innocent life, no matter what.'

Celestin looked away, anger still sparking from him.

'Buffy, are you sure?' Giles asked, moving closer to his Slayer. 'I understand your feelings, believe me, but if it's the only way to stop Glory - '

'We'll find another way,' Buffy said firmly.

'Perhaps we can make an agreement,' Bojanek said, ignoring Giles's cool stare. 'By Saturday we will have everything in place to perform the moving ritual for the Gateway – if you have not found an alternative by then, we shall go ahead with the move to another dimension. Is this acceptable to you?'

Buffy looked at Giles, then back to the monk. 'It is,' she said finally.

'Very well,' Bojanek said, clearly relieved. 'We will return here at midday on Saturday with our brethren.'

Giles opened the front door and the monks filed past him without a backward glance.

'So Buff,' Xander said, hands crammed into his pockets, shoulders hunched, 'what's the plan of action?'

'Will, Tara, Giles - I need you to hit the books,' Buffy said. 'There's gotta be another way, something else we can do. I can't help but feel that this…Ereshkigal should be the one to clean up her own mess, so see if you can find any ways to contact her or summon her.'

'Of course,' Giles said, and Willow grinned at the thought of magic-related research.

'Xander, Anya – I need you to put me up for a few more days,' Buffy said with a hesitant smile. 'If that's okay, I mean…'

'No sooner said,' Xander said, grinning. 'Right, Ahn?'

'Oh, of course,' Anya said, something tight in her smile. 'A friend in need is a friend indeed, as they say.'

'Thanks, guys,' Buffy smiled.

'But it's only 'til Saturday, right?' Anya clarified anxiously.

'Absolutely,' Buffy nodded. 'Don't worry, Anya, I'll be out of your hair before you know it.'

'Good,' Anya said, smile back to full power. 'It's not that I don't like you, Buffy, it's just that your belongings make our lounge look untidy, and a lot of the games Xander likes to play are quite noisy so since you've been staying we haven't been able to - '

'Tea, anyone?' Giles said, suddenly and loudly.

'Let me help with that,' Joyce said hurriedly, following him to the kitchen.

Anya looked at her friends; Buffy looked shocked, Willow was bright red and Tara was twisting her hands and staring at a picture on the wall as though trying to will herself into it. Finally Anya turned to Xander, who'd gone pale and rigid, mouth open.

Anya frowned. 'What?'


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Finally, another chapter! My only excuse for the delay is that a ten-month-old baby is more time-consuming than you might imagine...thanks for coming back, hope you enjoy and pretty please, leave a review :o)**

_She was a ghost, drifting between the tombstones. Sorrow trailed her like a shadow, her eyes huge and empty in the moonlight. She moved as though in a dream; she fought and walked and breathed, but there was no spark, no energy, no life. That first night, the Drusilla night, she was a bonfire in the dark, blazing with anger and vengeance. Now that was gone, burned away to nothing, and all that was left were ashes._

'Shut it, William,' Spike muttered to himself irritably. He lit another cigarette and pulled the smoke deep into his lungs; it warmed him briefly, but faded too soon. He watched Buffy tuck an escaped strand of hair behind her ear, the gesture somehow more fragile than he could have imagined.

For four nights now he'd followed her while she patrolled, making sure nothing nasty got a bite out of her while she was distracted by her grief. Now that he'd confronted and accepted his feelings for her, he'd thrown himself wholeheartedly into the role of protector. She didn't know he was there, and he carefully kept out of sight. She'd seek him out when she was ready and in the meantime, crushingly difficult though it was, he had to be patient.

Spike paused, cigarette an inch from his lips, listening intently. He was sure he'd heard…then it came again, a rustling from the bushes somewhere behind him. A glance at Buffy told him she'd heard nothing, so he turned on his heel and headed for the source of the noise.

Emerging into a clearing, Spike saw a large grey-skinned demon crouching in the grass, one clawed hand to the ground as it sniffed the air. Its eyes narrowed and its massive head turned in his direction, a low growl rumbling from the barrel chest.

'Evenin',' Spike said cheerfully, taking a last drag and pitching his cigarette to the ground. 'Let's try to keep this brief, shall we? Only I've a little lost girl to shepherd home an' it's way past bedtime.'

The demon snarled something unintelligible, its voice thick and full of menace.

'I'll take that as a yes,' Spike said, settling into a fighting stance. 'Come on then, let's be havin' you.'

The demon stood, unfolding itself from the ground until it towered above him by several feet.

'Right,' Spike said, a touch uneasy. 'Big bugger, eh? Well, the bigger they are, the harder they - '

A scaled fist smashed into Spike's chest, sending him flying back to crash through a tombstone and land heavily in the damp grass.

'Smash my ribs in,' Spike finished in a weak voice, pushing himself to his feet. The demon roared and charged, and Spike grinned as the thrill of the fight settled upon him. He stood, facing it down, until it was almost on top of him; then, sidestepping faster than a human eye could follow, Spike moved aside and dropped into a sweep, sending the demon headfirst into the wall of a mausoleum. It staggered back, blinking its glowing eyes rapidly.

'Yeah, weren't expecting that, were you?' Spike taunted, punching the demon where he guessed its kidneys might be if it had any.

The demon growled again and flailed a long arm backwards, knocking Spike aside. It turned to him but was clearly disoriented. A wicked-looking flick knife appeared in Spike's hand and he darted in close to the demon's body, slashing across its abdomen. A thin line of blackish blood began to seep out, but the skin was apparently thick enough to stop most of the impact.

With a roar of pain and fury the demon hit Spike again, this time catching him full in the face. Spike flew through the night air, knife vanishing, head spinning; he was aware of the sensation of soaring, weightless, before he hit the ground hard enough to snap a couple of ribs.

'Bloody hell,' Spike muttered, spitting blood into the grass. 'Hits like a soddin' juggernaut.'

The demon advanced again and Spike forced himself to stand, ignoring the pain screaming at him from all over his battered body.

'Need a hand?' said a casual voice behind him that made his heart clench.

'No thanks, pet,' Spike said, eyes still on the demon, 'I got this one.'

'Yeah, I can see that,' Buffy nodded, moving to stand beside him. 'Although, word to the wise? Bleeding from the mouth while clutching your ribs kinda gives the opposite impression.'

Spike grinned, pleased to hear some levity in her tone. 'Well, since you're here, I s'pose I could share my toys just this once,' he said, glancing across at her.

'Gee, thanks,' Buffy said, smile widening. She was a vision; honey-blond hair pulled into a sweeping ponytail, pale violet rollneck emphasising the green of her eyes, tiny white teeth just visible in a small-but-genuine smile, battleaxe casually leaning against her shoulder.

The demon roared again, as though peeved at being ignored. Pushing down the rush of joy and desire he felt at seeing Buffy smile, Spike took a brave step towards the demon. Buffy hefted her axe and, as the demon zeroed in on Spike, slipped behind it and slashed its hamstrings. It collapsed with a roar and a crunch, blood oozing down its calves.

'Not lookin' so clever now, are we?' Spike sneered, punching it hard in the face. Then, with a shout of glee and adrenaline, he grabbed the demon's head in both hands and wrenched. The snap of bone was startlingly loud in the still air.

Buffy looked down at the demon corpse, bubbling and dissolving into the ground. 'Cool,' she said. 'I like the self-cleaning variety.'

Spike grinned, wiping his bloody mouth with the back of his hand. 'Thanks for the assist,' he said, and they began walking. 'Could've managed alone, but it was nice to have you on my team.'

'On _your_ team?' Buffy repeated, eyes wide. 'Hel-_lo_, Slayer here – if anyone's on anyone's team, _you're_ on _mine_!'

'That right?' Spike asked. 'Alright then, if it makes you feel all heroic…' Secretly he was thrilled that she wanted him on her team at all, even if it was metaphorical. 'So how's things – your mum doin' okay?'

'Yeah, she's fine,' Buffy said. 'Much better, actually, looks like she'll make a full recovery.' She looked up at him out of the corner of her eye. 'That reminds me, she got some gorgeous flowers while she was in hospital – I think she might have a secret boyfriend.'

Spike smiled, a brief flutter of a grin that vanished as quickly as it came. He cleared his throat and schooled his expression to what he hoped was casual interest. 'Really? Well, good for her. I bet he's the dashing sort, handsome and thoughtful…every girl's dream, I shouldn't wonder.'

'Maybe,' Buffy said, a soft smile playing across her lips.

'And how about you, luv – how're you holdin' up?' Spike asked, his eyes suddenly too intense and shrewd for her to meet.

'Okay,' Buffy hedged, looking down at her feet. 'Better. How about you?'

'No need to worry 'bout me, pet, I can take care of myself.'

'Yeah, I can tell from all the bleeding and wincing,' she said, eyebrows raised, looking pointedly at the white hand that still clutched his ribs. 'How badly are you hurt?'

'Not too bad,' Spike shrugged. 'Nothin' a feed and a rest won't cure.'

'Your knuckles are bleeding,' she said.

'Yeah,' Spike said, holding up his left hand. 'Think I popped one as well, the sod had a face like a granite slab. I've had worse, though, nothin' to fret about.'

Buffy nodded, still looking at his hand. 'You never wear nail polish any more,' she said suddenly, frowning just a little.

'What's that?' Spike asked, thrown.

'Well, just, you used to wear it all the time,' Buffy said. 'That hideous, pretentious creature-of-the-night shade of black, all artfully chipped around the tips to make it look like you hadn't spent hours putting it on…'

'That is a scandalous lie,' Spike said, affronted. 'Never took more than a few minutes, and I never 'artfully chipped' anything in my life.'

Buffy smiled. 'Whatever. And when I asked how you are, you know what I meant.'

Spike looked at her for a long moment, drinking in the sincerity and almost-shyness in her face. Eventually he nodded. 'Won't lie, it's been a rough week. Seems like whenever I close my eyes I keep seein' Dru's face, hear her voice telling me I failed her.' He shook his head. 'I know it's all bollocks, but still…s'not easy.'

'Yeah,' Buffy nodded. 'Me too. The guilt about Riley…I mean, I know – grown man, blah blah, made his own choices, yada yada…'

'It's tough, losin' someone you love,' Spike mused, drawing another cigarette from his pocket.

Buffy watched the flame of his lighter in the darkness, illuminating his face briefly in a warm orange glow, flickering in his eyes. 'You still loved Drusilla?' she asked, her voice soft.

Spike stopped, looking up at the stars for a moment. Smoke oozed from his mouth and nose, clouding his face, making it even harder to read. 'Thought I did,' he said eventually. 'She was everything to me for so long…but she was never what you'd call the loyal type - she was always off pantin' after someone or other, and I put up with it 'cos I thought we were in love,' he smiled bitterly. 'I reckon that by the end, I was more in love with the _idea_ of her.'

'That makes sense,' Buffy nodded. 'I think…with Riley…for a while, it seemed perfect – for one thing, he could take me out places in the daytime…and he was reliable and handsome and sweet…plus he knew about the whole Slayer gig and said he could handle it. But I think what I was really in love with was the idea of having something normal, you know? So I could pretend I was like other girls.'

'You are like other girls,' Spike said, watching her carefully.

'Yeah, right,' Buffy said, rolling her eyes. 'Most normal girls would be walking through a graveyard on a school night, chatting it up with a vampire and wondering if the demon blood will wash out of their favourite coat.'

'I didn't say 'normal' – and who wants to be _normal_ anyway?' Spike snorted. 'Just another word for 'boring', 'f you ask me. What I _said_ was, you _are_ like other girls.'

'Really? Okay, I'll play along,' Buffy said, hopping up to sit on the cemetery wall. 'Enlighten me, Spike – how exactly am I like other girls?'

'Well,' Spike said, leaning his hip and elbow against the wall beside her and taking another drag on his cigarette, 'you seem to be fixated on shoes an' shampoo for a start.'

'Well, duh,' Buffy said, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder. 'That's _way_ too easy – you'll have to do better than that.'

'Okay then,' Spike said. He held up a hand to count off his points, cigarette clamped between pale, slender fingers. 'You seem far more bothered about what the tragic blokes you fancy think about you than what you think about yourself; you can't seem to step out the door without half a cosmetics counter on your face, which only goes to prove that you have no bloody clue how gorgeous you are; and you can get inside a bloke's head and twist him up six ways from Sunday without even breakin' a sweat. How'm I doin' so far?'

'Terrible,' Buffy squeaked, blushing.

'Hit the nail, eh?' Spike grinned. He leaned a little closer, his elbow just brushing her hip. 'So you're a bit stronger, faster, less breakable than other girls – doesn't mean you're not an amazing woman, Buffy.'

Buffy looked at him; he could hear her heart hammering, a faint, delicious scent just emerging from her body. Their faces were close, her breath barely brushing his skin. She gulped, looked down at his lips. He was hit with a certainty that if he leaned forward now, if he pressed his mouth to hers, she would open up to him like a flower in the sunshine.

'Spike?' she murmured, her eyes blazing and soft in the moonlight, 'I kinda liked the nail polish.'

Spike smiled, smug satisfaction rumbling through his whole body. 'I know, luv,' he said, leaning even closer.

'How come you know everything? It's not fair,' Buffy said with a little mock pout.

'Oh, pouty - look at that lip,' Spike purred, both their minds supplying the next line; _gonna get it…_

'Buffy?' called a voice somewhere nearby. 'Hey Buff, you there?'

Buffy's eyes widened. 'Xander – I forgot the gang were out patrolling tonight!' With what Spike could have sworn was a look of regret, Buffy slipped down from the wall. 'Over here!' she called, smoothing down her jeans.

Spike's jaw clenched in frustration and he just managed to bite back a choice expletive or two. _Bloody Harris, I might've known – as if I didn't already have a thousand reasons to want to rip his wagging tongue right out of his thick skull…_

Xander and Anya appeared from the trees, Willow and Tara a step behind. 'Buffy,' Xander grinned, then saw Spike. 'And oh look, my favourite dead guy.'

'Harris,' Spike said coolly, ignoring the ripe sarcasm. 'Is it just the bad lighting, or have you puffed up a bit more since I saw you last?'

Xander's eyes narrowed. 'Drop dead, Spike.'

'Already did.'

'Encore!'

'Guys,' Buffy interjected. 'Can we stop with the kindergarten routine?'

'Buffy, are you okay?' Willow asked. 'You seem to have a lot of, um, goop on you.'

Buffy grimaced as she looked down at her cream-coloured wool coat. 'Yeah, I'm fine,' she said, brushing ineffectually at the dark brown stains. 'We ran into a demon that's clearly never heard the term 'dry clean only'.'

''We'?' Xander repeated. 'You mean, you and Spike were patrolling together?'

'No,' said Buffy, as Spike said, 'Yeah.'

'Well,' Buffy qualified hastily, 'we ran into each other, that's all, and the demon happened to be there.'

'It was dead romantic,' Spike said, grinning at Xander, 'moonlight glintin' on its antlers, eyes meetin' across the piles of entrails…'

Xander looked horrified, Willow slightly nauseated, but Spike saw Tara hiding a smile.

'Romantic?' Anya said, eyes shrewd. 'Why would you use a word like that about spending time with the Slayer?'

'Was just a bleedin' joke,' Spike said defensively as Buffy visibly tensed. 'Knew it would wind up Stay-Puft over there, an' it looks like it worked a treat.'

'Okay, time for me to be heading home,' Buffy said, moving away from Spike a little too quickly for his liking. 'I need a good night's sleep tonight, if I'm going to survive tomorrow.'

'What's tomorrow?' Spike asked.

'Nothing you need to know about,' Xander retorted.

Buffy looked at her friend for a second, then turned her hazel eyes to Spike. 'Some guy from the Council of Watchers is arriving in town, to help us figure out what to do about Glory.'

Xander shook his head and Spike saw Buffy's lips tighten as she pretended not to notice.

'Apparently us _ex_-demons have nothing to worry about,' Anya said, 'but Spike, I think you should stay away for a few days in case he has issues with your non-living condition.'

'Hear, hear!' Xander piped up. 'I hear the Bahamas are nice this time of year – maybe you should go work on your tan?'

'Xander,' said Buffy quietly. That was all she said, but there was enough of a rebuke in it to make Xander scowl and Spike glow. 'Maybe Anya's right, Spike - this Watcher guy might be pretty gung-ho on the 'demon equals bad' front. It might be a good idea to keep your head down.' She smiled. 'If you even _can_ hide that radioactive dye job, I mean.'

Spike smiled, fizzing with joy. She was joking with him in front of her friends – and there was definite warmth in that little jibe – _and_ she was concerned about his safety. _Looks like there's hope for me yet._

'Although,' Buffy went on, 'if you're not busy tomorrow night you could meet us at seven at Jefferson Park – we think we have a lead on where Glory's hiding out.'

'It's a date,' Spike grinned, ignoring Xander's glare.

Buffy nodded, turned and walked away with her friends. Spike's eyes followed her until he felt a prickle across his skin, as though someone were watching him. He realised Tara was still standing there, eyes wide and expressive as understanding dawned in their depths.

'What?' Spike said gruffly, panicking slightly.

'N-nothing,' Tara stammered, smiling gently. She turned to go, then looked back over her shoulder. 'She watches you too, you know,' she said cryptically, smiling once more then hurrying off between the tombstones.

* * *

Willow flopped back onto the bed, arms flung out to the sides, hair fanning out around her head. 'Eurgh,' she groaned, letting her eyes drift closed. 'I'm exhausted – I don't know how Buffy does this every night.'

'Um, because she's the Slayer?' Tara teased gently, sitting on the floor at the end of the bed. 'C'mere, let's get those boots off.' She tugged Willow's boots from her feet and began to rub her stripy-stockinged toes.

'Ooh, Miss McLay, are you seducing me?' Willow smiled dreamily.

'That all depends if you can stay awake long enough.'

'M'awake,' Willow protested, eyes still closed. 'Not sleepy.'

'Very convincing,' Tara said with a fond smile, giving her toes a gentle pinch.

'Hey,' Willow protested half-heartedly, then suddenly sat upright, her hair a fuzzy halo. 'Oh, wait, I wanted to do something for Buffy tonight.'

'Oh. Well, you'll see her tomorrow,' Tara reassured her.

'No, I mean I wanted to do a spell for her.'

'A spell?' Tara repeated, the hint of a frown marring her brow. 'What for? Only, if it's to help her get over Riley, I r-really think it's better to l-let her grieve in her own time.'

'No, no, nothing like that,' Willow said, waving her hand dismissively. 'I read about a spell called Somnia Dulcis, and it sounds perfect for her.'

'I've heard of that spell,' Tara said. 'It's pretty simple, from what I remember.'

'Totally simple,' Willow grinned enthusiastically. 'It'll only take a few minutes and I already have all the components.'

'You do? All of them?'

'Uh-huh,' Willow nodded, leaning over to scrabble in her bag. 'I bought the amulet at the Magic Box today.'

'Before you'd mentioned any of this to me?'

Willow turned back to her girlfriend, catching the hurt tone in her voice. 'I'm sorry, baby. I didn't realise it would be a big deal.'

'It's not, I guess,' Tara said, standing. 'It's just...you seem to be doing a lot more magic lately, that's all.'

'Well...that's good, isn't it? I mean, how'm I supposed to learn if I don't practice and, and try new spells?'

'No, I know that,' Tara said, folding her arms around herself. 'I just wish you'd let me in on it, that's all.'

'Oh,' Willow said, face clearing into a soft smile. 'I'm sorry, am I making you feel left out?' She stood and reached out to Tara, stroking her face with one hand. 'From now on, you're completely in the magical Willow loop. You're my loopy groupie. 'kay?'

'Okay,' Tara nodded, dredging up a smile and ignoring the whispering voice in her head telling her that actually, no, it wasn't okay at all.


	32. Chapter 32

Buffy sipped her coffee, flipping idly through the pages of _Cosmo_ magazine. Anya stood in the apartment's kitchenette, happily munching on her breakfast.

'Are you sure you don't want some, Buffy?' Anya asked chirpily.

'No, thanks,' Buffy said with a forced smile. '8am is a little early for me to even _think_ about eating English Stilton.'

'Suit yourself,' Anya shrugged, cramming the last bite of cheese-on-toast into her mouth. She chewed and swallowed, rinsing her plate in the kitchen sink.

'Ahn!' came Xander's high-pitched shriek from the bathroom. 'Stop using the faucet, I'm in the shower!'

'Oh, sorry!' Anya called back, wincing. 'Did I scald anything vital?'

There was no reply, for which Buffy was truly thankful. The feeling lasted less than a minute as Anya frowned consideringly then said, 'I think I'll just go check I didn't hurt any of my favourite Xander parts.'

'Great,' Buffy said, faking a smile. 'Take your time.' She sighed quietly to herself as Anya disappeared into the bathroom; she heard Xander's voice, then Anya's, then lots of splashing. Suddenly there came a subdued moan; Buffy grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, increasing the volume hastily.

There was a knock at the door and Buffy opened it to see Tara in the hallway, smiling shyly.

'Tara, hey,' Buffy said, standing back to let her in. 'I thought we were meeting you guys at the Magic Box?'

'Oh, yeah, that was the plan,' Tara said. 'But Will had to go to her parents' place first, so I thought I'd come here and head over with you guys.' She sat on the sofa, looking in bemusement at the crazy-eyed lady waving a kitchen knife on the infomercial blaring from the TV. 'What are you watching?'

'Anything,' Buffy said, rolling her eyes and taking a seat beside her. 'Anya and Xander are, ah, taking a shower.'

'Oh,' Tara blushed, catching on. 'Right.' She looked down at her hands, twisting them in her lap. 'So, um, how's your mom doing?'

'Great, thanks,' Buffy said, relaxing. 'Much better, the doctors are really pleased with her progress.'

'That's really good news, Buffy,' Tara said sincerely. 'I'm so pleased.'

'Thanks,' Buffy smiled.

'And how're you?' Tara asked. 'You seem happier – are you happier?'

'I think so,' Buffy mused. 'I still have those occasional black moments – you know, the ones that sneak up on you when you think you're doing okay and club you over the head?'

Tara nodded, smiling.

'But mostly, I think I'm dealing pretty well.'

'You seemed like you were having fun with Spike last night.'

'What?' Buffy asked, eyes wide. 'No, not me. Fun and Spike? Two totally opposing concepts.'

'Right,' Tara said, nodding. 'I guess I must've imagined you joking around with him.'

'Well, I guess some joking occurred…' Buffy backtracked.

'Buffy, can I ask you something?'

'That depends,' Buffy said cautiously. 'Is it going to be all wise and insightful and make me think about stuff I've been happily suppressing?'

'Do you have feelings for Spike?' Tara asked baldly.

Buffy opened her mouth to give the standard, '_are you crazy?_' response that she knew her friends would expect. But something in Tara's eyes, something shrewd and gentle and understanding, made her stop and sigh and take a breath.

'I think…maybe…' Buffy said finally. 'And by the way, exactly how wrong is that? I mean, I know we all have crushes sometimes – meaningless, innocent crushes that don't mean anything and certainly don't lead anywhere – but this is a new kind of weird, even for me.'

'Perhaps it's just…with Riley and everything…your emotions have been through a lot, and Spike was there to help when you needed him.'

'That makes some sense,' Buffy nodded slowly. 'Except even before, when Riley was still...I've been…oh God, promise not to tell the others?'

'Of course,' Tara said, nodding.

'I've had a coupla dreams about Spike,' Buffy admitted, voice low, looking down at her lap. 'Y'know – sexy dreams.'

'Oh,' Tara said, blinking.

'And that's bad, right? I mean, no matter how blue his eyes are, o-or how tight his jeans are, I shouldn't be thinking that way about him.'

'Well…I know I'm not the best judge, but he is kinda handsome. Plus, you spend a lot of time together, and he gets what it's like to be different than everyone else…so it's probably natural that you'd be feeling an attraction for him,' Tara ventured. 'And they say that a lot of people end up dating someone from their workplace, 'cos you form bonds with people you see all the time.'

'Which is fine if your workplace has computers and a water cooler and, oh, I don't know, a lack of blood and demon parts.'

'He does seem like he's trying to help us now,' Tara said gently. 'Maybe it's not so weird to have feelings for him after all.'

'Oh, but it is,' Buffy sighed. 'One, he's a vampire and two, he doesn't have a soul, just a chip – and if I couldn't be with Angel _with_ a soul, how could I even _think_ about being with Spike without one? I don't even know if you _can_ love without a soul. I mean, true, he was with Drusilla for, like, a gazillion years…but that was some sick and twisted vampire thing, not real love.'

Tara hesitated, then asked, 'Buffy, has Spike told you he loves you?'

'No,' Buffy said, fidgeting with the zip on a throw pillow. 'Not exactly…'

'But you think he does?'

Buffy sighed. 'I think he _thinks_ he does. Which, see above re 'sick and twisted'.'

'And do you love him?' Tara asked gently.

Buffy turned stricken eyes to the blond witch. 'I…I can't love him,' she said. 'I just can't.'

The bathroom door swung open and a flushed, smug-looking Anya emerged.

'Well, that was very satisfactory,' she announced. 'Oh, hello Tara.'

Tara just smiled, blushing.

'Are you guys ready to go?' Buffy asked, pulling herself together. 'Only, Giles the Second is due at the Magic Box soon.'

'Yes, almost,' Anya nodded. 'Xander just needs to clean up a little.'

'Great,' Buffy winced. 'Oh, and Anya? Your shirt is inside out.'

XXX

'Okay, you ready for this?' Xander asked, hand on the door handle.

Buffy nodded bravely. 'Open it quick, before I change my mind.'

The doorbell jingled overhead as they walked into the Magic Box. Giles and Willow were leaning on the research table, poring over an ancient-looking scroll. Beside them, Buffy was surprised to see a woman – youngish, wearing glasses and the ubiquitous Watcher tweed in the form of a smart skirt paired with a pale grey sweater and pearls.

'Ah, Buffy,' Giles greeted her. 'Allow me to introduce Lydia Knowles from the Watchers' Council.'

'A pleasure, Miss Summers,' the woman said with a slightly forced smile. 'Are these the, ah, other friends you were telling me about, Mr Giles?'

'Yes,' Giles nodded, gesturing with his glasses. 'This is Tara, Xander, and Anya.'

'That's me!' Anya said, smiling furiously. 'Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, missy, 'cause I can assure you that there were!'

'I see,' Lydia said, bemused. 'Well, it's…um, a pleasure to meet you all.'

'Miss Knowles has brought some fascinating materials with her, Buffy,' Giles said. 'This scroll, for example, is almost 2,000 years old and look, the writing has barely faded. Remarkable.'

'Please, call me Lydia,' the other Watcher said, her smile relaxing. 'It _is_ a superb piece, certainly a jewel in the Council's crown.'

'The calligraphy alone…' Giles went on, leaning closer. 'Considering how primitive their society must have been, the script is so…ordered, so clear.'

'Giles?' Buffy interrupted. 'Try not to drool on the ancient artefacts.'

'Oh, yes,' Giles said, embarrassed, and straightened. 'I suppose I am rather, ah, taken by it.'

'As anyone of discernment would be,' Lydia said, glancing a touch frostily at Buffy.

'So,' Xander said. 'Have you taken time out from the art appreciation to actually _read_ any of it?'

'Of course,' Giles frowned. 'Please, everyone, take a seat.'

'So, what's the skinny?' Buffy asked, sitting at the table.

'Skinny?' Lydia repeated, frowning.

'With Glory,' Buffy clarified. 'I mean, I know she's some Sumerian god or whatever - '

'Babylonian,' Lydia and Giles corrected simultaneously.

'Right,' Buffy said slowly, 'but what's her deal? Do we really have to just keep shuffling her from dimension to dimension, or can we put her out of action permanently?'

'According to all known sources,' Lydia said, 'Ishtar – or, Glory, as you know her – is essentially immortal and indestructible. Her arch nemesis, and the only one powerful enough to defeat her, is a goddess named Ereshkigal – I believe you have met some of her worshippers?'

'Yep, it was a real laugh riot,' Xander said with a grimace.

They were interrupted by a crash of breaking glass from downstairs.

'Who's there?' Giles called out.

A muttered 'Bollocks' drifted up the stairs, and Buffy's heart lurched. _What the hell is he doing here, when he knows the Council is in town? God, what if she reports him or tries to have him killed or something – how could he be so reckless? _

_Oh, right, 'cos he's Spike…_

After a moment Spike appeared in the storeroom doorway. 'Morning all,' he said, trying to appear casual. 'Just popped in to nick…uh, buy some burba weed, an' I had a run-in with a jar or two.'

'Spike!' Anya exclaimed, sitting up straight in her chair. 'I hope you realise that you'll be paying for whatever you've destroyed! What else did you break?'

'Nothin',' Spike said defensively. 'Although, purely coincidentally, you might want to order in some more conjuring globes...'

Anya glared at him before huffing back in her seat, arms folded tightly across her chest. Spike gave Giles a sheepish look, then his eyes fell on the woman beside the Watcher. 'Oh look, your guest's already here,' he said, realisation dawning as he backed away. 'Forgot about that…well, best get on my merry way then, eh?'

'Spike?' Lydia said, standing. Buffy looked at her, panicked, but realised that Lydia was blushing like a schoolgirl. 'You're William the Bloody…'

Spike smiled and relaxed a fraction, head tilting. 'Heard of me, have you?' Buffy watched as he loosened his posture, taking a sloping step towards them.

Lydia gave what could only be described as a coy smile and said, 'I…I wrote my thesis on you.'

Spike grinned, tucking his thumbs into his pockets, somehow managing to pull his jeans even tighter across his crotch. 'Well, well. Isn't that neat. Sorry, pet, didn't catch your name?'

'Lydia,' she stammered, flushing. 'Lydia Knowles.'

'Lydia,' Spike repeated, somehow making the word come out like honey-coated temptation wrapped in silk sheets. 'Pretty name. S'a pleasure to meet you, luv.'

'Ahem,' Buffy said loudly, irritated. 'Spike, we're kind of in the middle of something here.' _Plus, if you don't stop flirting with that horrible woman, I swear I'm going to break something – like your neck!_

'Yeah, yeah, carry on,' Spike said, slouching across to drop into a seat at the table. 'I'm sure _Lydia_ won't mind if I sit in.'

'Not at all,' Lydia simpered, all but falling into her chair.

Giles smiled tightly. 'Well, now that we're all friends…Lydia, Quentin Travers said on the phone that you'd uncovered some new evidence about Glory that could be instrumental in stopping her.'

'Yes,' Lydia said, dragging her eyes away from Spike. She lifted a large heavy-looking wooden case onto the table top. 'But please, before I show you – this document is extremely old and fragile, so nobody must touch it but me. Are we all clear?' Everyone nodded. 'Very well, then.' She picked up a pair of white cotton gloves from the table and slipped them on, then carefully opened the case. Buffy leaned across to look at the brown, brittle-looking parchment inside.

'Wow,' Willow breathed. 'I can feel the power coming off of it.'

'You can?' Tara asked, something discomfited in her eyes.

'Can't you?' Willow asked distractedly, not noticing her girlfriend's frown.

'We are unsure of the document's precise origins,' Lydia explained, 'but it details a summoning ritual to bring Ereshkigal to our plane of existence. Like Ishtar, she can only survive in our world by taking a human host – the incantation is quite specific about that.'

'So we could summon her up, point her at Glory and let them settle it between them?' Buffy asked.

'In theory, I suppose we could,' Giles said, tearing his eyes away from the case. 'But that route is fraught with dangers and difficulties. To begin with, this is a very complex and intricate incantation – it would take several witches of very advanced skill to even attempt it, and we have no way of knowing the toll it could take upon them. Not to mention the human host – there is no guarantee that they would survive the ordeal intact, if at all.'

'And even were we to succeed in summoning Ereshkigal, and holding her here against her will, she may be unwilling to go up against Ishtar,' Lydia added. 'The current situation is, after all, most advantageous for her – her fiercest enemy is already cast out and unable to pose a threat to her. Why, then, would she wish to confront Ishtar in a fight that could end in her own death, simply to spare the suffering of other worlds for which she cares nothing?'

'Not to mention the possibility that were Ereshkigal to be defeated rather than Ishtar, the gates to the Underworld would be left unguarded to spew out evil into any and all dimensions, including our own,' Giles finished.

'So, as a strategy, it's kinda dicey?' Buffy summed up.

'To say the very least,' Lydia nodded.

'But still the best option we have, right?' Buffy asked, glancing around at her friends. 'I mean, we can't just let Glory keep spreading her badness around like some kinda…inter-dimensional STD.'

Lydia glanced at Giles. 'While we at the Council are all for stopping the spread of evil…well, other dimensions than our own are somewhat out of our jurisdiction. Since Mr Giles here informed us that Ereshkigal's monks are able to move the Gateway on, Mr Travers has postulated that our wisest course of action may be to simply allow Glory to move with it. Personally, I am somewhat inclined to agree.'

'For real?' Buffy asked, incredulous. 'You're happy to just unleash this chick on some other unsuspecting dimension? Plus, let's not forget that Glory is making zombies all over town – do _you_ wanna go find their families and explain to them how it doesn't matter that their mom or husband or little sister is a drooling, undead monster now, 'cos Glory'll be checking out on Saturday?'

'Buffy, please,' Giles said gently. 'I understand how you feel, truly I do, but Lydia is entitled to an opinion.'

'Besides which, Miss Summers, Slayer or no, you are not the only one who has a say in this matter,' Lydia said, eyes glinting with annoyance. 'May I remind you that the full power and authority of the Council are behind me? If I should choose to order you to allow Ishtar to leave our dimension, I fear that you would have little choice but to concede.'

'Oh, I'd really love to see you try,' Buffy ground out, giving Lydia her hardest, meanest Slayer stare.

Giles interjected, 'Lydia, while I understand the Council's position, I tend to agree with Buffy. Moving Ishtar on may benefit our own world, but it seems reckless in the extreme to allow her to continue her reign of terror simply to remove a problem from our own doorstep.'

'I see,' Lydia said stiffly, seeing from their faces that everyone around the table, even Spike, would take Buffy's side. 'So then, Mr Giles, what do _you_ propose?'

'I have links with a coven in England; perhaps I can contact them and ask them to send some people to help us with this ritual to summon Ereshkigal – or at least give a more informed opinion on the viability of such a plan.'

'Wow, really?' Willow beamed happily. 'That would be amazing…do you think they'd let me sit in on the spell-casting?'

'Sweetie, that might be kinda dangerous,' Tara interjected. 'I know you're getting more powerful all the time, but those kind of summoning magics can be extremely volatile.'

'You seem to be rather well informed on the matter,' Lydia said, eyeing Tara speculatively. 'Are you a practising wicca yourself, then?'

'Oh, uh, well, I g-guess I…that is, I can do some m-magic,' Tara said, flushing.

'Yes, she is,' Willow cut in. 'And me too, so am I. We do lots of stuff together…magic stuff I mean,' she clarified quickly, beginning to redden. Then she lifted her head proudly and declared, 'And other stuff too – romantic stuff. Gay-type, lesbian romantic stuff.'

For a moment nobody spoke, though Buffy noticed Spike chuckling to himself quietly. She cleared her throat and said, 'Okay, so – coven; Giles, get on the phone right away.'

'Miss Summers,' Lydia began, leaning forwards, 'are we perhaps being too hasty? We haven't yet agreed on the best course of action - '

'The decision's been made,' Buffy said coolly. 'Time is of the serious essence, we only have until Saturday to make this work. We need to get those witches here right away.'

Giles nodded. 'But who will be the human host for the summoning?'

'Me,' Buffy said firmly, chin tilted up. 'I'll do it.'

'Are you out of your tree?' Spike exclaimed, leaning forward. 'You daft bint, this spell could chew you up into bitty pieces and spit you out!'

'Buffy, please consider this carefully before making any rash decisions,' Giles said earnestly. 'Even were you to survive the initial spell, it would take a tremendous toll on your mind as well as your body. '

'What are the other options – place a want ad for volunteers in the _Sunnydale Times_?' Buffy sassed. 'Giles, come on – it has to be me, you know that.'

'No way, no how,' Spike said, shaking his head. 'I'll do it.'

'You?' Giles repeated, frowning.

'Yeah, me,' Spike said, adopting all the bravado he could muster. 'First off, I'm already dead; second, I'm stronger than the average bear, so it's less likely to shred me like confetti; and third, if it all goes tits up and I _do_ bite the big one, I won't exactly be leavin' any grieving relatives behind me, will I?'

'You would be willing to sacrifice your existence to protect another – to protect this entire dimension?' Lydia breathed, hand fluttering to her throat. 'But why? You aren't in possession of a soul, and the Slayer is your mortal enemy – what would be in it for you? Fame or glory if you should succeed?'

'Nothin's in it for me,' Spike said, his eyes never leaving Buffy's. 'Just that if anyone has to snuff it, better me than her.'

Silence fell. Buffy knew her friends were exchanging bemused looks, not understanding why Spike was willing to make such a noble gesture. All she was really aware of, though, was the pounding of her heartbeat, her pulse thudding in her ears. The way Spike was looking at her, brave and defiant and vulnerable and tender, made her want to kiss him and hit him and call him a fool, all at the same time.

'You love her,' Anya said suddenly, staring at Spike. 'That's why you want to do this – you're in love with Buffy.'

Spike's jaw clenched. 'Yeah,' he said, chin tilting upwards. 'I am.'

Seven heads swivelled towards Buffy, seven pairs of eyes boring into her as they waited for her reaction.

Buffy swallowed carefully and stood. 'Giles, make the call – now. Everyone else, keep researching – the ritual, Glory, Ereshkigal, anything that might be helpful to know. And Spike – come with me.'

Holding herself as straight as she could, urging her limbs to stop trembling, Buffy headed for the training room. She didn't dare look at her friends, especially Xander, so she kept her eyes fixed dead ahead until she and Spike were in the back room with the door shut behind them.


	33. Chapter 33

'Okay, when did we all get teleported into Crazyland?' Xander exclaimed, breaking the stunned silence. 'Spike's in love with Buffy? Since when?'

'I'd guess it's been coming on for quite a while,' Anya said consideringly. 'I mean, there's clearly always been an attraction between them so they've probably had lusty thoughts about each other before, even while they were trying to kill each other.'

'I so didn't need to hear that,' Willow said, looking a little green.

'And lately, in case you hadn't noticed, he's been much less obnoxious than usual – helpful, even,' Anya finished with a nod. 'It seems that his feelings for Buffy have led him to change his evil ways – or at least try to.'

'No, no, _no_,' Xander said, using his hands for emphasis. 'The chip – the Initiative chip is what's made him give up the evil. If it ever came out, he'd be back to his old tricks faster than you could say, "Gee, Spike, get your fangs outta my throat, wouldya please?"'

'We don't know that for sure,' Tara ventured. 'I m-mean, when my dad was here, Spike didn't have to stand up for me. Not being able to do evil isn't the same thing as being forced to do good.'

'Tara, baby, you didn't know Spike before,' Willow said, shuddering a little at the memories. 'The word 'evil' doesn't really do him justice – he was, like, condensed evil, in a king-size can.'

'Yes, he was,' Giles mused. 'But Tara may have a point – the chip does not compel him to do good deeds, it merely constrains the violent urges within him. Not long ago I may have been inclined to agree with Xander, but this gesture that Spike is willing to make – offering his own life to spare Buffy and protect our universe – there can be nothing in the chip's programming that would make him act in such a way.'

'If I may add something?' Lydia said hesitantly. 'Spike has always been something of an enigma among vampires. He has often been noted for his humanity as well as his cruelty, most notably when it came to his sire, Drusilla. He was utterly devoted to her for over a century, taking care of her every need and desire. Several sources tell of his attentiveness, kindness even, in protecting her and caring for her. That's why I chose to study him, actually, and why he was such a rich subject for a thesis – he is truly human as well as vampire.'

'And when Toth's spell split him in two?' Willow mused. 'The human side of Spike is still in there, and he was a good guy. Giles, remember that stuff we, uh, accidentally found in his crypt?'

'Yes,' Giles said thoughtfully. 'Perhaps we've been judging the book by its cover a little too readily.'

'Am I really hearing this?' Xander asked, incredulous. 'Has everyone but me forgotten that Spike is a vicious, unrepentant killer? He can't change, become a good guy – he'll always be just another demon that needs to be put down!'

'Is that right?' Anya asked, standing, eyes glimmering with fury. 'And what about me, Xander? Is that what you think of me too?'

'I don't understand,' Lydia said quietly to Giles, who shook his head to stop her from saying any more.

'What?' Xander said, flustered. 'No, Ahn, of course not – you're different.'

'Why – because you find me to be a pleasing shape? Because I'm willing to clean your clothes and scrub your back and try out those nasty little things we watch in porn movies?'

'Ahn, you have a soul now,' Xander said, standing beside her. 'You're human, you're trying to fit in and do things right. Spike's only doing this because he's in love with Buffy, not because he wants to be good for its own sake.'

'How do you know that?' Anya challenged him, arms crossed in a barrier over her heart. 'In case you forgot, after I became human I skipped town the first apocalypse that came a-callin', and the only reason I came back was because I was falling in love with _you_. And besides, I didn't ask for my soul back – Giles did that when he broke my amulet. Really, all I'm trying to do is make the best of where I find myself. I don't see that that's so very different from what Spike's doing now.'

'But Spike is still soulless; he spent over a century killing innocent people and he's never shown the ittiest bit of remorse for any of it!' Xander pressed, trying to make her understand.

'I was a demon for over a millennium,' Anya said frostily. 'And I don't know that I regret much of it either. Okay, so, sometimes I get nightmares about some of the things I did…but that was a decision _I_ made, Xander – D'Hoffryn came to me, and I accepted him. All Spike –_William_ - did wrong was get himself killed by Drusilla!' Anya began pacing, voice rising in pitch and volume. 'So really, if _he's_ beyond forgiveness, then I must be too. And if you can accept me and not him, just because you want someone to be your sex poodle and he doesn't turn you on, then you're just a big fat hypocrite and I don't think I want to be anywhere near you!'

Xander just looked at her, ashen. Her face had reddened and tears glistened in her eyes. 'Ahn,' he began, uncertain how to go on, 'you don't understand what I meant…I love you.' He lifted his hands to touch her and she stepped back.

'Don't bother,' she said, scrubbing the furious tears away. 'I'm glad I finally got to see how you really feel about us evil, _disgusting_ demons!' She looked around at the others, as if realising for the first time that they had an audience. 'I'm leaving now,' she said. 'I'm sorry if our messy break-up has made you all feel uncomfortable.'

'Ahn, wait!' Xander called after her desperately.

'I'm going to pack some things and move out of our apartment,' she said coldly over her shoulder. 'Don't try to find me, I don't want to see you ever again.'

And then she was gone.

* * *

The silence stretched out like taffy, almost tangible in the space between them. Buffy realised she had her arms folded defensively over her chest, and let her hands drop to her sides. Spike was leaning against the gym horse, one boot crossed over the other, hands shoved into his duster pockets as he examined his scuffed toecaps.

Finally, Buffy sighed and said, 'You know I'm not going to let you do this, right?'

'Can't see as you can stop me,' Spike said to his feet. 'You can bet your last cent that your band of merry chums out there would prefer for me to be their lamb to the slaughter, so they'll back me up.' He looked up then and met her eyes. 'Looks like you're outnumbered, pet.'

'Forgetting that I'm the Slayer?' Buffy asked, stepping closer to him. 'If I say it's me, then it's me – the others can like it or not, it doesn't make a difference.'

'But why?' Spike asked, straightening. 'You got yourself a willing sacrifice right here, a human shell that nobody'll miss if it all goes pear-shaped – or is your martyr complex so strong that you'd be willing to risk your neck, leave behind a whole troop of grievin' friends, not to mention your poor old mum, just to prove that you've got the biggest wrinklies?'

'That's not what this is about!' Buffy blazed. 'Spike, I'm the Slayer - fighting hellgods, risking my neck, it comes with the territory. I wouldn't let Giles or Willow or Xander do this in my place, so what makes you think I'd let you do it?' She took another step closer, within grabbing distance now. 'Oh, and martyr complex? Who the hell do you think you are?'

'I'm the one who knows you, luv,' Spike said, his voice low, eyes flickering to her mouth for a second. 'You may not want to admit it, but I see it in you – like I said once before, you're just a little bit in love with death.'

'And you're only doing this because you think you're in love with me,' Buffy retorted, anger simmering just below the surface.

'_Think_?' Spike repeated, voice rising. 'You patronising little…I've been around long enough to know love when I feel it, an' this is it!'

'How can I believe you when you say that?' Buffy asked shrilly. 'What about all those times you attacked me, tried to hurt me – how can I know that if I believe you, just for one second, that you won't hurt me again?'

'Buffy, pet, listen to me and understand,' Spike insisted, holding his temper with an effort. 'I love you.'

Buffy's lip trembled. 'How can you love me when you don't even have a soul?'

Spike's jaw clenched. 'Allow me to interpret the thinly-veiled subtext here – what you mean is, when the blesséd Angel's soul went up in smoke, so did his fuzzy feelings for you. Which naturally means, us vampires all bein' the same and all, that there's no possible way in creation I could be tellin' the truth when _I_ say I love you!'

'Wow, need a trowel for all that sarcasm?' Buffy snarked, wondering exactly how they'd gone from a confession of love to a blazing row.

Spike leaned in, getting in her face. 'You may be used to the kind of love where the fella disappears when the going gets rough, but that's not how I operate. This is real, wrenching, blood-and-guts love – the kind you've never known before, _especially_ not with Angel.'

Buffy's hand shot out on instinct and she'd hit him before she knew she was doing it; not a good solid nose punch like usual, but an open-palmed slap, the attack of a wounded girl who didn't know how else to express her anger. 'Don't talk about him,' she said, voice cracking just a little. 'You know nothing about how things were between us.'

'I know he used you, an' hurt you, an' then scarpered,' Spike countered, not backing down. 'But then, that always was his MO.'

'Whereas your MO is to pretend to help us, drop in your little barbs and innuendos, and then betray us the first chance you get!' Buffy shot back, remembering Adam.

'I didn't bleedin' love you then, did I?' Spike exclaimed, frustrated. 'I may be all sorts of bad things, but I don't betray the ones I love – never have, never will.'

'I just don't know if I can believe that,' Buffy said, looking away from the storm in his eyes.

'I can't help you with that, pet,' Spike said, disappointment bitter in his mouth. 'I've told you how I feel, nothin' more I can say.'

'I guess that's not enough.'

The silence was back, but no longer sweet and electric; now it was prickly and sour. Buffy's heart was thumping. She longed to believe him, to let his words and his eyes reassure her that she could trust him.

'So that's your last word, is it?' Spike asked suddenly.

'It is,' said the Slayer as Buffy's lower lip trembled.

'Fair enough,' Spike said, turning away as though he couldn't stand to look at her any longer. 'Still need my help tonight though, I'd wager?'

'I never need your help,' Buffy shot back, hurting from his dismissal.

She was expecting a sneer, a scowl, an explosion of anger; instead, Spike just looked at her, disappointment and regret in his expressive eyes. And then he was gone, the door swinging closed behind him.

* * *

Glory shuddered theatrically. 'Ugh, do these things _have_ to slobber so much? It's squicking me out – Dreg, make them stop!'

'I wish that I could, oh charming and magnificent one,' Dreg grovelled, wringing his hands, 'but I'm afraid that isn't possible. They can't be reasoned with, you see, since you, ah, changed them.'

'Well…put them somewhere else then,' Glory said, dropping to a silk-covered chaise longue. 'Honestly, do I have to think of everything around here?'

'A thousand apologies, oh thoughtful and intelligent Ishtar,' Dreg said, backing away.

'Hey!' Glory exclaimed, throwing a chenille pillow to hit him square in the face. 'How many times, you pathetic little minion – it's Glory now, got it?'

'Forgive me, your beauteous beneficence,' Dreg began, stopping when a satin bolster smacked him on the nose.

'Enough with the toadying, you're giving me a headache!' Glory shouted, eyes aflame. 'Just get rid of those damn zombies, and be quick about it!'

Dreg smiled an oily smile and turned to his fellow minions, gesturing them to help. Together they herded the chained group of slavering zombies towards the door, heading for the elevator. 'We shall put them in the basement with the others,' Dreg said quietly, deftly avoiding a rotting arm as it swiped at him.

'Is that wise?' asked Jinx. 'The others are already agitated – they may tear each other apart, and Ish- Glory will punish us for the loss of her army.'

'Then we will give them some fresh food,' Dreg said determinedly. 'That should occupy them until Saturday, when the shiny and incomparable Glory's plans will finally come to fruition.'

'Oh good,' gulped Jinx. 'I do so love feeding time.'

'Do we have any more of the prisoners from the park?' Dreg asked, leading the zombie herd out of the elevator as the doors pinged open at the basement.

'No, they already ate them all,' Jinx said.

'Then we must go and catch some more,' Dreg said, swallowing at the thought.

They followed the dank, dark corridor along to a thick steel door, barred and chained. Echoing moans could be heard through the metal; the zombies behind Dreg began to groan in response, becoming restless and reaching out again toward their captors.

'Quickly, open the door!' Dreg shouted as a fellow minion fumbled with the keys. The door swung inwards, knocking over a zombie who was shambling behind it, and the minions hurriedly shoved the new batch into the room beyond. Dreg caught a glimpse of blood-splashed walls and the stench of an abattoir before the door swung shut and Jinx slammed the iron bar home.

'Disgusting,' Jinx said, shuddering.

'Come, we must find some more food for them,' Dreg said, suppressing the bile that rose in his throat. 'Remember, we are doing this for the Exalted One.'


	34. Chapter 34

Tara, Willow and Lydia looked up in unison as the training room door slammed open. Spike emerged, jaw set, eyes blazing, and threw open the door that led to the basement storage room.

'Spike!' Giles called after him, busy helping a customer choose a talisman. 'Is everything alright?'

'I'll go check on him,' Tara said quickly, hurrying after the angry vampire.

'Tara!' Willow called after her, but she was already gone.

Tara descended the stairs as quickly as she dared in the dark, calling, 'Spike, wait! Spike!' There was no reply. Quickening her pace, she stumbled on the second-last step and grabbed at a free-standing shelf to catch herself. The shelf wobbled precariously before sending half a dozen jars smashing to the ground in a spray of glittering shards.

Suddenly Spike was there. 'You okay?' he asked, looking the blond witch over.

'I-I'm fine,' she gasped, heart still thudding from the near fall.

'Alright then,' Spike said, and turned on his heel.

'Spike, wait,' Tara said, following him around the corner of the shelf.

'Not really in a chatting mood right now, luv,' Spike said, turning back. 'Just go back and get on with whatever the prissy, do-good, not-a-soddin'-clue-about-what's-right-in-front-of-her-pointy-little-nose Slayer tells you, yeah?'

'Um, I usually just call her Buffy,' Tara said, venturing a smile. Spike didn't return it, but his expression softened. 'Did she...I guess she, uh, said something you didn't like.'

'Well, she din't propose elopin' to Vegas if that's what you mean,' he sighed, shoulders hunching as he tucked his hands into his deep duster pockets.

'I'm sorry,' Tara said.

Spike narrowed his eyes and studied her for a long moment before finally nodding. 'I do believe you are,' he said with a sniff. 'Boy, are you in with the wrong crowd. You do know that Droopy will have you drummed out of the gang for even acknowledgin' I might have feelings?'

'I think Xander's rethinking his position,' Tara said tactfully. 'Besides, what I think is up to me, nobody else.'

Finally he smiled. 'Too right. Good for you, flower.'

'Look, I don't want to s-say the wrong thing,' Tara said falteringly, searching for the right words, 'but whatever Buffy said in there, she p-probably didn't mean it how it sounded.'

'That so?' Spike said, still smiling as he turned to leave. 'I wish the Slayer had half the emotional maturity you've got, luv. But until she catches up, I've got better things to be doing.'

'Spike,' Tara said, stopping him in his tracks. 'I p-probably shouldn't tell you this, but...Buffy and I, w-we talked about you the other day.'

'Did you now?' he asked, curiosity piqued. 'All about how awful and disgustin' and full of crap I am, no doubt?'

'Now you're just fishing,' Tara said with a gentle smirk, and Spike chuckled. 'No, I...I asked her how she felt about you...specifically if she loved you.'

Spike's dark eyebrows shot towards his platinum hairline. 'What, you asked her that outright? Bloody hell, luv, you've got a bigger pair than I gave you credit for.' He tried to look casual as he asked, 'And what did Goldilocks say, exactly?'

Tara paused, weighing the wisdom of her words. Then she caught just a glimpse of something hurt and pleading in Spike's eyes, and made her decision. 'She said, _I can't love him. _ Not don't – _can't_. I think...I think she's afraid to let herself feel anything for you. I mean, I wasn't here when Angel was around - '

'Count yourself bloody lucky,' Spike interjected. 'Stupid ponce that he is.'

'But I know that she opened herself up to him and he hurt her, badly. Parker made her feel like she wasn't worth anything...and Riley seemed perfect but still managed to let her down. Spike, surely you can understand how scared she is of her feelings.'

'Course I can, I'm not an idiot,' he said, but his tone was gentle. 'Problem is, the daft bint doesn't even know her own mind.'

'She will, one day,' Tara said decisively. She glanced back up the stairs. 'I better go before Will starts to worry. Just think about what I said?'

Spike nodded, once, reluctantly. Watching Tara walk away, he reflected on how much easier his unlife would be if the Scoobies all thought like the kind-hearted witch.

* * *

Buffy stayed in the training room for a long time, sitting on a stack of mats and staring into space. Tears fell but she ignored them, replaying her conversation with Spike over and over again, rewriting the script so she didn't say everything wrong and chase him away. Finally she stood, scrubbed her face one last time and headed back into the shop.

Lydia, Tara and Willow were seated at the research table amid stacks of books. They glanced up as the door opened, then tactfully turned back to their research. Giles came out from behind the counter when he saw her there.

'Is everything alright, Buffy?' he asked gently. 'Spike came blazing through here like a scalded cat.'

'Fine,' Buffy nodded, not meeting his eyes. 'We discussed the spell and agreed that I'd be the host.'

'I see,' Giles said, knowing there was more to it but holding his peace. 'I, I contacted the coven in England, they can spare three witches to help with the spell. They'll be here by midday tomorrow.'

'Good,' Buffy said, glad to have something to focus on. 'So let's just concentrate on getting all our little ducks lined up. We'll head out tonight to that cave in the park you guys found and see what we can find.'

'Good,' Giles said. 'And, ah, will Spike be assisting us?'

'No,' Buffy said, sadness gripping her. 'I don't think he'll be helping us with anything any more.'

* * *

Spike paced up and down, smoking his third cigarette since he got to the park. He'd already decided twice to sod the lot of them and head home, but came back each time. Somehow, even though she didn't deserve it, he couldn't bear the thought of leaving Buffy without his backup.

'Where the bleedin' hell are they?' he muttered to himself, glancing up at the moon. 'Sure she said seven.'

A twig cracked behind him and he turned. 'About soddin' time,' he snarled, pausing when he realised there was nobody there. Spike frowned, scenting the air – something was out there, something he'd never encountered before. 'Come out, come out, wherever you are,' he sing-songed quietly, prowling towards the bushes.

Spike sensed movement behind him and turned, just in time to see the massive wooden club as it connected with his skull.

'What are you doing?' Dreg hissed, watching the vampire fall. 'He's already one of the undead, our shining and radiant Glory cannot use him in her army!'

'I know that,' Jinx said acidly. 'But he is well known in this town, I have heard many lips speak his name with respect. He is here waiting for someone, outside our dark mistress's lair, so it must be for a good reason. I merely supposed that she would want to know exactly what that reason may be.'

'And if he won't share?'

Jinx smiled. 'Come along, Dreg. You know as well as I how...persuasive she can be.'

**A/N: **Huge thanks, as ever, for following this story. Your reviews make my day and help my writing :o)


	35. Chapter 35

'Xander, you should really have taken your car to the garage when you first noticed the 'check engine' light blinking,' Willow groused.

'Gee, ya think?' Xander retorted. 'I woulda done except for this teeny tiny thing called Enough Money To Pay For Repairs, and us not having it.'

'I did offer to drive,' Giles said archly, 'but no, my car is apparently suitable only for mockery and derision.'

Xander stopped in his tracks, turning to face his friends. 'Look, guys, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I tried to do something helpful and it went wrong, as always; I'm sorry my car broke down and we had to walk all the way over here; I'm sorry your new suede shoes got rained on, Will. Can we please leave it at that? You're lucky I'm not sitting at home alone right now, listening to country music and drinking my way through a crate of beers.'

'You're right, Xand, we're sorry,' Buffy said, placing a comforting hand on his arm. 'Still nothing from Anya?'

Xander shook his head. 'She's not replying to any of my messages. Which I get – I mean, there were some things said back there that were definitely not of the well-thought-out variety. She just...needs some time to calm down, that's all.'

'I'm sure you're right,' Tara said with a soft smile.

'Sorry,' Willow said, hugging him close for a moment. 'I guess I forgot to engage brain before mouth again.'

'Hey, that's usually my specialty,' Xander smiled. 'Does that mean I have to be all knowledgey instead like you usually are?'

'Heaven forfend,' Giles said, but he was smiling gently.

'Okay, let's hit this cave,' Buffy said determinedly. 'Will, Tara – lead on.'

'Just the other side of this clearing,' Willow said, pointing. 'See, those bushes right there.'

'No sign of Spike,' Buffy muttered as they approached.

'I thought you said you weren't expecting him,' Giles said carefully.

'I wasn't,' Buffy said, 'but I was still kinda hoping...I mean, not so much hoping as thinking he might...not that I wanted him to but I...okay, through the bushes we go!' she finished, too brightly, avoiding Xander's eyes.

XXX

The cave walls were narrow, Willow's light charm reflecting dully in the damp stone. Buffy shivered in the chill, wet air.

'It can't be much further, right?' Xander said. 'We must be halfway across the state by now.'

'I estimate that the tunnel levelled out some minutes ago, after its initial descent,' Giles said. 'That may suggest that we're approaching our destination, wherever that may be.'

'Wait,' Buffy whispered, holding up her hand. 'Did you guys hear that?'

'Hear what?' Xander asked quietly.

'That shuffling noise,' Buffy said.

Stock still, they all strained to hear in the near-darkness. All was quiet for a long moment; then, faint but unmistakeable, came the echo of a heart-clenching moan.

'Oh God,' Xander said, panicky. 'I know that sound - it's zombies, isn't it?'

'Sounds like,' Buffy said, summoning her courage.

'So why aren't we leaving?' Xander asked shrilly, pale under the dancing light.

'Xand, zombies are a good thing,' Buffy said.

'Okay, there ain't a situation in the world where _that's_ true,' Xander said emphatically.

'On the contrary,' Giles said, tightening his grip on the crossbow he carried. 'Buffy's right – the presence of zombies indicates that we are indeed approaching Glory's lair.'

'Whoop-dee-doo for us!' Xander said, managing to give a sarcastic double thumbs up. 'So let's go home and plan our attack – our attack for another day!'

'We could do that,' Buffy said, 'or we could carry on and see exactly where this tunnel leads so we can find another way in when we're ready to take her on. Giles, what d'you think?'

'I think the best plan – and trust me when I tell you I'm reluctant to say this – is to move forward. You're right, Buffy, if we can find out where this tunnel emerges then we can properly plan and prepare for our confrontation with Glory.'

'Great plan,' Xander said, 'assuming we have any brains left by then!'

'I shouldn't think they'll trouble you, Xander,' Giles said archly, 'you've barely a snack up there.'

Willow and Tara smiled, Buffy letting out a muffled snort of laughter. Xander's face was a picture of indignance for a second, then he cracked a smile. They all laughed, more than the joke deserved – as he'd planned, Giles's gentle mockery had broken the tension.

'Come on, let's do this,' Buffy said, moving forwards. 'Stay behind me in case we hit company.'

After a few more minutes of walking, the darkness began to lighten. Willow extinguished her spell light and, after a turn in the path, they found themselves looking at a jagged hole leading into what looked like a dimly-lit basement corridor. There were four doors, two on each side of the corridor, each with eye-level windows made of meshed glass. Piles of bricks were scattered everywhere; clearly someone or something had simply punched an access hole in the wall.

'Okay guys, remember to stay behind me,' Buffy said, stepping cautiously through the hole.

'Don't need to tell me twice,' Xander said, then, 'Except I guess you just did...'

A moan split the silence, sudden and mournful, followed by a second and then a third. The eerie sound rose in pitch and intensity, making everyone's blood run cold.

'I think they heard us,' Xander whispered, ducking behind Giles.

'Buffy, what do we do?' Willow murmured, shuddering with a tremor of fear.

'Relax, guys,' Buffy said quietly, trying to look brave and Slayer-like, 'they must be locked up behind one of these doors – they can't hurt us.'

'Do you have a plan?' Giles whispered, suddenly realising that everyone else had slunk behind him. 'Oh, very brave, I must say,' he grouched over his shoulder, 'leave the defenceless yet dashing older man out in front all alone.'

'You have a crossbow and the Slayer, what more d'you want?' Xander hissed back.

'I'm going to sneak along to the elevator,' Buffy said, gesturing to the far end of the corridor, 'see exactly where we are. You guys stay here; don't move and don't get eaten.'

'My kinda plan,' Xander nodded enthusiastically.

'Do be careful,' Giles whispered after her as she ran in a light-footed half-crouch to the elevator doors. The moaning grew louder, peaking as she passed the second door on the left.

'At least I know where the party is,' she muttered to herself as the elevator doors pinged open.

Inside she pressed the Lobby button, looking for anything that might tell her where she was. The space was dim and undecorated; Buffy guessed it was a service elevator. After a short smooth ascent the doors slid open onto a small grey landing; another door led out into a plush lobby, dotted with potted plants and squidgy-looking couches. Everything was covered with a thin film of dust and a huge sign in the window declared that the building was for sale.

To her right Buffy saw a gleaming pair of burnished bronze doors - this must be the elevator that led to the apartments above - with a set of mail cubbyholes beside them. As she glanced at the cubbyholes, her focus snagged on the one marked Penthouse. For a moment she had a fierce urge to head up there, something very like her Slayer sense whispering that she should go, right now, no hesitation. Then Common Sense knocked on her forehead and reminded her that Glory had already kicked her finely-toned behind once and would love to do it again; besides which there were four shivering civilians waiting for her within sniffing distance of a pack of slavering zombies. She had to concede that Common Sense had a point, even though her guts screamed at her all the way back down to the basement that she'd made the wrong decision.

XXX

Spike blinked his blood-crusted eyes open with an effort, wincing against the dim lamplight. He could feel cold metal around his wrists, his torso and shoulders were stretched painfully and his neck felt wrenched and stiff. He moved tentatively, testing his restraints, and the muscles along his back and sides screamed in protest. He winced, which opened up the barely-scabbed split in his lip and reminded him of a black eye and bruised cheekbone. He remembered fists to his face and body, his own lighter used against him, razor blades and rubbing alcohol, sharp fingernails where he really didn't want them, and then it all clicked into place. _Glory._

'Hey there sleepyhead,' said a Valley-girl voice, and then she was there in front of him, all honey-blond ringlets and shimmering satin. 'Thought you were gonna sleep away the whole evening.' She leaned in close to him, licked a trickle of blood from his mouth. 'Mmm, yummy.'

Spike pulled his head away, ignoring the fresh waves of pain. Glory's face clouded over. 'Rude,' she barked, dragging her nails down his burned chest, between the flaps of torn t-shirt and bloodied flesh. 'Fine then, if you don't wanna play, let's get straight down to business.' She caught his chin in an iron grip, forcing him to meet her eyes. Something between power and insanity danced in their depths and Spike shivered despite himself.

'Last time we met,' Glory snarled, 'you and that little blond scrap stole my monk and dropped a building on my head. Now, I know she's the Slayer – and really, if she's the best defence your dimension can come up with then you're better off just letting me destroy you all – so what _you're_ going to tell me is where she is and what she's done with my Gateway.'

'Like I said before, dye job, I'm a vampire – vaaam-piiire,' Spike said snidely. 'Vampires and Slayers ain't exactly chatting buddies, in case you didn't know.'

Glory tut-tutted, shaking her head. 'Let me tell you a few things I _do_ know,' she said, pushing one thumb into his left eye socket. He tried to resist but her other hand held his head so firmly he couldn't move. 'One, I know that you two were exploring the warehouse together, which tells me that you're on Team Slayer.' The pressure increased on his eye; it wasn't quite painful yet, but mighty uncomfortable.

'Two, I know those do-good monks sent my Gateway to the Slayer for protection, which means she knows where it is and more than likely, so do you.' More pressure, a dull ache spreading from the back of his eye.

'Three, I know you were waiting for someone tonight, and I'd bet my Manolo Blahniks that it was her.' More pressure, and he could feel his eyeball deforming under her thumb.

'Four, I know that popping your eyeball won't kill you, but the pain'll make you wish it had. So, why don't you tell me the one thing I _don't_ know and save us both some trouble?'

Spike clenched his jaw, then nodded sharply. The pressure increased for one horrible second, and then disappeared. He blinked his eye open, seeing spots in his vision as a throbbing ache spread through the socket.

'So?' Glory asked, arms folded.

'Okay, here's what I know,' Spike said, hoarse from pain and biting down on screams. 'One, I know you really wish you were a size zero but you shouldn't keep squeezing yourself into frocks that your fat arse doesn't fit in.' Glory's eyes widened, but despite herself ran her hands over her figure.

'Two,' Spike went on, 'I know that whatever you do to me, I'll never tell you diddly about the Gateway.' Glory's eyes narrowed, death behind the lowered lids.

'And three,' he said, summoning up his most belligerent sneer, the one he'd always gleefully used on Angelus right before every fistfight they ever had, 'I know that however scary you think you are, the Slayer's gonna teach you a lesson about pain you'll never forget.'

Glory was pale with fury, her eyes darker than the deepest abyss. 'Is that it?' she snipped. 'Are you all done talking so I can kill you slowly and painfully?'

'Umm, think so...' Spike said, pretending to muse. 'Oh, no, forgot one thing – next to her, you're nothing but a cheap imitation of a woman.'

Glory screamed, a short sharp burst of rage and hatred, then she was on him; raking nails down his face, punching his broken ribs, head butting him with enough force that he saw flashing lights. _The things I do for the women I love, _he reflected blearily, consciousness wavering again. _And do they ever bloody appreciate it?_

It took him a second to realise that the blows had stopped. He cautiously opened his eyes, not sure what to expect, and saw pretty much the last thing he could've anticipated. Standing before him was a tall, muscular man in Glory's tight red dress, which had burst at the seams. Spike gave a slight sniff; the guy sure smelled human. The man looked bewildered, then resigned; then, as he noticed Spike, horrified.

'Oh my God,' he exclaimed. 'She did this to you, didn't she?'

Utterly confused but spotting an escape opportunity, Spike nodded. 'Don't know what I did to upset her,' he said, forcing out a weak cough and trying to look human. 'She took my Sally off somewhere and strung me up here, said she wanted to play for a while.' He looked into the stranger's dark eyes, doing his best to look weak and pitiable. 'Please, let me go?'

For a moment Spike thought he'd overplayed it; then the man nodded and reached for the manacles. 'How do these open?'

'She put a key on that table,' Spike said, nodding.

The man found it and reached up, and then Spike was free. Without the support he collapsed to his knees, not having to pretend to be in agony. He remembered to rub his wrists, as though trying to get the circulation going, and struggled to his feet.

'Listen to me,' the stranger said. 'By the time you get down to the street you'll have forgotten all about this, about me. But try to remember this - don't go to the police, don't even go to the hospital – forget all that, forget about Sally, and just get outta town.'

'Right, whatever you say,' Spike babbled, 'and thanks, mister.'

All the way along the corridor he expected someone to stop him, but nobody did. In the elevator he had to lean against the panelled walls for support as waves of pain raced through his body. Finally he was outside, taking in deep lungfuls of air just for the novelty of it, and staggering home as the sun began to rise.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: Hey all, sorry for another mammoth delay with this chapter. Hope it was worth the wait! Also, thanks again for the encouraging reviews – especially Lakitalover and Mystic4Gohan whose reviews this week gave me the kick I needed to get on with updating. **

* * *

Sitting wedged up against Willow in the back of the people carrier taxi, Buffy stared unseeingly out of the window. It bothered her on some deep-seated level that Spike hadn't showed up tonight; it meant that she'd finally succeeded in pushing him away. _Just what I always wanted, right? A Spike-free reality? Only as it turns out, not so much..._

'Buffy?' Willow said quietly, interrupting her gloomy thoughts. 'Are you okay?'

'Oh, yeah,' Buffy said, unthinkingly slipping on her Big Brave Slayer mask. 'Just a little tired.'

Willow nodded, then her eyes went wide. 'Oh, that reminds me. I've – that is, _we've_ got a present for you,' she said, fumbling in her pocket.

'What's the occasion?' Buffy asked.

'Tara and I, we just wanted to help lighten your load a little,' Willow explained, glancing across at her girlfriend. 'With Glory and your mom and…losing Riley…we know it's been really hard for you lately.'

'It's been kinda rough,' Buffy admitted, looking down at her hands. 'But you didn't need to get me anything, Will – just having you here is enough.'

Willow smiled. 'Hold out your hand.'

Buffy did so and Willow placed a pendant in her hand, the silver chain coiling in her palm. Glinting up at her was a small blue crystal, streaked with opalescent swirls.

'It's beautiful,' Buffy said, smiling.

'It's enchanted,' Willow said. 'Put it on when you go to bed and it'll be activated once you fall asleep.'

'What'll it do?' Buffy asked. 'Will it help me sleep? 'Cos as these fetching bags under my eyes will tell ya, the beauty sleep has been kinda thin on the ground lately.'

'Yeah, in a way,' Willow nodded. 'It's imbued with a spell that taps into your subconscious, then creates a restful dreamworld based around what it finds.'

'And it won't take me into some nightmare dimension?' Buffy asked warily. 'I only ask 'cos that's all that there seems to be in my subconscious these days.'

'Oh no, nothing like that,' Tara assured her. 'There's a filter in there so it'll only pick up on the good stuff – y'know, like, your hidden desires.'

'Ooo-kay...so, when you say 'hidden desires', what exactly does that mean?'

'Whatever you want it to mean,' Willow grinned. 'It'll squirrel down into your brain to find out what it is you want the most, even if it's stuff you're not aware of, then construct a dream where all those things are true. It could be a world where Jimmy Choos are always on sale, or where double fudge mint chip ice cream has no calories.' Willow smiled, then said softly, 'Or maybe a world where things turned out differently with Riley. Or even with Angel…whatever it finds in the Buffy brain soup, it'll figure out your heart's true desire.'

'Wow,' Buffy said. 'Honestly? I'm a little afraid to find out what that is.'

'Here we are, Buff,' Xander announced as the taxi pulled up at the kerb. Buffy opened the door and swung her legs out into the pre-dawn darkness.

'Night,' Willow called after her. 'Sweet dreams.'

* * *

Giles stifled a yawn as he turned the key in his front door. Above him the sky was streaked with smears of coral pink, the sun just reaching the horizon.

Inside it was dark and quiet. He dropped his weapons bag and kicked off his shoes, yanked his sweater over his head and headed for the couch. Smothering another yawn, he was pleased to note that Joyce had already draped his comforter across the couch cushions. He sat down heavily on his makeshift bed and a shriek rang out, setting his heart racing as he leapt to his feet.

'Giles!' said a familiar voice. 'Can you please watch where you're putting your bottom?'

'Anya,' he exclaimed, relieved but annoyed. 'I do beg your pardon for assuming that my own bed, in my own house, would be unoccupied.' He frowned. 'What are you doing here, anyway?'

'I'm fine, thanks for asking,' Anya said huffily, sitting up and folding her arms.

'Ah, yes, I should have...how _are_ you doing?' Giles asked, tone softening as he sat beside her.

'Well, I haven't gone back to cursing mankind, if that's what you're asking, though it was a close call for a while there.' She looked down. 'How's Xander?'

'Miserable without you,' Giles said honestly.

'Really?' Anya smiled, eyes gleaming, face softening for a second before hardening again. 'Well, good. Long may it continue.'

'Yes, well, if I may return to my original question – what are you doing here?'

'I brought Spike here.'

Giles frowned, squinting in confusion. 'I see. For any particular reason?'

'I found him by the side of the road, all broken and bleeding,' Anya explained. 'The sun was almost up, and it was too far to drag him all the way back to his crypt, so I brought him here. He's in your bed,' she finished.

'Ah-hah. And where is Joyce?'

'She's upstairs with Spike.'

Giles's eyes wide. 'I'm fairly certain that's not what it sounds like.'

Anya gave him a patient, condescending smile. 'They're not having sex, Giles – that would be both inappropriate and wrong.'

'I'm glad you think so,' Giles said faintly.

Anya nodded. 'Of course it would. Spike is in love with Buffy, not Joyce, and you can't have sex with your daughter's boyfriend.'

'I'm so pleased we got that settled,' Giles said, standing. 'Perhaps I'll go up and see how he's doing.'

'Okay. I'm going back to sleep,' Anya announced, snuggling under the comforter once more.

Giles walked slowly up the stairs, thinking through the situation in which he found himself. _How things change, _he reflected silently. _A year ago, Spike and Buffy were mortal enemies; Willow was dating Oz; Joyce was fit and healthy; Xander and Anya were blissfully and overtly happy together; and I could sit on my own sofa without having my eardrums perforated._

Joyce, seated at the side of the bed, looked up as she heard Giles approaching. Her expression was both sad and maternal, and it appeared as though she'd shed more than a few tears. The room was dim, lit only by one lamp, and Giles had trouble making out Spike's figure under the bedclothes.

'How is he?' Giles asked quietly.

'Not good,' Joyce said. She looked back at Spike and Giles peered down at him, blood running cold as he finally saw what bad shape the vampire was in.

'Bloody hell,' Giles said unthinkingly.

'I know,' Joyce said. 'He looks so...vulnerable somehow. I've never seen him look that way before.'

_I have, _thought Giles, _every time he looks at Buffy. _'Have you any idea what happened to him?' he asked.

'No, he's been out cold since Anya brought him here. But whatever it was really did a number on him. I cleaned him up as best I could, but I'm pretty sure he has some broken bones. I don't really know how to do first aid on a vampire,' Joyce finished with a helpless shrug.

'All we can really do is to make sure that he's comfortable and well fed,' Giles said. 'I'll go and heat some, uh, some blood up for him.'

...

Joyce reached out to adjust the comforter covering Spike's battered body. She didn't know whether vampires felt the chill, but she had to do something; his stillness and brokenness made her cold somewhere deep down inside. She knew he was supposed to be the enemy, but she'd always had trouble seeing him that way. Unthinkingly she gripped one cool hand and rubbed it gently, like she had when Buffy was ill as a child.

Spike's eyelashes fluttered and a soft, hoarse groan came from his bruised throat. 'Buffy?' he croaked, barely audible.

'Spike, it's Joyce,' she said, smiling. 'You're safe now, don't worry.'

'Did she...get Buffy?' Spike asked, straining upwards.

'Buffy is fine, Spike,' Giles said, reappearing with a mug of blood. 'Do you mean Glory? Did she do this to you?'

'Yeah,' Spike said, struggling to sit. Joyce leaned forward to help, propping pillows at his back. Giles handed him the Kiss the Librarian mug, complete with a drinking straw.

Spike smiled painfully. 'This takes me back,' he croaked, lifting the straw from the mug and catching the drops with his tongue. 'And you're positive Buffy's alright?'

'I assure you that she's quite well, Spike, we just dropped her off at Xander's,' Giles said, crouching beside Joyce. 'Now please, if you're up to it...can you tell us what happened to you tonight?'

Spike took a long swallow of blood, glancing in embarrassment at Joyce and hastily wiping his mouth. 'I was waitin' for you all, in the park where Buffy said,' he began slowly, voice cracking here and there. 'Someone hit me before I got a look at them and that was it, goodnight Vienna. Next thing I know, I'm wakin' up in chains with Glory in my face.'

'Glory's minions must have seen you waiting there,' Giles mused. 'What did she want to know?'

'Where the Gateway is. Who the Slayer is. How to find her.'

'And what did you tell her?' Giles asked, heart clenching.

'I told her to take a long bloody walk off a short soddin' pier,' Spike said, sniffing, a touch of his old swagger returning.

'Thank you, Spike,' Joyce said warmly, squeezing his pale hand.

'My pleasure,' he wheezed, smiling shyly. 'Always was a sucker for a damsel in distress. Even when I was the one who put her there.'

'So our assumption was correct,' Giles said. 'Glory's lair is in that empty apartment building by the park.'

Spike nodded, taking another careful swallow. 'In the bloody penthouse, no less. Nothin' but the best for torturin' the innocent.'

'Innocent?' Giles repeated, eyebrows raised but tone gentle.

'In this instance, actually, for once, yeah,' Spike said, coughing a little as his throat caught.

'Okay, that's enough talking for now,' Joyce said firmly. 'Spike, drink up and then get some more rest. Rupert, let's give him some peace.' She waited while Spike drained the mug and took it from him, helping him to lay back down and pulling the comforter up to his neck.

'Thanks Mum,' Spike joked, genuine gratitude shining in his eyes.

Joyce just smiled, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his brow. 'Sleep well,' she said, turning out the light.

Giles was in the kitchen, pouring boiling water into the teapot. 'Care for a cup?' he asked as Joyce entered.

'Yes please,' she said, rinsing the bloodied mug in the sink. 'You know, I never much cared for tea before, but I'm developing quite a taste for it now.'

'That's probably because you never had it made properly before,' Giles said, stirring the tea leaves in the pot. 'You Americans do many things well – television comedy, action films, barbecued meat – but there's not a single one of you who can make a proper cup of tea.' He added a dash of milk to two mugs, gave the pot one last stir and poured the golden-brown liquid. 'There. Perfect.'

'So is there anything else that English men do better than Americans?' Joyce asked teasingly, forgetting herself for a moment.

Giles froze. Joyce froze. Then a smile crept onto Giles's face, confident and masculine and all-too like that teenage grin she'd seen once before. 'There's a very good way to find out,' he said, his voice somehow deeper and huskier.

'Are you two going to have sex in there?' Anya shrilled in the background, shattering the mood. 'Only I don't think it's fair to make me listen to you copulating when I'm having to go without.'

'Anya,' Giles barked back, 'I would remind you that this is my home and that you are currently an _uninvited_ guest!'

'Fine, go ahead,' she relented grouchily. 'Just try not to sound like you're enjoying it.'

Giles closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face, and Joyce began to giggle. She couldn't help herself, it was just all too ridiculous.

Giles watched her, unable to keep back a smile. 'What?' he asked.

'Oh nothing,' Joyce giggled. 'Just that there's a beaten-up vampire in your bed who's given up evil because he loves my daughter, you're sleeping on your couch because my home's been invaded by a centuries-old mythical gateway, and we're being told off at five in the morning by a thousand-year-old ex-demon who's cranky because she's not getting laid.'

'Well, when you put it like that...' Giles began laughing too, big belly laughs that eased his tension and made him feel happier, lighter, than he had in a long, long while.

* * *

A/N the second: I just wanted to share my excitement that this story has been nominated for two Sunnydale Memorial awards. I can't express what an honour and privilege this is, or how much it means to me that other people care about what I write. Thank you times a million to whoever nominated me, and whoever votes for me. I am eternally grateful :o)


	37. Chapter 37

'Can I get you anything?' Xander asked, closing the front door behind them.

'Nah, I'll get it myself,' Buffy said, sitting on her makeshift bed on the roomy sofa. 'You head to bed, it's late and I know you have to work tomorrow.'

'Actually I don't,' Xander said. 'I called the site manager and told him I need a few vacation days.' Off her surprised look he shrugged, 'Not really in the mood for work, what with Anya and all...plus I thought you might need me around – you know, for support or...insight or...if anyone needs doughnuts,' he finished with a self-deprecating shrug.

'Xander,' Buffy said, a gentle reprimand in her tone as she patted the cushion beside her. 'Nobody thinks that way about you. You're not in high school any more.'

'Maybe not actually, but I sometimes wonder if my brain ever graduated,' Xander said honestly, sitting beside her. 'Is it just me, or do you ever feel as if you're just playing at being a grown up?'

'Only every second of every day,' Buffy sighed. 'When Mom was in the hospital, I was so scared that I would lose her. A big part of that was feeling like I don't know how to be an adult. I mean, I can kick the crap out of any pretty much anything, but show me a bank statement and I run screaming like a little girl.'

'Now that I can't imagine,' Xander smiled. 'You're Buffy, Buffy; you make the rest of us feel safe, show us how to be good and strong.'

'I do?' Buffy asked, eyes wide.

'You do,' Xander said, nudging her shoulder gently with his. 'Never known anyone stronger.'

'That's what Spike said,' Buffy half-whispered. Saying his name made her feel like crying.

'Did he,' Xander said flatly. 'I wanted to ask about your little heart-to-unbeating-heart with Freak On A Leash.'

'Don't call him that,' Buffy said, more harshly than she'd intended.

Xander gave her a long look, then nodded his head. 'Force of habit.'

'I know, I just...it doesn't seem right to mock him after what he did – what he offered to do,' Buffy said, ducking her head. 'I think he...he seems like he's trying, y'know? And if we want him to stop with the evil, we need to show him we'll help him to be good. Does that make sense?'

'More than it would've yesterday,' Xander nodded reluctantly.

'Anya really laid into you, huh?' Buffy asked, sympathetic.

'She did,' Xander agreed, 'but between you and me, it was nothing I didn't deserve. What she said...it hurt more than when Phil dropped bricks on my foot, but she was right. Damn it.'

Buffy smiled. 'What is it with these demon types and their unsettling and uncalled-for insight into our inner workings? Spike always calls my bluff, even when I don't know I'm bluffing.'

'So how are you dealing with what he said?' Xander asked carefully. 'You put him right, right? Told him you could never love him back?'

There was a long, trembling silence. Buffy just looked at him, her eyes saying everything she couldn't put into words.

'Oh, wow,' Xander said. 'You mean...Buff, are you...do you...'

'I don't know,' she said softly, 'I think maybe.'

'Wow...okay, brain overloading here,' Xander said, eyes wide.

'You and me both,' Buffy nodded.

For a long moment they just sat there, side by side, tension radiating between them. Then Xander chuckled, breaking the mood. 'We don't do anything the easy way, do we?'

'Where'd the fun be in that?' Buffy said with a twitch of a wry smile.

'You're one of my best friends, Buffy,' Xander said earnestly. 'And while I can't say I'll be breaking out my dancing shoes over this piece of news...I wanna be Supporto-Guy. If I can accept Anya's past and move beyond it, then it's only fair to try and do the same for Spike. So if you say he's for real, I'll buy it.' He raised a finger, gesturing emphatically. 'But he steps outta line, chip or no chip, and he's toast. Dusty, vamp-flavoured toast.'

Buffy smiled, eyes filling up as gratitude and relief rolled through her. 'Thank you,' she whispered, throwing her arms around his neck. Xander's arms went around her and for a long, healing minute they held onto each other. Then Buffy drew back, sniffling.

'It's probably mootsville anyway,' she said. 'After tonight he's most likely gone for good.'

'Are you kidding me?' Xander asked. 'That guy is the vamp equivalent of an elevator fart – just keeps hangin' around, however much you waft.'

Buffy laughed. 'Charming visual.'

'My specialty,' he smiled, standing. 'Okay, I'm turning in. Sleep tight.'

'Will do,' Buffy said, drawing Willow's blue-green pendant from her pocket and fastening it carefully around her neck.

Twenty minutes later, teeth brushed and pyjamas on, Buffy climbed into her temporary bed, switched off the lamp and snuggled under her blanket. A thrill of excitement ran through her as she wondered what her dreamworld would be like; lost in the happy musings, Buffy slowly drifted away…

_The night air was warm, scented with floral notes and fresh-cut grass. The sky was a vivid black, speckled with stars like diamond dust. Restfield Cemetery was quiet, the moonlight painting everything with milky brightness._

_Buffy strolled through the gravestones, a stake held loosely in her hand. Her hair was pinned up and she was wearing a pretty silky dress with a fashionable leather jacket - a gift from her father, who'd come into town for her birthday. _

_As she walked, Buffy relived in her mind the surprise birthday party her friends had thrown that evening. They'd hired out the Bronze and filled it with balloons and streamers, somehow getting her favourite band to take time out from their national tour to play a set for the occasion. She'd danced with Xander and Willow, spent some time chatting with Tara and Anya, eaten chocolate cake with her mom and teased Giles for his poor attempts to pretend he liked the music. And now she was doing a quick patrol before heading home for her mom's famous hot chocolate with marshmallows and a good night's sleep in her big, cosy bed._

_A twig cracked behind her and Buffy whirled, settling into fighting stance. She knew a vampire was somewhere nearby and her eyes scanned the trees, looking for movement. She could sense someone moving closer and tensed; but then she realised that the presence was familiar, recognised who it was, and a smile spread over her face._

'_Hey Buffy,' said a voice behind her, a voice she knew well._

'_Hey to you,' she said, the smile bubbling over into a full-blown grin. 'What are you doing here?'_

'_I couldn't miss your birthday, now could I?' _

'_Guess not,' she said lightly. 'It's good to see you, Angel.'_

_Angel smiled and came towards her, enfolding her in a tight hug. 'Happy birthday, Buffy,' he murmured against her hair, pressing a kiss to her cheek._

_Buffy smiled up at him as they parted. 'Thanks. So, what did you get me?'_

_Angel laughed and withdrew a small velvet-covered box from an inside pocket. _

'_Ooh, Tiffany's,' Buffy said, eyes wide. 'I like it already.'_

_With hands that trembled just a little, Buffy opened the box. Inside, glinting in the moonlight, was a beautiful princess-cut diamond._

'_Oh, Angel,' she breathed. 'It's…wow…'_

_Angel smiled gently and took the necklace out of the box. He looped the fine chain over her head and fastened it carefully, fingers brushing against the nape of her neck._

'_Beautiful,' he murmured as she turned to face him._

'_Thanks,' Buffy smiled, flushing._

'_So, uh, Buffy, there's something I have to tell you,' Angel said, that serious look settling over his face._

'_I know,' Buffy interrupted. 'I know you've found someone else, that you're happy together.'_

'_How did you…?' Angel's brow furrowed in confusion._

'_Cordelia called to wish me happy birthday,' Buffy said, 'and she kinda let the cat out of the bag.'_

'_Oh,' Angel nodded, nonplussed. 'I wanted to tell you myself, make sure you're okay.'_

'_I'm fine,' Buffy smiled. 'I'm more than fine. I'm happy for you, in fact.'_

'_You are?'_

'_Yup. Observe the mature new me,' Buffy said, holding out her hands as though modelling for him._

'_Oh, I'm observing,' Angel said teasingly, an appreciative gleam in his eyes. 'So how're things with you – anyone on the horizon?'_

'_Actually, yeah,' Buffy said, her smile turning warm as she thought of him. 'There is someone. Which isn't to say it's been smooth sailing – as always, the Buffy Love Highway is one big mess of potholes – but I think we're finally in a good place.'_

'_That's good,' Angel said, squeezing her hand gently. 'I hope you'll be happy with him.'_

'_I will,' Buffy said simply, certainty in her tone._

'_Well, I should go,' Angel said. 'Enjoy the rest of your birthday.'_

'_Okay. And thanks for coming.'_

_Angel took her into another hug, soft and lingering. Buffy breathed in his scent, aftershave and Angel, comforting and sweet. He drew back and ducked his dark head, placing a chaste kiss on her glossy lips before turning to vanish into the darkness._

'_Now that guy knows how to make an exit,' said a voice behind her._

_Buffy turned, smiling softly. 'Hey,' she said. 'I was wondering when you'd show up.'_

'_I can't stay long,' Riley said, walking towards her. 'I have to get back in a minute; I just wanted to see you again.'_

'_I'm glad,' Buffy said, stepping into his arms. Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice was telling her that she should be sad, but all she felt was relief and happiness. 'Riley,' she began, 'I'm sorry - '_

'_I know,' Riley interrupted, that familiar earnest look in his eyes. 'But you don't need to be. I want you to be happy - not just on your birthday, but always. So do what makes you happy, Buffy, whatever anyone else says.'_

'_I will,' Buffy promised him, tears prickling at the back of her eyes. _

'_I'm sorry I can't stay,' Riley said again, taking a step backwards. 'Just do me a favour? Remember how special you are, and how much you're loved.' Then, with a smile, he was gone._

_Buffy took a deep breath, holding it in her lungs before breathing out in a long stream. A glance at her new watch told her that it was after two, so she turned east towards the cemetery's entrance._

'_Hey there, cuteness,' said a drawling male voice behind her._

_Buffy whirled around, senses screaming _Vampire_! Not far away was a lean figure in black, cowboy hat perched at a jaunty angle. _

'_Oh darn, did I miss the rodeo?' Buffy snipped._

'_Ooh, witty,' sneered the vampire, slinking closer through the headstones. 'Think you'll still be makin' with the sarcasm when I'm tearing out yer milky-white throat?'_

'_I think the only thing stopping me from taking that hat as a trophy when I dust you, is the fact of its supreme ugliness,' Buffy sassed, leaping to the attack._

_Her fist connected with a satisfying _whap_, causing blood to gush from his nose. The vampire yelled and scuttled back, growling in pain and anger. 'You're the Slayer!' he snarled._

'_Zero points for observiness,' Buffy said, spinning on one designer heel to send her other foot smashing into his face. 'Might wanna do some homework next time, Slick.' She jammed the stake home in his heart, looking into his surprised eyes as they crumbled to dust. 'Not that there'll be a next time,' she finished, smiling in satisfaction._

'_I do love to watch you work, Slayer,' said a voice behind her, the familiar rough drawl making her heart leap. 'The punning could do with some fine-tuning, though.'_

_Buffy turned to see Spike lounging against the wall of a mausoleum, lifting a cigarette to his full lips. His posture was easy and relaxed, though she knew he was ready to leap into action at the drop of a hat, and the thumb tucked into his belt loops drew her attention along his slender fingers and straight to his crotch._

'_Spike,' she said, acting nonchalant. 'I might've known my night wouldn't be complete without a helping of pain-in-my-ass.'_

'_Nice to see you too,' Spike said, smoke coiling from his mouth as he flicked the cigarette end into the grass. 'Lookin' a bit dolled up for patrolling, pet,' he observed, falling into step beside her. 'Or did you put on that slinky little number for my benefit?'_

'_In your dreams,' Buffy shot back._

'_Every day,' Spike agreed, causing her to stumble in shock. She looked up at him, expecting a sardonic grin, but saw instead a soft little smile. 'No, scratch that - in my dreams you're not usually wearing so much,' he said musingly, tilting his head._

'_You're a pig, Spike,' Buffy said instinctively, but she couldn't hold back a smile. _

'_Hold up, luv,' Spike said, taking her arm to stop her in her tracks. 'Got something for you.'_

'_Yeah?' Buffy asked warily. 'What's that?'_

'_Birthday present,' Spike said, then grinned that Spike grin which always sent a bolt of electricity straight to her core. 'It's in my pocket, if you want to fish it out.'_

_Buffy smiled mischievously and thrust her hand into the pocket of his tight black jeans. Spike gasped, face dropping into a shocked expression that made it all worthwhile._

'_Didn't think I'd actually do it, did you?' Buffy teased, splaying her fingers inside his pocket. 'Nope, think I picked the wrong one…unless this stake I feel in here is for me…'_

'_It is,' Spike said, eyes darkening like storm clouds. _

_Buffy gasped as his erection leapt against her fingertips through the lining of his pocket. 'Spike,' she breathed._

'_Buffy,' Spike said, voice rough with desire. 'Happy birthday, luv.'_

_Spike's slender hands cupped her face and drew her to him, his cool lips capturing hers in a blazing kiss. She moved her hand from his pocket and clutched his lapels, crinkling the soft leather under her grasping fingers. His tongue slid past her lips, dizzying and electrifying all at once._

_Spike's hands teased into her long hair, fanning it across her shoulders. 'So beautiful,' he murmured against her lips, sweeping her into another heady kiss._

'_Spike,' she breathed into his mouth, 'I want you.' Then she opened her eyes and realised they were standing in his crypt, the lower level where he slept. Her leather jacket was gone, as was his duster, and the room was lit by a hundred flickering white candles._

'_Like the décor?' Spike asked with a smile. _

'_Really a lot,' Buffy agreed, tingling at the thought of what was about to happen._

'_I did it for you,' Spike murmured, running his hands down her arms to coil around her slender waist. 'Everything I do's for you. I love you, Buffy.'_

'_Oh, Spike, I love you too,' Buffy breathed, and then he was kissing her again and her head was spinning and it was all too much to take in._

'_Buffy,' Spike whispered. Then again, louder, 'Buffy! Wake up!'_

...

'Huh, whu?' Buffy murmured, sitting up and blinking against the light. She felt groggy and disoriented, and for some reason extremely turned on. She ran a hand through her cat-in-a-hurricane bed hair and her fingers brushed the chain around her neck.

_Oh right, Will's spell...I was dreaming about my perfect world...wait a second, was I...I was about to have sex...with Spike!_

Buffy's eyes widened and her heart gave an excited thump. The rush of adrenaline faded into disappointment as she realised that the dreamworld was gone, to be replaced by Xander and a steaming mug of coffee.

'It's almost nine, sleepyhead,' he said with a smile, handing her the mug. 'Giles has already called twice to see what's keeping us. I tried to wake you before but it was like trying to wake a statue.' His brow furrowed. 'You were making some pretty weird noises, Buff – remember what you were dreaming?'

'No,' Buffy said hastily. 'Just the usual, uh, vampire dreams...y'know, nothing worth talking about.'

'Okay,' Xander nodded. 'That makes sense, you did mutter something about getting a good pounding.'

Buffy's face flared crimson and she gulped down some still-too-hot coffee to hide the embarrassed whimper. Xander, oblivious, went on, 'You should probably get ready before Giles comes over here to, as he put it, drag us out by the scruff of our necks.' He paused and frowned. 'Which part is the scruff, exactly?'

'Don't know,' Buffy squeaked, scuttling past him to the bathroom. Once the door was safely locked she sat on the edge of the bath, head in her hands. If she'd wanted confirmation that she was in love with Spike, Willow's dream pendant had given it to her.

_But wait, surely that dream could just mean I have the hots for him, right? I mean, it was just about the sex...there was no romance...no millions of candles and silk sheets and confessions of undying love...oh God...stupid brain!_


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** Hey all, check me out updating twice in the same month! Thanks for sticking with this, I really appreciate each and every reader and your lovely reviews keep me going when it's getting tough. I know it's short, but the next shouldn't be far behind, and I think there's plenty in here to make you smile :o)

* * *

Buffy knocked on the Magic Box door, glancing at the 'Closed' sign in the window, and within a few seconds she heard the bolt scraping back. The door swung open to reveal Giles, and she braced herself for a sarcastic, '_Nice of you both to join us'_. Instead he wore a soft frown which he tried to cover with a smile.

'Giles?' she said cautiously, walking past him. 'What's up?'

'Up? What makes you think something's up?' he asked, closing and locking the door behind them.

'No lecture on my tardiness, plus answering my question with a question, equals something's up,' she said, hands on hips. 'Are the British witches not coming?'

'No – or rather, yes, - that is, they should be here shortly,' he said, clearly flustered. 'Perhaps I could have a word in private?'

'Don't mind me,' Xander said, pointing to where Willow, Tara and Lydia were sitting at the table. 'I'll go join the ladies over at Research Central.'

'So spill,' Buffy said to Giles.

'We have confirmation that Glory is indeed staying in the empty apartment building we discovered,' Giles began.

Buffy interrupted, 'One of your shady sources come through?'

'In a manner of speaking, I suppose,' Giles said. 'Actually, it was Spike.'

'Spike?' Buffy repeated, something inside her shivering at the sound of his name. 'How does he...when did he...where was he...'

'He waited for us last night, at the park, but before we arrived he was abducted by Glory's followers.'

'What?!' Buffy gasped, panicked. 'Is he okay?'

'He's healing,' Giles said. 'He's quite safe, he's with your mother at my apartment.'

'What do you mean, healing?' Buffy asked, lip trembling. 'Exactly what did Glory do to him?'

'She interrogated him somewhat, ah, aggressively, for information on you and the location of the Gateway. He's rather badly hurt, I'm afraid,' Giles said gently. 'Several broken ribs, a shattered cheekbone, cuts and bruises, a few burns, possible fractured wrist...'

'Oh my God,' Buffy breathed, head spinning. _He did show up after all...he came to help me, after I was so mean to him yesterday, and look what happened to him...he must really hate me now._

'Don't worry, Buffy, I don't believe he told her anything,' Giles reassured her.

'Of course he didn't,' Buffy snapped. 'I have to go see him.'

Giles caught her arm as she span to leave. 'Buffy, wait. The witches will be here any time now, and we must press on with the summoning spell while we have the element of surprise.'

'So call me when they arrive,' Buffy said, shrugging him off gently. Off his disapproving look she went on, 'Giles, Spike got himself hurt for me – badly hurt, almost-dead-for-good-hurt. I can't leave him laying there thinking that doesn't mean anything to me.'

'I understand,' Giles nodded, making her blink in surprise. 'Go. I'll give you as long as I can before I call you back, but Buffy – this spell really cannot wait.'

'I know that,' Buffy said quietly. 'Don't worry, Giles, the Slayer will be ready.'

'Of course she will,' he said, smiling.

Buffy nodded and slid back the door bolt. 'Thanks,' she said, glancing back, and then she was gone.

'You're welcome,' Giles said to the empty air.

* * *

Buffy let herself in through Giles's front door, calling, 'Mom?'

'Buffy?' Joyce replied, appearing at the top of the stairs. 'What are you doing here?'

'I came to see Spike,' Buffy said, taking the steps two at a time. 'Is he in here?'

'Buffy, wait,' Joyce said, stepping in front of her. 'I know you want to know what happened, find out what you can about Glory, but he's not up to it right now. He needs some time to - '

'Mom, that's not why I'm here,' Buffy interrupted. 'I just...I had to see him.'

Joyce looked into her daughter's eyes, their green depths brimming with emotion, and smiled. 'Of course. I'll be downstairs if you need me.'

'Thanks Mom,' Buffy whispered. They hugged, brief and hard, and then Buffy found herself alone in a darkened room with the former bane of her life.

'Spike?' she said softly. The lump under the bedclothes stirred and then a white-blond head and pale shoulder were emerging.

'Buffy?' said Spike's voice, hoarse and thick with sleep. 'Wha's goin' on? Is Glory...'

'Nothing's going on,' Buffy said, sitting on the chair by the bed. 'I just wanted to come see you. Giles said you were hurt pretty bad.'

'I've had worse,' Spike said, sitting up with a wince which he tried to hide. 'Done worse, come to that.'

Buffy nodded, her heart clenching as she got a look at his face. His expressive blue eyes were smudged with purple, one all but swollen shut; his full bottom lip was puffy and cut; his cheekbones were smeared with bruises; his nose was a broken mess. She felt tears welling up and looked down at his hands.

'Buffy?' Spike prompted gently.

'I'm so sorry, Spike,' she said, tears bubbling over. 'I'm sorry that you got hurt, and I'm sorry for what I said, and I'm...I'm just so sorry.'

'Shh, pet,' Spike said, reaching for her and biting back a gasp as his wounds protested.

'Oh, no, don't...God, Spike, don't try and comfort _me_,' Buffy said, sniffling. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, taking one of his hands in both of hers. She rubbed her thumb gently across his split knuckles. 'How did you get away?'

'My fearsome cunning and ingenuity,' Spike said with a smile, which melted into a frown. 'Actually, I'm not sure I remember...I mean, I think I do, but it makes no sense...'

'It doesn't matter now,' Buffy interrupted gently. 'What matters is that you're safe, and that you get better.'

'S'that right?' he asked, face soft and disbelieving.

Buffy nodded, heart in her throat. 'Can I get you anything – more blood?'

Spike grimaced. 'Yeah, I guess I should force some more down. Never was that keen on pigs' blood, and it's even more disgustin' through a straw.'

Buffy stood, then paused. A thought flitted through her mind – a crazy, insane, impossible thought – and before she could think it through and dismiss it, Buffy decided to act on it. She kicked off her shoes and yanked her sweater over her head.

'Buffy?' Spike asked, bewildered, as she stood there barefoot in jeans and a white tank top.

'Are you wearing anything under there?' Buffy asked, one eyebrow raised.

'To my shame, Giles's tartan pyjama pants,' he said. 'Why?'

'Lie down,' Buffy replied.

Spike obeyed, his face saying he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Buffy pulled back the comforter and got into the bed, trying not to look at his wounded body.

'Buffy, love, what are you doin'?' Spike asked. 'I only ask 'cos when I've mentally played our first night in bed together, I usually have a greater range of motion than a T-rex in a straightjacket.'

Buffy smiled. 'Dream on, fang boy,' she said lightly. 'You need blood; I have a ready supply of the super-strength variety.'

Spike's face was suddenly filled with awe and love so strong it made her tremble. 'You'd let me...you'd let me bite you?'

'Not like it's the first time,' she said, mouth quirking in a quick smile. 'C'mon, Spike, don't make this a big deal.'

'Whatever you say, pet. How should I...?'

'Come here,' she said, putting her arm around his shoulders so he was lying against her on his side, head pillowed on her shoulder, face nestling her neck.

For a long moment he just brushed his face against her skin, breathing in her smell. His left arm came up to rest across her waist, and he was amazed when she let it stay there. Then, gently, he pressed his mouth to her throat.

Buffy's eyes closed as he felt Spike's tongue against her skin, his body pressed up along her side, his hand a pleasant weight on her stomach. She brought her right hand up to rest on his forearm, holding him in place, and she felt him smile. Then, soft and smooth, there were teeth in her throat and Spike was making contented noises that made her glow from head to toe.


	39. Chapter 39

'What time did the British coven say they were coming?' Willow asked, not for the first time, as she grabbed Xander's wrist across the table to look at his watch.

Xander yelped. 'A little warning, Will?' he grouched, rubbing his twisted wrist.

'Sorry,' she said, picking up a pen and spinning it through her fingers. 'I'm just a little on-edgy, I guess.'

'They'll be here, Willow, don't worry,' Giles reassured her.

'Did you have a mocha for breakfast again?' Xander asked her. 'Because we've talked about the merits of a decaf lifestyle.'

'No, it's not that,' Willow said, shaking her head. 'I'm just excited to see real, powerful, experienced wiccas in action.'

'Will, sweetie, this isn't a movie or...a school experiment,' Tara said softly. 'This is a strong, ancient spell using magics more powerful than you can imagine. People might get hurt – _Buffy_ might get hurt.'

'Right, I get that,' Willow said impatiently. 'But how many times in my life am I going to get the chance to sit in on something like this, Tara? Aren't you just the teensiest bit excited too?'

'Mostly I'm just terrified,' Tara said, looking away.

Someone rattled the front door handle, knocking when the door didn't open.

'We're closed,' Giles shouted. 'Please call again tomorrow.' He added under his breath, 'Assuming we haven't all been sucked into a magical sinkhole by then.'

'Giles,' came a muffled yell. 'It's me, Anya. Let me in, it's raining out here and I just had my hair permed!'

'Anya,' Xander said, sitting up straight and running a hand through his mussed hair. 'God, I wasn't expecting...do I look okay?' he asked, turning imploring eyes on Willow.

'Xand, it's only Anya,' Willow replied. Off Tara's meaningful look, she hastily amended, 'By which I mean you look fine. Better than fine. Good, even.'

'I wish I hadn't worn this stupid shirt,' he said, gesturing at the disco-dancing Storm Trooper on his chest. 'I look like a dumb kid.'

'Anya knows you, Xander,' Tara assured him. 'You look fine.'

Xander smiled. 'Thanks.'

Giles closed the door behind Anya, who headed towards them while pointedly ignoring Xander. 'I thought I'd come to help,' she explained, glancing around. 'I have some experience with magic, after all, and just because the men in this dimension are infinitely undeserving of mercy, that doesn't mean I want my other friends to suffer. Hello, Willow,' she finished. 'Hello, Tara.'

'Ahn, you look great,' Xander said, standing. 'New haircut?'

'Finally, you notice,' she sniffed, patting her newly-dyed red curls with one slender hand. 'If I'd known it took a break-up to get you to pay me some attention, I woulda done it months ago.'

'Ahn, that's not fair,' Xander began, then paused and raised his arms. 'Whoa, all my little arm hairs are standing up,' he exclaimed. 'What the frick is going on, Giles?'

'That'll be the witches transporting in,' Giles said, his hair beginning to lift gently from his scalp.

'Really?' Willow squeaked, bouncing to her feet with a happy hand clap as her hair formed a fiery halo around her beaming face.

The air began to crackle with raw power, sparks fizzing from some of the artefacts on the shelves. A faint hum started up, growing louder, until they could all feel the vibration in their bones. Then, with a sound like a wet finger on a wine glass, three figures appeared in the middle of the floor. At first they were just a smoky silhouette, then details emerged until three women stood before them, eyes closed, hands joined.

For a moment all was silent. Then the middle figure, a slender woman with a waterfall of black curls, opened her eyes. 'Honest to goddess, I love transporting,' she grinned, blue eyes twinkling. Her voice was warm with a lilting Irish brogue. 'Hi there, Rupert.'

'Mary,' he greeted her with a smile.

'This is Fionn and Iris,' she said, gesturing to her companions, a serious-looking blond and a smiling older woman with greying brown hair.

'You're all most welcome,' Giles said. 'Shall I put the kettle on?'

'Please do,' Mary nodded. 'Sure, but transporting always gives me the worst cotton mouth.' She smiled at the others. 'So you're the Slayer's gang of mates, are you? We've heard all about you lot.'

'Really?' Willow asked, stepping forward. 'What have you heard?'

Mary smiled. 'You must be Willow.'

'You know who I am?' Willow beamed, face about to split. She whirled around, grabbed Tara's arm. 'They know who I am!'

'Where's the Slayer?' asked Fionn, glancing around with interest at the laden shelves.

'Buffy had, ah, pressing business to attend to,' Giles said, pouring boiling water into his best teapot. 'She'll be here very soon.'

* * *

She was floating in a sea of clouds; relaxed, boneless, peaceful.

'_Buffy?' _

A female voice drifted by, faint and inconsequential.

'_Buffy, that was Giles on the phone,'_ said the voice, louder this time.

'Buffy?' said another voice; closer, deeper. 'Buffy, love, time to wake up.'

'Aw, do I haveta?' Buffy said, mock-whiny, not quite fully conscious. 'I don't wanna go to school today.'

The second voice chuckled, a hoarse rumble that made her skin fizz. 'C'mon now sleepyhead, 'fore I teach you a proper lesson.'

'Ooh, that sounds good,' Buffy sighed. Suddenly she was wide awake and bolt upright, eyes wide as she met Spike's shocked gaze. 'I mean, uh...coming Mom!' she yelled, hopping out of bed.

Spike laughed, propping himself up on one elbow. 'Many a true word spoken in jest, pet.'

Buffy pulled on her sweater. 'Maybe, but I was still asleep – I didn't know what I was saying.'

'Course you didn't,' Spike said, choosing to let her off the hook. 'Watcher needs you in a hurry, does he?'

'The witches from England must have arrived,' Buffy said, picking up a shoe.

'Right, yeah,' Spike said, pushing aside the covers, standing and stretching.

Buffy glanced over at him and went still. His eyes were closed, arms stretched above his head. Already his face looked better, the bruises paler, the gauntness gone. But that barely registered; all Buffy noticed was the lean, pale, muscled chest just inches from her face. Even with the bruises, cuts and burns, it was the most perfect thing she'd ever seen.

'Feel much better,' Spike said, opening his eyes, catching her looking. 'Must be someone I ate.'

Buffy blushed but smiled.

'Well, best get a move on,' Spike said, heading for the washed jeans and borrowed shirt neatly folded on a chair.

'Where do you think you're going?' Buffy asked, hopping on one foot as she pulled her shoe on.

'Coming along with you, o'course,' Spike replied. 'Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get dressed, and I'm all for givin' you an eyeful but...'

'Got it, I'm gone,' Buffy said, hurrying away before her body rebelled and refused to leave him.

* * *

Giles was the first to spot them as they walked in from the basement door. 'Buffy, thank goodness,' he began, stopping when he saw Spike. 'Spike, I didn't…are you well enough to be here?'

'Feelin' much stronger, Rupes, thanks for asking,' Spike said, glancing at Buffy. 'Ready an' rarin' to go.'

'Your face is still very badly damaged,' Anya told him matter-of-factly. 'You're usually extremely pleasing to the eye, but now I find I don't want to look directly at you.'

'Good to see you, too,' Spike said, bemused.

'What happened to you?' Tara asked, eyes wide.

'I had a run-in with Glory,' Spike said, managing to swagger despite the bruises. 'Turns out she's not so tough.'

'Well, this is great!' Xander exclaimed. 'If Spike can beat her, maybe there's hope for us after all.'

'And there was me thinkin' you were just happy to see me safe and well,' Spike said, scarred eyebrow lifting.

Xander glanced at Buffy, then said, 'Perhaps it's not totally of the terrible that you made it out in one piece. I guess. Maybe.'

For once, Spike was speechless.

'If I may?' Giles put in. 'Are you able to tell us how you got away, Spike? It may prove invaluable to our final battle plans.'

'Interestin' that you should ask me that,' Spike said, hopping up to sit on the counter and settling into storytelling mode. 'There I was, right, in chains, hangin' from the ceiling, beaten and bloody with Glory about to go for the killin' blow.'

Lydia gasped at his words, earning her a smile from the narrator.

'She's just getting set to claw my eyes out – literally – when suddenly, whoosh! Victoria becomes Victor.'

'By which I presume you mean that Glory retreated into her human host, who was a male?' Giles asked, smiling a little at the imagery.

'Yeah. Don't think she meant to do it, though, that's the thing. Like she got sucked back in against her will.'

'Fascinating,' Giles said, eyes taking on the familiar faraway stare as his brain kicked into action. 'This could be crucial; if Glory can be forced into human form we might just stand a chance. Mary, if we weaken her host, what effect will it have on Glory?'

'I couldn't say for sure, there's just not enough information here,' Mary told him, gesturing to the spell scroll. 'It looks as though this spell works to keep the host and Ereshkigal separate, so whatever happens to one won't affect the other. Not a clue if the same is true for whatever magic is binding Glory here.'

'I see,' Giles frowned. 'Why don't you talk us through everything, now that Buffy's here?'

Mary nodded, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. 'So, we've had a good read over everything and we think we can do the spell, no problems. It also looks like there's some kind of protection charm built in, so that whoever acts as the host should be safe from being taken over permanently. Any damage taken by Ereshkigal shouldn't hurt the host, though their body will take a bit of a beating just from being infused with so much power in one hit.' She paused, looking at them, meeting their eyes. 'That's the good news.'

'Can we just stop there?' Xander interjected. 'There's always a but with these things – for once I'd like to have no but.'

'That can be arranged,' Anya muttered darkly, making Xander pale and Spike chuckle.

'Children, please,' Giles said, annoyance colouring his tone. 'We don't have time for this right at the moment.'

'Sorry,' Anya and Xander mumbled, looking away from each other.

'I'm afraid there is a but,' Mary went on, a smile twinkling in her eyes. 'The scale of the spell is beyond anything we've ever done before, at least in such small numbers. Usually we'd need an entire coven working on something like this but we just don't have enough witches to spare right now.' She looked to Giles. 'Those damned bacchano-pagans have been stirring up trouble back home again.'

'Again?' Giles said, shaking his head. 'Some people never learn.'

'Well,' Willow ventured, 'I could always step in, if you need another body. I have some experience of magic.'

'Willow, no,' Tara said, anguish on her face. 'It's too d-dangerous, you've never handled power of this magnitude before.'

'So, what, you don't think I can cope with it?' Willow asked, annoyance simmering over. 'You think I'm just some second-rate wannabe? Or maybe you just don't want me to grow because you like being better than me.'

'That's not…I don't think I'm b-better than you,' Tara said, blushing as tears sprang to her eyes.

'If I may?' Mary said gently. 'Willow, sure and we'd be glad for your help, but only if you're certain you know what you're getting into. Tara's right, this sorta magic can really knock you for six if you're not used to it.'

'I'm totally ready,' Willow insisted. 'Please, I can help.'

Mary looked at her for a long moment; Willow felt her blue gaze like a laser beam, tingling under the scrutiny. Finally Mary nodded. 'Alright. But trust me, Tara, we'll keep her safe away from the core of the spell. You're right to be cautious – a good witch has to know her limits as well as her abilities.' Tara nodded gratefully, but Willow seemed not to have heard, caught up in her excitement.

'So is that it then?' Buffy asked, trying to sound calm. 'We're all set to get started?'

'Not quite,' said Iris, speaking for the first time. Her accent was cultured and soft, a female version of Giles. 'The spell mentions that the Gateway has a physical form, called an anchor, which is masked from Ishtar – sorry, Glory. We need to channel the spell through the anchor in order to reach Ereshkigal.'

'What kind of form might it take?' Giles asked, frowning.

'The text isn't very specific, so my guess is that the monks can shape it to be whatever they wish,' Iris said. 'It will probably be a token of some kind – perhaps a seal, or a weapon.'

'Or anything else that they fancy, really,' Mary added. 'All we know for sure is that it's invisible to Glory, and that it hasn't existed for very long. Frankly, that doesn't narrow it down much.'

'When I did Willow's spell, I saw the Gateway in my house,' Buffy said, thinking hard. 'That's why Mom is staying with Giles, to keep her safe from it.'

Mary nodded. 'Grand, that helps – so the Gateway's anchor must be something in your home.'

Buffy frowned, wracking her brain. 'Something new…and I saw the energy field in the dining room…' She tailed off, eyes wide. 'The disc!'

'You know what it is?' Giles asked, leaning forwards.

Buffy nodded. 'Mom brought home a piece of art from the gallery a couple months ago and hung it in the dining room, a sort of bronze discy thing with a labyrinth design. It's the only thing we've bought recently - unless the monks made the anchor into a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.'

'That'll be it, then,' Mary said, grinning widely.

'Excellent,' Giles said, smiling in relief. 'Buffy, I'll drive you home to collect it. The rest of you, stay here and help with the preparations.'

'Alright, gang, let's get this show on the road,' Mary said, standing.

'What can we do to help?' Willow asked, bouncing to her feet.

'Don't worry, there are jobs for everyone,' Mary smiled.

'I know what my job is,' Spike said, sliding from the counter and drawing himself to his full height. Everyone turned to look at him as he spoke straight to Mary. 'I'm gonna be the vessel.'

'Spike, I already told you, that's not an option,' Buffy said, seething.

Mary narrowed her eyes. 'Would I be right in thinking that you're a vampire, now?'

'Not just any vampire,' Lydia put in, ignoring the cold stare that Buffy shot her way. 'Quite a remarkable one, actually.'

Spike smiled at her. 'Ta, pet. Nice to have someone believe in me for a change.'

'That's not – I never said I didn't – we are _not_ discussing this again!' Buffy sputtered.

'Look, I don't know what's going on here,' Mary said calmly, 'but it's out of the question, I'm afraid. The spell needs a human host, draws on the body's life energy to hold Ereshkigal here. Won't work on the undead.'

Spike slumped, and he suddenly looked way more injured than he had a minute before. 'Right. Course. The blood is the thing – should've known.' He glanced at Buffy. 'Looks like you get your way after all then, love.'

'But does it have to be Buffy?' Xander asked. 'I mean, could one of us do it?'

'No reason why not,' Mary said with a shrug.

'Okay…so, clearly I had Insane-o-Flakes for breakfast, 'cos for the love of Buddha, I think I'm about to volunteer,' Xander said, mild panic on his face.

'Xander, no,' Buffy said firmly, shaking her head.

'Is this some scheme to impress me?' Anya asked, looking torn between adoration and annoyance.

'No,' Xander snapped. 'But I don't get many chances to be the hero…and God knows I don't have much to be proud of in my life…so I wanna do this.'

'Xander, you can't,' Anya said, stepping closer, hand hovering on the verge of touching his arm. 'What if you don't come out of this in one piece? Or what if you do, but it's a big squished piece?'

'Are you saying you'd care?' he asked gently.

'No,' Anya retorted, but her eyes said otherwise.

'Am I talking to myself?' Buffy asked, arms outstretched. 'Why can nobody grasp the concept that it has to be me? I'm the Slayer, this is _my _sacred destiny. And much as I'm touched that you guys would want to step in for me, I just can't let you do it. Besides, if anyone has a chance of surviving the process without major damage it's me, right?' She turned to Mary. 'I mean, Slayer strength plus increased healing ability…less likely to use me up and spit me out.'

Mary nodded. 'I'd have to agree.'

'Then it's settled,' Buffy said, the look on her face telling her friends that the decision was made.

'We really need to get started,' Fionn put in, visibly on edge. 'Where are we setting up?'

'Oh, out back, in the training room,' Willow said, leading Fionn through the doorway. Mary and Tara followed, Lydia and Iris carefully lifting the spell scroll in its wooden case and carrying it out between them.

Xander paused, turned to Spike. 'Look, Spike…what happened, with you and Glory…I just wanted to say it's pretty cool. Maybe I was wrong about you.'

Spike's eyebrows shot up. 'Right,' he nodded, thrown.

'Or maybe I was right all along and you're just playing us like the evil mastermind we all know and loathe,' Xander went on. 'I'm not saying I trust you now, and I'll still be watching you every minute of every day. But Buffy trusts you, and I know enough to know that she's usually right about this stuff – even if we don't all see it straight away.'

Buffy smiled, touched.

'Got it,' Spike said with a nod of thanks.

Xander nodded, took a deep breath. 'And while I've got my eloquence on…can you give us a sec? I need to say something to Anya.'

'Sure,' Buffy said, turning to Giles. 'We should get going anyway.'

Xander watched the others walk away, took a deep breath and faced Anya, who crossed her arms and tried to look disinterested. 'Anya,' he began tentatively, 'I am so, so very sorry for what I said the other day. I know it's kinda my thing to open mouth, insert foot, but I should know better. What you said made me take a good look at myself, and be honest with myself for the first time in…way too long.' Xander paused, ran his hand over his face. 'I think that ever since Jesse…I got fixated on one way of thinking, you know? And when Angel turned bad and did what he did, it just confirmed to me that demons couldn't be trusted, no matter how good they seemed to be. But then you came along.' He smiled, soft and tender, and she visibly softened under his gaze.

'I didn't want to think about your past,' Xander admitted, 'because if you'd been a demon, and all demons are bad, then there's no way we could be together. And I couldn't bear to face that possibility.'

'Aww, Xander,' Anya said, smiling for the first time.

'So I promise that if you give me one more chance, I'll prove that I'm worth it. I embrace your past and choose to accept it.' He paused, smiled. 'I really do love you, vengeancy background and all.'

'I love you back,' Anya said, flinging her arms around his middle. 'I missed you, Xander Harris.'

'I missed you too,' he grinned, kissing the top of her head. 'Think we have time to sneak into the bathroom so I can show you how much?'


	40. Chapter 40

Buffy watched the streets of Sunnydale whisking past the car window, barely aware of Giles beside her. She was looking at the homes and schools, offices and stores; the people out enjoying the sun or hurrying to get somewhere, unaware of the evil in their midst and the apocalypse hanging over their heads. _Just like always._

Part of her pitied them, despised them even. Blundering through life, blissfully unaware and ignorant, ungrateful and uncaring that she and the people she cared about risked their necks over and over again to protect this sunny little world. Another part of her envied them so much it almost choked her.

'Buffy?' Giles said, breaking into her thoughts.

'Sorry, miles away,' she said, focusing on him. 'Did you say something?'

'I asked if I can help you prepare to host Ereshkigal – if you have any questions or concerns I can help with.'

'Oh…no, I don't think so,' Buffy shrugged. 'I leave the magicky, thinky stuff to you guys – you know me, just show me what to punch.'

'There's an awful lot more to you than that,' Giles chided her gently. 'Don't do yourself down.' He paused, looking away, and if he hadn't been driving she was sure he'd be cleaning his glasses. 'May I ask…that is, how do things stand now, with you and Spike?'

Buffy blinked, surprised that he'd asked her outright. 'Oh…well, things stand…to be honest, they stand on a patch of shrinking ground in the middle of a swamp.' She sighed. 'Everything used to be so clear – Buffy hates Spike; Spike hates Buffy; Buffy punches Spike, hard and repeatedly; Spike hatches lame plan that inevitably fails, and runs away.'

Giles smiled. 'And now things are somewhat murkier, I presume?'

'You have no idea,' Buffy said earnestly.

'For what it's worth, I believe his feelings for you to be genuine,' Giles said. 'And whilst I'm in no way advocating you should consider a relationship with him, I do think he deserves the chance to prove his worth.'

'Wow,' Buffy said. 'Okay, gimme a minute…still absorbing…you are definitely Giles, right?'

'I've been thinking for a while now that there may be a lot more to Spike than we've ever realised,' Giles said, stopping at a red light and looking at Buffy. 'While alive he was clearly a man of learning, well educated, interested in literature and the arts. I've had some fascinating conversations with Lydia about him – as you may have realised, she's, ah, something of a fan.'

'Fan?' Buffy scoffed. 'More like deranged groupie.'

'Call it what you will,' Giles smiled, 'I'd go so far as to agree with her theory that William was a good and decent man, and that Spike retains much of his humanity. With support and encouragement, who knows what he may be capable of? His capacity for good, for love, for selflessness, is truly remarkable considering that he's soulless.'

A sharp blast from the car behind stopped Giles in his growing enthusiasm, and he quickly pulled away from the lights.

'Sounds like you and Lydia are setting up the We Heart Spike Sunnydale chapter,' Buffy quipped, trying to take in his words.

'Hardly,' Giles said with a chuckle. 'I simply believe that he has shown himself worthy of a degree of trust, and the opportunity to prove himself.'

'I agree,' Buffy said softly. She bit her lip, wondering whether to go on. 'Actually…since we're on the subject…I've been thinking lately that I…oh God, I can't believe I'm about to say this.'

'Whatever it is, you have my support,' Giles said, pulling onto the Summers' driveway and turning off the engine. He twisted in his seat to look at her.

'Thanks,' Buffy said, tears prickling her eyes. 'It's just…I think I might be in love with Spike.'

Giles smiled. 'Yes, I rather think you are.'

Buffy's eyes bugged wildly. 'Say what?! If it's even obvious to _you_, then how come I didn't know?'

'Not me,' Giles said, shaking his head. 'Your mother. She told me of Spike's kindness to her when she was ill, and to you. She believes him to be genuine, and that you fell for him long ago and had yet to realise.'

'Why is my mother discussing my love life with everyone but me?' Buffy asked hotly.

'Not everyone, just me,' Giles reassured her. 'She and I have grown…quite close since she's been staying with me.'

'Hold on there, Casanova – how close is close?' Buffy asked, eyes narrowing.

Giles coughed, opening his door. 'I'm afraid we don't have time for this now, Buffy, the spell is of crucial importance.'

'Don't you run away from me,' Buffy said, half-joking, as she slammed her car door and followed him up the porch steps. 'Have you had sex with my mother? _Again_?'

'Certainly not!' Giles said, flushing. 'Joyce and I have simply been…deepening our friendship on a more open, equal footing. And besides, I don't have to explain myself to you – I am your Watcher, and I'm telling you to open this door,' he finished, summoning up a semblance of an authoritative expression.

'Fine,' Buffy said, getting out her keys. 'But this isn't over, mister.'

'Bully for me,' Giles muttered, following her into the hallway.

* * *

Willow dropped onto the sofa next to Spike, watching the three British witches unpack the spell components they'd brought. 'Isn't this exciting?' she grinned.

'Thrilling,' Spike said, deadpan. 'Where's Tara?'

Willow looked down at her hands. 'Um, in the bathroom, I think.'

'What's up with you two anyhow?' Spike asked bluntly. 'You were pretty rough on her out there, y'know.'

'She's just wigging about this spell,' Willow said sulkily. 'She keeps telling me how huge and ancient and powerful it is – like I don't know that! I wish she could just support me instead of trying to hold me back.'

'If you think that's what she's doing, you're not half as smart as you think you are,' Spike said. 'Any idiot can see she just doesn't want you to get hurt.'

'She's meant to be my girlfriend, not my mom,' Willow muttered.

'Grow up, little witch,' Spike growled. 'I've been watching you, y'know, an' I can see where you're headed. Did you never stop to think about the effect your spells have? About how many times your friends have been hurt or put in danger because of some ill-advised bout of witchery from you?'

'It's none of your business,' Willow said, flushing hotly.

'It bloody well is when I get sucked into it,' Spike retorted. 'Need I remind you that I was once engaged to your best gal pal?'

'Look, it's not my fault if my spells go wrong sometimes,' Willow said defensively. 'Making mistakes is part of learning.'

'Yeah, but going off half-cocked trying to change the world to suit you _isn't_,' Spike said. He shook his head. 'Clearly I'm gettin' nowhere fast here, so I'll just be a good boy and keep my trap shut like all your friends do. I won't bother to point out that you're treadin' a dangerous path, callin' on darkness you can't comprehend, drawin' attention from magical forces you really don't want to be noticed by. I won't tell you how much you're hurtin' Tara, or endangering your friends, just because you can only see what little Willow wants and nothin' else.'

'Why are you being so mean?' Willow asked, eyes watery, face red.

'I'm bein' honest,' Spike corrected her, 'something that's in short supply around here. I don't want to hurt you, Red – I like you, and Tara too, or else I wouldn't say anything at all.' He stood, looking down at her. 'Just think about it, yeah?'

'Looks like we're ready to go,' Mary announced, interrupting the awkward moment. 'As soon as Giles and Buffy get back, we can begin.'


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: **Another chapter so soon - see, miracles _do_ happen! We're getting near the end now, so huge thanks again to all who are still reading and especially those who take the time to review.

* * *

'So this is it,' Buffy stated, pausing outside the training room door, the anchor clutched in her hand.

'Yes,' Giles nodded, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 'Whatever happens in there, Buffy, you are strong enough to handle it, and you are not alone.'

'I know,' Buffy said, nodding. 'Can I ask you a favour?'

'Anything.'

'When we get in there…can you run interference for me, just for a few minutes?'

Giles frowned. 'I'm not sure I know what you mean.'

'Oh, right – Giles is to football metaphors what oil is to water,' Buffy smiled. 'I just want to have a minute before everyone jumps on me to start on the spell.'

'So that you can speak to Spike, you mean?' Giles asked, a twinkle in his eye. 'Of course, I'll try to, ah, distract them for a moment or two. If I may just give you a piece of unsolicited advice?'

'I think your monthly quota is almost up, but go ahead.'

'Yes, well…all I would say is to think very carefully before you say anything to Spike that you can't take back. Despite what I said earlier, he is still very much an unsuitable match for you.'

'Wherever this is headed, just stop,' Buffy interrupted gently. 'Anything you can think of to tell me about why he and I can't be together is probably already rattling around in my head on a semi-permanent loop. Problem is, my heart's not really listening.'

Giles nodded, frowning. 'I know that you're an intelligent young woman, Buffy, and capable of making your own decisions. I simply couldn't bear to see your heart broken again.'

In reply, Buffy put her arms around his middle and hugged him. He dropped a fatherly kiss onto her hair before letting her step back.

'Alright then,' he said, reaching for the door. 'Are you ready?'

'Yep,' Buffy nodded. 'Showtime.'

All eyes turned to them as the door opened. True to his word, Giles stepped forward and held up the anchor. 'This is it,' he said in a loud and slightly stilted voice. 'Let's all look at it over here.'

Buffy caught Spike's eye and jerked her head towards the far corner, and with a lift of his eyebrow he followed her.

'This looks serious,' he said, tilting his head.

'I just wanted to say something before we get started…y'know, in case I can't say it after.'

'Hey now, none o' that,' Spike said firmly. 'You're going to be just fine.'

Buffy nodded, looking down.

'So what d'you want to tell me?' Spike asked gently.

'I just…I don't really know where to begin,' Buffy said with a wry smile. 'I guess…I used to think that vampires couldn't love without a soul. I mean, observe the car wreck that was my relationship with Angel.'

Spike frowned, the beginnings of annoyance on his face. 'How come we always end up talkin' about bloody Angel?' he snarked.

'God, would you let me finish?' Buffy snapped, then caught herself. 'No, this isn't how it's gonna go. Not this time.' She reached out tentatively to slip one hand into Spike's.

Spike looked down, stunned, as she ran her thumb over his knuckles. 'Buffy?'

'I used to think someone couldn't love without a soul. Then I met you.' She met his eyes, direct and unflinching. 'Now I know better.'

Spike smiled, squeezing her hand. 'Thank you,' he said softly.

'I believe that you love me,' she went on. 'No; I _know _that you love me. And I…' She faltered, losing her nerve until she looked into his eyes and saw acceptance and adoration and hope looking back at her. 'And I love you too.'

Spike just stared, then a grin split his face. 'I know,' he said nonchalantly, faking arrogance to make her smile.

'Idiot,' Buffy grinned. 'C'mere before I change my mind.'

Spike took a second to enjoy the perfection of Buffy's face tilting towards him, eyes fluttering closed, mouth waiting to be kissed. Then their lips met and he held her against him, the barest flicker of tongues meeting before she pulled back in deference to their stunned audience.

'Okay, enough with the floor show,' Buffy sighed. 'To be continued.'

'Better believe it,' Spike murmured. He pressed his forehead to hers, desperate to prolong the moment just a little longer. Boldly he whispered, 'I can't wait to be inside you.'

'You already are,' Buffy whispered back. 'You always have been.'

Spike's heart swelled and he almost thought he felt it beating again. Then Buffy was slipping away, walking towards her sacred duty and leaving him with tears in his eyes and hope in his heart.

* * *

Buffy closed her eyes as a breeze sprang up from nowhere, whistling around her, crackling with magic. She stood in a circle made by the linked hands of Mary, Iris, Fionn, Giles and Willow, wearing an oversized bathrobe to allow for Ereshkigal being larger than her. Mary was chanting; the words of the invocation spell sounded haunting in her soft, lilting accent. The anchor was on the floor at Buffy's feet, glowing and pulsing with each word.

Buffy felt her hair lift and a prickling energy seeping out from her bones. She knew that beyond the spell-casting circle Spike would be pacing, jaw clenched, hating being helpless, and the thought made her smile. Then the prickling became stabbing, sharp and cold, and there was the sensation of folding in on herself before everything went dark.

Outside the circle Spike watched in horror as Buffy's features twisted and contorted. 'Is that s'posed to happen?' he asked Tara.

'I d-don't know,' Tara stumbled.

There was a sudden screeching noise, like the sound of a whole universe ripping apart, and Spike clapped his hands over his ears as pain bloomed in his head. The circle of spellcasters collapsed like puppets with cut strings.

Tara rushed to Willow's side, cradling her girlfriend's head on her lap. A thin trickle of blood leaked from the redhead's nose; Spike could smell it on the air, sharp and delicious. He saw Giles struggling to sit up and clamped down on his demon, moving to the Watcher's aid.

The noise stopped as suddenly as it had come, and then Buffy was gone. Standing in the circle was a woman taller, more curvy than the Slayer, her hair a black curtain against a smooth bone-white face. Her glittering eyes were shards of jet and her imperious glance made Spike want to sink to his knees.

'Why have you summoned me?' she asked, her voice deep and cold as the ocean.

'Goddess Ereshkigal,' Mary said, struggling to her feet shakily with Xander's help, 'we have summoned you here to defeat Ishtar, your fiercest enemy, who wages war on our reality.' Her voice was calm but Spike saw the tension thrumming through her.

'And why, pray, should I do as you command?' Ereshkigal asked, and the last word was a sneer of contempt. 'I, who leads the legions of death, who speaks power to the very stars, am at the whim of no mere mortal.'

'Ishtar seeks mastery of our dimension,' Giles said, standing now, hand pressed to his temple. 'Her power grows by the hour. Soon she will be strong enough to open the Gateway and descend upon your armies.'

Ereshkigal looked at him, the swirl of galaxies in her eyes. After a long moment she nodded. 'Your argument makes sense to me. Your enemy is my enemy. Tell me, where is that traitor Ishtar?'

'We can lead you to her,' Mary said.

Ereshkigal nodded once, then looked down. 'This attire is unacceptable.' Her eyes roamed the room, finally settling on Tara as she helped Willow to her feet. 'You. Give me your clothing.'

Tara flushed red. 'W-what? You want m-my clothes?'

'Now,' Ereskigal said, calmly untying the sash on the bathrobe and letting it slide to the floor.

'Yowza,' Xander breathed, mouth hanging open at the sight of her smooth naked skin.

'I hear ya,' Anya nodded beside him, eyes glazing over as she stared.

Spike stepped forward, picking up the fuzzy white robe and doing his very best not to look at the nude perfection in the centre of the room. 'Here,' he said, holding out the robe to Tara and taking Willow's elbow to steady her. 'You can change in the loo back there.'

Tara took the fuzzy bundle and scurried away.

'Tell me of Ishtar,' Ereshkigal demanded, glaring at Giles.

He was flushed and flustered, keeping his eyes above her neck by sheer force of will. 'She, ah, has a group of followers with her, and has been amassing an undead army.'

Ereshkigal frowned. 'Has she yet made the transformation?'

'I don't…ah, what is the transformation?' Giles stammered. He looked to Mary, who shrugged anxiously.

'Pathetic humans,' Ereshkigal scowled. 'Before Ishtar can pass through the Gateway, she must reclaim her godly form. Her host will be consumed and her body become impervious.'

'I see,' Giles said, striving for calm. 'And if she has made the transformation?'

Ereshkigal's smile was ice on a winter lake. 'Then your dimension is doomed.'


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: **You may be interested to know that this is the penultimate chapter in what has become a truly epic season rewrite! Thanks again for sticking with me.

Spike paced and prowled around the foyer of the plush apartment building, his hackles well and truly up. Last time he was here, he was a broken, bloody mess who barely made it out in one piece. This time he was going to kick some hellgod arse or die trying.

'Are we all clear on our roles?' Giles asked one last time. Everyone nodded, some looking more confident than others. Willow's eyes shone with determination and excitement but Tara, now dressed again in clothes hastily grabbed from her dorm room, looked ready to vomit.

Giles turned to Mary. 'And the spell you discovered, to force Glory to retreat into her human host?'

'Right in here,' Mary said, tapping her jacket pocket.

'Alright then,' Giles nodded, 'let's not delay any further.'

They all piled into the enormous lift and Spike found his face pressed up against Ereshkigal's generous bosom. He turned his head away and stepped back.

The goddess laughed. 'Do you not like women, lightning hair?' she asked, smiling cruelly.

'You bet I do,' Spike retorted. 'Only I like them a bit more my size, y'know.'

'Do you find me unattractive?'

'Actually, you're what I'd normally call a right stunner,' Spike said, 'except for where you make me feel like a little tiny worm wrigglin' about on a hook for your amusement. 'Sides which, if the woman currently hosting Your Highness found out I'd been pressed up against your assets, she'd rip my nadgers off and use them as castanets.'

Ereshkigal laughed again. 'I like you, you odd little man.'

'T'riffic,' Spike said, relieved when the doors dinged open onto a silent hallway, painted in cream with a thick, plush carpet.

As the penthouse suite door burst open, Glory glanced up in surprise from a velvet-covered chaise longue. She looked annoyed at first, then furious when she saw Spike. Then her eyes fell on the tall dark-haired woman behind him and her lipsticked mouth fell open.

'Ishtar,' boomed Ereshkigal. 'This must end. I grow weary of your pathetic struggle for power. I am here to finish it, once and for all.'

'Yeah? Well, maybe I'll surprise you,' Glory sassed as she stood, though Spike detected a trace of fear in her eyes.

'You never have yet,' Ereshkigal sneered.

As he watched the two hellgods facing off, Spike was suddenly reminded of himself and Angel; one tall and dark-haired, powerful and muscular, full of confidence and authority; the other smaller, scrappier, fair-haired and full of swagger.

In the corner behind a screen and unnoticed by Glory, Willow and Tara clasped hands and began chanting a spell designed to protect Ereshkigal. Beside them the three British witches began the spell to weaken Glory and force her human host to emerge; Mary held the Dagon Sphere in one hand and they channelled the spell through it, augmenting its effects.

'What are you waiting for?' Glory said to her hovering minions, pointing to her old enemy. 'Kill her a lot.'

Dreg and the others rushed Ereshkigal but instead ran into Giles, Xander, Anya and a vamped-out Spike, each wielding a weapon. Ereshkigal brushed past as though they weren't there, her eyes locked on Glory.

Spike tried to keep one eye on the two gods even as he fought Glory's underlings – he'd never seen hellgods fighting before, but he reckoned it would be quite a spectacle. He saw them begin trading bone-crunching punches; Glory was clearly coming off worse, weakening with every blow.

When there were only a few wrinkled minions left, Spike found himself thinking, _This ain't right; it's all been far too easy._ Suddenly he felt a shiver of unease like ghostly fingers down his spine. His enhanced hearing picked up the faintest moan, then another, louder. He glanced out into the hallway and saw the electronic numbers displayed above the elevator doors counting upwards. The elevator was on its way up, the moaning getting louder every second…

'Watcher!' Spike yelled, 'they're bringing up the zombies!'

'Oh shit!' Giles exclaimed, his accent much closer to Spike's than usual.

Then the doors were pinging open and a wave of shuffling, groaning, ravenous zombies was upon them.

'Protect the witches!' Giles shouted, heading for the vulnerable group in the corner.

Spike laid out the last minion with a powerful punch just as he felt clutching fingers grasp his coat. He turned his head and despite himself couldn't suppress a shudder at the sight of a decaying face just inches from his own. He elbowed the zombie, knocking it back, and twisted its head off with a violent wrench. He dropped the head like it was on fire, wiping his hands on his duster.

'You have to take off their heads, or else destroy the brain,' Spike shouted to the others, ducking another pair of dead hands.

'You mean that's not just in the movies?' Xander shouted back, clubbing a zombie as hard as he could with his baseball bat.

'Sometimes Hollywood gets things right,' Spike replied, shaking zombie brain off his boot. 'Just don't get me started on Anne bloody Rice.'

'Xander!' Anya shrieked, and Spike turned to see her trapped by three of the undead. One had her hair in a rotting fist, yanking her face towards its gaping mouth. Without stopping to think Spike pushed aside the corpses nearest him, making a grab for Anya's attacker. He pulled it away with all his strength and Anya yelped when a fistful of her hair went with it. The zombie fell and Spike went down, shoving his fist through the decaying skull as he landed painfully on his shoulder.

Spike looked around but all he could see were shambling feet and a forest of legs. Dozens of grasping hands appeared, all reaching for him, the sound of the groans in his ears drowning out almost everything else. He looked for Glory and Ereshkigal but couldn't see past the horde, and suddenly he was fighting for his unlife as yet more walking corpses streamed into the room. He tried to get to his feet but there were too many zombies, weighing him down, trampling his hands, pinning him to the carpet. It was all he could do to evade the hands and mouths that were everywhere he looked.

He heard another scream, recognising it as Tara. With a roar he surged upright, a whirlwind of platinum and ebony, striking out at anything nearby. He punched and kicked, snarling unconsciously, putrid body parts thudding to the floor all around him as he fought his way towards the witches. He saw Mary lying on her back, pale and unconscious with a trickle of blood at her hairline; beside her the Dagon Sphere lay smashed and useless. Willow, Tara and the other witches had surrounded Mary and were valiantly staving off their attackers, but were close to being overwhelmed.

'You okay?' Spike shouted, putting his fist through a wide open mouth.

'Yes, Mary's the only one who's hurt,' Tara shouted back, dodging a grapple and bludgeoning the corpse with her mace.

'Where the bloody hell is Giles?' Spike roared. 'Could do with a little help here!' Glancing around he saw Giles in a crumpled heap, Anya standing over him with fierce determination on her face, swinging her axe like the vengeance demon she'd once been. Xander had her back, striking out at any zombies that got too close.

'Mortius fluctus!' yelled Fionn suddenly, and a wave of energy burst out from her body in a widening circle as she collapsed heavily. The zombies were bowled over but the others remained untouched - all except Spike who found himself thrown to the ground, head colliding hard with a coffee table.

Iris turned to Willow, eyes wild. 'Willow, you have to do the spell on Glory,' she gasped, holding out the scrap of parchment. 'I'm too weak to do it alone.'

Willow's eyes widened. 'Me? But, what if I…I mean, I don't know if I can…'

'You have to!' Iris persisted. 'We don't have time for you to doubt yourself; I've seen how strong you are, now just do it!'

Willow took the parchment in trembling hands as the zombies began to rise. The words were unfamiliar at first, but became more fluid as she repeated them. She felt power singing in her veins, crackling in her bones, and her voice gained strength and confidence.

Spike struggled to his feet and looked around for Ereshkigal; he saw her lying on the floor, Glory straddling her, punching gleefully with bloodied fists.

'Who's the big guy now, huh?' Glory cackled, fists cracking bone. 'Not so scary with half a head!' Then suddenly her face began shimmering; one moment it was the man who'd rescued Spike, the next moment Glory, but the hellgod still seemed to be in control.

Ereshkigal turned her head and saw Spike. 'The transformation is beginning…you must…act now…' she told him weakly, bubbles of blood on her lips.

A red haze descended on Spike; he knew it was Ereshkigal taking the damage and that the spell should leave Buffy untouched, but that didn't matter to his heart. He leapt over the undulating carpet of corpses, grabbing Glory in a vicious tackle that slammed her to the floor. She was stunned long enough for Spike to pull his knife from his boot, but before he could use it Glory had thrown him off.

'You again,' she snarled, the young man emerging for a second before disappearing again. 'I knew I shoulda just cut your guts out in the first place.'

'You could've tried,' Spike sneered, spitting out blood, realising that at least one healing rib had rebroken.

Glory smiled. 'Y'know, I almost kinda like you,' she said, then shrugged. 'Ah well, I'll get over it.' She punched him hard and he staggered back but managed not to fall.

'That all you got?' he asked mockingly, despite the blood cascading from his broken nose.

'You're like a Weeble,' Glory grinned, face flickering, punching him again. 'You wobble but you don't fall down.'

'You, on the other hand, do,' said Buffy's voice, and suddenly Glory was yanked backwards, hitting the floor hard. Ereshkigal stood over her, but her outline was wavering. Her hair turned gold and she shrank, then grew again as her hair darkened once more. Spike watched, amazed, as she phased to Buffy and back again.

'Nobody touches Spike, got it?' she snarled. A wicked-looking blade appeared in her hand, whistling downwards in a streak of silver, and then Glory's head was rolling across the carpet to vanish under a sofa.

As one, the zombies collapsed once more. This time they lay still, finally dead for good.

Spike allowed himself to relax, game face slipping away. In the centre of the room Giles groaned and stirred, and Anya dropped to kneel at his side.

'Giles, don't move,' she told him. 'You may have a concussion.'

'Well, that makes a nice change,' he griped.

Mary was sitting up too, head in her hands as Fionn and Iris whispered to her. Willow was on the floor, clinging onto consciousness while Tara held her, sobbing with relief and a release of fear.

Ereshkigal turned to Spike, still wavering. 'You helped me,' she said wonderingly. 'I've never needed help before.'

'Didn't help you, I helped Buffy,' he admitted. 'You know, the one whose body you've commandeered.'

'Even so, you have my gratitude,' she said solemnly. 'I owe you a debt, lightning hair.' Her gaze turned speculative. 'You know that I have power over life and death. I could return to you your mortality, should you so wish.'

'Make me into a real boy, you mean?' Spike asked, stunned.

Ereshkigal smiled. 'You would become human, if that's what you mean.'

'With a soul?' he asked.

'With a soul,' she nodded. 'Hold out your hand.' She placed her hand over his upturned palm and a silver disc appeared there, engraved with an intricate labyrinth. 'I will leave you my talisman for three days. You may use it to summon me if you decide to accept my offer. If not, it will disappear at midnight on the third day and you will be unable to contact me again.'

Ereshkigal turned to the others. 'Now, witches, return me to my kingdom,' she said imperiously. 'You must also destroy the scroll that brought me here. Every moment I am gone weakens my position there, and should the Gateway fall it will bring destruction on all your heads.'

'But it's the only copy we have,' Iris pleaded.

'You have our word,' Mary said, glancing at Iris and standing with Fionn's help. 'It will be done.'

Ereshkigal nodded. 'Now release me,' she said, lifting her chin.

Mary summoned her strength and spoke a single word of power. There was a sudden blinding white light and when it vanished Buffy was standing before them, drowning in Tara's clothes.

'Wow,' Buffy said, breathing heavily. 'What a kick! So much power…' She saw Spike standing before her and, still buzzing from the spell, grabbed him and kissed him, hard and possessive. Giles and Xander looked away, but Tara and Anya wore matching smiles.

Letting go of Spike with a grin, Buffy turned to her friends. She frowned as she noticed the blood and bruises, reality trickling in. 'Is everyone okay?' she asked.

'Still standing,' Willow said. 'Only, not so much literally…I guess that spell really took it out of me.'

'Now do you see what I meant?' Tara asked her, tears in her eyes.

Willow nodded, licking her dry lips. 'I really do. I was so excited to be involved in something so huge, I didn't even stop to think what the consequences might be. I mean, it was amazing in so many ways, but it felt like I touched something…something cold and ancient and deadly that I wasn't ready for.' She took Tara's hand. 'I'm sorry I didn't listen sooner.' Her eyes slid across to Spike, who nodded once.

'Well, it seems that we have won the day,' Giles said. He smiled, but he looked tired and hurt and somehow older.

'Let's all celebrate with a hearty going to bed for a week,' Xander said.

'Seconded,' Anya winced, gently rubbing the bleeding patch on her scalp.

'It is getting rather late,' Giles said. 'Your mother will no doubt be worrying, Buffy, and I should call Lydia to let her know what happened.'

Spike took Buffy's hand and she turned her head to look at him. 'We need to talk, love,' he said softly. 'Tomorrow, I mean, once you've seen your mum and had a rest.'

'I know,' she said, then whispered for his ears only, 'We also need to do more than talk, if you get my drift.'

Spike smiled. 'Can't bloody wait.'

Buffy said to the others, 'I'm think I'm going to head back home, guys – my home, I mean. Now that the Gateway's gone it should be safe again, and I need to sleep in a proper bed tonight and not that spine-compacting nightmare of a couch.' Realising what she'd said, she offered Xander and Anya a sheepish smile. 'Um, thanks for having me?'

Giles asked her, 'Shall I bring your mother home as well?'

'No, she's probably asleep by now, don't disturb her,' Buffy said, staggering slightly as the effects of the spell began to catch up with her.

Spike caught her elbow, holding her steady. 'Come on now, love, you need to crawl into bed and stay there for a very long time.'

'We can take her, Spike, no need to trouble yourself,' Xander said, unable to stop himself.

'Xander,' Buffy said warningly, but Spike cut her off.

'It's okay, pet. No reason for your chum here to trust me, even though I saved his bird and his best friends all within the last half hour or so.' His voice was cold, and there was hurt in his eyes.

Xander nodded reluctantly. 'You're right – and don't get used to hearing that,' he said emphatically, meeting Spike's eyes. 'This is all just going to take some getting used to, that's all.'

'I can respect that,' Spike said, 'so long as you can respect me, and more importantly, Buffy.'

'I can do that,' Xander said.

'Home now?' Willow squeaked, finally on her feet, and then they were all helping each other into the elevator and out into the still night air, reflecting on how joyous it was simply to be breathing.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N:** So here we are, the final chapter! Here's where all of that yummy sexual tension is finally resolved. In keeping with the guidelines of this site, and because I know lots of you aren't fans of smut, this is the (relatively) clean version. If it's still getting a bit too much for you, you can skip to the last three or four paragraphs without losing any plot detail. However, I couldn't help myself from writing an NC-17 version too, which I'll post on another Spuffy fansite! If you'd like to read it, leave a review or message me and I'll let you know where to find it.

XXX

Giles was barely inside his front door before Joyce was there, eyes wide.

'Oh thank God,' she breathed, looking past him for her daughter. 'Where's Buffy? Did something happen?'

'No, Buffy is fine, I assure you,' Giles said, taking Joyce's hands in his. 'It all went remarkably well, considering. Everyone survived, nobody was significantly hurt, and order has been restored once more.'

'So where is she?' Joyce demanded.

'She went back to your home,' Giles explained. 'She said she needed to sleep in her own bed tonight, in order to properly rest.'

'Then I should go too,' Joyce said. 'I'm her mother, she needs me.'

'She does,' Giles agreed, squeezing her hands to keep her from moving away. 'But she's quite safe in Spike's care and in all likelihood is fast asleep by now. Now, I'll take you over there first thing in the morning, but for now I believe you're best served by getting some rest yourself. This has all been quite an ordeal for you too, one way or another. You deserve some time to relax.'

'Relax?' Joyce repeated with a smile. 'You mean major brain surgery followed by my daughter's possession by an ancient hellgod doesn't count as relaxation?'

'I don't believe I've ever seen it in a spa brochure, no,' Giles smiled gently. 'You should get some sleep.'

'I don't know if I can,' Joyce admitted. 'I just feel so tightly wound, you know?'

'Perhaps I could make you a warm drink,' Giles offered. 'I always find chamomile tea very soothing.'

'Perhaps,' Joyce said, a glint in her eye. 'I can think of other relaxing things we could do.'

'Is that so?' Giles asked with a Ripper grin.

In reply, Joyce gently lifted his glasses from his face and ran her hands through his hair, ruffling it with her fingers. 'You're always so _proper,_' she said. 'Makes me want to mess you up.'

'Be my guest,' Giles said, swooping in to kiss her.

They sighed into the kiss, each finally realising how much they'd wanted this to happen. As they hurried up the stairs, breaking apart only long enough to remove a shirt or shoe before pressing together once more, they felt like giddy teenagers again. Only this time it wasn't a spell making them feel that way, just the joy of their bodies joining together and changing everything forever.

* * *

Spike helped Buffy up the porch steps, taking her house key from her fumbling fingers and sliding it into the lock.

'Too bright,' Buffy said, flinching away as he turned on the hall light.

'Right, sorry,' Spike said, flicking the switch again. He guided her up the stairs and through the cool, quiet house until they were in her room, moonlight slanting through the blinds.

'Thanks,' Buffy said, still clinging to his arm.

'Welcome,' Spike said, looking around and chuckling. 'Can't believe I was foiled on an almost weekly basis by someone who falls asleep looking at posters of New Kids on the bloody Block.'

'Hey, they were good,' Buffy protested, then smiled sleepily. 'When I was 12…'

'Alright kitten, time for a good long sleep,' Spike said, reluctantly prying her fingers from his sleeve and heading her towards the bed.

'Wait, I can't…help me get these boots off?' Buffy asked, sitting heavily on the edge of the bed. Her eyelids were drooping and she stifled a yawn.

Spike dropped to one knee and unzipped her boots, slipping them gently from her feet. 'There we go – now, clothes off and into beddy-bye.' He kissed her forehead and whispered, 'Night, Slayer.'

Buffy yawned, flopping onto her back. She fumbled at her fly for a moment before mewling, 'Spike, Tara's pants don't work. Help?'

With a suppressed groan, Spike turned back from the doorway. He leaned over her and unfastened her trousers, grumbling, 'Can't believe you're making me undress you now – you tryin' to torture me to death?'

'Whadya mean?' Buffy mumbled, eyes barely open.

'This,' he said meaningfully, sliding her pants over her smooth bare legs and trying not to peek. 'All look but no touch, when I know you're not wearing underwear, after the day we've had.'

'Oh,' Buffy said. 'Why no touch?'

'Because you're mostly asleep, and call me old-fashioned but I like my women conscious when I'm shagging 'em senseless. How else can they scream my name in ecstasy?' he finished with a cocky grin.

'Spike, c'mere,' Buffy said, gesturing him closer.

'What now?' he mock-groused, leaning over her.

Buffy's eyes snapped open and one hand grasped the back of his neck. 'I'm not actually feeling all that sleepy,' she grinned mischievously.

'You little tease,' Spike growled, smiling, letting her draw his face down and kiss him.

Buffy sighed as their lips met, turning to a groan of pleasure when his tongue slipped into her mouth. Spike crawled onto the bed, both of them moving up until they were in the centre.

'Sure you want this now?' he asked, pressing his lips to the soft column of her throat, wrestling his duster off.

'God, yes,' Buffy whimpered. 'If I have to wait another minute I might do something crazy.'

'Such as?' Spike asked, raising his head and cocking his scarred eyebrow at her.

'Such as,' Buffy said, ripping his shirt open and fastening her mouth to his nipple.

Spike threw his head back and groaned. 'You bad girl,' he panted. 'This is your Watcher's shirt, y'know.'

'Collateral damage,' Buffy murmured against his skin, biting gently.

'You make it sound like a battle,' Spike said, sliding his hands under her borrowed shirt to pull it over her head.

'With us, it kinda is,' she said, shivering in delight as his hands found her naked breasts and squeezed firmly.

'Perfect,' he sighed. 'Knew they would be. Wanted this for so long, Buffy…' he murmured, pressing open kisses down her throat, 'so bloody long…'

'Me too,' she admitted, scrabbling to unfasten his jeans. Once he was totally, gloriously naked she rolled them over so she was straddling him. He grasped her hips in his cool fingers and thrust upwards.

'Spike,' Buffy gasped, head dropping back. 'Yes…'

'You like that?' he asked her, voice rough, smile wicked.

'Really a lot,' she agreed, breath catching in her throat as they moved together. Her eyes squeezed shut, cheeks flushing deliciously. 'Spike,' she moaned. 'Oh…love this…love you…'

It almost undid him but he managed to hang onto his self-control with every last shred of his willpower. 'Love you too, Buffy,' he grunted.

With a shriek Buffy gave in to her orgasm, trembling with the force of it. 'Oh, God,' she moaned, slumping to his chest. 'That was incredible.'

'It really was,' he said, brushing her hair back from her face.

She looked up at him. 'But you didn't…you haven't…'

'All in good time,' he said. 'Haven't finished with you yet.'

Buffy moaned in anticipation, lust shooting through her again as he rolled her over and shuffled down the bed. 'You don't have to do that,' she breathed as he spread her knees open, desperately hoping he would.

'What if I want to?' he asked. 'What if I want to take my time over it, too? Think you can take it?'

'I can take anything you can dish,' she said, her competitive streak coming out to play.

'That right?' he grinned. 'I do like a challenge.' He took one long, slow lick that made her squirm and gasp.

'Yes,' she hissed, eyes closing in sheer carnal bliss. She sighed and cooed and moaned as his clever tongue worked its magic, bringing her to bliss remarkably quickly.

Spike crawled up the bed to lie beside her, holding her loosely as her breathing calmed and her heartbeat slowed.

'You are really, _really_ good at that,' Buffy told him, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

Spike smirked. 'Glad you liked.'

'Liked?' Buffy repeated, laughing a little. 'More like loved.' Their eyes met, desire sparking once again.

'Ready to go again?' Spike asked, and Buffy nodded. 'Good,' he said, rolling on top of her and kissing her, hard and hungry as he claimed her body once more.

They both groaned at the sensation, Spike perilously close to the edge already after holding off for so long. He began rocking his hips and Buffy wiggled happily. They moved in perfect synchronicity, eyes locked to each other, until they crested the wave together and slid joyfully down the other side.

They collapsed to the bed, limbs entangled, chests heaving as he instinctively mirrored her breathlessness.

'Knew it would be good,' Buffy whispered.

'Was better than good,' Spike said, pressing soft kisses to her damp hair. 'Was bloody well life-changing.'

'Really was,' Buffy mumbled, already falling asleep.

Spike drew up the comforter over them both, revelling in the way Buffy snuggled up against him with the last of her energy. He knew that in the morning they'd have to have a serious talk about Ereshkigal's offer and what he was going to do about it. But for now, he was content to hold his warm, soft Slayer in his arms and watch her sleep.

THE END

**A/N:** Finally, I finished! [Does happy dance] Thanks so much for following my story to the bitter end, I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Your reviews and encouragement have really kept me going, and I appreciate each one of you more than my Britishness will allow me to say ;o)

I know this ending is pretty open, but I wanted to leave it to you to decide whether or not Spike takes up the offer to become human. If it turns out that lots of you want a resolution one way or the other then I may write an epilogue, but I liked the idea of letting each reader choose how they want things to end.

Also, the Elysian Fields Spuffy fan site is holding a special charity auction where successful bidders can request a Spuffy story written to their own specs. Lots of great writers are signing up to write, including myself (not that I'm saying _I'm_ great, but you know what I mean...), and money raised is going to a really great cause. I'd recommend checking it out :o)


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